"What did you say?" An He clenched his hands on the table into fists, and said in a deep and trembling voice, "Divorce? You want a divorce?"
"Yes, I've been thinking a lot these days..." The lighter on my mother's side snapped, followed by the sound of her taking a deep puff of smoke and then exhaling.
"Grandpa still has a lot of things to do. Can I deal with them one by one first?" An He bit his lip and controlled his emotions.
"His affairs don't affect my divorce, and I don't want to care about it anymore!" My mother's tone was not very good and she seemed a little annoyed.
"Mom," An He stood up straight and said calmly, "I don't agree."
"Why? I'm not here to ask you if you agree or not!" Mom raised her voice, "What does my divorce have to do with you? Stay out of my business, and I won't get involved in yours either!"
An He was silent for two seconds, and suddenly he roared: "Of course you don't care about my business! You never care about it!"
"Are you sick? Why are you yelling?" His mother screamed at his shout, "Why are you so angry about me getting a divorce?"
"Because you owe me a home!" After An He yelled this into the phone, he waved his hand violently, and the phone flew out of his hand and hit the wall. The fragments bounced off the wall and fell all over the floor.
Na Chen jumped up from the sofa.
He had never seen An He like this.
Normally, An He would not lose control like this even if he got angry. No matter how excited he was, he could always control his emotions within a certain "degree".
But now Anhe has completely changed.
Anger, despair, helplessness, he felt that he could almost see Anhe being enveloped by these emotions and burning into a ball of fire.
"An He..." Na Chen took two steps towards An He and grabbed his arm.
"Don't touch me!" An He shook his hand away fiercely, his voice hoarse, "Don't touch me."
“I won’t touch you, I won’t touch you, I won’t touch you…” Na Chen immediately took a step back. He didn’t know what to do, what to say, or what to do.
An He stood in the middle of the living room with his back to him, his hands clenched into fists and breathing heavily.
Apart from the sound of the TV, there was no other sound around. An He didn't move, and Na Chen didn't dare to move either. He could only stare at him.
"You go back," An He finally said, "I want to be alone for a while."
Na Chen didn't say anything. He watched An He turn around and slowly walk into the bedroom and close the door.
He walked over quietly, pushed the door, and listened closely. The bedroom was very quiet, and he couldn't tell what An He was doing.
Na Chen stood outside the door for a while, then slowly squatted down and lit a cigarette.
He could tell that the content of the call was that An He's mother wanted to divorce, but An He's reaction surprised Na Chen.
An He almost never mentioned his own affairs, his family, and the past. He hardly talked about it. Na Chen didn't expect him to have such a fierce attitude.
He didn't know what it would feel like if his parents were getting divorced. Until his father died, his parents had a good relationship, although most of the time his mother couldn't recognize that this was her husband.
Maybe it's the fear of losing.
If you get divorced, you lose your home.
There was a slight noise from inside the door. Na Chen leaned his head back slightly and heard the sound of clothes rubbing against the door. An He was behind the door.
Na Chen turned around and leaned against the door. When he was about to raise his hand to try to knock on the door, he was stunned.
The faint sound of suppressed crying coming from the door made him raise his hand and stop knocking.
Anhe cried.
An He, who is always calm and composed and keeps all his emotions hidden in his heart, is crying
Na Chen put down his hand, leaned back against the door, and lit another cigarette in silence.
At this time, he didn't know what other choice he had except to sit here and wait quietly.
The phone in my pocket buzzed and a text message came in.
He turned off his phone immediately, squinted his eyes and took two deep puffs of his cigarette.
It's late at night.
Na Chen still sat quietly outside the bedroom door, his buttocks and legs were numb, and his waist was sore.
Half a pack of cigarettes had been smoked and the room was a little smoky. He wanted to stand up and open the window to ventilate the room, but he failed after trying twice. His legs were so numb that he had no feeling at all.
After the numbness wears off, there will be waves of soreness and swelling.
“Oh…” Na Chen sighed softly, gritted his teeth and rubbed his legs hard with his hands.
After rubbing for a few times, the door behind me suddenly opened.
Na Chen felt completely exhausted, the support behind him suddenly disappeared, and he fell backwards.
"Why are you sitting..." An He said in surprise standing at the door. His voice was very hoarse, and probably because his throat was tight, he changed his tone four times before he finished the sentence. He paused but insisted on finishing the sentence, "Here?"
Na Chen was lying on the ground, his whole body was numb and uncomfortable. An He paused for a moment before the last word he said floated up. He felt very distressed, but he couldn't help laughing: "Is your voice out of tune?"
"I collapsed a long time ago," An He cleared his throat, "Who would collapse when their throat is almost 30 years old?"
