"The psychology of a lesbian?" Professor Boville touched his chin. "Can you describe your specific impression?"
"Well, please let me recall carefully," Natalie said carefully after organizing the words in her head, "She is a... A woman who lives not far from my home on Long Island, very beautiful and very beautiful Ability. Some things I have seen with my own eyes, and some things I have heard. Her parents have very good occupations, and her upbringing is quite good. girl, and now a beautiful and sexy woman."
After a pause, Natalie spoke again: "But such a beautiful and successful woman likes women over men, and the interesting thing is... She is dating three women at the same time, and The three women didn't know each other's existence, and even obeyed her. This woman doesn't like to wear more feminine clothes such as skirts, but when necessary - such as attending certain important occasions or at the request of parents or lovers, She still wears it. Hmm... and also, skin-to-skin contact with a man will give her goosebumps if they try to have sex with her."
"You get goosebumps when you want to sleep with her? So amazing?" Boville raised his eyebrows in surprise, while Natalie spread her hands with a smile: "About this. I just heard about it."
Of course, only Natalie knows how much other content there is in this smile.
"Sounds a bit like..." The old professor rubbed his chin and pondered, "Is there anything else? For example, work situation, specific abilities, evaluations of people around you, etc."
"She is in financial securities - it should be this, almost never misses, and she is quite confident in her own judgment, even if someone tells her that she may be wrong, she still insists on her opinion, but every time she will prove it in the end She's right." Natalie continued with a sigh, "A lot of people compliment her on being extremely smart, and she doesn't admit it but she's always doing something to prove it."
"I remember discussing it with you in class before," Boville interjected suddenly. "Extreme self-confidence tends to..."
"It often means extreme inferiority?" Natalie showed a thoughtful expression, "By the way, I have heard that she has been afraid to tell the truth to several of her lovers, but she has tried every means to maintain this kind of... Strange. relationship. It has also been heard that she can become completely different in some special circumstances."
"Okay, let me see, never wear a skirt unless forced or required - is her appearance masculine?"
"No, it's beautiful. Unless you use some special means, you can still tell your gender even if you dress up as a man."
"Okay, not just charming—what's your attitude toward men?"
"It's not bad, at least it gets along well with the men at work - I heard that those men rarely treat her as a woman at work, I don't know if it's intentional or not."
"Okay, it's normal for ordinary men, but very sensitive to bad men. Excellent ability, strong self-confidence and contradictory indecision, maybe even two personalities. By the way, she still maintains three lovers at the same time. relationship?"
"I don't know about this. She moved out two years ago."
"Um..." Boville, who was writing on the paper, stopped, "I think she must have a serious gender identity disorder."
"Gender... identity disorder?" Natalie frowned and looked surprised. "Frankly, I don't..."
Having said this, she suddenly closed her mouth, wandering her eyes, not knowing what she was thinking, the old professor explained: "Look, she doesn't like to wear women's clothes, she is active and very selfish, possessive, likes women, She is constantly proving herself in her career - she obviously hopes or desires to be a man. But her female face has not completely disappeared, and it is reflected in the indecision of her feelings. Both repression and desire conflict with each other, and over time, a second may appear. Personal."
Having said this, he paused for a long time, and then said: "I don't know what her childhood was like, so it's hard to draw conclusions, but I believe her parents should acquiesce to her behavior. If not If you are particularly open-minded, then you should feel that you owe your daughter, which may be one of the reasons for this woman's gender identity disorder."
After a long conversation, Boville's mouth was dry, and after taking a sip from the cup, he realized that Natalie was thinking about something. The old professor couldn't help laughing: "Okay, Natalie, this is just an inference, and it's still an inference without detailed information. Basically, it can be regarded as nonsense that my old man is imagining out of thin air. But , your example is quite interesting, if there is such a woman, I would really like to chat with her."
Natalie smiled and stopped talking. After a few seconds of silence, she stood up again: "Thank you for your analysis, Mr. Professor."
As soon as he came out of the tutor's office, the smile on his face disappeared without a trace. Glancing at the noisy graduation ceremony in the distance, Natalie bit her lip and turned to go elsewhere.
As expected... and my inference... She walked aimlessly on campus and unknowingly came to the front of the dormitory. Frowning slightly, Natalie walked straight in. The key hadn't been returned to the administrator, so she simply entered the room.
