After turning the corner, Xu Ran turned around and squeezed his stiff neck.
He seemed to have caught sight of a man who looked very much like He Cheng from the corner of his eye just now, but he didn't dare to take a closer look, and kept turning his head away while talking to Lin Shen. After walking over, I realized that it was impossible, how could He Cheng be here, he should be at home.
Lin Shen looked at him pinching his neck continuously, as if he was very uncomfortable, so he asked, "What's wrong with you?"
"Ah?" Xu Ran was startled, quickly put down his hands and said, "It's okay, I'm thinking about something."
"It seems you are absent-minded." Lin Shen said.
Xu Ran was silent, and said, "I seem to see someone I know just now."
"Who?"
Xu Ran looked at the blue sky exposed between the tall buildings ahead, and said, "A friend."
"Well, a friend." Lin Shen repeated inexplicably.
They didn't bring up this little episode again, and Xu Ran struggled for a while before giving up. Whether it's He Cheng or not, it has nothing to do with him, doesn't it
Today they originally planned to sit in the coffee shop all afternoon, but after arriving Xu Ran realized that he forgot to bring the power cord of the computer, so he had no choice but to turn back. Lin Shen also laughed at him, "It's rare to see you being so forgetful."
Xu Ran smiled silently, in fact he wanted to go home early.
Walking slowly home, Lin Shen said after a brief silence, "Let's talk."
"What are you talking about?"
"Talk about your friend."
"… nothing to say."
Xu Ran turned his head away and looked at the traffic on the other side of the road unnaturally, "I was wrong. He can't be in this city, let alone here."
"Why?" Lin Shen asked back.
As if thinking of something, Xu Ran smiled and said softly, "Because there is nothing he wants here."
He Cheng is a very purposeful person in his work and life, he always goes for what he wants. If there is nothing in this city that He Cheng can care about, he will naturally not appear.
Xu Ran regretted what he said just now, and said, "Just forget it, it's not important."
Lin Shen said, "It doesn't matter, it's yours."
"What?" Xu Ran didn't understand.
"Feelings." Lin Shen said, "How can your own feelings be unimportant."
Xu Ran motioned for him to stop, and turned to look at him.
"Are you studying me?" Xu Ran asked.
"Forget it, it's not." Lin Shen said, "Auntie told my mother a lot about you, gossip between women is terrible."
Xu Ran laughed angrily at his righteousness, "I'm not your guinea pig."
Lin Shen squatted down so that the eyes of the two were even.
"I know, sorry."
It was the first time for him to compromise like this, his deep eyebrows and eyes were covered with a golden color by the afternoon sun, and he looked very sincere.
Xu Ran froze for a moment, not knowing how to accept this kind of apology.
Finally, he sighed, "Forget it, it's okay. It's my own problem."
I will be brooding over an illusion, and I can't blame Lin Shen for being curious.
Lin Shen asked, "Do you still love him?"
Xu Ran tilted his head, thought for a while, and said, "I still like it."
"Why? After all the years he's hurt you?"
Xu Ran smiled, "If I could just let it go, then I would have left long ago. How many people can stay by his side for ten years, they are just deceiving themselves, giving themselves hope, and turning around because of him Disappointed by what he did. Looking back now, singing a one-man show by myself was quite boring.”
"But you still like it."
"Like is not love," Xu Ran said calmly, reaching out to smooth the fluff off the shoulders of Lin Shen's down jacket, "I still like him, but I don't want him anymore."
If you really point to He Cheng and ask him if he still likes it, he will definitely say yes. But if you ask him if he still wants to go back, he will say, can't bear it, can't bear it.
Why do you still like it.
Just like He Cheng likes Qiao An, even though he has been rejected so many times, he still likes him. It's just because the other party has left an indelible shadow in his heart, no matter who stands in that position in the future, they will not be able to cover up the traces of the past. No one can completely replace another person, which is why there are so many unfulfilled sufferings in the world.
The handsome eighteen-year-old boy is Xu Ran's dream. He desperately ran after that boy, and even if he fell down later, he would always remember why he chose to stand on the track in the first place.
He thinks that what he really likes should be the self who went forward in those ten years.
Lin Shen disagreed with his statement, "Why don't you forget him."
"It's not a matter of just forgetting, you can't just put a stick in your head." Xu Ran said with a smile, "Look at me, I haven't forgotten him after being hit by a car, so I'm living a good life now? "
Lin Shen looked at him seriously and said, "Not good."
"what?"
"You are not living well enough." Lin Shen said, "You deserve a better lover."
Xu Ran was taken aback.
"Let's talk about it later." He turned his head away, "I don't want to think about it now."
"Xu Ran, you can't escape." Lin Shen grabbed the handle of the wheelchair to prevent him from escaping, and said with a smile, "Do you want to consider getting a new boyfriend?"
Xu Ran was taken aback, and when he realized it, he also laughed, "How can it be so easy, just like me..."
"That's wrong." Lin Shen shook his head, "Since you can never forget that person, why doesn't someone fall in love with you at first sight?"
