The cemetery was silent.
Fu Cuo bent down to put down the bouquet. It has been a long time since he came here. A lot of weeds appeared beside the tombstone next to him. However, the tombstones of Tan Si and Aunt Chen were unexpectedly clean, as if someone had wiped them in the morning. Even the weeds have been cleaned up, someone must have come to see him, he thought to himself.
He stood here, but his thoughts were still stuck in yesterday. He didn't answer the phone call from Sui Qingchi, and he brought Zhong Dao's phone number with him, because he knew what Sui Qingchi wanted to say, but he didn't know how to answer him.
No matter what kind of decision you make, you need too much courage, and he didn't have that kind of courage long ago.
I don't know why, so I bought a ticket for that night. During the nearly three-hour journey, he didn't close his eyes even once in the car. Only then can I calm down.
"… what should I do?"
You said that everyone should have a chance to change their ways, so I believed him with peace of mind, and I felt that I could not believe him wrongly, but he still lost the opportunity, and the one who is willing to give others opportunities again and again You are also gone.
I thought about being strangers to him from now on, assuming that we will forget everything and go on with our respective lives. This should be easier for him than for me, because I will no longer appear in his sight, but he will always Accompanying me like a ghost for the rest of my life, when I see him on TV, on the Internet, I can't help but think of him, think of the past with him, but that is the last bit of our connection. I know that I may not be able to completely sever the connection with him until I die, but they can gradually fade and dim over time. The line connecting me and him will one day be so thin that I can never see it again. See you, never hurt anything again. That's the best ending.
But I forgot that he is not me, he has been in the second year of middle school for so many years, it is impossible to expect him to forget everything and start from scratch.
After so many years, he didn't move forward at all. After being stubborn for so long, he finally admitted his mistake and apologized. Although I know it's not his fault, he probably doesn't know what else to do...
"So what do you want me to do?... You go away, leave, leave me alone to face him, it's not enough buddies..."
On the way back from the cemetery, he went to see the cherry tree again. The tree was growing well, dark, strong and strong. There was a couple taking a group photo under the tree. Although there were no cherry blossoms in this season, it was the largest tree nearby. People often come to take photos with a cherry blossom tree, and stand unconsciously on the lawn buried by Sui Tianwang himself. He is already imagining how it will be full of cherry blossoms next spring.
I also passed by the former high school, standing outside the school gate, watching the shoulder-to-shoulder teenagers walking by on the campus, and there will always be a beautiful boy who doesn't like to talk in the crowd, attracting the eyes of girls. There will always be a boy who plays the guitar with a dream of a band, and there will always be an understanding boy who understands everything and can see through everything, and there must be a boy who understands everything and sees everything A boy who doesn't wear clothes, has one intestine to the end, and is still at the bottom of the grades... all the stories are repeated.
There are too many memories in this city, so he often dreams in his dreams, no matter how different these dreams are, whether they are scary, meaningless, fragmented, or coherent, they always have something The same theme, in the dream he had been walking home.
He dreamed of a flooded river, and the flood washed away the bridge he had to go home. He walked to the river and waited for a boat to take him back. He dreamed of a collapsed tunnel, and his home after the earthquake became a ruin. Soil, he still walked back over the mountains. He dreamed that the developer bought the land and transformed it beyond recognition. He also walked through those bustling and unfamiliar roads at night, trying to find the location of his home...
CTR is where they pursue their dreams, and here is their starting point.
He didn't intend to spend the night here, but he also didn't intend to leave so soon. Later, he simply sat outside the Xinghe Stadium all night. He heard the sound of the starlight dome closing in the cold wind. He was not the only one outside the stadium. There were a lot of fans who couldn't get in. This is the 10th anniversary concert of LOTUS. Although the seats have been expanded from 60,000 to 80,000, there is still no way to meet the needs of the fans. But there is a big screen outside the venue, so I can't get in. Fans at the venue can also see the live performance.
In a flash, LOTUS has been in the army for ten years, and those five people have also been together for ten years.
He looked up and watched the whole concert with the fans outside the venue, as if he went back to the night when he saw the LOTUS concert for the first time, Sui Qingchi, Tan Si and AK stood beside him, the dream of the band was on that night Sprout.
Standing beside him at the moment is a group of excited high school students whom he doesn't know. The youth belonging to the four of them has passed, but there are always people who are still young.
I bought a ticket for midnight and went back. It was already early morning the next day when I walked out of the subway station. Fu Cuo stood on the escalator a little tiredly. When the cold wind blew down from the top of his head, he suddenly felt a little dizzy. Looking down the escalator, I saw drops of bright red blood appearing on the silver-white floor, my vision suddenly dimmed, and I suddenly lost consciousness.
