"Don't think you're a bastard and don't take your own life!"
Yang Lei looked at Fang Yu in surprise.
Fang Yu broke out with this sentence and fell silent again. He smoked another cigarette, said nothing, stared at the ground, Yang Lei didn't know what he was thinking.
After a long time, Fang Yu spoke up.
"When the big tiger left, I said to myself, I don't want to see my brother disappear in front of me again in my life."
Fang Yu's eyes focused on an unknown point.
"In the hospital today, I thought I was going to experience it again."
Fang Yu's voice seemed to come from far away.
Yang Lei looked at him silently.
However, Fang Yu didn't speak anymore, in fascination, the cigarette butt in his hand became very long and fell to the floor, Fang Yu didn't respond.
"...I don't want to do it again."
Fang Yu didn't know whether to tell Yang Lei or himself.
"I'll make some more soup."
Fang Yu put out the cigarette butt, stood up, and walked into the kitchen.
Fang Yu stopped after two steps, and Yang Lei hugged him from behind.
"I'm not like a tiger."
Yang Lei said.
"He's gone, I'm here. If you look up to me, I'll join the big tiger and live in front of you until you get tired of it."
For Yang Lei, these words are a heartfelt confession.
He knew that Fang Yu regarded him as a brother, the same brother as Da Hu. Fang Yu was afraid to see his brother disappear before his eyes again, just like the big tiger back then.
But to him, Fang Yu is no longer a brother.
Yang Lei didn't even think about why he took a few steps up to hug Fang Yu, but he already hugged him. When he saw Fang Yu's lonely back turning around, he felt sore and uncomfortable.
He won't let him go through the pain of losing his brother again. That kind of experience, once is enough.
"What's the matter with him, the big tiger has been gone for more than three years, and it's you that I worry about now!"
Fang Yu said. Dahu is his brother and Yang Lei is also his brother, but Dahu is Dahu, Yang Lei is Yang Lei, these two people are fundamentally different.
He wanted Yang Lei to know that he was not worried about him because he thought of Dahu. He was really scared today. When he saw the appalling motorcycle and the blood on the ground, Fang Yu had a sense of fear he hadn't seen in years. Outside that operating room door, his mind went blank. When his cousin Chuanzi was stabbed and his life was hanging by a thread, he could still handle it calmly. On the day Dahu was executed, he was also mentally prepared. He had never experienced such a moment of complete blankness.
"Good people don't live long, and disasters stay for a thousand years. I'm not a good person, I'm a disaster, so don't worry, I live forever."
Yang Lei said, still holding Fang Yu.
"Damn, you know it's a scourge!" Fang Yu was amused and turned around and said with a smile.
Yang Lei likes to stick to people, hugs and kisses people. Fang Yu has already understood it, and he is a little numb. He thought that maybe Yang Lei was used to this and let him hold it.
"You're just like me a few years ago, rash and troublesome. I'm really afraid that something will happen to you."
In Fang Yu's eyes, Yang Lei is often childish. Fang Yu said with a deep heart.
"do not worry."
Yang Lei only said three words.
Yang Lei told Fang Yu that the matter of going out of town was a problem, and he would not leave. He told Fang Yu that he wanted to stay at night.
"I don't want to go back, and no one cares about me when I go back," Yang Lei said.
Yang Lei rarely mentioned his home to Fang Yu, and occasionally he spoke with disgust. Fang Yu felt that Yang Lei didn't like that house very much.
"Live, who won't let you live!" Fang Yu took out the quilt and gave it to Yang Lei. Fang Yu was really happy to hear that Yang Lei was no longer going abroad.
The two lay on the same bed, and after this incident, the strange embarrassment before was forgotten. But after chatting for a while, Yang Lei remembered what happened last night.
The same place, the same bed, something happened after all.
"... Fang Yu, let me ask you something."
"You ask."
"...Did you feel really bad that night?" Yang Lei went out of his way. He was stuck in his heart for a long time.
"..." Fang Yu knew what he was asking and didn't say anything.
"...I feel pretty good." Yang Lei said.
"Okay." Fang Yu didn't want to mention this.
Yang Lei turned over and propped himself up and looked at Fang Yu.
"You're telling the truth, is it comfortable, isn't the thorn irritating?" He wanted Fang Yu to tell the truth.
"...It's not that fun!" Fang Yu frowned.
"Why don't you play so much? Don't be old-fashioned. People abroad are now talking about sexual liberation. You don't know what sexual liberation is. It's just comfortable and exciting. Although we are both male, we can also play, but it's not Seriously, this is at most... mutual help."
