For Bai Ziren, losing hearing is no different from living in a vacuum world, and other senses are also blurred, as if everything is unreal, like being trapped in a dream, feeling that he will wake up, but he doesn't know when.
In the past, she liked to put a book next to her ear, and she could hear the rustle of the wind when she slid her fingers gently over the thick pages, but now it was silent, and just such a small change made her feel infinitely lost.
Seeing the nurse pushing the cart in the corridor, bumping into a box, the stainless steel plates on the cart fell to the ground one after another, and the ground was in a mess. With such a short distance, no noisy sound could reach her ears. She felt lost and lonely.
When I was young, I didn't want to be disturbed by others, and I liked to stay alone in the room and play puzzles, but I ignored the background sound in the picture. It was midsummer, and there were repeated cicadas.
If you can't even feel your own heartbeat after a jog, that's horrible.
Within two days of losing his voice in his ears, Bai Ziren's thoughts became very active, thinking about the past and the future all the time, it seemed that only in this way could he avoid the current situation.
When walking to the bathroom, her steps were very slow, and she always felt that someone was calling her behind her, so she would stop inexplicably, look back, and it was not until her mother made a questioning gesture to her that she came back to her senses and said that she had no problem.
Liu Xinyu's eyes were always red, as if she would cry in the next second. Bai Ziren hadn't seen her mother's vulnerable side for a long time, so she couldn't help feeling a little sad.
She watched Uncle Mu running around the hospital with guilt, carefully reading the sentences that Mu Zibei had scribbled and corrected on the small whiteboard three times, and tried hard to guess what Dr. Cheng and his mother said. Relaxed, dare not close your eyes and go to sleep, afraid that there will be other changes in the world when you wake up again.
She didn't dare to look at the time of her mobile phone anymore, for fear of seeing his missed calls and messages from him.
After a while, Dr. Cheng came over, looked at her with a smile, reached out and put a sticker on her forehead, and then motioned her to go to bed and rest.
She nodded and closed her eyes, but secretly opened a gap.
Afraid that everyone would worry about her, she kept pretending to be asleep, but she didn't sleep for a minute.
The next morning, she was placed in a double ward. There was a curtain between the beds. She was located by the window. When she looked up, she could see the gray-blue sky. One or two pigeons flew over and landed on the wires. She was on the pole and left after resting for a while. She was lying on her side, taking a drip with one hand, and putting the other hand beside the pillow. She watched this small piece of autumn scenery without blinking. After a long time, her vision was gray , it began to drizzle, and the telegraph poles were empty, and soon the rain became heavier. While no one else in the room was there, she stood up, and without taking an extra step, she stretched out her hand just to touch the window, and moved it away. Blowing in, the stars fluttered on her face sporadically.
It turned out that the rain was so heavy that she couldn't hear the sound, so she could only experience it personally.
For some reason, she remembered a poem she read in a book.
"Autumn raindrops in the night mountain, the empty corridor, and the lights shining on the leaves in front of the hall."
Everything was very artistic, but it was too cold, she couldn't blow the wind willfully, aggravating her condition, closed the window half a minute later, and lay back on the hospital bed.
It was too late, her forehead was already aching, she coughed a few times, drank half a glass of warm water, and closed her eyes.
Maybe this time she was really tired, and she fell asleep.
She slept for three hours, and when she opened her eyes, the curtains had been lowered, the temperature in the room was comfortable, and the smell was much better, as if someone lit a soothing incense while she was asleep, the faint sandalwood The fragrance is looming.
Although she still couldn't hear the sound, she could feel what was in the room. Suddenly, she thought of a possibility, turned her head quickly, and indeed saw him.
He was sitting on a chair, wearing a light gray shirt, looking down at her, his coat was hanging on the back of the chair, and the shoulder collar was still stained with fresh rain, it seemed that he had just arrived not long ago.
Seeing her waking up, she turned around like a child, his black eyes flashed with surprise, he began to smile, with a gentle and indulgent expression, he slowly lowered himself down, resting on the edge of the bed with one hand, observing her face, and found that she was thin again and returned to summer vacation The previous appearance was changed, and his eyes were a little helpless.
"You..." She wanted to speak, but quickly dismissed the idea because she didn't have the ability to speak.
He touched her forehead with his hand, then scratched her nose with his index finger.
Even if she couldn't hear it, she knew that her heart was beating faster, and the clean breath around him was so pleasant.
After staring at each other for a while, she looked away embarrassedly as if she was seeing him for the first time, thinking about a naive question that she never minded, would she be too haggard and ugly at this moment?
She hates herself when she is sick. Her eyes are dull and her skin is dull. She is definitely not as good-looking as before.
I also thought of the good time with him in Jishan County. During that time, although I got fat, I was healthy, energetic and more beautiful.
She was struggling, and he had already expressed his feelings with practical actions, kissing her forehead.
In response, she held his hand with her free hand, then put it to her lips, and secretly kissed the back of his hand.
He helped her up, straightened the pillow behind her, tidied her hair, and gave her warm water to drink.
