Xu Ran didn't know what Lin Shen liked about him.
Because they are of the same kind? Or just look at him poorly? No matter what, Xu Ran didn't think he could match Lin Shen's preferences. He has no capital to attract others, even when he was not covered in bruises, and now he is just a disabled person in a wheelchair, even if he is reborn after experiencing suffering, he does not have the beautiful red feather like the phoenix of Nirvana.
Lin Shen said that even if his final choice was to refuse, he would not regret it or mind.
Xu Ran felt that he should mind. I am not a good person, like Lin Shen, I should be matched with a clean boy, beautiful, soft, and lovable, not like him, who is shabby from the inside out.
He is a stone whose edges and corners have been smoothed by the years. Even if you moisten your hands, the stone is still a stone.
Xu Ran almost fled from the Lin family that day. He didn't let Lin Shen see him off, so Lin Shen took a taxi for him. Before getting into the car, he leaned into Xu Ran's ear and said, "Don't worry, I'll wait for you."
When he got home, Xu Ran's ears were still warm, and the deep and gentle voice seemed to keep echoing in his ears, unable to leave for a long time.
That night, he tossed and turned and thought a lot.
He thought of He Cheng, the few conversations they had on and off the bed, Bai Jinming's intentional or unintentional temptations, and He Yuxuan's bitter face saying it wasn't worth it. Thinking of Mai Xing, the heavy hands on his knees, the old alley on the way home from school when he was a child, the figure surrounded by three people blocked the sun, that scene vaguely overlapped with the alley entrance of the landlord’s house in City C, and then went to the side of the road The parked black car, the man sleeping in the car, the words that came out of the man's mouth.
I know you treat me well, He Cheng said, go back with me, I will live with you.
The end of the memory stopped at the sound of the brakes of the big truck, he suddenly woke up, and found that he had burst into tears at some point.
Getting off the bed with a pair of unconscious legs, Xu Ran got into a wheelchair and came to the window. The moonlight sprinkled on the leaves of the pothos through the window, and the plants that were almost frozen to death before now grew many buds, hanging out of the window sill.
Xu Ran gently picked up a piece of tender green and stroked the smooth leaves.
Even if the plants go through the frost, if they are rescued and the dead branches are cut off, they can live in a new look, which is great.
If possible, Xu Ran also wanted to cut off his own legs and grow new ones. He wants to erase everything in the past and dedicate the best of himself to someone who deserves it. Only in that way can he be qualified to be liked by Lin Shen.
Why him, Xu Ran thought blankly, it would be better if it was someone else. If Lin Shen fell in love with others, he would be able to smile and bless.
He had been unfortunate enough in his life that he couldn't drag an innocent person into the water.
Lin Shen is so nice, it's like a dream. But the more this happened, the less Xu Ran dared to touch it.
This year's New Year's Eve was at the end of January, and red lights were hung on the streets after New Year's Day, and the number of people in the shopping malls gradually increased. Xu Ran didn't go to that coffee shop again, his work gradually became busy, and Lin Shen seemed to know something, so he didn't come to urge him again.
It's just that my mother mentioned it occasionally, talking about his work abroad, his age, and that he would take Lin's mother abroad with him.
"Lin Shen's child is filial, and when he was a graduate student outside, he said that he would take his mother to settle abroad with him," Xu's mother said casually while peeling the garlic, "Now the job has already been set, and your Aunt Lin is waiting The day he settles down."
Xu Ran helped his mother smash the white and tender garlic cloves into garlic paste, while smiling, "Really? That's great."
The wooden stick accidentally ran over his hand, causing pain to his fingertips.
There was originally a check-up a year ago, but after discussing with the doctor, Xu Ran moved it to the next year. On the one hand, I don't want to bother Lin Shen to take care of me anymore, on the other hand, I don't want to meet people I don't want to meet in the hospital anymore.
He Cheng didn't know that he had changed the time of the examination, and was still waiting in the corridor outside the doctor's door every day. Anyway, he had nothing to do all day long, so he sat there with a thin blanket and waited for the whole day.
Later, the little nurse didn't even bother to talk about him, and only told people that there was a handsome fool in the corridor of the orthopedics department.
On the 29th, the doctors in the hospital were on vacation, and Xu Ran hadn't shown up yet.
He Cheng was already numb from waiting, and he didn't feel any regrets. He moved his stiff limbs, packed his bed and went back to the ward.
The ward was deserted, and the nurse who made the rounds told him the contact information of the staff on duty, and brought him a plate of dumplings from the cafeteria. The dumplings were still warm, so He Cheng ate half a plate of them for nothing.
This is the first time he eats dumplings alone. In the past, during the Chinese New Year, I was surrounded by friends, or at home, sitting opposite my father, discussing work plans for the new year.
After eating, he lay on the bed and tucked his hands and feet under the blanket to keep warm. The phone rang, and the three characters He Jingtang on the caller ID were shocking.
He Cheng looked at the name quietly for a long time, until he realized that there was no intention to hang up, so he reached out to pick it up.
"dad."
"Mmm." He Jingtang's voice was tepid, "Are you okay?"
"It's okay." He Cheng said.
"Come back on February 10th, and I've booked a ticket for you." He Jingtang said, "You will be home before the fifteenth day of the first lunar month."
"..."
