Su Pei silently returned to the apartment. When he opened the door, he realized that he forgot to open the umbrella. He was dripping water from head to toe. As soon as he opened the door and entered the living room, the air-conditioning was blowing, and he felt cold all over in July.
Su Pei threw the umbrella on the ground. He only wondered that he could come back without falling to the ground instantly and having a heart attack.
Little Cookie heard the sound, and she came out of the room, as if frightened by Su Pei's appearance.
"Dad, what's wrong with you?"
Su Pei said, "Dad just..."
He couldn't make up anything.
Little Cookie stayed for a while, and ran to get a dry towel for Su Pei.
"It's okay... It's okay." Su Pei didn't know whether to comfort Little Cookie or to himself.
He wiped his hair indiscriminately and hid in the bathroom. He locked the door, turned on the hot water, and took off the wet clothes that were sticking to his body. He stood in the shower room. Under the hot water, he finally lost his strength and cried silently against the wall.
These two months of entanglement turned into a joke, he was like a clown.
"You don't have to think about how miserable I am."
"Let's not use your writer's rich imagination to outline a long crush. Not really."
Su Pei closed his eyes, but He Yiming's voice was still in his ears.
"We can be a little closer than friends, but not too much."
"In the past ten years, I have not had any dissatisfaction."
Su Pei covered his face, he knew very well in his heart that he shouldn't think about this anymore, but he couldn't stop.
In the hot bath, his skin started to heat, and he finally calmed down.
He was not born gay, never thought about being with a man, and the thought of trying it with He Yiming was too reckless. How will the people around you react, how will you face Little Cookie, mother, and other relatives and friends? What chain reaction will there be? Can he really be in love with the same sex? He wasn't sure about these questions at all.
At least now, he doesn't have to face these problems. It's good that he doesn't have to suddenly start groping for another life in his thirties and screw himself up.
Before he said "We can give it a try", He Yiming had already firmly refused.
It turned out that in He Yiming's eyes, he was no longer worth a try.
This is the most painful reality.
Yes, he was the most worthy of love back then. He also prefers himself before the age of twenty-five. If he had a choice, he would choose to live forever in his twenties and let his life stop at that moment, when he was full of ambition and couldn't wait to run to the future, thinking that the other side was covered with golden glory.
Now he stands here, accompanied only by the hard and silent reality.
Su Pei turned off the water, put on his clothes, stood in front of the mirror, wiped off the water vapor from the mirror, and looked at the face of the person in the mirror. He wanted to look carefully to see if the pale face still had the look of the past.
He was heartbroken. At this moment, he really understood how appropriate this idiom was. He Yiming's words were like a knife stuck in his heart and gouged out in a circle.
Su Pei didn't recover until that night. Little Cookie seems to know that he is in a bad mood and has been quietly accompanying him. For dinner, he cooked a bowl of instant noodles and an egg for Little Cookie. He himself ate nothing.
"Is it okay to eat instant noodles?" Su Pei asked Little Cookie in a low voice.
Little Cookie said: "It's very delicious. Dad's instant noodles are better than the lunch dishes."
Su Pei forced a smile.
The Michelin restaurant they ate with He Yiming at noon. But after just a few hours, it was like a dream, as if half a lifetime had passed.
When he and Shen Lan divorced, there was no such impact. After all, the relationship with Shen Lan was eroded day by day, and gradually slipped to divorce. Today, He Yiming suddenly revealed the bloody truth to him.
"Aren't you hungry, Dad?" Little Cookie asked carefully, picking up the noodles. She wanted to feed Su Pei.
Su Pei shook his head, he really didn't feel hungry. It's better to say that he is more comfortable when he is hungry, he can't eat now.
In the middle of the night, Su Pei had a dream.
In the dream, he went back to college, taking classes with his classmates and going to the library with Yao Zhicheng. Then he went to the drama club alone, with the newly written script.
He wondered in his heart why he had gone back to school, but there seemed to be a background voice telling him that time had gone backwards, and he had another chance to start all over again.
He stood on the stage and saw He Yiming. They looked at each other and smiled.
In the blink of an eye they were on the dance floor of the auditorium again, dancing together amid the crowd. He Yiming held his hand and pleaded: "the first time I saw you, I wanted you. But I am too poor now, wait ten years for me, when I succeed, I will come back to you and you together."
He doesn't speak. He Yiming raised his chin and kissed him lightly with a very gentle gesture: "Trust me, Su Pei, believe me, I will definitely wait for you. Will you wait for me too?"
