Luo Yushu felt that if we wanted to chat, we could do it in the school's grove. There were many soft sofas downstairs in the library, which were very comfortable to sit on. It was too expensive to go to a hotel.
Ji Huai said he was tired and wanted to lie down and chat, so he took out his mobile phone and booked a hotel in a few clicks.
Helpless, she could only go back to the dormitory to get a change of clothes, followed him out of the school gate, and went to the apartment hotel at the front door of the school.
The two arrived at the hotel. Ji Huai opened the quilt and was about to go to bed. He saw that she was wearing makeup: "Didn't I sleep well yesterday? Take off your makeup and take a nap."
When he said this, Luo Yushu lowered her eyes and refused to look at him. She immediately refused: "I won't sleep, I'm too lazy to unload."
She felt that she was extremely ugly, even with makeup on, and looked ugly without makeup. She was extremely sensitive and frightened. When Ji Huai said this, she felt helpless and unsure.
"Why are you so lazy?" Ji Huai stood up again, pulled the curtains, and turned off the lights in the room, leaving only two dim lights on the bedside. The room suddenly became dark, and he went to bed again, half-jokingly, "When I kissed you, I was wearing foundation. It's not comfortable to fall asleep with makeup on, so I went to take it off."
"I don't want to." Luo Yushu said, feeling a little guilty and guilty, standing on the edge of the bed as if she had done something wrong.
Ji Huai was afraid that being too aggressive would arouse negative emotions in her heart, so he didn't insist and fell asleep inside: "If you don't want to, forget it. Come up."
She slowly got on the bed and fell asleep. When he reached out to hug her, she shrank slightly, but he didn't seem to make any other movements.
After lying there for a while, he suddenly said: "Are you asleep?"
"No." Luo Yushu replied.
Ji Huai: "Aren't you sleepy?"
"fine."
In fact, she was very sleepy, her eyelids were very heavy, and she just couldn't fall asleep. When late at night, she was afraid of going to sleep, so afraid that her heartbeat was irregular, and she either couldn't fall asleep or was so drowsy that she couldn't wake up.
"Watch a movie?" Ji Huai said, reaching for his phone on the bedside table, opening the software on the phone, and selecting a movie.
When she saw him holding up his cell phone, she reached out to take it and share it with him. Ji Huai said, "It's okay. Come closer to me, otherwise you won't be able to see clearly."
After he finished speaking, he put his hand under her neck, pulled her into his arms, and changed his hand to hold the phone.
The two of them were very close to each other. Luo Yushu was nervous for a while, then slowly relaxed, watching the movie on her phone, her thoughts drifting away. She saw the funny plot, but there was no emotion in her eyes.
It seemed like I had no interest in it, it felt meaningless, and I started to think about the time when the two of them were sweet. He used to hold her in his arms while watching movies like this. Sometimes he would deliberately watch horror movies, which scared her so much that she would hide under the covers and huddle in his arms.
He always made fun of her for being timid.
Luo Yushu slowly closed her eyes and gently loosened her grip on the quilt. Ji Huai waited for her to breathe evenly, then slowly turned off the sound on her phone, exited the software, and put the phone aside.
She had just fallen asleep, and he was afraid that she would wake up, so he didn't take out his hand and closed his eyes. He had been staying up late for the past two days correcting papers. He was quite tired and fell asleep soon.
When he woke up again, he looked at his phone and saw that it was now 3:30 in the afternoon. The person in his arms was still sleeping. He didn't get up immediately, but his hand was a little numb from the pressure and he was a little thirsty. After waiting for a while, he finally Very slowly, he took out his hand and got out of bed.
There was mineral water on the bedside. He picked it up and took a sip. He was about to take a second sip when a cry suddenly came from behind him.
Luo Yushu cried very restrainedly, her tears kept flowing, and her body began to tremble. He walked over quickly and called her twice, but she didn't respond. She just kept crying and couldn't stop sobbing.
