The year Xu Weiyu returned to China, after being named by me, he invited my roommates to dinner.
Our dormitory chief's first sentence when he saw Xu Weiyu was: "Why wasn't I born in the same village as you?!"
Xu Weiyu politely replied, "Even if I share a village with you, we can only be brothers."
"… "
Afterwards, the head of the room commented on Xu Weiyu: "It has both the maturity of a man and the cuteness of a boy!"
I don't know where she got it from.
Two days ago, the head of the university sent me a message and said: I'm finally in love!
The day after she sent another message and said to me: Of course I'm lost in love again!
Ask why it's so fast.
She replied: He was with me because he knew that my father was an official, and so was his father, but the official position was smaller than my father's. He broke up with me because my father is an official of the Anti-Corruption Bureau. Is it necessary to be so eager to prove that his father is a corrupt official? !
"… "
Another friend in college had plastic surgery. She used to call herself a "plastic surgery expert". After she came back, she told me that she was going to pursue the boy she had a crush on and fulfilled her dream of being a girl.
I said: waiting for the good news.
The next day she told me that the other party is willing!
I say congratulations.
The girl said, "But I didn't agree!"
When I asked the reason, she sighed and said, "It was amazing at the beginning, completely, just because I didn't see much in the world."
"… "
Plastic surgery expert: "Xizi, I want to have plastic surgery again!"
She had plastic surgery before, confessed to a young crush, and then felt that her eyes were stupid and naive back then, this girl came up with a whim.
I said, "Why can't you think about it?"
"I just looked in the mirror for a long time and found that life has no meaning."
"Why do you want to abuse yourself?"
talent:"… "
I:"… "
Daren: "I just want to find some bright spots!!"
Me: "…and found out that it's all sunspots (black specks that often appear on the surface of the sun)?"
"… "
"… "
During this time, I stayed at home with my family, and my friends refused to go out to play. This time, my friend Lan Lan asked me to accompany me across the province. My usual height to set off her 170 model figure. I said okay. Mainly because I just have something to go to find her.
The next day after the blind date, Lanlan called and said that it was unsuccessful, "The reason for the other party's rejection is that he likes cute and petite girls. I don't think he is strong yet!"
Lan Lan finally said, "Qingxi, I guess that person has a crush on you."
I said, "Then have you told him that I'm married? By the way, I'm very confused, am I petite?"
Lan Lan: "Is it a comparison? Is it true that I am very strong?? Tears, haven't I lost 20 pounds because of your stimulation??"
Thinking of this friend who weighed 120 a year ago, he hugged me and said, "When will I be able to reach 90 pounds?!"
"Lanlan, your chest is pressing against me."
"My chest is still below!!"
"… "
Since then, she has been furious and has been reduced from 120 to 100 in half a year.
Lan Lan: "Is it true that love is inversely proportional to weight?"
I comforted: "Do you think a little pig would like a thin chicken? It must still like a plump and cute pig!"
"I don't feel the slightest comfort for Mao? What about Mao? Gu Qingxi."
"… "
Hang out with the head of the office in the same city.
The room chief's phone rang midway, she glanced at it, but didn't answer.
I asked, "Why didn't you answer?"
The head of the room replied, "Sir, there is nothing to talk about."
"… "
Not long after that, Miyu called. My mind was slow for a while and I was still staring at the phone for a long time for some reason.
The headmaster asked, "Who is it?"
I answered casually, "Adulter."
The room chief was stunned for a moment, then burst into laughter!
Xu Weiyu will pick me up later.
The head of the room waved to him from a distance, "Xu Chenfu! Here!"
Xu Weiyu came over, glanced at the head of the room, then looked at me again, and asked, "Is this person convulsing again?"
The head of the room giggled, shaking like a sieve.
On the way back, Xu Weiyu asked, "What did she call me just now?"
I replied calmly, "Brother-in-law."
Xu Weiyu said "Oh".