Feeling he couldn't lie, he said honestly, "When I'm in my thirties, you won't want me anymore."
"How do you know?" He Yiming asked, his face became angry.
"Because...because..."
Su Pei suddenly opened his eyes and woke up from a dream.
There was a dull pain under his ribs, not sure if it was his stomach or his heart. He turned to his side and wiped his eyes with the palm of his hand. It was four o'clock in the morning, and he couldn't sleep anymore.
In the next few days, Su Pei took Little Cookie to play a few more places, and then prepared for the book fair. If it weren't for the book fair, he would have wanted to leave here earlier now. Because every day in and out of the community, he would pass by the place where He Yiming had parked that day.
That scene came to his mind over and over and over again.
The day before He Yiming's birthday, Yao Zhicheng called him.
Yao Zhicheng would go to He Yiming's birthday party. He asked Su Pei if he had anything for him to bring to He Yiming.
Su Pei said, "No need. I already gave it to him in advance."
Yao Zhicheng said: "Unfortunately, you and Xiaoquqi Travel and Book Fair are scheduled at this time this year. You can't go to Xiaohe's party. It is very big and very lively."
Su Pei thought, it would be better for him to tell Yao Zhicheng.
"I broke up with He Yiming."
Yao Zhicheng had a question mark on his forehead: "Break it? What do you mean? For that preface?"
Su Pei said: "Not all. It's almost. This time it's really broken. I think he might not tell you, let me tell you, this time even friends can't make it. You don't have to bother to help us make peace. ."
Yao Zhicheng didn't understand even more: "Is it a big deal? It's impossible. No matter how much you quarrel, you won't break it."
Su Pei said, "Old Yao, nothing is impossible in this world."
Yao Zhicheng listened to what he said solemnly and seriously, and finally believed it seriously. But he still sighed a few times: "I thought that no matter how He Yiming changed, he could keep his original heart, but I didn't expect him to change."
Su Pei said: "It's already like this, don't ask him about it. I can't be friends with him anymore, you are still his friend, and now the people around him have too many plans for him, like you There are not many old friends like that."
Yao Zhicheng was a little sad when he heard it, and only said, "Okay, you can solve your problem by yourself."
He Yiming's birthday is only one day after his company's anniversary. It happened to be his 30th birthday this time, so the anniversary and birthday party were very grand.
The highlight of the birthday party was the evening party at his villa. Not the farm in the suburbs, but a mansion in a wealthy area. He Yiming hasn't lived in this place a few times since it was renovated. He only used it for occasional vacations or parties, just because the place is big enough. Can fill up with guests and show his financial resources.
More than a thousand bottles of various famous wines were prepared at the party, a long bar was built, and the bartender kept serving cocktails. After inviting Tianwangtian to sing, and various supermodel idols to warm up the field, they are all popular figures in the entertainment industry.
Of course, Yang Lun's youngest daughter, Yang Ying, came, and someone introduced her to He Yiming.
Yang Ying's first impression of He Yiming was not good. At such a big party, He Yiming wore a cultural shirt with the company's logo and flip-flops on his feet. He looked handsome, with a thin face, slumped on the sofa drinking and didn't want to dance or move.
The introducer said that he "loves sports very much" and "doesn't look like that kind of death house". Miss Yang felt cheated.
Yang Ying casually chatted with He Yiming for a while, only to feel that he was like a pool of stagnant water. She left quickly and went dancing with the others.
Yao Zhicheng finally found He Yiming. He didn't know how many gin and tonic he had drunk.
Yao Zhicheng also drank two cocktails. When he saw He Yiming, he asked, "How much did this party cost? It's so fucking extravagant."
He Yiming said: "Don't tell me about the poor students in your school, I have donated money to you."
Yao Zhicheng put his arms around He Yiming's shoulder and shook it: "Yiming, ah, Yiming... I'm happy for you. Really. Don't men just long for such success, spending money like dirt, dashing, and arrogant! Do it!"
He Yiming clinked glasses with him.
Yao Zhicheng took a sip of wine and then said, "But why do I think everyone at this party is very happy, except you, the birthday star?"
He Yiming said: "I'm very happy. I'm 30 years old. With my character, it's not easy to live to be 30 years old without being beaten to death."
He made a bad joke.
Yao Zhicheng stopped going around in circles and said, "Su Pei said you broke up with him."
He Yiming heard the word "Su Pei", and his eyes instantly lit up, and then he heard Yao Zhicheng's words clearly, and the light slowly dimmed again.
"He said so..." he said, "what else did Su Pei say?"