He Yiming has an intuition. Now that Su Pei is released, he will never be able to make up for the wounds with Su Pei in his life.
He couldn't let go of Su Pei.
"Su Pei," his voice became hoarse like a high fever patient, "Have you really thought about staying with me?"
Su Pei looked at He Yiming—his hair was messed up, his face was twisted, and his eyes were bloodshot. After the "fight" just now, the wounds on his hands were exposed, and he was bleeding again. On the trousers, mottled.
He had seen the sad and depressed He Yiming before, and at that time he couldn't help giving him a hug.
But he had never seen He Yiming so embarrassed, and because of the heart palpitations just now, he could only stay a short distance away.
"Really. I misunderstood that you went to Shanghai to go further... Anyway, I was a little impulsive at that time." Su Pei whispered. He did not want to stimulate He Yiming now. He did not expect that He Yiming would directly attack him. He broke away from He Yiming's hand and moved further away.
He Yiming was struck by thunder again. Only this time, like a thunderbolt that dispelled all the fog, his mind was suddenly fully awake.
The situations he didn't dare to recall carefully were actually stored in his mind, and now those scenes flashed through his mind. In the heavy rain, Su Pei walked to his car with a nervous smile... and gave him the gift box...
Then what did he say? He says-
"I haven't let you know for so many years, I don't want you to know."
"You don't have to think about how painful I am, and you don't have to use your rich imagination to outline a long bitter love."
"I can get anything if I want. I didn't come to get it, I just didn't want to."
"You were the most beautiful back then. No one could be with you back then, and neither can you now. Do you think I've seen you when you were at your most high-spirited, do you still think when you see it now?"
That's what he said at the time.
Now he knows, the real 30th birthday gift Su Pei wants to give him is the sentence "If you want to try it, we can be together."
During this year, he did not wake up, and when he saw Su Pei and Li Yunsheng's exchanges, he did not wake up. It was only at this moment that he finally saw everything clearly, and it all made sense-because Su Pei cared too much about what he said, so he felt happy about the straightforward and enthusiastic Li Yunsheng, and he did his best to support Li Yunsheng. Fortunately, Li Yunsheng saw youth and success shining at the same time.
He woke up, but it was too late. Just now, he seriously injured Su Pei again.
He Yiming looked at Su Pei. Su Pei's face was pale, but the corners of his eyes were flushed because of excitement. His eyes were full of tiredness and sadness, and his posture was tense and alert, as if he was afraid to do it again, and it seemed a little cold, and his shoulders were stiff.
There was only one voice in He Yiming's heart, asking over and over again, why did you hurt him
Su Pei seemed to have exhausted his strength. He rubbed his eyes, "It's getting late..." He wanted to leave.
He Yiming got up immediately and brought a blanket, he wanted to put a blanket on Su Pei. Su Pei immediately flinched. He Yiming's heart was stabbed again - how did he and Su Pei change from being so close to each other? Did he just go crazy
"Put it on. You look a little cold." He Yiming didn't get close to Su Pei, but just handed him the blanket.
Su Pei didn't want to stay anymore, but He Yiming was much calmer now, and he was too excited just now, his legs were still a little weak, he wanted to regain some strength.
He silently wrapped the blanket and leaned on the sofa.
Su Pei thought, he finally told He Yiming everything.
He knew now that if he was with other women, He Yiming would be angry. And when he was with other men, He Yiming would go crazy.
He could only be sure that He Yiming did have a big psychological problem. But what exactly are these problems and entanglements, he is too confused now, and he can't sort it out clearly.
He just wanted to go back and have a good rest.
The room was quiet for a while. He Yiming's cell phone rang twice, but he just glanced at it and ignored it.
He Yiming finally said, "I'm sorry."
Su Pei shook his head, "This kind of thing..." Just saying sorry won't solve it.
He Yiming continued, "There are too many misunderstandings between us, and it was I who caused these misunderstandings. Now I know, it is impossible for you to be with Li Yunsheng."
