Still insomnia at night, but better than the day before. Xu Ran fell asleep at four o'clock in the morning, got up at seven o'clock, packed up and went to work for a meeting.
When he entered the meeting room, few people came. The deputy director took a notebook to write and draw pictures there. When he saw him coming, he pushed his glasses and motioned him to sit beside him.
"You shouldn't have come," said the deputy director in a voice only the two of them could hear.
Xu Ran sighed, "Then you can't just sign the form casually."
The deputy director looked at the bruises in his eyes, "Have you had a good rest recently?"
Xu Ran smiled awkwardly. No one can tell me about insomnia because of being dumped by a man.
One after another, the leaders arrived in place one by one. When the director came in, he deliberately came over and asked, "Is that your material?"
Xu Ran shook his head, "No."
The director hummed, but didn't comment.
The leaders' meeting was all about various chores, and there was nothing Xu Ran had to do for the time being. After waiting for almost two hours, the director turned Erlang's legs and said, "Now Xu Ran's list... just can't find the record."
"That's not my list." Xu Ran was annoyed by what he said, so he said bravely, "There is no item number on this list."
"That's because I didn't write the item number when I bought the materials." The director said.
"Impossible." Xu Ran frowned, "If this is the case, there will be no item number when purchasing materials and backing up the list, and Sister Li will not be able to pass the test."
Everyone was silent, the director knocked on the table and asked the director, "Who said this list belongs to Xiao Xu?"
"The warehouse downstairs." The director replied, his face not blushing and his heart beating.
The deputy director who had been silent next to him looked up at him and smiled coldly.
The director looked at this and then that, and said to Xu Ran, "The warehouse downstairs is a new hire, and some of the names may be misremembered, and I can't be sure what he said is right. So, you can go to confirm again, If there is indeed no record for you, we will check again."
Xu Ran almost stood up, "I checked it yesterday, and it's really not there. Sister Li can also testify. And yesterday the warehouse said that it was the director..."
He almost said that the director was the first to point to him, but the deputy director suddenly stopped him and said, "Let's do this first, Xiao Xu doesn't have it here, he doesn't have it, and we have worked together for many years, so there is no need to lie. Please tell the director again." Go and check, since there is no record, it may belong to Xiao Xu, or it may belong to someone else."
The deputy director is usually calm and reticent, but these words sound reasonable and well-founded, and the director also nodded, "That's it."
The director's face changed, but he didn't say anything after all.
After the meeting, Xu Ran walked very slowly, and met the deputy director when he entered the office.
"I'm going to the laboratory," said the deputy director, "for a chat?"
Xu Ran nodded and followed him downstairs to the laboratory.
The deputy director is a character. Although he is only a few years older than Xu Ran, he is already a technical veteran in the institute. With strength and a steady personality, every word he said at the meeting carried weight.
When Xu Ran entered the laboratory, he closed the door behind his back, blocking the noise of the noisy lathe from the door.
"You don't fit in here."
The straight to the point words were very much like the character of the deputy director, Xu Ran was stunned, but he didn't find these words harsh.
He knew that the other party must have a reason for saying this. Sure enough, the deputy director continued, "Do you know why they suddenly targeted you?"
Xu Ran shook his head.
"Last year, the efficiency of the institute was not good, and we originally planned not to recruit new people." The deputy director said, "But this year, the son of the director's family graduated from college and is going to join our department."
"Then follow me..."
"We can't take the initiative to lay off people here, otherwise we will have to pay a lot of compensation. They will either bite the bullet and raise an idler, or run away one."
The deputy director sat down on the chair, put one hand on the table, and showed an expression of "do you understand now?"
Xu Ran was stunned.
"I..." Xu Ran didn't know how to respond, but instead smiled, "Do they think I'm easy to bully?"
At least the deputy director didn't say "yes".
Xu Ran naturally knew his personality, and he would only speak hard words when he was forced to, and he was just a dough that was easy to knead on weekdays. It is not surprising that the director will choose him.
After he had almost digested what he just said, the deputy director continued, "I don't think you are suitable for this place. Instead of leaving after being trapped until you have no choice, it's better to have a good time now."
"Of course this is just my personal suggestion," he added.
Xu Ran looked at him, and when he lowered his head, he glanced at his legs out of the corner of his eye. Because the right leg has been limping all year round, it has been deformed, even if you wear loose trousers, you can see the abnormality below the knee.