"Xiao Shu?" Ji Huai patted her gently.
Luo Yushu struggled to open her eyes, her chest heaved violently, and she continued to sob.
Her mind was clear, but she had no control over her body. She was so tired that she couldn't lift her hands and couldn't exert any energy. Her eyes showed helplessness and fear, and she fell into self-rest and anxiety.
"Did you have a nightmare?" Ji Huai got on the bed, spoke softly, and held her in his arms again.
Luo Yushu said nothing, tears continued to roll down in clusters.
no.
She didn't know why she was crying. Recently, she often started crying for no reason. She couldn't control it, so she felt useless and fell into deeper regret.
"It's okay." Ji Huai wiped her tears, looked down at her and said with a smile, "I just got up and you started crying. Do I have to hold you?"
He didn't care that she didn't respond and held her in his arms. Then when he saw that she didn't stop crying, he sat up with her in his arms and asked her gently: "What dream did you have that makes you feel so wronged?"
In fact, he knew that this was a bad phenomenon. The burden of her mind had been transferred to her body, and she might collapse at any time.
Ji Huai patted her back every now and then, "You are under too much pressure at this time. It's okay to cry to relieve it."
These words made Luo Yushu feel less burdened. She laid her head on his shoulder and cried for a long time. She gradually gained some strength, her thoughts began to become clearer, and she continued to shed tears silently.
She didn't know how long she had been crying. Her eyes were so red and swollen that it was unbelievable. She was still nestled in his arms and wanted to get up, but he held her down. She said in a hoarse voice with a nasal tone: "I'm afraid your legs are numb. I've been seriously ill recently." A lot."
"Have you?" Ji Huai immediately denied her, "I think it's almost the same, I can't feel it."
His words gave her a small amount of positive feedback, and she continued tentatively: "Yang Yun and the others said that I have gained weight."
Getting fat makes you ugly.
"So you don't come down to see me?" Ji Huai laughed, "Nothing has changed. I think it's the same as before."
Comprehensive denial of oneself means that the inner framework and self-confidence have been suppressed and smoothed, and one is overly independent and overly sensitive. If one is still in this environment, suppression will continue to bring negative feedback, which will make people fall into the abyss.
He didn't know if Luo Yushu had depression, but he definitely couldn't take her to see a doctor now. With her character and situation, if she was diagnosed, it would undoubtedly make things worse. What she needed now was to help her build self-confidence and self-framework, which was more effective than medicine.
Seeing what he said, Luo Yushu relaxed a little: "But I feel the same, because I accidentally ate too much last month."
Ji Huai's tone was casual: "What's wrong with eating too much? If you feel you've gained a few pounds, go for a run on the playground in the evening. Won't you come back after a while? You girls have really high standards for your own weight. You're so fat. I can’t feel it weighing ten or eight pounds, as long as I can hold it and move it.”
Luo Yushu: “When you get fat, you become ugly.”
"When you get fatter, you become fleshier." Ji Huai pulled her away slightly, and when her face changed slightly, he pointedly said, "Doesn't the soft flesh feel better? I like it."
A blush suddenly appeared on her face, and he leaned forward and kissed her.
"You don't pay attention to anyone." When she said this, she couldn't help but choke. He was really too much and never responded to her message, leaving her alone with her thoughts.
She kept reflecting on herself and doubting herself, and she felt like she was sick, like a child who was lost and couldn't find her home.
"I have to work, and I'm also stressed. I get off work very late, and I'm not in the mood. You're under so much pressure, and I won't pass on your bad mood to you." He said this half-truth, as an intern integrated into the new environment. , it must be difficult.
I don't want to reply to her, I am indeed in a bad mood and have no extra energy to coax her.
Luo Yushu was silent, and after a while he said, "You are very cold and unwilling to communicate with me."
"Am I ignoring him now? Am I not enthusiastic when we meet?" Ji Huai asked back.
She couldn't argue.
He added: "What do you want to communicate? Didn't I offer to chat with you? You can chat now, not necessarily through the phone."
"I didn't want to talk about anything." Her voice became softer as she spoke.
Ji Huai: "Then let's talk about why you are unhappy? Why are you so stressed?"
She pursed her lips.
Ji Huai: "Is there any pressure if you fail the postgraduate entrance examination?"
"Well, I have been reviewing for so long. I am stupid and can't remember anything." She gradually opened her heart and cried with sobs. "I don't know why I can't remember. I am very unfocused and don't know what I am doing. "
She prepared very early, but failed to pass the exam, which was very frustrating. Her biggest advantage is that she can study, but she hasn't passed the exam yet, and everyone thinks she will definitely pass the exam if she is so serious.
Ji Huai took a tissue from the bedside and wiped her tears: "If you don't pass the exam, you won't pass. Can you take the exam again next year? Adjust your mentality first." Seeing her looking up at him, he laughed at himself and said, "Look at how good my mentality is. , the work is too tiring, so I have to fish in troubled waters for a few days, the boss is in trouble, and I am just an intern anyway. I haven’t become a full-time person now, and I don’t know when I will become a full-time person. I am often preached and brainwashed, but I know that they are all trying to make a fool of themselves. , the leaders are all idiots, they just want to squeeze my labor force."
His words made Luo Yushu laugh. She raised her hand to wipe away the tears and stopped crying.
Ji Huai: "If you fail the exam, it's not because you are not good. You can take the exam again next time. Even if you really fail, it doesn't mean anything. I have never thought about the postgraduate entrance exam. Is it worse than you?"
She shook her head, "No."
"You said yes, it doesn't matter to me. It was the truth, but I forgot about it in the blink of an eye." Ji Huai rubbed her and nodded, "It's over now, okay?"
Luo Yushu thought for a while and nodded gently, "...Yeah."
Ji Huai: "Is it stressful to not be able to find a job?"
"Yeah." She answered and briefly talked about the last few jobs she applied for. Either the salary was too low or others didn't want her, which made her doubt that she was really bad and useless.
He thinks it's all a trivial matter: "You will be squeezed when you find one, and I'm not happy either. I have to defend my defense right now, so don't worry. Our store is recruiting people at any time. As long as someone applies, they can join directly. After graduation. If you can’t find a job in the end, you can work with me, okay?”
She looked at him with confusion, and Ji Huai smiled: "Do you think academic qualifications are valuable? You can get an extra two hundred yuan after becoming a full-time employee. If you can't work in the management, it may not be of much use."
Luo Yushu's depressed and heavy heart felt relieved a lot after listening to his words. She also had rejection from her family and Roland had been suppressing her, but she didn't tell Ji Huai about these. She was not taken seriously at home, so she avoided talking about her family.
"Are you stupid?" He pinched her fleshy cheek and pretended to be relaxed in his words, "Thinking wildly and putting so much pressure on yourself."
She lay on his shoulder and stretched out her arms to hug him, "Aren't you also under a lot of pressure?"
"The pressure is okay, but it's just annoying. I'm annoyed by the many stupid useless things in the store. I'm annoyed by the stupid boss who always holds meetings to criticize me. I'm annoyed by the store manager who always brings me out to criticize, but I just treat them like nothing. I used to be annoyed when I went to school, and I was annoyed by exams. I’m annoyed, I’m annoyed by school, and I’m annoyed by the teacher’s chirping…”
As he was talking, she stood up and looked at him. Ji Huai raised his eyebrows: "I'm annoyed. I'm annoyed at every stage. The past is over, right? Do you still remember those annoying things?"
If she doesn't speak, he will speak more.
Luo Yushu felt much better after listening to his words. She thought he didn't want to talk to her anymore.
She had just cried so hard that her makeup was all gone, so she had to take it off and take a shower. When he came out, Ji Huai waved to her: "Come here, let me see how deep the dark circles are under the eyes of this little fool who stayed up all night."