Compared to usual, the room was a little emptier. Apart from the things that he had already taken out, Angela's also disappeared a lot, but the flute and violin were still hanging in the bedroom, and the drawing boards and papers were not packed away.
Some pictures suddenly flashed through her mind, causing the corners of her mouth to rise, but then sank again. Natalie closed her eyes, gritted her teeth and shook her head slowly, enough! She took a few steps to the window, took a deep breath, and that's it.
Looking outside, Natalie reached out and pulled something out of her pocket and clasped it tightly in her hand, then turned to face the door of the room, her fisted hand behind her. Soon, the door rang, and Angela, who was in a daze, walked in. She was stunned for a few seconds before she realized that there was someone in the room, and then she showed a surprised look: "Nat!"
"Hi, Angie." Natalie replied indifferently.
"I thought..." Angela said that she wanted to come forward and hug, and stopped after walking a few steps. The surprise look like she had caught a life-saving straw also turned into panic and fear: "Are you... Are you... "
Natalie didn't seem to notice her changes. After pinching her fist behind her back, she still said in that indifferent tone, "We're done, Angie."
Like being punched in the face, Angela took a few steps back and leaned against the wall, looking at Natalie with a pale face, her lips trembling for a while, unable to say a complete sentence.
"I made this decision after careful consideration. Obviously, we have come to an end." Natalie looked at Angela and said quietly, "It's good for everyone to be separated now."
"No, don't do this, Nat, shall I apologize?" Angela pleaded with her body supported.
"You've said the same thing too much, so please put away your apology." Natalie's voice rose slightly, but she immediately squeezed the hand behind her back.
"No, Nat, I know I was wrong, badly, please one last time...give me another chance?"
"I've given you many opportunities," Natalie interrupted Angela, "when I thought there was an affair between you and them, I hope you can take the initiative to clarify, but you haven't; After the matter of their relationship is confirmed, I hope you can take the initiative to apologize to me and make it clear, and you haven't. If Kate didn't take the initiative to provoke this time, how long would you have to hide it like this? For a lifetime?"
"It's not like that, Nat, no, I... I'm just scared... you know... I love you..."
"You don't love me, you just want to possess me." Natalie said coldly.
Angela, who was pale, was stunned, and then stammered for a while, "How can you... how can you be like this..."
"Isn't it?" The hand behind your back tightened, "You have a good family background, you have been favored by your family since you were a child, and you are very smart. You are a little princess who is aloof and God's favorite. As you grow older, you You are not satisfied with the status quo at first, you start early to prove your worth, and you do things that ordinary people can't do, but you are not satisfied. I am not sure what motivates you, but you want to be more than men or … wishing you were a man, maybe you didn’t realize it, but it’s really buried deep in your heart.”
After speaking for a while, looking at Angela whose face was sluggish and frightened, Natalie continued to press the fingers behind her back to her palm: "Remember the psychoanalysis I once gave you? Do you want to It's all in your hands, you want everyone to run on the trajectory you set, and you're going to get upset if you deflect a little bit. You just want to possess and control, whether it's Kate, Jessie, or me, think about your drink The nature that comes out when you are drunk. The most shameless thing is that you are still trying to maintain your image at the same time, trying to get both sides. Frankly speaking, I really don’t know why I wasted 6 years with you.”
"No... I didn't... I know it shouldn't be like this... But I don't know what to say to you..." Angela stammered with tears of remorse clutching her chest, "Nat, please believe me... remember? , I told you that after graduation... I invite everyone to go on vacation... I was going to... I was going to... "
"Then what?" Natalie said with a hint of sarcasm, pressing her fingers deep into her palm, "If I'm not mistaken, you want the three of us to stay by your side, just like before. However, we didn't know each other in the past, and we know each other in the future - who do you think you are?! Why do you think you can play with us like this!"
Although she suppressed her emotions in time in the end, the anger in her voice was too obvious. Angela looked at Natalie sluggishly, her body trembling slightly, if it wasn't for Pei Bi, she might have fallen to the ground.
"That's it, don't make me look down on you, Angie - although you seem to be doing it." Natalie took a long breath and finally said something cold: "One more thing - I'm not gay!"
The last sentence seemed to hit Angela with a heavy hammer, smashing her to pieces, and her face became a corpse-like gray with despair. Silence enveloped the room, and neither of them spoke again. After a long time, Angela finally reluctantly stood up: "I understand... I'm sorry..."