When she drank water, her black eyelashes blinked slowly, and in his eyes she was no different from an innocent child.
After drinking the water, he fed her some fruit. After a while, the nurse came in to change the infusion bag and chatted with him. She watched them talk carefully, but it was difficult to guess what they were talking about.
After the nurse left, she asked him what you were talking about just now. He took the paper and pen on the bed cabinet and wrote down two lines of dialogue.
When she saw it, the nurse asked who he was, and he replied that it was her family.
She didn't want to talk anymore, took a pen and wrote: "Why didn't you say you are my boyfriend?"
After reading it, he replied to her: "The word boyfriend is too superficial."
She scratched her head and wrote again: "But I like it, if someone asks you next time, you must say so."
"no problem."
"By the way, did Doctor Cheng tell you?"
"right."
"You came here as soon as you found out?"
"I asked the school for a few days off, discussed with another teacher to adjust the course, and came after everything was arranged."
"Actually, you don't have to rush here. I'm fine. The doctor said I'll be fine soon."
"Are you happy to have me by your side?"
"Very happy."
She wrote three characters smoothly and showed it to him.
The door was pushed open silently, and there was an extra head in the field of vision. As soon as the little girl Mu Zibei saw her brother-in-law, she flew over to act like a baby, then took out the small whiteboard from her schoolbag, put it in front of him, and pointed at it again. elder sister.
Cheng Jingbo took a pen and wrote a line on the whiteboard: "You are very sensible."
Mu Zibei was praised, and he smiled sweetly. He was a big kid, and he knew that the lovers would not see each other for a day, like three autumns. After only staying for a few minutes, he waved goodbye to his sister and brother-in-law.
They continue to write whiteboard exchanges.
"Am I pretty now?" she asked.
He looked at her slowly, and then wrote: "You have always been beautiful, don't worry about this."
She took back the whiteboard, a bit reluctant to erase the line.
When he looked up again, he had already poured hot water into the glass, peeled off a few pills, and gave them to her when he was ready.
After she finished eating, he conjured a piece of licorice candy out of nowhere and handed it to her mouth.
The wind and rain outside are still heavy, and the atmosphere in the room is comfortable and pleasant.
Liu Xinyu looked at the door silently for a while, and then walked away. She felt an unspeakable grief in her heart. Although the prognosis of sudden deafness is good, there will be more or less hearing loss. I don’t know what will happen to her daughter in the future. .
She used to always think that her fate was bad. Her parents were strict with her since she was a child. She never experienced the feeling of being pampered. I have lived with my children for several years. During this period, I did not ask my family for help out of dignity. I was often bullied when I was working alone. The worst time was slapped several times by a female client. Finally, I waited for Mu Mingrong. , and could not give birth to children for another five years, life seemed to be testing her all the time.
She has been living very tired and complaining in her heart, so that she has ignored the feelings of her closest relatives.
Why did I spread my subconscious resentment on my daughter before? Because I don’t want to look back on my past life and don’t want to face her, because I can’t answer many practical questions, I avoid communicating with her, because her personality is similar to that of my biological father, and I’m afraid that her life will repeat the same mistakes, so I insist on helping her in life’s major events. Up call the shots.
How selfish and absurd it is to think about it now.
"Please let me go." Someone came over.
Liu Xinyu took a step back, lowered her head and wiped away the tears on her face.
Very late, Bai Ziren rested, Cheng Jingbo exited the ward, and saw Liu Xinyu sitting at the door.
"Thank you." Liu Xinyu said to him.
"You're welcome, everything is what I should do."
"Also, I'm sorry." Liu Xinyu was a little nervous when he apologized.
Cheng Jingbo looked at her politely, and said softly, "You never have to say these three words to me."
He nodded his goodbyes.
Not long after Cheng Jingbo left, Bai Ziren woke up, quietly lit a lamp, and read the book he sent.
The book "Too Loud Solitude" is a novel by the Czech writer Hrabal, for whom he claims to live and postpone his death.
She read until early in the morning, feeling lost after seeing the ending, and silently closed the book.
This time point is enough to make people sad, there is still family during the day, and now there is only one person, she wonders if there will be a bad situation, and she will never hear
The sound of wind and rain, flowers blooming and falling in changing seasons, family members calling her name, his good morning and good night, if they are gone, she dare not imagine.
That way I can't gain a foothold in society, and I can't accept it myself.
She lowered her head, put her hands on her knees, and looked at her quilt motionlessly. The silent fear came from the end of the night and came at a very fast speed. Her hands trembled slightly. After a while, she covered her face, trying to Control this sudden emotion.
But no matter how she hides it, a heavy fact will always come to her mind, she is now a half-disabled person.
It might have been a blip in a long fate, but at the moment it felt like a fatal blow.
The next day, Cheng Jingbo came early and brought Bai Ziren a light and delicious breakfast. The porridge was cooked by himself, and the side dishes were bought at a nearby vegetable market after six o'clock.
She had a good appetite and ate all of it, looking optimistic and confident, without any anxiety on her face.