Yang Lei has been thinking about this for a long time. He wants to brainwash Fang Yu and let him know that it is normal for two men to be like this.
"What are you thinking about all day long." Fang Yu also remembered the scene of that day, his expression was not natural.
"It's all men, don't pretend, just tell me, will you feel comfortable that night?"
Yang Lei took the words to Fang Yu.
"...It's not bad." Fang Yu didn't know if it was Yang Lei who took the lead, or if he was telling the truth.
From the perspective of male physiology, the stimulation that night brought to Fang Yu was strong. He admits.
"But you... don't think it's weird!" Fang Yu looked at Yang Lei.
"Do you feel disgusting?" Yang Lei's heart sank a little when he asked this.
"...I just think it's weird. I can't tell." Fang Yu's voice also sank.
Yang Lei was silent for a while, he knew Fang Yu was different from him. Fang Yu did not have his thoughts. Fang Yu only regarded him as a brother. But he is different. On the night of his birthday, when Fang Yu played the song "Childhood" on the stage of troubled times, when he knew that he was the one playing the piano opposite the playground of the experimental middle school, when Fang Yu played the song "Childhood" When he smiled and shouted "Happy Birthday" and smashed the flower into Yang Lei's arms, Yang Lei understood it clearly. Like a flash of lightning illuminating his own heart, he could see clearly and clearly.
He likes Fang Yu.
Not the kind of likes that like buddies, or even the kind of likes that like women.
He didn't know what kind it was. He only knows that he likes Fang Yu, that he wants to hold him, kiss him, want to dream with him about those things in his dreams, and want to stay by Fang Yu's side forever...
"I haven't done it with others, and I don't want to do it with others. Just thinking about it is disgusting." Yang Lei said in a calm voice.
"But I can do it with you. You are in my heart, and your weight is different. I regard you as the closest person to me. Except for you, I can't play like this with other brothers." Yang Lei wanted to express his true feelings. He felt suffocated.
"If you feel sick, just pretend it didn't happen that night. We will still be brothers in the future. I don't want to embarrass everyone because of this."
After Yang Lei finished speaking, he stopped talking.
He opened his eyes and looked at the ceiling, he couldn't hear Fang Yu's voice next to him, only felt his chest heaving due to chagrin, frustration and sadness.
If Fang Yu said something disgusting today, Yang Lei would get up and leave. He can stand Fang Yu not accepting him, but he can't stand Fang Yu looking down on him and hating him. It was worse than death.
"Did I say disgusting?"
Fang Yu said.
Yang Lei turned his head and looked at Fang Yu.
"...Okay, I can't tell you." Fang Yu said in a contradictory tone.
Yang Lei almost jumped up like he was beaten with blood. He could hear the loosening in Fang Yu's tone.
"... Would you like to play with me?"
"Don't go too far!" Fang Yu pressed his throat. "Go to Pansy if there is real fire!"
Yang Lei understood that Fang Yu was making concessions. He felt ecstatic.
"Okay! I'm really looking for Pansy!"
Yang Lei said happily. He didn't care whether it was because Fang Yu couldn't bear to make concessions, or whether Fang Yu's physical instinct as a man couldn't resist the temptation of that night's intense excitement. No matter which one it was, Yang Lei knew that Fang Yu had given in.
Yang Lei found the best time. He knew that Fang Yu this night would definitely soften his heart.
Because of the car accident, he understood that his weight in Fang Yu's heart was more important than he thought.
In fact, for a man in his twenties, it is the time when he is the most irresistible to sex. He and his brothers talk most about dirty jokes, pornographic things, and sex. This is the same in any age.
Later facts proved that in fact, many adolescent boys have had sexual experiences of the same sex, whether it is mutual masturbation or even oral sex, but most of them are not gay, but men of normal sexual orientation. It can only be said that it is a lustful impulse. And afterwards, at most, they thought it was absurd to play with their companions, and it was not a big deal.
Of course, in those days, it was impossible to go online to popularize science or find someone to share and consult, but it was definitely not a big deal. What men would do would always exceed women's imagination. This is man.
Therefore, Fang Yu didn't think it was a big deal at the time.
Of course, he didn't know at the time that these things changed his life.
That said, but Yang Lei didn't do anything that night. After all, it wasn't like the excitement of porn that night. Fang Yu didn't have that urge, so he couldn't force it.
Yang Lei is not in a hurry, he is patient and can wait for opportunities.