The reference room is on the third floor of the library, next to the classroom where they attend classes every day. On the way up, she has to walk many times a day.
Every day before, she always ran up and down in three steps and two steps, full of energy. But today or now is different, her footsteps have never been so sluggish.
Is she really going to look for it? what will she find
Most of the teachers on the third floor have already turned off the lights, and looking out through the empty classroom, the cloud outside the window is even lower, looking like black monster eyes.
In fact, the time is only half past 5:00, but there are always days like this in summer, when it gets completely dark at once, you know that the rainstorm is coming, but you don’t know when.
Due to the influence of menstrual period, women tend to be sentimental and indecisive. Lin Zhaoxi was at war with man and nature, but finally stood at the door of the reference room.
The two wooden doors closed, and she suddenly realized that it was summer vacation, and the archives should not be open.
With the mentality of trying again, she put her hand on it and tried to push it. Unexpectedly, the door was loose, and it opened with a creak.
Most of it is dark inside, only the chandelier casts a dim yellow light at the door.
There is a desk at the door,
There was an old thermos bottle on the table, and a gray-haired old woman carried a bag, picked up the thermos bottle, bent down, and put it on the ground.
It looked like he was about to leave work.
"The door is closed." The old woman said casually without looking back.
Lin Zhaoxi stood at the door and did not leave.
"Come tomorrow if you want to find anything."
Lin Zhaoxi put her hands on the door, not wanting to find any more reasons or excuses, she just said, "Teacher, I want to take a look at the school yearbook, and see the one with my dad."
The old woman looked at her from top to bottom, wondering what she was thinking, and finally said: "Oh, then I'll give you ten minutes, anyway, I'll be fine when I go back."
Lin Zhaoxi didn't know which sentence in her words touched her, and she got the 10-minute chance so easily.
"Do you know where the yearbook is? I'll take you there." The old woman came over and took her hand.
Sanwei University has been established for more than 100 years, so there are more than 100 yearbooks, which are placed on the bookshelves with amazing momentum.
The yearbook records a school's annual major events, important manuscripts, departmental information, list of teachers and students, rewards and punishments, etc., and is often surprisingly thick.
Lin Zhaoxi stood on tiptoe and slid her fingers over the books.
As the female college student said just now, she got stuck in the three age groups when Lao Lin might graduate from college or graduate school, and pulled out a few yearbooks from the bookshelf.
She has developed a habit of reading books. She first looks at the catalog, finds the column of the names of the graduates of the mathematics department, and sees the page number, and she directly flips backwards.
Yearbooks in the 1980s and 1990s were so crisp, the museum was dimly lit, and each word was as small as a sesame seed.
Lin Zhaoxi read it anxiously, once, twice, three times, one book, two books, three books, but she didn't know if her search ability was too poor, she still didn't see Lao Lin's name.
Her eyes were sore from watching, and she kept moving her finger to the right for the next row and then again, but still nothing.
At that time, she didn't feel confused, but was very anxious looking at those densely packed names. It would be great if she was Pei Zhi, and she could probably find where Lao Lin was at a glance. ,
From the names of students in the Department of Mathematics to the names of faculty members, whether they are graduate students, undergraduate students or master and doctoral students, the three characters Lin Zhaosheng have never appeared.
In the end, she took down all the books in that entire row,
But no, no, still no...
The sound of jingling keys gradually approached, Lin Zhaoxi took a deep breath.
"Kid, it's really time to close the door." The old woman said so.
Lin Zhaoxi was kneeling on the ground at that time, and in front of her were more than a dozen heavy school yearbooks, each of which was spread out to the same section.
The old woman glanced at her and asked, "Who are you looking for?"
As if grasping at the last straw, Lin Zhaoxi raised her head sharply: "It's called Lin Zhaosheng, do you have any impression?"
The other party pondered for a while: "Which department?"
"Department of Mathematics."
"Can not remember."
Lin Zhaoxi's heart sank again.
"But I'm already at this age. I may still remember the famous people from the school, but I've never heard of this name."
"He lived here in the early 90s."
"There are so many people in the mathematics department every year. You test me too much." The old lady patted her on the shoulder kindly, pulled her up again, and said earnestly: "Actually, it doesn't matter whether Dad is a graduate of Sanwei University, as long as you If you study hard, you can get admitted here."