After ten o'clock, people came to visit one after another. First, Chen Zhe, who changed his white robe and put on a suit, looked handsome and neat. He brought Bai Ziren a bouquet of fresh carnations and a vase made of white porcelain.
There is a handwritten card attached to the bouquet, which is a line of blessings, hoping that she will relax and have a good day every day.
Dr. Chen also wrote a sentence on the small whiteboard.
"I'm not the first man to send you flowers, am I?"
Bai Ziren nodded.
Dr. Chen raised his eyebrows, and wrote a line: "I guess so, Mr. Cheng is a person who disdains coquettishness. After being with such a person for a long time, one can imagine how boring life is."
After he finished writing, he turned it over and showed it to Bai Ziren. Bai Ziren shook his head to express that it was inconsistent with the facts, while Cheng Jingbo on the side just smiled faintly.
"Create more surprises for her." Dr. Chen patted Cheng Jingbo on the shoulder before leaving.
"I'm sorry to trouble you."
After a while, Xue Ling and Wu Wei came, each with a gift. Xue Ling prepared a beautiful bracelet, and Wu Wei's gift was simple but practical. It was a photo of Cheng Jingbo when he was in college. Get the treasure, look at it non-stop.
"We are ready to have a baby." Xue Ling wrote this sentence on the whiteboard.
Bai Ziren was very happy and wished them all their wishes come true.
Wu said that he took the board from his wife and wrote a line.
"Hurry up too, give birth to a beautiful girl earlier and be my future son's girlfriend."
It was rare for Bai Ziren to not feel cramped, he thought about the scene seriously, and smiled generously.
At noon, Mrs. Xu brought Fang Rong over. The old man held Bai Ziren's hand and talked non-stop. Fortunately, her granddaughter reminded her in time, so she stopped. Remembering what was going on now, she told her granddaughter what she wanted to say. Fang Rong wrote it down sentence by sentence.
Coincidentally, not long after, Mu Zibei also appeared. Seeing Fang Rong, she was very happy, and shyly reached out to grab her skirt.
Mrs. Xu brought Bai Ziren a buckwheat pillow made by herself, and some folk remedies for deafness. Fang Rong drew a portrait of Bai Ziren. : "Rong'er, draw one for me in the future."
Bai Ziren thanked them and handed the painting to Cheng Jingbo to hang above the TV opposite.
In the afternoon, people from the same laboratory as Bai Ziren came to see her, even Huang Xiaoling was there.
Probably because of a guilty conscience, Huang Xiaoling stood in the corner and did not speak from the beginning to the end.
Several seniors finished writing what they wanted to say on the board, and when they arrived at Huang Xiaoling's place, she was so nervous that her handwriting was crooked.
"Thank you." Bai Ziren smiled at Huang Xiaoling, as if he didn't mind what happened before.
Huang Xiaoling was surprised by Bai Ziren's attitude. To be honest, she never dared to come, but she was afraid that her seniors and sisters would think she was unkind, so she had to force her way here. She was ready to be reprimanded by everyone. Ren was very easy-going and didn't mention what happened that day at all. Cheng Jingbo even went out to buy coffee and snacks for them to eat, which seemed to be ignorant.
She suddenly felt that she was really going too far, and she was lost in an emotion called jealousy, doing things that she thought were worthless, but she was obviously not such a person before.
This day is very lively, even if Bai Ziren can't hear it, he can feel it.
The visiting people left one after another, and Cheng Jingbo fed Bai Ziren medicine, and then read a book with her.
Bai Ziren wrote down his opinion on the book he lent her on the board.
"It ended so badly, I don't like it."
"Perhaps, in that era, it was the best ending for him."
"You mean sleeping with the thing you love the most in your life?"
"That's right."
"But I think he lives too alone."
Cheng Jingbo wrote down her opinion.
"It's enough in this life to have a clear mind and be accompanied by someone you like or something."
She snuggled into his arms, reached out to play with the buttons on his shirt, looked at his writing, and thought it made sense.
"What are you thinking?" He lowered his head and reached out to brush her hair.
After finishing speaking, she remembered the fact that she couldn't hear for a while, and her eyes darkened.
But as if there was a tacit understanding, Bai Ziren spoke: "If I can't hear for the rest of my life, what should you do?"
He took a pen and continued to write.
"I will continue to be with you, get married and have children, and everything will go according to the previous plan."
She raised her head and smiled at him, letting him pat the back of her head smoothly, then lowered her head after a while, suddenly feeling a little scared in her heart.
He seemed to feel her emotions, put down the board in his hand, raised her chin, his dark eyes fell on her face, he didn't say anything, just looked at her wholeheartedly.
Soon he let go of her chin, took her hands, and kissed them one by one, as if treating his own treasures.
It's been a long time since there was such an interaction, which made her breath a little anxious. After he kissed her, he hugged the whole of her and put her in his arms. The hand that fell on her waist took some force, and then took his coat and covered it. her shoulders.
In this way, the tip of her nose is full of his breath, so that she can't be distracted to think about other things, and it relieves her uneasiness very well.
"Don't worry, I won't let you stay like this." He paused and said, "I'm more sad than you."