"I'll pour you some water." Na Chen sat up and tried to stand up while rubbing his legs.
"Take it easy first," An He bent down and pressed his shoulder, "I'm fine."
An He poured himself a glass of water and drank it all in one breath while standing next to the water dispenser. He then poured another glass and handed it to Na Chen: "Drink some. Your throat must be burning after smoking all night."
"You too," Na Chen stood up, took the cup and drank some water, then went into the bedroom and smelled the smoke. The smell of cigarettes in the bedroom was much stronger than in the living room. "Your throat has been burned."
"Go to bed." An He went into the bathroom.
When Na Chen followed him in, he was burying his face in the sink.
"Anhe." Nachen gently touched his back.
"Hmm?" An He raised his head and responded, with water drops on his face, he looked tired, and his eyes were a little red.
"Are you feeling better?" Na Chen lowered his head. He didn't know how to comfort others, and he didn't even know if it was redundant to ask such a question at this time.
"It's okay, really." An He patted his face with cold hands, "Thank you for staying with me."
"I thought you would be angry when you saw I didn't leave." Na Chen leaned against the wall and smiled.
"I know you won't leave," An He pulled the towel over to wipe his face, "Go take a shower and go to bed."
When Na Chen walked into the bedroom, the cigarettes in the room were still gathering together. An He was sitting on the head of the bed, leaning against it, spraying a bottle of air freshener back and forth.
"Stop spraying. It's more choking than the smell of cigarettes." Na Chen fanned his nose, took the bottle and threw it aside, then jumped onto the bed.
"Well, go to sleep." An He said.
Na Chen crawled into the quilt and lay down, closed his eyes and waited for a while, and found that An He did not move and was still leaning against the head of the bed.
He touched An He's legs and asked, "Are you asleep?"
"Sleep." An He nodded, but still didn't move.
"You sleep while sitting?"
An He smiled, turned off the bedside lamp, and sat there for a long time before saying softly, "I can't sleep."
"Want to talk for a while? I'll talk to you." Na Chen turned sideways and supported his head with his hands.
"You know, there are often students whose parents are divorced who come to talk to me," An He closed his eyes and spoke in a low voice, as if he was about to fall asleep, "I have a lot of ways to comfort them."
"Yeah." Na Chen responded.
"But when it happens to me, it's not that easy."
"Don't they say that doctors can't cure their own illnesses?"
"They haven't been together for a long time. My dad comes back every two or three years and leaves after a quarrel." An He tried to get a cigarette box from the bedside table, but Na Chen held his hand. He squeezed Na Chen's arm. "I don't know what they mean by this. They don't divorce, and they don't live together. My mom has fought for the revitalization of Chinese mahjong all her life, and my dad probably... fought for various women all his life."
Na Chen didn't say anything and rubbed against him.
"When my dad was not at home, my mom didn't pay much attention to me. She didn't care about me, and didn't care about food or clothes. I just made do as long as I didn't die..." An He paused. When he talked about these things, he didn't have much emotion. He had been suppressed for many years and had become numb. "When my dad was at home, they would fight each other and then say to me that my husband and I can be of one mind and work together to achieve our goal."
"Shall I beat you together?" Na Chen sat up and leaned against the head of the bed side by side with An He.
"Yeah, but my dad rarely comes home, so this opportunity is rare. I don't go home much except for sleeping," An He smiled with some difficulty, "Ordinarily, I should run away from home or something."
"Why didn't you leave?" Na Chen turned to look at him, but he couldn't see clearly. The curtains completely blocked out the moonlight, and there was only a vague outline of An He's face.
"Because I want to go home. No matter what, that's my home. Do you have a definition of home? Parents, children, warmth, care..." An He raised his hand and scratched his head, "We are quite similar in this respect."
"Yeah." Na Chen closed his eyes and moved towards his hand.
"I want a home like everyone else's. It doesn't have to be great, just a popular one," An He lowered his voice. "If I really don't have one, an empty shell will do. I just want to feel like my home is there."
Na Chen listened silently. An He stopped placing his hand on his head. Na Chen sensitively heard the slight disorder in his breathing: "An..."
"Now she wants a divorce," An He's hands were shaking, "She suddenly wants a divorce."
"Anhe," Nachen hugged him, "Go to sleep."
"I told you, even if it's just an empty shell, they have to keep it for me," An He said in a trembling voice, "They owe it to me! I can do anything to anyone who wants a divorce!"
Na Chen could feel An He's body trembling. His previous calmness was gone and he returned to the state he was in when he answered the phone call. Na Chen was a little nervous. He couldn't say anything as relaxing and reassuring as when An He comforted him. Apart from hugging An He tightly, he didn't know what else he could do.