When he opened his eyes, he saw the bright ceiling of the hospital. He was lying on a hospital bed in the emergency department, and was sent to the hospital by some kind person. He was a little dazed, and sat up. The curtain beside the hospital bed was pulled open, and the emergency doctor saw him wake up. , stepped forward and asked: "How do you feel?"
"Who sent me here?" Fu Cuo raised his head and asked.
"You fainted at the subway station, and the subway administrator called an ambulance."
Fu Cuo nodded, still remembering what happened.
"What's your condition, why did you faint?" the doctor asked.
Fu Cuo rubbed his numb forehead: "I don't know, I suddenly had a nosebleed while walking, and then fainted..."
The doctor frowned and asked, "How long has the nosebleed been? Is this the first time I've fainted?"
"It's been three to five months, but it's the first time I've fainted."
The doctor pressed the top of his head with his hand and asked, "Does it hurt?"
The pressing pressure was not small, and Fu Cuo let out a "hiss" when his fingers pressed a certain part, and said, "A little bit, but I have been injured here before."
"When was the injury? Did it hurt the skull? Was there any internal bleeding?"
Fu Cuo answered the doctor's questions one by one. The doctor looked at him through the glasses with a serious expression, shook his head and said, "It has nothing to do with the injury. I suggest you have a CT scan tomorrow morning."
Because he was sent to the hospital in the early morning, and it was already six o'clock in the morning when he woke up, and the CT scan was the first one. He took off his watch, changed his clothes and lay down on the machine. Fu Cuo thought to himself that this was the first CT scan in his life. When I came out, the doctor in charge of the scan said that I can't get the finished film yet, and it will be two hours later.
Because he hadn’t had breakfast yet, he went out to eat something after the CT scan. When he returned to the hospital, he realized that he had forgotten his watch in the CT room. He said regretfully, "So young, it's actually a brain tumor..."
"Ah, was that handsome guy just now? Forgot the watch here? Could it be a mistake?"
"It shouldn't be wrong. It's quite obvious. It should be in the middle and late stages."
"... The tumor is compressing the blood vessels, so you have nosebleeds, fainting, and the tenderness in the head is also because of this. I suggest you go through the hospitalization procedures as soon as possible so that you can do further examinations..."
The doctor finished speaking in one breath, and glanced at the young man sitting in front of him. He was quiet, as if his thoughts were wandering, and he couldn't tell if it was fear or sadness. This reaction was similar to those of the patients he had encountered before. Different, he cleared his throat and said:
"Anyway, you should inform your family first."
"No need." The young man withdrew his thoughts at this moment, and there was no emotion in his voice.
"Is your family out of town?" the doctor asked, and he had seen many young people who came to this city to work alone.
The other party shook his head: "It's just me."
There was silence in the consulting room. The doctor didn't know what to say for a while.
The young man raised his head, broke the silence and asked, "What kind of treatment should be taken after further examination and diagnosis?"
"The first option is conservative treatment, using targeted drugs to control its development, but in your case, the effect is not very optimistic. The second option is gamma knife surgery. We generally recommend surgery for brain tumors, but... your position It is very dangerous, and the risk of surgery is also very high, including the risk of sequelae is not low..." After the doctor finished speaking, he regretted that he had spoken too bluntly. Maybe this young man gave him the impression of being too calm, so that he forgot In order to take care of the patient's feelings, I added another sentence, "Of course, the specifics still have to wait for further examinations..."
"That is to say, I may not be able to get off the operating table?"
The doctor nodded gravely.
"How much time do I have with drugs?"
"About a year, if things go well."
The young man was silent for a while: "Is that bad?"
"... half a year."
half a year...
Like the death sentence, the final word. The doctor advised him to take conservative treatment and be hospitalized for observation. Fu Cuo thanked the doctor and left the hospital.
Walking out of the hospital gate, the sun is shining brightly in the outside world. Opposite the outpatient department is the inpatient department. Compared with death, that place is his nightmare. During the time when his grandmother was hospitalized, he had seen too many lingering sick beds and scenes of life and death. From then on, I told myself that the last time of life must not linger on the hospital bed.
It's just a little regretful. If I had listened to Sui Qingchi at that time and went to the hospital for an examination, would it have been better
Maybe it's not bad, maybe I can live a few more months.
But he was more afraid of Sui Qingchi taking him to the hospital than being sentenced to death suddenly.
Thinking about it this way, I felt a little lucky.
There are many taxis at the entrance of the hospital. The driver looks at him expectantly from the window. Is it because he looks miserable
He didn't take a ride, he chose to walk, he didn't want to go back so soon, as if as long as he didn't go back to the room where he was alone, and didn't lie down to sleep, the day wouldn't end, and death would come one day later.