In fact, he wanted to ask the deputy director, where would a person like himself be considered "suitable"
But he knew that the deputy director would not give him the answer, life is lived by oneself, it is not easy for others to mention something, there is no need to be your guide.
Returning to the office in a daze, He Yuxuan immediately came up and asked, "Brother Xu, what happened?"
Because of his inconvenient legs and feet, Xu Ran usually won't be out of his seat for most of the day. He Yuxuan came to care for him because he was worried that something might happen to him in a trance.
Xu Ran smiled wryly and waved to him. He couldn't even explain to He Yuxuan that what he was worrying about had turned into another matter.
You don't fit here.
The deputy director's words were like a curse, lingering in Xu Ran's heart.
He originally chose this job in this city for He Chengcai, now that He Cheng has withdrawn from his life, is it necessary for him to stay here
But if not here, where could it be
He knew that he couldn't change to a place that no one knew. First, he didn't have the financial conditions, and second, he didn't have the courage.
Everything about him and He Cheng in the past is here, how can he let it go.
He Cheng, it's He Cheng again.
Even if they broke up, the first person he considered was not himself, but He Cheng.
What is the curse of the devil, it seems that I can never escape this name. But when he asked himself, Xu Ran knew that deep down in his heart, he didn't want to escape at all.
He didn't want to leave, and let He Cheng be completely free in this city, living a life he didn't know every day. Before working overtime or on business trips, there was at least a letter, but now who He Cheng talks business with, eats with, or even sleeps with, has nothing to do with him.
Clinging tightly to the hands that had never been let go, he clenched his heart into a ball, and the pain was unbearable. As long as he thought that he would never be able to participate in He Cheng's life again, the air around him seemed to disappear suddenly, leaving him almost suffocated.
In the past two days, he even thought, go beg He Cheng again, be beaten and scolded by him, or kneel down to him, He Cheng likes to tie his legs, so tie them, he will never cry out for pain again Character. It's like ten years ago when he summoned up the courage to confess his love to He Cheng, relying on his drive, he still has the drive now, as long as He Cheng nods, he is willing to do whatever he wants.
He knew that such a humble self was ridiculous, and he acquiesced in breaking up that day, as if there was a villain in his heart, waiting for a predestined ending. As he wished, he waited, but the price was that he lost his expectant self forever.
Whether he accepts it or not, that day is bound to come, sooner or later.
From the beginning, the choice was not in his hands.
Xu Ran wiped his face vigorously. The eye sockets are a little hot, and the nose is sore.
Before he got off work in the afternoon, he received a call. Bai Jinming's voice on the other end of the phone was helpless, "Are you free these two days?"
Xu Ran stopped cleaning the table. Bai Jinming would not look for him casually, the only connection between the two of them was He Cheng.
"Yes, why?"
I have to admit that at that moment Xu Ran had a strong expectation in his heart.
"Hey, well, He Cheng said that if you have time these two days, go and move the things in that house, otherwise he will directly ask the housekeeper to pack it for you."
"..."
The corners of his mouth froze, not knowing whether he should curl it up or down, Xu Ran's heart fell directly from the clouds to the bottom of the valley.
"Xu Ran?"
"I'm here." Xu Ran pressed the corners of his eyes and said softly, "Okay."
As if he didn't know what to say, Bai Jinming paused for two seconds before hanging up the phone.
Back to the house where I had been away for a long time, there was no temperature in the huge house, and it was cold everywhere, as if no one had ever existed. Xu Ran entered the bedroom and turned on the air conditioner first. Still no heat, he called the maintenance guy and made an appointment for the weekend to fix it.
Then he sent a text message to Bai Jinming: The air conditioner in the bedroom is broken, I have reported it for repair, please tell him to come back this weekend to take a look.
Bai Jinming didn't reply.
Putting away the phone, Xu Ran stood in the middle of the bedroom and looked around. The undrawn curtains plunged the whole room into a drowsy darkness, with a spacious double bed in front of it, a mirror next to it, and a whole wall of wardrobe behind it. Xu Ran came to the bed and sat down, gently stroking the outer pillow.
This is the place where He Cheng slept, and the place where they once had a storm, now there are only patches of ice and cold.
He Cheng seldom spent the night by his side, and only occasionally would he stay to rest when he was really tired. At that time, Xu Ran would sleep very late, and when he was fast asleep, he would sneak up to his side, greedily absorbing the warmth of his body. Such times are rare, and Xu Ran can't remember the last time he did this.
