"If there's a mountain in front of me, I can wave to it and yell, 'Go away'! Then I can easily move it away. If it's a sea, I can raise my arms to it and yell. 'Divide'! Then you can make the water part like the legendary Moses who crossed Egypt and parted the Red Sea!
However, when facing a woman, I can't shout "love me" to her and then she will love me - I can't do this. I can't cut out her heart and carve it on it. Put my name on it.
Even when I'm in pain, I can't make myself happy - I can control my heartbeat, the frequency and speed of my heartbeat, and I can even control my breathing and blood flow. But I couldn't control my feelings. Happy? Or unhappy? How to control? !
Let me tell you what love is. Chen Xiao!
I once laughed at this word. Back then, when I failed Mingyue, Lao Tian came to my door. He held a knife, stared at me with hatred and hatred, and questioned me. I used to laugh at him, and I used to disagree with him.
When Lao Tian took Mingyue around to relax and stayed with Mingyue for several years with an infatuated heart, I couldn't understand it.
I do research, biology, genetics, heredity... everything. I used to think that the so-called 'love' was just 'dopamine' secreted in the brain. Chemicals that help cells send impulses. This kind of brain endocrine is mainly responsible for the brain's lust and feelings, and transmits information about excitement and happiness. Love is actually the result of a large amount of dopamine produced in the brain.
If you want the taste of love, just inject yourself with a certain dose of dopamine - or so I once thought. Trying to explain everything with simple cold logic or professional words, I will not have any impulse to worship the word so-called 'love'.
But later, I discovered that I was wrong - when your mother was completely disappointed in me, no longer loved me, and even turned to hate me.
When I rescued your mother, she looked at me with such indifferent and cold eyes, so quiet and almost cold... She said that she didn't love me, she hated me.
Do you know what I did
I tried to make her love me! !
Yes, isn't the so-called 'love' just a chemical component secreted by the human brain? What's more, I have asked myself that I can control everything, time, space, and matter! Everything is under my control.
I can easily control her body, even interfere with her brain signals, stimulate her brain to secrete a certain amount of dopamine, stimulate her lust, stimulate her excitement, stimulate her emotions... I once thought this was love! The essence of love, for a scientist or a chemist, is just so pale and pitiful!
But, I was wrong!
I made every effort to inject what I thought was a 'love chemical reaction' into your mother. As a result, after I finished doing this, your mother still looked at me so coldly, and she told me, 'You really are. Do you think you are a god? But you can't control my heart! No, you can’t control anyone else’s heart, not even your own heart, you can’t control it! '
I was very angry and frustrated at the time, and even became more and more agitated.
But later, or now, I finally understand that your mother was absolutely right.
I can control everything, but I can’t control people’s hearts! Whether it's other people's hearts or my own, I can't control it! I can't command your mother to love me, I can't even command my heart not to be painful!
Not only that... I can't even control my own desires and paranoia!
My ridiculous sense of mission, my ridiculous "great mission" of trying to guide mankind, and my ridiculous ambition, aren't they exactly what I have in mind? I couldn't even control these, I couldn't control my ambition and ambition, and I made myself do one thing after another.
God is powerful, but also, in many ways, God, like humans, is weak.
Chen Xiao, until later, I often couldn't help but wonder whether what I did was right or wrong. I hope you gain absolute freedom, become a being standing in the sky, and become a being who can control all rules.
But in the end, I feel more and more that, so what, we can’t even control our own hearts! "
JOKER leaned against the door with calm eyes, looking at Chen Xiao and the woman on the bed: "She was already disheartened after I rescued her. Later, she committed suicide several times.
I went from angry, disappointed, frustrated, to sad, and finally at peace.
You know what’s the funniest thing
When your mother committed suicide for the third time, I wasn't even sad or sad at all.
Because I finally realized something, no matter how she died, no matter when she died, no matter how she died, I can easily resurrect her! As long as I want it, for her, it's just like being woken up after sleeping.
No more separation of life and death, no more sadness. In fact, what was supposed to be a tragic and tragic thing ended up feeling a bit ridiculous.