She staggered towards the door, her eyes were empty, her green eyes had lost their former agility and brilliance, and her body was as stiff as walking flesh. Natalie, who watched her leave, didn't say anything, just kept stuffing her fingers into her palm.
Bah, the door finally rang, and Natalie remained in this position for a few seconds before shaking slightly, then slowly leaned on the windowsill and lowered her head. The clenched fist finally slowly opened, and three shiny pins that had been pinched to a certain extent fell out of the palm with traces of blood, and landed on the ground with a soft sound.
The originally calm breathing gradually became faster, and even became a little chaotic later. Natalie raised her head sharply, ran into the bathroom, turned on the faucet, and stretched her palms under the rushing water.
A shred of blood seeped out from the palm punctured by the pin, and flowed into the sewer along the flow of water. As if feeling no pain, Natalie, who lowered her head, kept rubbing her palms. After repeating this several times, she suddenly took out a handful of water and poured it on her face. Once is not enough, there are two or three times...
With a bang, the water splashed on his face again. Although the blood on his palms had faded a lot, he could still taste a faint fishy smell flowing through the corners of his mouth. Natalie finally stopped, she raised her head in the panting sound, and a face covered with water drops was reflected in the mirror. Natalie, who was resting her weight on her arms by the sink, wanted to twitch the corners of her mouth to show a smile, but in the end she could only lower her head again, and grit her teeth desperately while shrugging her shoulders.
Angela, who was staggeringly walking on the campus path, was blank. She didn't know where she should go, she didn't know what she was doing, and she didn't even know if she was walking.
Everything around him seemed to have nothing to do with him, and even students who admired him didn't respond.
If Kate and Jesse's previous breakup call made her world gray and white, then Natalie's words that pierced her soul smashed her world like a heavy hammer. smashed and scattered in the wind without a trace.
Am I just trying to be possessive? Am I really so insecure that I want to hold them tightly in my hands? Angela asked herself over and over again, and there was no answer. When those beautiful pictures crossed her mind, it would only make her more painful, and her heart, which was cut into pieces with a sharp blade, became more and more fragmented. .
Is this the price I should pay for what I did? Angela showed a self-deprecating smirk, raised her head and looked at the gloomy sky, a feeling of despair flooded her heart.
At this time, the melodious sound of the violin drifted into her ears, and she had come to the vicinity of the music tree at some point. The reason why this solitary tall tree is called the music tree is because of Angela, because she likes to play the violin or the bamboo flute under the tree when she is free, so it attracts many music lovers to come here. Come to play, over time this tree has the reputation of a music tree.
After the song was over, there was applause from the surrounding crowd, and several others called for another song. The performer was a young man in his twenties wearing round glasses, and his eyes suddenly lit up when he was about to continue playing after bowing slightly to the crowd. He then took a few steps away from the crowd and came to Angela with a polite and somewhat excited nodded: "Hello, Miss Angela, can I ask you to play a song?"
The people listening around also found Angela's figure, and they suddenly shouted, but they didn't see any movement or answer from the girl for a long time, and they just stared at the young man in front of him.
The young man with glasses was stared at by those empty eyes, but he didn't know what to say for a while. A few seconds later, Angela suddenly took the violin that he handed over. She walked a few steps under the tree without speaking or auditioning, and put it on her shoulder and pulled it up.
Although it was a little out of tune at the beginning, it quickly became smooth, but Angela clearly played "Canon", why is there a different flavor in the tune. Especially when entering the climax, the melody that should be very cheerful sounds like a sad person is crying and shouting? Although the emotions of "Canon" are not fixed, it is too strange to pull such a sad tone in front of so many people, right
With a slightly sharp tone passing by, the music finally stopped, Angela under the tree kept breathing, and it seemed that the previous performance took a lot of effort. But when it was surprising, two lines of tears flowed from her face at the same time.
"I'm very sorry, everyone, I... I'm just a little excited." Angela wiped away her tears and said with a strong smile, "Although everyone knows that my days in Cambridge are not too many, there are still many good memories here, Now that I'm finally leaving after graduation, I'm very, very sad, please forgive me."
"It's okay, we support you!" With a shout, applause suddenly sounded.
Angela bowed slightly, returned the violin to the young man with glasses and quickly left here and ran out, found the waiting bodyguard, and hurriedly got into the car.
"Drive." She held her face and said choked up.
"Where are we going, miss?" Buckett asked quietly.
"Wherever you go, New York! Rochester! Baltimore! As long as it's not Boston, it's not Cambridge, it's not here!"