Lin Zhaoxi finally understood, she probably thought it was a lie of parents deceiving their children, but Lin Zhaoxi couldn't explain the strange problem in it.
Things are getting weirder now.
Before she came up, she was ready to open up the psychological construction of Lao Lin's past, but so far, in the yearbooks full of signatures in front of her, Lao Lin's past has become more empty.
There are traces of him in this school.
He has read books here, and his handwriting is on the books here, but he does not belong here.
—
Lin Zhaoxi never felt that her life was a huge deception, because Lao Lin was too lazy to lie to her.
He never talked about his past, nor did he imagine the future of their father and daughter with her,
He seems to be so leisurely holding her hand, and spent 22 years with her, but what is behind the quiet years
She never knew.
Same day, same stairs. Each time, her mood was completely different.
So far, she just felt empty and lost.
There seemed to be a huge hollow in the body, but there was no howling wind, everything was like the sky outside the library, damp and hot, as if condensed.
—
It was not yet 6 o'clock in the evening, and for the first time, she couldn't get up to do anything, and there was no one around her to talk to. Unknowingly, she walked back to the dormitory.
There were a lot of people in the corridor, and the girls who had just washed their hair and clothes were shuttling in the corridor, and the sound of chirping was everywhere.
The door of Room 202 was open, Lin Zhaoxi walked slowly to the door, and heard the voice of her roommate.
"Xiaoling, you should go and talk to Lin Zhaoxi, I think it's too uncomfortable for you to endure it every day."
Lin Zhaoxi stopped.
"Since you can't sleep every night, let her change dormitories." This is another roommate.
"She's been paying attention."
"But the door opened and closed, and someone came in and went out suddenly. I would be woken up occasionally, just because she tiptoed around, as if we were bullying her."
"She is also studying hard."
"But this kind of effort is wrong. I only sleep for four hours a day, so the more I test, the worse I get."
"I guess my grades were too good before, but now I'm in a hurry to fall. A girl in our school jumped off the building just like that."
The chatter of the girls came out sentence by sentence, the air in the corridor was stuffy, and the fragrances and smells of various detergents mixed together, making it hard to breathe.
"No way, some boys are really too smart." Yin Xiaolin finally said.
Lin Zhaoxi picked up the umbrella placed against the wall, turned and left.
—
The suppressed life for more than a month was suddenly released at this moment.
Holding an umbrella and carrying a schoolbag, Lin Zhaoxi was walking aimlessly, she didn't need to learn anything, and she didn't need to think about anything, she just walked forward purely mechanically.
Near the university campus, there are stretches of food stalls, beautiful clothing stores, and a wide variety of electrical appliances stores. There are smiling men and women everywhere. The surroundings are very hot and noisy, full of the most real joy and joy in the world.
But maybe it was the oppressive weather, or maybe it was the emptiness in his heart, but Lin Zhaoxi got colder and colder as he walked.
Walking from the noisy campus into the cold streets, she came to another noisy campus.
It still hadn't rained, and she looked silly holding the umbrella.
Looking around, Lin Zhaoxi felt that this should be a day to sit with some friends, drink a glass of cold beer and chat.
But there were so many people here, and she didn't know any of them.
She passed Baicao University, Yongchuan University, and a brand new jewelry store.
The store is spacious, with bright furnishings and spotlights, everything is like a girl's best dream.
Lin Zhaoxi raised her head, and there were two words "Neon" on the signboard.
Her eyes are a little sore, she is very familiar with this name, there are this jewelry store near many schools in Anning.
—Our boss is going to open a new jewelry chain store in Yongchuan, and she wants to find our old shop assistants to go there.
Someone had said that to her more than a month ago.
With a strange thought in mind, Lin Zhaoxi put the umbrella into the umbrella bucket at the door and walked into the jewelry store.
Beautifully dressed female students were choosing their favorite hair accessories, and there were crisp laughter everywhere.
She walked from one end of the store to the other, wandering from shelf to shelf, carefully watching the appearance of each salesperson, but did not see the face she wanted to see.
Bao Xiaomeng is not here either.
When she finally walked out of the jewelry store, Lin Zhaoxi was thinking, this is probably such a day.