When death is in my hands and becomes as trivial as playing house... Is there anything else in this world that deserves my attention? Even death can be transcended, so what else in this world is worth looking forward to
I suddenly discovered that I had lost another important thing—happiness!
When everything is at my fingertips—no, I don’t even have to put my hands on it, I just need to put my mind to it and I can accomplish anything!
I can control time, control matter, I can never die, or even be young forever! I can even change my body at will to make myself young and handsome.
In fact, I used to pity Lao Tian... His tragedy was that he lived too long, and as a result, his relatives around him died one by one before him.
But I started to think I wouldn't be that tragic anymore.
Because, after having the ability to control all matter, if I want the people around me, I can also make them live as long as me! As long as I use my material control ability every once in a while, I can help them clean or maintain their body's structural materials. In theory, I could keep their bodies young and healthy forever.
In this way, there will no longer be the sadness of separation or death.
But soon, I realized... If there is no sadness, then the so-called happiness will be out of the question.
Everything is always relative, because there is the sadness of separation, so with sadness as a comparison, people will feel the happiness of being together. If there is no sadness and no contrast, happiness will not exist.
When you can easily satisfy most things, you will be surprised to find that another important thing is far away from you, and this thing is: desire!
Yes, ridiculous, right
Gradually, I no longer even have any desire!
I became almost wishless and without sadness or happiness. Only later did I discover...it turned out...
God, that's all. "
JOKER sighed: "Unfortunately, I didn't believe what your mother said at the beginning. But now that I believe it, I can't change her heart or my heart."
He slowly walked to Chen Xiao's side and looked at Chen Xiao's side face: "Your mother committed suicide three times, and I saved her every time. But the more I didn't let her die, the less she wanted to live. The more I The more I try to keep her, the more she wants to leave me!
Later, I thought of a way, that is, I would send someone to monitor you secretly, and bring news about you to her every once in a while. It seemed like this was the only way to give her some energy.
But soon, your mother no longer even wants to know about you. "
Looking at Chen Xiao's confused expression, JOKER waved his hand: "No, it's not that she doesn't care about you anymore, but that she can't bear to listen to the news anymore. Because she knows very well that I am going to mold you into a 'god' , a god like me! And your mother thinks that this will be an unfortunate thing. Therefore, she is unwilling to witness me leading you step by step on the road to becoming a god. But she can't stop it. I, she had no ability to stop me. So, she could only choose not to continue reading.
I remember when she committed suicide for the last time, she said to me, 'Please don't wake me up again! '
Ha ha! She said this as if we were not talking about her death, but about a nap or a nap.
She felt angry and thought I was scary. Because in front of me, she no longer has the power to die. She wants to escape from me, and she cannot even escape from me by death. Isn't this a very terrible thing? So, in the end, she could only ask me not to disturb her anymore and let her 'sleep' quietly. "
"You... agreed to her?" Chen Xiao raised his eyelids slightly.
"Yes, I promised her." JOKER nodded, there was no trace of sadness in his eyes: "I will put her here, I will come to see her every day, and then help her 'maintain' her body, you see , for God, it is that simple. Without any crystal coffin or any scientific preservation method, I can make her body never corrupt at will... Even if it does corrupt, it doesn't matter, I can also restore her.
Please forgive me for not being able to show my sadness... because I know very well that I can wake her up at any time if I want to. The worst I can do is make her hate me a little more. If I wanted to, she would never be able to leave me, and death would not escape her. "
If you think about it carefully, this is indeed a terrible thing...
I often hear a saying that when a person rejects another person, he or she will sometimes say something like this: "I will never agree to you even to the death!"
But what if you can't even die
"If you want to wake her up, you can do that." JOKER smiled faintly: "But let me remind you, your mother doesn't want you to do this. She said she doesn't want to see you become a 'monster' like me. . But now, you are already."
"I'm different from you." Chen Xiao shook his head.
"Are you sure?" JOKER's tone was very indifferent: "How long have you been a 'god' for? Eighteen minutes? But I have been a god for eighteen years! Believe me, you will find out in no time. You start to lose desire and happiness, and you will have no desires and desires, and then gradually lose interest in everything, and finally become similar to my current state."