If it wasn't for looking up the housekeeper's contact information, He Cheng wouldn't have remembered that Xu Ran was still stored in the chat software. After searching through the chat records and saving the useful ones, he deleted them without any hassle.
The red dot on the social software message reminder is always on, and the chat box with Xu Ran has long been squeezed to the bottom, and there is no change at all whether it is deleted or not. He Cheng swiped the interface twice symbolically, then threw the phone aside.
In the past, the housekeepers were all contacted by Xu Ran. He doesn't like to see strangers at home, so Xu Ran always asks someone to clean up during his working hours. He Cheng never asked about this kind of housework, so now he doesn't know which cleaner Xu Ran often uses. Obsessive-compulsive disorder made him unable to accept a completely unfamiliar employee. He couldn't bear it these two days, and even had an urge to call Xu Ran to ask him.
Xu Ran's new mobile phone number was given to him by Bai Jinming. At that time, He Cheng was working, so he didn't notice that there was an extra piece of paper with the number on hand.
Now that piece of paper is placed in the bookcase on the right, He Cheng looked down at the golden carved cabinet door handle, silent for a long time, still did not open it.
He didn't know who he was angry with, he just felt that if he took out that note, something would change. He hated change even more than he hated having to contact housekeeping himself.
In the end, I condescended to call the housekeeper, but I didn't expect that as soon as I got connected, I asked very enthusiastically, "Is this Mr. He?"
Swallowing the words he had prepared, He Cheng replied in a deep voice, "It's me."
"Hello, it's like this. Mr. Xu has reported your number with us, and we will arrange someone to serve you. Would you like to make an appointment for house cleaning now?"
"… right."
"Also, Mr. Xu made an appointment for you to repair the air conditioner before, but we didn't contact you later. If it's convenient this afternoon, we'll send maintenance personnel to the door for inspection."
"Row."
The process of making an appointment was much simpler than expected, and when the phone was hung up, He Cheng threw the phone on the bed as if to vent his anger.
Before, Bai Jinming did mention that he was going to fix the air conditioner, but he completely forgot about it when he turned around, and he never bothered to take care of it.
Thousands of calculations were made, but Xu Ran had already arranged these trivial matters for him, which made He Cheng feel an inexplicable sense of frustration.
They have already left, why do they appear in my life again and again
He thought it would be easy to abandon Xu Ran, nothing more than a breakup, but since he was asked by his father to deal with the aftermath, He Cheng realized that ten years is not something that can be cut off overnight. He can force himself to forget, but soon something will pop up to remind him of the past between the two of them.
He Cheng is not a sad person who lost his love, he tried his best to let go, but for some reason, he was dragged more and more tightly.
This annoyed him very much.
He stood in the middle of the living room and looked around. This house was originally bought to hide Xu Ran. At that time, he just went to work to make money, and with savings, he always felt that he had to do something like a rich man.
At that time Xu Ran seemed to be very happy, he was busy looking at the decoration with a limp leg, and would always go to the busy city to look at the floor tiles on weekends. He Chengcai was too lazy to go and never had anyone to accompany him, but Xu Ran himself was so happy that he couldn't take time off.
Until now, He Cheng didn't understand that it was just a house, why did he care so much about it.
However, some people like to toss about and he is happy to let go. In the end, Xu Ran has the right to tidy up the entire house. He was in charge of laundry, cooking, and housekeeping, and the only thing He Cheng did was pay.
Now Xu Ran is gone, together with that poor luggage, there is not even a bag of garbage left.
He Cheng searched carefully from room to room, this was the first time in a long time that he carefully examined each room, and then he found—Xu Ran really didn't leave anything behind.
But the decoration design of the house was chosen by Xu Ran. Although it is He Cheng's favorite style, it still highlights the evidence of another person's existence. Although Xu Ranren was gone, there was always a faint aura surrounding the whole house, and if he didn't pay attention, his nose would be full of fragrance.
It took a while for He Cheng to realize that it was the smell of a sachet. He doesn't like the cooking fumes at home, so Xu Ran always changes the sachet frequently to cover up the pitiful breath of life.
After Xu Ran moved away, he hadn't changed the sachet for more than two months, and the smell became very weak, beating on his heart, carefully touching He Cheng's bottom line.
After being extremely angry, there was a sneer, He Cheng thought, Xu Ran is also considered a character, even if he can't see anyone, he can be seen everywhere, hiding in every corner of the room, refusing to leave.
When the housekeeper was about to leave in the afternoon, He Cheng suddenly asked, "Can you cook?"
The housekeeper was taken aback, nodded and said yes.
He Cheng signaled her to go into the kitchen, "Go get some."
In the past, Xu Ran rarely added additional services temporarily, and the housekeeping was confused, and he went into the kitchen before he could react.
There were too few ingredients, so I thought about going out to buy some, but looking at He Cheng's face in the living room, the housekeeper didn't dare to say too much, so he could only use the only pastrami and hand-rolled noodles to make a bowl of noodles. There are no green vegetables, and it is quite fragrant when served in a large bowl.
You see, even if it is a different person, you can still wash and cook. Nothing in this world is irreplaceable.
He Cheng picked up his chopsticks in a good mood, and frowned as soon as he took a bite.
Housekeeping was so frightened by his gloomy face that he almost cried.
