Behind every adult is a child who has stopped growing in time.
The distorted and cruel childhood became a shot of immunity under the tempering of time, and it quietly plunged into Xia Xiqing’s skin and injected it into his blood, making him lose the sense of the word love from his bones, and also lost it. confidence.
Man is not a collection of organisms, but a collection of experiences.
Zhou Ziheng hugged Xia Xiqing and kissed his tears softly.
"With me, this door won't be closed again." His hand gently patted Xia Xiqing's back, rubbing his slightly raised spine.
He doesn't want to comment on all the things Xia Xiqing's parents have done. Those are no longer meaningful. He just wants to accompany Xia Xiqing, let him live in the overflowing love and live the free life he wants.
Let him understand that he has never been worthy of being loved.
Xia Xiqing's hands were hanging loosely on Zhou Ziheng's waist. After talking about the past, he seemed to be hollowed out. Without any strength, even his heart was struggling to death, slowly beating on the empty chest.
Zhou Ziheng tentatively touched the wound he had never dared to touch. Xia Xiqing was still completely unconscious when he saw it for the first time, but this time he was sober. He picked Xia Xiqing up, put it on the small bed, leaned down and kissed the terrible scar.
The two huddled up on the small bed, Zhou Ziheng hugged him tightly in his arms, cuddling each other, just like two drifters relying on each other on a flat boat, they would fall into the ocean with a little carelessness.
Zhou Ziheng's eyes were terribly gentle, and Xia Xiqing suddenly felt that he was a very despicable person, as if using this painful experience to deceive Zhou Ziheng's sympathy.
Knowing that he is extremely kind, knowing that he likes himself, and saying these make him sad, make him feel distressed, and then use gentleness to give back ten times a hundredfold. Such an approach is really too cunning.
But Xia Xiqing had no other way. The experience may be hidden, the blood and genes flowing in his bones will not. What he fears most is that he will live more and more like his mother. He has heard many similar things from rumors and talks, and you and your romantic father are simply carved out of the same mold.
It's all the same.
But only Xia Xiqing knew that he really looked like his mother. Gloomy and conceited, he tried every means to maintain the preciousness on his surface, tore open the beautiful skin, and the inside was full of pus, blood and residue.
"I don't want to become her."
After a long silence, Xia Xiqing suddenly said such a sentence, which surprised Zhou Ziheng, but he was only surprised for less than a second, and quickly understood who Xia Xiqing was talking about.
"You won't, you are different from her, you are kind and strong, and..." Zhou Ziheng grabbed his hand, put it to his mouth and kissed it gently, "You have me."
Xia Xiqing raised his eyes to look at him, and there was still an inexplicable depression in his eyes.
"We are people from two worlds." Xia Xiqing's avoidance of love once again played a role in Xia Xiqing's bones. "You are very good, you are the best person I have ever met, but I am on the contrary. We stand on every side opposite."
He seemed to be afraid of Zhou Ziheng’s retort and rushed to explain, “Actually, the cruelest thing is not false love. The cruelest thing is that when you fall in love with someone, that moment is true. You do fall in love with him, he I really love you, but..." He suddenly choked up, Xia Xiqing found it ridiculous, he just thought that it would be unbearable at that time. This is really not like him.
"But what?"
He took a deep breath, "However, the feelings will be wiped out one day, and you don't love anymore." He looked at Zhou Ziheng, with emotions dodge in his eyes, "That moment is also true."
Zhou Ziheng finally understood why Xia Xiqing would resist establishing an intimate relationship with others.
"So," he touched Xia Xiqing's ears with a deep tone, "You rejected me not because you didn't like me, but because you were afraid of the last moment."
Xia Xiqing's heart jumped heavily, as if he was hitting his chest. Zhou Ziheng always has his own set of logic, no matter what he says, he can always grasp the key point.
But what Xia Xiqing wants to express is not this, "What I want to say is that you are now in love with me because of a temporary hormonal surge, but after this kind of feeling is boiling, it will definitely cool down, and you will be hurt by that time."
Zhou Ziheng's eyes were still firm, "Why are you so sure that you will cool down?"
"Because we are two completely opposite people at all." Xia Xiqing's tone hardened, like a temporary erection of thorns, "The completely opposite things are put together forcibly, and there is no good result."
Zhou Ziheng smiled suddenly and released the hand holding Xia Xiqing. Xia Xiqing frowned, "What are you laughing at?"
"I'm happy. I thought of a very scientific example to prove my point." He shrank and lay down opposite him, coughing twice and clearing his throat. "You said we are completely opposite, I just Let’s assume that this holds true."
"Science man." Xia Xiqing glanced at him. Zhou Ziheng stretched out his index finger to press on his lips, then smiled, "You know what, I suddenly thought of the second time we recorded the show, do you remember that love poem about the Big Bang."
"According to that theory, after one trillionth of a second after the explosion, there were particles, electrons, quarks, anti-electrons and anti-quarks in the universe. All in all, they are positive and negative particles." The corner of his mouth slightly twitched. Xia Xiqing looked at him smiling, and couldn't help but stretched out his index finger, trying to poke the corner of his raised mouth.
But Zhou Ziheng avoided it.
The outstretched fingertips stayed in the air, Zhou Ziheng also stretched out his index finger, poked Xia Xiqing's fingertips, smiled with bright eyes.
"In the still chaotic universe, positive particles and antiparticles meet, collide, and annihilate into photons."
After speaking, the fingertips that had just touched were held in his palm.
Xia Xiqing finally believed that ten fingers connected to the heart, his heartbeat at the moment seemed to have been transferred to the tip of his finger, beating violently in his warm palm.
"Under the high temperature of the universe, photons continue to produce positive and negative particles. The chain reaction is the same. They continue to meet and continue to annihilate. Here is a mystery that scientists have not yet solved. Is there any positive matter left? No one knows, we only know that the survival rate of these particles is one in a billion." The moment he released his hand and opened his fingers, the little rose on his ring finger was looming.
"Then, the temperature of the universe dropped again and again, so low that those electrons were attracted by the nucleus and became atoms, and countless atoms became stars under the pull of gravity. Some stars exploded and some stayed, such as..." He took out an orange lollipop from his pocket, "The sun, a small star born in a small corner of the universe." He peeled off the candy paper from the "Sun" and stuffed it into Xia Xiqing's hand.
"In billions of years, this little star will attract other heavy matter and gas to form a planet." He took out a blueberry-flavored candy and held it in his hand, "such as the earth."
He grabbed the blueberry candy and circled the "little sun" held in Xia Xiqing's hand like a small airplane. "After a long time, rare liquid water appeared on this asteroid. Slowly, life forms appeared. At last, you and me appeared."
Zhou Ziheng looked at Xia Xiqing's eyes, softer than the stars of the universe.
"These are created by the surviving particles. Every part of your and my body, this bed, this room, the earth, the sun, and the galaxy all originate from those parts per billion. In the final analysis, they originate from positive and negative particles. Encounter."
The long theory of the origin of the universe ended here. