Fu Wei was my best friend in high school. At least for the first two years.
He has a cheerful personality, a bright mind, and is well-liked by teachers and classmates alike.
He was the first person to speak to me at the opening ceremony and the first person to ask me if I wanted to go with me after school.
Because of my synaesthesia, I don't really like socializing with people. But as long as Fu Wei invites me to participate in the activities, I will always buy him a face, just because he is one of the few people who are consistent with me and will not make me feel "hypocritical".
Thanks to his initiative, we quickly became friends. When I was in the second year of high school, I didn't tell him the secret that I had synaesthesia and could see other people's moods. I even told him that my parents might have divorced because of disharmony in their sexual life.
The relationship between the two of us is getting closer and closer, and there were a few moments when I even thought of sworn in with him. Then, things started to take a nosedive.
One morning, when I walked into the classroom as usual, the moment Fu Wei looked up and saw me, the value on the top of my head changed - it turned pink. It was so silent, and unexpectedly, it turned pink.
This is a shocking and embarrassing development.
It was also the first time I encountered such a thing, and I was at a loss for a while, and in those few days, Wei Wei was a little cold.
Fu Wei is not a slow person, but he quickly sensed it. He stopped me on the way to school and asked me why I was avoiding him.
Why don't you count
"Have you got a girlfriend yet?" he asked again through gritted teeth.
Seeing the unswerving fan on his head with angry red, he seemed to really like me, I hesitated a little, and finally chose to have a showdown with him.
"Fu Wei, do you like me?" Before he could answer, I said again, "If you really like me, maybe we can give it a try."
At that time, I thought, anyway, I am also looking for a man to fall in love with. If this person is Fu Wei, it will feel good. After all, we are very acquainted and have a good relationship, so it shouldn't be a big problem to turn friends into lovers.
Unexpectedly, as soon as my voice fell, Fu Wei's face changed drastically. The value on the top of his head fell again and again, and the color was even more red with black, which was very bad.
"What are you talking about? How could I possibly like a man?" He blushed, vehemently denying that he liked me.
Unexpectedly, the biggest problem turned out to be that he didn't like men.
"You, don't you like me?" I was also a little stunned, and for a while I was caught up in whether I was "broken brain" or "really have superpowers", and was eager to explain, "But you obviously changed color. Understand…"
"Yu Mian, you are so strange." Fu Wei looked at me like a monster, left a rather poignant sentence, and left in a hurry.
He has since avoided me and cut off contact with me. Almost at the same time, there were rumors in the class that I had a crush on Fu Wei, and I failed to confess, so the two of them didn't even have to be friends.
Although the ending is the same, the process is really problematic.
I was not sociable in the first place, but after losing Fu Wei, my only friend, I became an invisible person in the class, ignored and excluded.
If it was just whispering behind my back, showing contempt at me from a distance, and secretly commenting on me, it wouldn't have affected my life. But my synaesthesia made me face all kinds of "maliciousness" the moment I walked into the school gate, which was annoying.
The last two years of high school were supposed to be wonderful, but they were not pleasant memories for me. Even though I don't want to be popular and don't care what other people think of me, I still hate being targeted.
This kind of suffocation that has been piled up for years and years is gradually relieved until graduation and moving away from the original environment and moving to Qingmeiyu.
On the day the college entrance examination scores came out, everyone in the class group was very active, asking each other about their scores, and making an appointment to play together in the summer vacation... But I just left the group with one click, pulling all of them into the blacklist.
"So, they don't like you because of your sexuality?"
In the dark and cluttered warehouse, the nose is the smell of dust, and the ear is the same as always, Yankongshan's slow tone.
I nodded: "… um."
"That's fine too."
I looked up, not knowing where the "good" was.
Yan Kongshan leaned on the shelf, put his arms around his chest and said, "There's nothing to be happy about being liked by that kind of person. It's good to draw a clear line as soon as possible."
"Don't you think I'm disgusting?" I was both scared and expectant when I asked this. Afraid to see that he is the same as those in the school, although there is no fluctuation on the surface, he feels that I am perverted in the heart; I hope that he can sincerely believe that I am not an outlier.
"I don't think so." Yan Kongshan's eyes were calm, without any contempt, and he gave his answer without hesitation.
Most importantly, he told the truth.
To say that I coveted his beauty and body before, my love for him all stemmed from his superior external conditions. At this moment, I completely surrender to his charming inner, in love with his beautiful character.
Sun Rui is right, a man like Yankongshan's "stunner" level will indeed make people feel unattainable. But since they are stunners, they naturally have magical powers that make people unconsciously sink into them.
I like him, but I also know in my heart that he may not like me.
It doesn't matter, the goal of falling in love may be a little far away, but if you kiss him, maybe you can achieve it.
Yankongshan's lips, the upper lip is thin, the lower lip is fleshy, it feels like a very suitable lip for kissing...