The day when no matter what she was looking for, what she wanted, she would never find.
—
The rain finally fell.
Obviously, it has been backlogged for many days, and today the rain has been on the verge of coming, but when the big raindrops really fell, there was no warning.
In an instant, the rain traversed the sky and fell from the sky with vigorous momentum, as if to cleanse the world.
With the rumbling sound of turbulent waves crashing on the shore, Lin Zhaoxi opened her hands, and looking at the empty palms, she realized that she had left her umbrella at the jewelry store just now.
The rain was too heavy, and there were crowds running wildly all around. Lin Zhaoxi was drenched in an instant, but she had nowhere to go, so she was not in a hurry.
She still walked slowly at her usual pace, and stopped when she reached a roof.
Looking around, the old block was instantly emptied, the sky and the earth were gloomy, and they were in a daze.
Sure enough, real life cannot be full of all kinds of romantic encounters like in the movies. She had already used up all her luck in elementary school.
Her whole body was extremely wet and cold, Lin Zhaoxi sat down on the steps in front of the eaves, hugged her knees, and closed her eyes.
She was obviously sleepy, but she couldn't fall asleep at all.
She is very tired now and wants to go home.
The thought kept haunting her.
Things about Lao Lin, things about the training team, her grades went from bad to worse, and the girls who slept with her didn't like her either.
She forced herself to think carefully and carefully whether it was necessary for her to stay in the training team for training.
The summer training camp is to train top mathematics students to sprint for the national team. If this is the syllabus written by Lao Lin, then he may even be training them to become future mathematicians.
But the talent gap is gradually showing, is it necessary for her to continue
Like her ability, shouldn't she only focus on one thing
Thinking very reluctantly, I don't know how long it has been raining, and there is always a pattering sound in my ears, the sound of rain may be urgent or slow, but there are gradually more people on the road.
Someone stepped on the pond and made a light "click".
Lin Zhaoxi raised her head.
It was a familiar face.
Twin ponytails, big eyes, and a tattered trolley case in his hand. Although she no longer has the baby fat on her face and looks very haggard, she has an umbrella in her hand.
The other party stared at her in disbelief.
After a while, Lin Zhaoxi looked at the parasol with one corner tilted up, and laughed: It seems that the plot is better than imagined.
"Do you know where you can get cold beer?" she asked.
—
When old friends meet again, they should have a drink.
Lin Zhaoxi and Bao Xiaomeng sat down at the snack bar.
It was already school time and the rain had stopped. This snack bar hidden in a deep alley was very lively. It is very close to Yongchuan University, and the small shop is full of students.
The boss is a middle-aged couple, and there is also a waiter in the store.
It was a young boy with the appearance of a college student, wearing a plaid apron, with a handsome face, like most temperamental handsome guys, he seemed to be indifferent to everything. But Lin Zhaoxi noticed that every time boys meet children and old people ordering, they bend down and listen carefully to each other's requests, which is easy to make people feel good about them.
"How are you doing?" A voice came from the other side, and Bao Xiaomeng asked her first.
"Obviously not good." Lin Zhaoxi was very calm.
"The provincial team's training camp...was it too hard?"
"Yes, there are too many smart people, and there are too many things to learn. Every day you chase after me." She raised her head and looked at Bao Xiaomeng, "Maybe you are right."
Lin Zhaoxi didn't know what was wrong with this sentence, Bao Xiaomeng's eyes suddenly turned red.
Lin Zhaoxi watched her.
"I'm not wrong at all, you study hard, don't be like me!"
"Is it hard to go to work?" Lin Zhaoxi looked at the suitcase at her feet.
"I stopped working there and resigned."
"What's wrong?" Bao Xiaomeng has lost so much weight, but Lin Zhaoxi's heart has been tightened all the time.
"I'm so tired, I have to stand for 12 hours a day. I'm supposed to take a rest after 6 o'clock, but the store manager arranged for me to stand on shift. I really can't stand. Obviously, another person should go to work, because she is the store manager." The fellow villagers can change shifts at will. It was agreed to pay 800 yuan a month, but the store manager said he would give me 600 yuan, because I didn’t keep track of the goods, and 200 yuan, so much money, is gone.” Bao Xiaomeng said more and more. Many, but suddenly stopped, lowered his head not to look at her.