Then Xu Weiyu's phone rang (text message), he checked, then frowned, then smiled, "Adulter, right?"
"… "
People who don't want to be dealt with in the short term, head of the room, don't play like this!
One day, during dinner, the head of the room called and said, "Break it again!"
The frequency of this girl changing boyfriends makes me forget when she started getting along with her this time
As I cooked the rice, I asked her with concern: "Why did you break up again?" Every time she broke up, the reasons for her breakup were very strange, which surprised and delighted me.
Office Manager: "When I was wearing a dress, he was wearing a vest! I'm not mainstream, he's wearing a suit! I'm biting my teeth and wearing a bank uniform, he's wearing a T-shirt and jeans! If you want to break up, just say it, This is gross, break it decisively!"
"… "
Before going out this time, a few friends contacted me, all of them were long text messages and cosmetic lists. I replied one by one: This time I went to Africa. No response.
I am depressed, there are so many good things in Africa, you have nothing to pursue except cosmetics
Daren represents the general idea of everyone. Come back: No.
The head of the room wanted to come and have dinner with me on a whim. I said yes, she said to call Lan Lan again.
Lanlan is about two hours' drive away from my house, not too far away. I haven't seen her for a long time, so I called her. Lan Lan immediately agreed: "That's great, come right away! His grandmother's me is on a blind date, my sister is too much of a saver!"
"… "
Lan Lan probably walked back and said on the phone, "I'm sorry, I have to hurry over after my sister gave birth!"
"… "
Then the head of the room said, "Do you want to stop calling the master?"
I don't know what kind of wind the head of the room is blowing today. The master is in the south, and if you take a plane, it may still be there in two hours.
I asked the head of the room, "What did you do today? You won't get into trouble, uh, do you want to leave us a last message?"
The head of the room glared over, "Scorpio really hit the nail on the head. I just had a nightmare last night. I dreamed that the four of us were chased and killed, the dead and the wounded. It was so sad, so I must meet you alive today!"
"… "
In the end, the natural expert didn't come. When Lan Lan arrived, the head of the room was playing games like crazy in the living room.
Lan Lan looked at it and said, "Officer, why are you getting fat again??"
Office Manager: "The bank is under a lot of pressure."
Lan Lan: "Are you still fat under pressure?"
The head of the room said while killing the enemy: "Alas, I grew up against it."
"… "
As long as the university gang get together, they are always laughing.
During the meal, the head of the room asked Wei Yu: "Xu Shao, do you have a handsome guy like you in your unit?"
Light Rain: "No."
The head of the room was disappointed, "What about similar?"
Light Rain: "No."
The head of the room was desperate, "What about the opposite?"
Wei Yu glanced at her, "What are you trying to say?"
The head of the room smiled wickedly: "Master Xu, can you introduce someone to you?"
Light Rain: "Not happy."
Headmaster: "Why??"
Wei Yu: "I don't want to hurt anyone."
"… "
High school best friend: Did you see the photo? ? A young man that my mother is very satisfied with, and asked me to get along with him. I'm dead! Does it look like an African? So African-like! !
Me: Actually, Africans are pretty handsome.
Girlfriend: I've been tortured to the point of collapse recently! Yesterday I finally couldn't take it anymore and told my mother, I don't like men, I like women!
I Khan: Is your mother scared
Girlfriend: The problem is no, my mother is very calm, she said "Oh", and then said, "Then you can get along with him and see, the young man has a good job..." It's completely different from me!
Me: So what are you going to do
Girlfriend: I'm still dead!
Sometimes I think about it, it's really not easy for those girls who are forced to go on a blind date. The pressure can be imagined.
I often tell friends who have these troubles, just wait and he will come. But we all know how persuasive these words are. In fact, it is also a kind of psychological comfort. But I think it is better to wait a little longer, instead of dragging someone to get married now, and it will be uncomfortable later. Anyway, you have waited for him for more than 20 years.