"Okay, let's go." He Cheng said.
The housekeeper fled in a hurry, leaving a strong smell of rice in the room. He Cheng felt uncomfortable hearing this, got up and went to the kitchen to open the window.
It's strange, Xu Ran never left oily smoke when cooking before, and he never noticed how that person did it. There is also the taste, He Cheng is not a picky person, but he can clearly tell that the bowl of noodles is not his favorite taste.
He is a nostalgic person. When he was a child, he grew up eating meals cooked by the nanny at home. After the nanny retired, he couldn't get used to it. Xu Ran went to learn from her for a few days, and soon after he came back, he was able to cook well.
He Cheng is seriously considering inviting the old nanny out of the mountain again, or holding a training class, at least to train the next person who can make that kind of taste.
Rather, he missed the days when someone could be there whenever he was called. He Cheng was so depressed that he put on his coat and went out.
He chose a clean restaurant to fill his stomach, and Bai Jinming called halfway through the meal. They were all talking about work, and for some reason these two days, Bai Jinming suddenly stopped trying to get news about Xu Ran from him.
On the contrary, He Cheng, who was not asked, was not quite used to it. He frowned and thought for a long time before asking, "Are you..."
"What's wrong?" Very normal tone.
"...It's okay. Hang up."
— Do you still have contact with Xu Ran in private
How could it be possible to ask questions!
The more you remind yourself not to care, the more you want answers. The urge to inquire swelled in his chest, making him unable to even eat the delicate meals on the table.
What happened to me
Anxiety that has never been felt before, even worse than when Joan left. It was a heart-piercing sadness at that time, but now, although the surface is calm, He Cheng can feel that something is quietly changing.
He didn't like the change very much. But the question is, how to stop feeling anxious about someone who has left
For so many years, He Cheng couldn't think of an answer to a question for the first time.
"Mom, don't worry about it."
Xu Ran couldn't help but watch his mother take out a foam box from the trunk, but when she tried to stop her, she was stared back.
Xu's mother handed over the foam box to the staff at the train station to send it to the train ahead of time, and looked back at her son on crutches with a frown.
"Bringing you something, what do you call tossing?"
Xu's mother, who is over half a century old, is gentle and virtuous, but only in front of Xu Ran will she put on a strong air. Xu Ran knew that she was hard-spoken and soft-hearted, so he took her hand with a smile, "My fault, don't be angry."
The parents at home were taken aback by his sudden appearance at the door, but they didn't ask much. In the past few days, it was just that his son came back from his annual leave, and he didn't mention anything about work.
Xu's mother is an accountant, and Xu's father is a university teacher. The old couple have never made any demands on Xu Ran in their life. Now, Xu Ran doesn't know what they think of him.
Just the night before he left, Father Xu asked him, "How are you doing now?"
Xu Ran was stunned for a moment, many images flashed in his mind, and finally a smile froze on his face, he nodded and said, "It's okay."
Father Xu took a deep look at him and said, "That's fine, don't make yourself miserable."
Don't suffer yourself. These five words almost aroused the most painful pain in Xu Ran's heart.
He wanted to tell his parents about his current situation, about the old unit with dark tides, about the bright sunshine in the south, and about the dilapidated house that spent all his savings. And his legs, and He Cheng.
In the end, he still didn't say anything.
Facing his parents, both he and He Cheng hid each other for ten years, at least the He family knew about He Cheng's sexual orientation, but he had never come out of the closet. He doesn't know if he can start a new relationship in this life, maybe, he doesn't need to confess at all, time will dilute everything until everyone chooses not to pursue an established answer.
Just looking at the aging faces of my parents, many words were stuffed in my chest, and it gradually became a kind of sadness that could not be expressed.
Unable to have children in this life, the unfilial son is almost thirty years old, and after all, he will live his life in a mess.
Xu's father had to go to work, and Xu's mother asked for leave to send her son to the train. At the entrance, Xu Ran gave her a big hug. This woman who used to shield him from the wind and rain turned into an old man who had to bend down to hug him.
Mother Xu was taken aback by his embrace, patted his head, and said softly, "Okay, okay, I'll come back next November. Mom will prepare something delicious for you."
Xu Ran wiped away tears from her back, raised his head and said with a smile, "Then you should be ready and wait for me to come back."
"Look at you, can you lose a bite of food at home?"
When Xu Ran entered the station, she still turned her head three times at a step, and suddenly greeted him back.
"... If you don't like staying outside, why don't you come home?"
Mother Xu spoke cautiously, looking at her son uncertainly through the guardrail.
Xu Ran paused and said, "Let's wait another year."
One year, this is the deadline he set for himself. In any case, the next year is to live a personal life.
No longer being wronged for others, no longer trying to hide uselessly, no longer frantically looking for your own shelter in others.
Learn to be alone, but also learn to forget.
Looking at the back of his mother leaving, Xu Ran set up his crutches and walked towards the waiting hall.
He really wanted to tell his mother that your son was injured and almost couldn't come back. But the words turned into, "I'm fine."
Just like the sentence he said to He Cheng every cold and helpless night through gritting his teeth, "I'm fine."
If you tell too many lies, even you will believe it yourself. Now Xu Ran really thinks that she will become very good.
As for those thoughts that were still aching in his body, let him light up a fire and burn them all when he was ready.