"Have you told the boss, doesn't the boss like you very much?"
"The boss is not Mr. Li, don't care about this kind of thing."
"Hmm." Lin Zhaoxi asked, "Then where are you going to go next? Do you want to change jobs?"
Bao Xiaomeng fell silent, tears filled her eyes. There is no answer, but it is better than an answer.
She wiped her tears and changed the subject: "Don't keep talking about me, are you going back to the training team?"
"I might… "
When Lin Zhaoxi said this, a fresh and pleasant male voice suddenly sounded in his ears: "You have been sitting here for ten minutes, what do you want to eat?"
Lin Zhaoxi followed the prestige and asked, "Is there any cold beer?"
The waiter looked carefully, turned the ballpoint pen in his hand, and said, "No."
"It's clearly in your refrigerator." Lin Zhaoxi pointed to the transparent freezer in the corner and said.
"I did not see it."
"Is there an iced Coke?"
"nor."
"Why?"
The boy glanced at her from head to toe, and finally glanced at the puddle of water dripping from her body, and said, "I think it's more suitable for you to eat two bowls of hot wontons now."
"Then do as you said." Lin Zhaoxi said.
But the boy still didn't move.
"what happened again?"
"Pay first."
Lin Chao opened the zipper of his schoolbag and dug inside for a long time, his movements gradually stagnated.
Bao Xiaomeng came to his senses and took out his wallet. There was only a handful of change in it, a total of 7 yuan and 40 cents.
"I just wanted to go to the store to ask for wages." Bao Xiaomeng looked extremely embarrassed, "Before, I always had food and lodging included."
Lin Zhaoxi looked up at the menu in the store and found that a bowl of wontons cost 8 yuan. She and Bao Xiaomeng looked at each other, she thought, they had to leave.
The waiter didn't know when to leave, and the moment they got up at the same time, two bowls of hot wontons were put down.
Lin Zhaoxi raised her head amidst the hot air, "We... don't have enough money."
"Can you count things?" the waiter asked.
Lin Zhaoxi didn't understand, so she asked, "What is it?"
"Fortune-telling."
Lin Zhaoxi was completely stunned.
"You can say whatever you want, after all, I just want to find a reason to pay for a meal for you."
The boy's eyes are clear, without any intentions between the opposite sex, but more like a brother's care.
"Remember to pay before leaving."
Leaving this sentence, he left to work
The boss smiled in the back kitchen: "Student Lin is doing good deeds again?"
Lin Zhaoxi looked at the boss, only to realize that he was calling for the waiter.
It was only after eating the hot soup that Lin Zhaoxi realized that she was really hungry. She and Bao Xiaomeng didn't say anything while eating a bowl of wontons.
The wontons disappeared one by one, and the soup bowl gradually emptied. She drank the last sip of soup, wiped her mouth, and put one hand in front of her.
The phalanges were slender and the joints were distinct. Lin Zhaoxi raised her head and bumped into a pair of dark eyes. The waiter looked at her with extremely gentle eyes, as if she had the magic power to see through people's hearts.
"I... I don't know how to tell fortunes." She said awkwardly.
"Then answer me a question?"
"go ahead."
"I feel that life is very difficult now, and everything is overwhelming. Should I give up the things I still want to stick to?"
The boy was looking at her and at Bao Xiaomeng.
This was obviously a very casual question, but Lin Zhaoxi was shocked. This was obviously the question she wanted to ask, but the other party asked it so naturally.
Lin Zhaoxi took a deep breath, feeling that the answer was too difficult: "I don't know."
"Oh, then remember to return the wonton money to me next time. It's 16 yuan in total." After finishing speaking, the boy put his hands in the pockets of his apron, turned his head and left in such a cool manner.
Lin Zhaoxi didn't know what the other party's intentions were. Asking this question may be because he heard their conversation, or it may simply be that he also encountered an extremely incomprehensible moment in life.
Together with Bao Xiaomeng, she stepped out of the store in a daze.
After the rain, the sky reveals a sunset glow.
Although it is still a hot and humid evening, life is full of countless confusions and incomprehensions.
Lin Zhaoxi looked back at the waiter busy in the dilapidated wonton shop, but seemed to know how to answer his question.