Even a hug has to be stolen, but sadly, he is willing to do so,
Xu Ran lay down, lying on his side, with his hands under the pillow next to him, as if there was a real person sleeping there. He leaned against that person's chest, listening to his own heartbeat, and slowly became intoxicated.
He has done this action countless times in the past ten years, all secretly behind He Cheng's back, never seen by anyone.
If he saw it, He Cheng would probably just laugh at his strange sleeping position.
With tears falling on the pillow, Xu Ran gently stroked the empty bed with his fingers, and said softly, "I love you."
No response.
Afraid of crying too hard and staining the sheets, Xu Ran got up, wiped his face indiscriminately, dragged out a suitcase from under the bed, and started to pack his things.
This suitcase was used when he moved here, and he thought it would never be possible to use it again, but this time he saved the effort of buying a new one.
There were very few clothes in the closet, so he put his own in the bottom of the box one by one, and opened a sachet to change into the closet. There are only two pairs of shoes, and one bag in a plastic bag is enough. Toothpaste and toothbrush can be thrown away, and other things, there is really nothing he can take away.
After watching for a long time, Xu Ran could only go to the kitchen, first throw the broken things in the refrigerator into the trash can, and then search around, leaving some food that can be preserved for a long time. It is estimated that these things will not be broken until next year's Chinese New Year, and they will be used when Bai Jinming and the others hold a party.
The frozen spareribs melted into a pot of soup, and they were packed in a thermos. Xu Ran walked out of the house carrying it, a big bag of garbage, and his suitcase, which was so light that it seemed nothing was in it.
The garbage is heavier than the suitcase, so after going downstairs, Xu Ran threw away the garbage first, and then walked along the perimeter of the community. It was already dark, and the evening wind was a bit chilly, and it was chilling down his neck.
A black sports car parked beside him.
"Come on." Bai Jinming pointed his head and called him, "I'll see you off."
Xu Ran said thank you and didn't shirk.
Seeing him pulling such a big suitcase, Bai Jinming thought he had a lot of things, so he got out of the car to help. But when I picked it up, I found that it was so light that it was almost weightless. I asked in surprise, "Did you not take anything?"
Xu Ran smiled calmly, "There is nothing to take."
Bai Jinming smiled, and put the suitcase in the back seat in silence.
After getting into the car, he found Xu Ran holding a thermos in his arms, and asked tentatively, "Is it for He Cheng?"
"Yeah." Xu Ran lowered his head and kept pinching the strap of the thermos, and said, "He will definitely not touch those things in the refrigerator. I made pork rib soup, please help me give it to him."
After a pause, he continued, "But He Cheng might not like it... why don't you drink it, and he will just pour it down if you give it to him."
Bai Jinming nodded, "Give it to me, I just haven't eaten tonight."
"You are a workaholic just like him." Xu Ran said, "Pay attention to rest, don't damage your body from busy work."
Bai Jinming glanced at him, "Okay, don't say it as if it's parting from life to death, even if we break up, we won't see each other again. I know him, for so many years, he's the one who's sorry for you."
Xu Ran shook his head with a smile, and wiped the corners of his eyes, "No one is sorry for anyone, he has tolerated me for ten years, I should say thank you."
"You..."
Bai Jinming let out a long sigh.
He sent Xu Ran back to his residence, and the car was parked downstairs. Xu Ran didn't ask him why he knew where he lived, but just handed him the thermos silently.
"You should keep this vacuum flask. I bought it for He Cheng before, but he never used it." Xu Ran smiled, "Don't dislike it."
Bai Jinming didn't say anything, just nodded and accepted.
Xu Ran touched his bosom again, took out a bunch of keys, untied the biggest one, and handed it to him.
"You... say thank you to him for me."
Xu Ran's hands were trembling, Bai Jinming pretended not to notice, quickly took the key over, and promised, "Okay, I will."
When Xu Ran got out of the car, Bai Jinming helped him with his luggage, and the two said goodbye. As soon as Xu Ran turned his head, Bai Jinming called him from behind.
"Xu Ran, you have to take care of yourself."
Under the moonlight, Bai Jinming's expression was a little hazy, Xu Ran looked at him for a while, and was amused.
He smiled so softly, with curved eyebrows and eyes, as if he was so happy from the bottom of his heart. But Bai Jinming could see the tragic frustration hidden under that smile.
Seeing that smile, Bai Jinming repeated in bewilderment, "Take care."
Xu Ran didn't answer him, turned around, dragged his suitcase and limped away into the night.