"To me?" He pointed to his legs, then pulled off his collar. The cold wind penetrated directly into the clothes, and there were large areas of unhealed scars on his body, horribly clung to his shoulders, revealing the light-colored and reddish tender flesh that had just grown.
He shivered, and said to Lin Shen with a wry smile, "You mean, it was love at first sight with this look?"
Lin Shen frowned—this was the first time he showed a embarrassed expression after the two reunited. He raised his hand and took off the scarf and put it on Xu Ran's shoulders, covering his exposed neck.
"When you're stuck in a wheelchair, everything feels wrong," Lin Shen said. "You wouldn't talk like that before."
Xu Ran was silent.
Indeed, before meeting He Cheng, he would never belittle himself like this.
"If there is a problem, we will deal with it. Most of the time, it can't be solved by talking quickly. Don't become a look that even you hate."
"..."
Xu Ran tidied up his clothes slowly, and said softly, "I'm sorry."
Lin Shen touched his head, not hard, but the temperature of his palm made people's nose sore.
They returned to Xu's house in silence. Lin Shen pushed him into the elevator, and pressed the up button to prevent the elevator door from closing.
"Xu Ran, think carefully about what I said today," Lin Shen said with a faint smile, "There will always be someone who likes you, sooner or later."
Before Xu Ran could respond, Lin Shen let go of his hand. The elevator door slowly closed, isolating the smiling man.
Xu Ran lowered his head, and his chin touched a mass of soft warmth. He forgot to return Lin Shen's scarf.
He draped the scarf on the chair by the door.
"Where did you get the scarf?" Mother Xu asked.
"Lin Shen's." Xu Ran said, "The next time you see Aunt Lin, please return it for me."
Xu's mother nodded in confusion, and said, "By the way, when has Lin Shen decided to go back to work? Whether it's a year or a year, I have to get together with their family again."
Xu Ran was taken aback, and said, "He didn't mention it."
Xu's mother was talking about confirming with Aunt Lin.
Xu Ran stared at the black and white checkered scarf on the chair for a long time before turning around and entering the room.
In a rental house more than 20 kilometers away, He Cheng hung up the phone and crossed off the third client's name from the list.
He took a sip of wine. Beer is now the most stocked item in the fridge.
He never drank these things at home before. Drinking is for fun, not for comfort when you fail. He thought it was something only losers would do, but he didn't expect that one day he would use alcohol to drown his sorrows for business.
He used to drink until his stomach was perforated, and Xu Ran found out that he was sent to the hospital in the middle of the night. Since then, he seldom drank too much. So right now he didn't dare to drink too much, he only took two cans and put them pitifully on the table.
He found that he had become a timid waste, he couldn't understand his business, he didn't dare to drink too much, and now even the person who could take him to the hospital ran away.
How long has it been since you had hangover soup
He Cheng held his forehead with a headache. The strength of the cold beer was a bit strong, causing a burst of hot air to rush straight into his head.
Closing eyes, consciousness plunged into darkness.
He saw Xu Ran when he was eighteen years old. With a heavy schoolbag on his back, he looked dumbfounded and smirked at him.
He had just finished the fight, his blood was hot, and he yelled at Xu Ran angrily, "What are you looking at!"
Xu Ran fled in despair.
He saw the teenager watching him from the corner. Poor thing, I hid away when I saw him with Joan.
At the sports meeting, he made a rescue for Xu Ran, and Xu Ran's eyes suddenly lit up.
See you in a few days, Xu Ran becomes limping.
He saw Xu Ran holding another person's hand and saying, "I like you, I want to be with you."
Then he looked back and smiled brightly at him.
His fingers slipped from his forehead, He Cheng's head shook and he immediately regained consciousness.
A gust of air hit his chest violently, irritating the corners of his eyes sour. He gripped the beer can hard, making a dent in it.
Bai Jinming's question lingered in his ears—
Are you jealous
He Cheng took a big gulp of wine.
jealous? Who are you jealous of, Xu Ran? That guy no longer has him in his eyes, so how could he be jealous.
Who else could he be jealous of
That night He Cheng had a dream. He dreamed of two Xu Rans, one standing and the other lying in a pool of blood.
The standing one looked at him, then at the dying self on the ground, and asked with a smile, "He Cheng, how did I become like this?"
He Cheng's voice became hoarse, but he couldn't answer.
Xu Ran smiled, eyes full of streamers.
"I love you," he said. "How many times do you have to kill me before you're willing?"
He Cheng woke up suddenly.
The room without the air conditioner is freezing cold, and the heart beats extremely fast. He wiped his face with cold sweat.
Appetite reacted belatedly, and there was a burst of churning. He ran out of bed, ran into the bathroom and retched into the sink, spitting out a few mouthfuls of beer.
In the mirror is a vicissitudes of face, eyes full of bloodshot eyes.
"Crazy," he murmured.
The finger that was smashed before was aching uncomfortably, like a thorn, piercing hard into his heart.
The author has something to say: the so-called good man
Thanks to Jiang Keai Lin Zi Kui. Mordred's Mines