Staring at his mouth, the image of kissing him can't help but come to mind. Just as their lips were about to meet, I suddenly regained my senses, and my face burned a little.
"...Thank you." Because of my embarrassment, my voice was as light as a mosquito.
He walked up to me and put his hand on my head.
"When you're my age, you'll know it's nothing at all." As he spoke, he bent down slightly and looked directly into my eyes, as if confirming my emotions.
He was so close to me that the smell of tobacco on his body entered his nostrils and made me want to sneeze again.
Sneezing in this kind of atmosphere is too unpleasant, I endured it hard, and water mist rose in my eyes for a while.
Yan Kongshan seemed to have misunderstood something. He raised his eyebrows slightly, and reached out to wipe the tears from the corners of my eyes. His tone was full of the experience of the elderly: "Why are you crying? They are not worth your sadness."
They really don't deserve my heartbreak, but you are worth my temptation.
The slightly calloused fingertips slid across the delicate skin under his eyes, producing a tingling that was almost painful. I resisted the urge to rub against it and closed my eyes. The fluid that had accumulated in his eyes had nowhere to go, and scrambled to slide down the corners of his eyes.
"Me too... I'm not feeling bad, but I didn't react when I suddenly saw them." I said with a thick nasal voice.
Yan Kongshan retracted his hand and said, "You stay for a while, I'll go out and see if they are still there."
I nodded, stepped aside, and let Yankongshan go out.
As soon as the door opened, the roaring laughter of young people came from afar. Fu Wei and the others hadn't left yet, and they were still very noisy, ignoring the feelings of others.
"Customer, can you please be quiet?" Yankongshan's voice was not low, and his tone was very rude. As soon as he said the words, the frolic in the distance immediately fell silent.
I didn't close the door, there was still a gap left.
"What? Open the door to do business and don't allow customers to speak?"
"That's right, we didn't make a lot of noise..."
Yan Kongshan interrupted them mercilessly and said, "This is a bookstore. If you want to talk, you can go to the vegetable market and talk to your heart's content. If you don't buy books, please leave."
In fact, he doesn't have an accent, and his voice is very nice, but magically, the words are concatenated into words, and it will have a procrastination tone. Looks lazy and sexy.
"How do you do business, and you even chase away customers!"
"Who cares to buy your stuff here, it's tattered."
Yankongshan's words obviously angered them. Among the scolding voices, Fu Wei, who had not spoken before, suddenly spoke up, but apologized to Yankongshan.
"Sorry, it's our fault." He whispered to his companion again, "Let's go, stop arguing."
This is his personality. It seems that he apologizes because he realizes his mistake, but in fact he doesn't want others to watch him lively. In Fu Wei's eyes, his face is more important than anything else.
These people were noisy, and they were ordered to be expelled from Yankong Mountain. He should also feel ashamed.
The door opened, and someone left, leaving two harsh words in the air.
"Never again!"
"That's right, the junk bookstore will never come again!"
The shop was quiet again. I opened the door and walked out hesitantly. There was no sign of Fu Wei's group outside.
Great…
Although there will be no less meat when you meet, but why disgust yourself if you can't see it.
During lunch, when no one was around, I took an apple from the table and handed it to Yankongshan, with a silent "thank you".
He took the food for a while, slowly chewing the food in his mouth. After swallowing it completely, he inserted his chopsticks into the rice and took the apple from my hand.
"You always seem to be thanking me." He said, biting into the apple in his hand, his snow-white teeth embedded in the pulp, just listening to the sound, one could imagine how crisp and hydrated the apple was.
"Because you're always helping me." My mouth was drooling frantically, so I hurriedly picked up an apple from the table, hugged it, and nibbled it silently.
Yan Kongshan's lips seemed to tick when he heard the words, I didn't see it very clearly, but his mood rose several points at once, he should have laughed.
The neighbor Uncle Zhang's family finally came back from the trip. In the evening, Grandpa couldn't wait to find each other for a drink and chat after dinner.
I lay on the matted floor, tossing and turning for hours. At eight o'clock, I got up and rushed out the door. When I got to the gate of Yankongshan's house, I stopped specially, held the courtyard gate and waited for my breath to calm down.
Pushing the door and entering, the window facing the yard is lit, and there are figures walking behind the white gauze, revealing a hazy beauty.
In the summer of Qingmeiyu, the night always comes late. Although it was eight o'clock, the sky was not completely dark.
Sometimes I always feel that the daytime on the island is like a workaholic, and when he comes to work at night, he procrastinates.
Not so much at night. Quietly at night, coming and going silently, is the complete opposite of the day, a salted fish without ambition.
Ringing the doorbell, I put my hands behind my back and wait outside the door bored.
After a while, with the soft click of the door lock, warm yellow light flowed out.
I raised my head and smiled at the man who opened the door for me: "I'm disturbed today too."