"I know my mentality is not right," An He tried to break free from Na Chen's arm, but Na Chen did not let go. "It makes no sense to hold on to a so-called home that has long been in name only, but I can't adjust to it, I really can't adjust to it..."
His longing for home once made him want to manage a relationship well and go all out to provide his children with a warm haven. However, after all of this was shattered, the home that was left with only an illusory facade became the last bit of expectation he was unwilling to let go of.
But now my mother has an epiphany.
"She actually had an epiphany! What did she realize? She went to Tibet and visited the holy mountains and lakes but didn't have an epiphany, but now she has an epiphany after just sitting at home in front of the mahjong table for a few days?" An He laughed, lowered his head and buried his face in his knees, laughing uncontrollably, and said in a hoarse voice, "She has an epiphany just like that. I'm really surprised that she can use such profound words. I almost had an epiphany..."
"Why don't you just cry?" Na Chen hugged him and said softly, "I'll cry with you."
"I just cried," Anhe said.
"It's no use crying like that," Na Chen patted him, "Your voice is too soft, you need to cry loudly."
An He didn't say anything. He knew what Na Chen meant. Crying loudly was a good way to vent, but it was not something he could do easily.
His words, actions and all his emotions have been under control for a long time.
"Please get me some medicine," An He pointed to the drawer under the bedside table, "I'll be fine after a good night's sleep."
Na Chen got out of bed, turned on the bedside lamp, took out the medicine from the drawer and took a look at it: "Valium?"
"Um."
"The hospital only prescribes a few pills of this medicine at a time, how come you have so many?" Na Chen put a pill in his palm, "If you go to a crappy little pharmacy, they can only give you ten pills at most."
"I opened it several times but didn't finish it." An He glanced at him and said, "What's wrong with you?"
"Hmm?" Na Chen put the medicine back into the drawer and ran into the living room to pour a glass of water. "Nothing's wrong."
Nachen's eyes and expression changed when he saw the medicine. An He took the medicine and lay on the pillow. Maybe it was related to something that happened to his mother, or it was directly related to himself...
"I'm so tired," An He closed his eyes, "very tired..."
"Go to sleep." Na Chen turned off the lights and lay down next to him.
"Good night."
"Good night."
The next morning Na Chen had classes and got up according to An He's biological clock. Because An He was out of food, even the chef with such high skills couldn't make breakfast, so he could only run downstairs to buy two trays of steamed dumplings.
"How are you going to school?" An He sat at the table and ate dumplings. "I'll take you there."
"It's too roundabout. I can just take a taxi." Na Chen was sitting opposite him. He had been holding a dumpling in his hand for several minutes and hadn't eaten it yet. An He looked very bad, pale and gloomy.
"You are making dough figurines. If you don't want to eat it, give it to me." An He hooked his finger.
Nachen quickly stuffed the dumpling into his mouth.
"Hurry up," An He stood up and put on his clothes, "I have a lot to do today."
Na Chen swallowed the dumpling in his mouth: "Do you want me to make you something to eat tonight?"
"No need, I'll stay with you until nine o'clock tonight." An He became annoyed again when he thought about these things.
"Then I..." Na Chen thought for a moment and said nothing more, "Okay."
Na Chen turned on his cell phone after returning to school. The only text message in the phone was the one from yesterday which he had not read.
It was a message from Ge Jian, with only two words: reply quickly.
He stared at these two words for a long time.
These days, when he was not in class, he spent most of his time with Lei Bo.
When they were not together, Lei Bo would definitely let Ge Jian follow him all the time. He knew this without even thinking about it, because Ge Jian had already reminded him to go home quickly.
Maybe it was not just Ge Jian who followed him. He could hear what Lei Bo said to Ge Jian on the day of climbing the mountain. Lei Bo might suspect that Ge Jian had some private contact with him.
So yesterday, when he was having dinner with Li Fan, he ran to An He's house. Lei Bo must have known about it, otherwise Ge Jian would not have texted him again.
Na Chen lay down on the table, feeling so helpless and annoyed that he could hardly breathe.
The only thing that surprised and made him uneasy was that Lei Bo did not send him a text message or call him.
He didn't know what Lei Bo's attitude was now.
I don’t know what to do.
He couldn't tell An He the truth, especially when An He was upset. He didn't want to cause trouble for An He, and he was afraid that Lei Bo would hurt An He, but he also didn't want to be hypocritical and separate from An He because of this matter.
Why? Why couldn't he be with An He
But just as he was thinking this, things had gone full circle and were back to square one, replaying in his mind over and over again. He couldn't stop and couldn't find the button to untie.
what to do!
The author has something to say: See you guys on Monday.