Su Pei said tiredly, "Of course not."
He Yiming clenched his fingers to send it. He is now covering the wound on his hand with a towel. He seems to have recovered some energy, and his frantic look has disappeared.
Su Pei whispered, "If you're worried about me being with other men, don't worry, I won't choose the harder and harder path. Life is hard enough, I have old people and young people, I can't Make it harder for yourself.”
His words are very clear, this is to tell He Yiming, don't be suspicious, don't worry about gains and losses, he will not choose this path again, he is still the same as before.
But that's all, he's just the same as before, he won't think about the road with a man anymore.
If it was an hour ago, a day ago, He Yiming might have been satisfied with Su Pei's decisive answer, but now He Yiming just knew that Su Pei might have been with him, so this answer is no matter how you listen to it. Sad and desperate.
If there really is a parallel universe, Su Pei and He Yiming in another world might be hugging and dancing together on the dance floor at the moment, or they might be enjoying the play and good night chat before going to bed on a warm bed.
He Yiming could only stabilize his mind and said, "... But you have once thought of this for a person. Is there a slim chance that you will be shaken for this person again?"
Su Pei raised his eyes and looked at He Yiming. He Yiming's eyes were filled with dim fire, broken light, and finally turned into bitter tears, which slowly flowed down his nose.
Su Pei thought, why does he still feel unbearable for He Yiming at this time
He just felt that he had to say something to He Yiming.
"I've always admired you, especially your masculinity. I used to think in college that you were so unique, so rare. I said you were a man of men, and even now, I don't Change your mind, it's your trait, it has nothing to do with your sexuality. But I've been thinking about it a lot in the past few months, and you seem to hide too much of your true self in order to maintain such masculinity."
"I don't want you to suffer, it's just that I don't know, is your long ascetic crush, too brave or too cautious? Too dedicated or too self-protective? So I don't know either, What do you really want, the real me, or an imaginary me?"
Su Pei shook his head, his previous courage had been wiped out.
Moreover, He Yiming's forced contact with the world today, he was not mentally prepared at all.
He Yiming wiped his face with his uninjured hand, and he said, "Su Pei, don't believe what I said before, those are not my true words."
Su Pei felt better now, he put down the blanket, stood up and wanted to leave.
He Yiming also followed him and stood up.
Su Pei said, "I want to go back today, I'm a little tired."
He Yiming felt a pain in his heart, Su Pei didn't say "let's talk next time" and "see you in two days", he only saw that Su Pei couldn't wait to leave. But he couldn't stop Su Pei from leaving. He had done wrong tonight and said enough wrong things, so he couldn't force Su Pei to stay with brute force.
"Okay, you go back and have a good rest." He endured the sourness and said.
Su Pei turned around and only took two steps, only to hear He Yiming's voice coming from behind.
"I love you." He Yiming said. His voice was not loud, even a little crying, but it was clearly audible.
Su Pei took a step.
"I've loved you since the first day I met you." He Yiming's voice was solemn and firm.
Su Pei paused for two seconds before turning around and facing He Yiming. He wanted to say to He Yiming, you are too cunning. You can't say what is what.
"you… "
Su Pei didn't say anything, because the pain under his ribs made him unable to speak. He reached for the table next to him.
He Yiming looked at him.
Su Pei opened his mouth, but his eyes were darkened, and a layer of cold sweat broke out on the back of his neck. His chest hurt so much that he couldn't hold it any longer. He arched up and bent down.
"Su Pei!" He Yiming immediately went to his side to support him.
Su Pei reluctantly said, "It's just a stomachache... Call me a car..."
How could He Yiming believe his words and let him go alone. He doesn't care so much now, he just put Su Pei on the sofa and put it down, saying, "Don't say anything now, you take your medicine first, and then I'll take you to the hospital. Compared with your body, other things It doesn't matter."
Su Pei is no longer reluctant, and he is also afraid of death. Just hate this heart is not up to expectations.