He Cheng stared out the window blankly. The sky had already darkened, and the cloudy night was empty, and there seemed to be countless hands in the darkness, stretching out their teeth and claws towards him.
"He Cheng?" He Jingtang raised his voice and shouted.
"...Okay." He Cheng said softly.
He Jingtang snorted coldly, "I know you're in a bad mood right now. You're lucky to invest like that and only lose money. Why, after staying by my side for a long time, you really think you're omnipotent? Now that you know you can't, it's too late. You come back to me and study steadily for three years, and you are not allowed to go anywhere."
He Cheng sighed for a long time, "I'm not going. I'm not going anywhere."
He Jingtang seemed to sense the abnormality in his son's tone. He frowned, but didn't point it out. He just said, "You should reflect on it over there. When the time comes, I'll call a car to pick you up."
go home. He Cheng hung up the phone and looked up at the moon again. Now that he and Xu Ran are in the same city, are they looking at the same scenery
When I go back... there will be no chance.
He Cheng had a dream.
In the dream, he returned to the age of eighteen, surrounded by a group of men and women. He was like a star holding the moon, with his toes high and his toes high, and he walked with wind.
There is no Joan in his arms, he has always been alone, he is the favorite of heaven, but occasionally when he passes by the next class, he sees the boy sitting in the corner from the window. The boy always kept his head down, working on the exercise book, his soft short hair was gently blown by the breeze, and the collar of his school uniform was open, revealing a clean neck.
He stared at that figure for a long time, and then looked away amidst the urging of everyone.
Suddenly, he heard someone calling his name.
"He Cheng."
Looking back, over the crowd, he saw the boy in the class standing up, holding the desk with both hands, and smiling at him.
"He Cheng." He saw the boy open his mouth and call him out.
He Cheng opened his eyes, under the golden sunlight, a man was sitting beside the bed, raising his hand to shield him from the glare of the rising sun.
"Wake up, let's have breakfast."
The man got up to leave, He Cheng hurriedly grabbed it, and the moment his fingers were about to touch his wrist, the man suddenly turned around and smiled at him.
His heart was violently pulled by something, and He Cheng woke up suddenly, seeing the cold and dark ceiling casting a lonely shadow in the night.
He wiped away his sweat, and was startled to realize that his eyes were filled with tears, which flowed down his cheeks to the pillow in the blink of an eye.
He sat up, took out the crimped tie clip from his coat pocket, and threw it into the trash can.
New Year's Eve, family reunion.
Ever since Xu Ran graduated from university, the family has never been so lively. Xu Ran could see the excitement of his parents, and his mood rose accordingly, and the entanglement and anxiety of the past few days were all left behind. He followed his mother to the street, and was pitifully blocked outside the guardrail of the supermarket, watching the flow of people queuing up to check out.
After graduation, he lived with He Cheng, and most of the New Year's goods were given by He Cheng's friends, so there was no need to go to the streets. The gifts received by the He family were all high-end goods, Xu Ran felt that using his own craftsmanship was a waste. But no matter how many good things there are, He Cheng will never go home. Xu Ran was always waiting for him, until the evening of New Year's Eve to get the letter of permission not to go home, at that time it was too late for him to book a ticket to go home.
Looking back on the past ten years, he has been waiting in place, the good and the bad have waited for a circle, and he has not seen the person in his heart come home. Perhaps it was a punishment for holding on to He Cheng, Xu Ran felt a little sad seeing his parents so happy this year.
Years ago, the company paid him a sum of money. The start-up company is generous, and everyone will share the money when they make money. Xu Ran wrapped two big red envelopes, stuffed them in his arms, and officially handed them to his parents at 8 o'clock in the evening.
He hugged his parents hard and said loudly, "Dad, Mom, Happy New Year."
The lively opening of the party on TV covered up his thick nasal voice. Xu's father patted him on the back, Xu's mother lowered her head and wiped away the tears from the corners of her eyes.
Xu Ran smiled and kissed her cheek.
Everything will be fine.
Funny and not funny memes emerged endlessly in the show, Xu's mother asked Xu's father to help grab the red envelopes, and Xu Ran was left to send New Year's greeting messages one by one along the message list.
He Yuxuan's message came in the afternoon. He took several photos of Xu Ran's house, and he cleaned up the room.
He Yuxuan asked, Brother Xu, when are you coming back
Xu Ran thought for a long time before replying, Happy New Year.
In the past year, he has too many people to thank. Auntie, Liu Ming, the deputy director, and even Bai Jinming can be counted as one. Dong Ziqi was in the top 50 of his grade in the final exam of this semester. He has already set a goal to be admitted to the same university as his uncle.
Xu Ran clicked in one by one to see their recent situation. Looking at them, his nose felt sore for no reason.
The New Year's dumplings were steaming hot with a sweet smell. Xu Ran ate peanuts for the first time. Without saying anything, he quietly put one that could be seen with coins on his father's plate.
The countdown on the TV was counting down to the new year, when Xu Ran's cell phone rang, it was Lin Shen.
He picked it up, and Lin Shen smiled and said, "Of course, happy new year."
A firework exploded outside the window, and the time jumped to zero.
He heard the man's soft breathing, Xu Ran looked at the bright fireworks in the sky, lowered his head, and smiled faintly.
"You too, happy new year."
The author has something to say: Thank you Lin Zikui. mine that looks like love