Luo Yushu covered her face, unwilling to show it to him.
He walked over, stretched out his hand to pull her away, and looked down at her: "It's okay, I just need to go to bed a few days earlier and it will be fine."
Hearing this, she slowly let go of her hands and plucked up the courage to say, "They said that not only do I have heavy dark circles under my eyes, but I also have a haggard face, yellow skin, and lack of energy."
Ji Huai looked at her carefully for several more times and suddenly laughed out loud: "Your skin is too white and tender, which is why the dark circles under your eyes are so heavy. The color of your foundation is too yellow, which makes you look yellow. Wouldn't it be better if you get a few sleeps?" Are there times when you are not in a bad mood? Are you still jumping around when you are in a bad mood? "
Luo Yushu now needs others' affirmation too much. She swayed left and right. After constantly receiving positive feedback, her eyebrows softened a lot, "I'll go back and have a good sleep."
"Start sleeping well tonight." He emphasized.
"Okay." She nodded obediently.
Ji Huai: "Let's go, go out and find a restaurant you like, eat what you want, and then come back and sleep."
"I'm going to change clothes first." She walked over to get clothes from her schoolbag, and then entered the bathroom.
When the two of them walked out, Ji Huai could notice that her steps were much brisker, and she gradually spoke more. She was able to chat with him, and even told interesting things about school.
There is a snack street behind the school. Luo Yushu wanted to eat fried rice noodles, so the two of them walked into an old shop in an alley.
After dinner, Ji Huai took her back to the hotel.
The sky was getting dark, and Luo Yushu soon became sleepy. Not long after Ji Huai went to bed and lay down, she was already sleeping with him in her arms.
She didn't sleep peacefully. She woke up once in the early morning and talked to him, but fell asleep an hour later. She slept so deeply that she felt a little uneasy, fearing that she would fall asleep again and not wake up.
It was getting brighter, Luo Yushu was dreaming, and someone was talking to her. When she opened her eyes, Ji Huai stood in front of the bed, leaned over and kissed her forehead, put his hand on top of her head, and said in a soft voice: "I went to work and bought you breakfast. I'll wake up and eat before going to bed." . Check out at two o'clock, you can take a nap again, and then go back to school by yourself, pay attention to your safety."
Luo Yushu was half asleep and half awake, reluctant to leave him: "Well, when will you go back to school?"
Ji Huai: "I'll probably come back every week next month. The paper needs to be finalized and various materials have to be submitted, but I have to take a look."
She forgot what she had replied and just continued to sleep in a daze. When she woke up, she felt no chest tightness and shortness of breath. She was in a trance on the bed for a while, thinking she was dreaming. She turned to look at the side of the bed. No one was there. There were soy milk and steamed dumplings on the table, which proved that it was not a dream. He was just back with her, and then got up early to go to work.
Luo Yushu turned on her phone. There was a latest payment on the chat interface between her and Ji Huai. He transferred 600 yuan to her at 6:50 this morning, and she accepted it.
He collected it on her cell phone.
She was so excited that she sent him a message, and the other end quickly responded: "I'm at the store and I'm going to work soon. Don't look for a job first. Just stay in school for a while and take good care of your body first. Health is the best." It’s important. You can go to the library to read during the day, go for a run on the playground at night, and enjoy the next few months. I will pay you living expenses when your salary is paid on the 15th, so don’t stress."
With her temperament, she couldn't accept the money. He seemed to understand her very well, and then sent another message: "Don't worry about it. It's not a big deal if two people who calculate so clearly with me can't go far apart. We will be better in the future." We have a long way to go, where can we follow now?”
…
Every word he said hit her heart, and the aftershocks lingered.
That cup of soy milk contained too much sugar, and the steamed dumplings stuffed with beef and corn were also super delicious. As she walked back to school, her steps were lighter than ever. The sun was bright and warm, and the breeze blew, and the leaves rustled like they were composing music.