I don't know when I walked to the bustling CBD business district, and when I looked up, I could see the huge advertisement outside the wall of the flagship store of a high-end luxury brand. The moment I saw the person in the advertisement, my dazed and slack heart seemed to be tightened again by something.
He may never be able to remain indifferent to this person, this face.
Sui Qingchi was sitting here many years ago, looking up at the figures of those superstars that he thought were out of reach. Now, the one who appears here side by side with LOTUS is himself singing "Bitter Sweet Symphony" in despair. Should this be considered an inspirational drama, or a dark humor
No matter what, he is so good-looking, so talented, so proud, and finally let the whole world see him.
Fu Cuo sat down on the bench and turned on his mobile phone. He doesn't watch videos and play games on his mobile phone very much. Now he thinks that if he doesn't need to use data, it may really be cheaper for China Mobile.
He typed in "Sui Qingchi concert" in the search bar. For six years, he had never been to Sui Qingchi's concert once, even if he was passing by outside the venue, he never wanted to stop and take a look. But if you don't take a look, it's too cheap for others. He was the one who brought Sui Qingchi into the small warehouse behind the basketball court. He was the first one who was so eager to see Sui Qingchi standing on the stage, but Sui Qingchi He really stood up, but he never looked at it once.
Last year's concert can already be seen on the Internet. Sui Qingchi has tried various genres over the years. Except for the fourth album, which is rock and roll from beginning to end, the rest is mainly pop, but at the beginning of the concert, he still Sang the rock version of "Beautiful".
The barrage scrolls over the video:
— Last year’s opening was also Beautiful, and it’s the same this year!
—Looking back at the band, it was so cool!
—The stage is so big, he can’t see the band from that position, it feels like he’s used to being handsome
— We are still in the second grade!
—He is already twenty-seven years old, don't call him a middle schooler, okay, he doesn't like it either!
— Chong Duck Xiao Sui! ! King of the stage forever! !
There was a PART that introduced the band during the halftime. The faces of the band members appeared on the big screen one by one, with the names of the members below. This introduction video was very cool, but without Sui Qingchi's personal introduction, I always feel bad what. Sui Qingchi was standing at the bottom of the screen, drinking water silently by himself. His team had many members, not only guitarist, bassist, drummer, but also keyboards, synthesizers and string bands in the orchestra pit. After the introduction, Sui Qingchi was a little tired He squatted down under the screen, his eyes drifted to the distance, as if he was squatting in the corner waiting for someone, boring and lonely.
The ending song was "Tens of Thousands of Years Back in Time", and Sui Qingchi sang "One Republic Home" during the encore:
hello world
I hope you're listening
Five me if I'm young
For speaking out of turn
There's someone I've been missing
I think that they could be
The better half of me
They're in their owrying to make it right
But I'm tired of justifying
So I say you'll..
e home
e home
Cause I've been waiting for you
For so long
For so long
And right now there's a war between the vanities
But all I see is you and me
The fight for you is all I've ever known
So e home
It hadn't been like this for a long time, Fu Cuo closed his eyes, tears still soaked the corners of his eyes.
He has heard many versions of e Home, either sad or hopeful, but only Sui Qingchi's voice is the one you seem to hear in a dream. In the dream, he climbed mountains and ridges, crossed and drifted, and he was always on his way home. , no matter how far it is, no matter how long it takes, no matter whether the home is still there or not, Sui Qingchi's e home just wants to go back but can't go back, can't go back but still stubbornly wants to go back, with a haunting sound of "e" home" is like a sad reincarnation.
How to spend the last time of life? He never really asked himself, nor did he think that one day he would really ask himself seriously, and the answer didn't even require a second of thinking.
He wants to be on stage, with his guitar, with his band, with his vocals.
This should not be the last time of his life, it should be the whole time of his life.
Why didn't I understand until this moment that this desire has not died.
At six o'clock in the evening, Fu Cuo returned to the single apartment, the elevator door opened, he looked up, and saw the setting sun was still burning outside the balcony in the corridor. But this is just a place for him to live, not a home, nor a warm nest.
He remembered sitting in the consulting room, and the doctor asked him to notify his family. At that moment, the scene of lights, guitar, bass, drums and someone's singing colliding on the stage flashed through his mind like lightning, and disappeared like fireworks.
Walking through the corner of the corridor alone, the moment he took out the key, he froze suddenly.
At the end of the corridor, Sui Qingchi was waiting outside his door wearing sunglasses and casual clothes.
The light of the setting sun poured down on Sui Qingchi's white coat, and Fu Cuo seemed to have returned to many years ago in a trance. In the corridor of the rental house, Sui Qingchi came to him with luggage and a guitar bag on his back, wanting to be with him The day we were together. They were so young that day, life and love were like midsummer, vigorous like fire, and indomitable.
For more than ten seconds, Sui Qingchi didn't see him. During these ten seconds, he watched Sui Qingchi first press his hands on the balcony idly, then took out his mobile phone to look, frowning and went downstairs After looking around for a while, he took a deep breath, his brows and shoulders relaxed again, as if he had regained some patience.
Under the sunset glow, he repeated the process of finding patience, like twisting a wet towel repeatedly, and finally managed to wring out a little water.
The key in Fu Cuo's hand accidentally dropped on the ground, and there was a soft sound, Sui Qingchi heard it from such a distance, he turned his head and saw him.
Sui Qingchi took off his sunglasses, and the first thing he said after seeing him was: "Where have you been?"
Fu Cuo was speechless, he didn't expect Sui Qingchi to appear here. He seems to have suddenly walked out of a high-end advertisement or a video of a concert, which is very unreal.
Seeing that he didn't speak, Sui Qingchi fell silent, but someone had to break the silence. He couldn't understand Fu Cuo's expression at the moment, so he pursed his lips, and said in a deep voice:
"I tried my best."
Fu Cuo looked at him, seeing that this person had been going around for so many years, and he still came back to him without changing his mind. Suddenly, there was a lot of reluctance in his heart, and he was flooded like a tsunami. After a moment, he knelt down and picked up the bunch of keys, saying, "I saw it."
Sui Qingchi stared at him picking up the bunch of keys and getting up slowly, and said: "I don't have the ability to make him win the championship. I know you may think that I am useless as a star. I can make Xifeng eliminate, but I don't have the ability to win the championship." ..." He took a deep breath and didn't say any more, "But my studio will sign him, and I will make his dream come true."
Hearing the words "dreams come true", Fu Cuo felt sore. Yes, you, the king of heaven, are really useless. You have been blackmailed, rumored, played by the TV station, consumed, and entertained. The future famous you in my imagination is not like this at all. Why did you make yourself like this? Do you think that you will spend a lot of time with me, that I will come back to you anyway and write songs for you? Sui Qingchi, why are you so naive...
He didn't look at Sui Qingchi, nodded, tried his best to hold back the tears in his eyes, and said, "Thank you for Zhong Dao."
"I don't want you to thank me," Sui Qingchi said, "I'm here to ask for an answer."
Fu Cuo couldn't see Sui Qingchi's expression, but heard his trembling voice because he didn't control his breath well when he spoke. This was really a shameful thing for Sui Tianwang, who had a top-notch ability to control breath.
"Okay," he said.
Sui Qingchi blinked: "... What did you say? What are you doing?"
"I said yes, let's start again." Fu Cuo walked over with the key, Sui Qingchi was still standing in front of him, blocking his way, he raised his hand and pushed him, "Get out of the way, I want to open the door."
Sui Qingchi didn't move away, Fu Cuo's hand pushed him on his chest, he didn't know that it wasn't his illusion, it was the same gentle and intimate push as many years ago, completely different from when he pushed him away at the bridge that day Different feelings, such strength, such a deliberate and brief stay, it is not "you get out of here", but "don't make trouble", it is "you are obedient", "be good"...
He couldn't calm down, and was afraid that he had misunderstood: "Fu Cuo, I don't want to be with you... a friend with a gun, do you understand what I mean?"
Fu Cuo: "You want to fall in love with me, I understand."
The two looked at each other face to face, and Fu Cuo saw Sui Qingchi's Adam's apple rolling, such a proud man whispered in such an unconfident voice: "...you really understand, I'm afraid you don't understand."
How could I not understand, Fu Cuo said thoughtfully.
It turns out that only at this time can I understand that it is not difficult at all to forgive the past...
"Sui Qingchi, let's try to be together for two months first, if you don't satisfy me after that, you have to allow me to return the product."
Sui Qingchi frowned: "...then don't be too picky."
Fu Cuo looked at his frown, like a worrying child, and smiled bitterly: "I know I can't be too picky with you."
Sui Qingchi finally stepped aside, Fu Cuo walked in front of him and opened the door, feeling Sui Qingchi standing behind him, so quiet that he was almost obedient. If it wasn't for the setting sun casting their shadows on the door, and if it wasn't for Sui Qingchi's shadow being taller than his, he would have thought that when he turned around he could still see the sixteen-year-old Sui who was a few centimeters shorter than him in high school. Qingchi was raising his eyes to look at him, his eyes were like a midsummer night, quiet, moist, warm, and ready to move.
The key was inserted into the door lock, and with a "click", they seemed to have returned to the cramped rental house, the place they could call home.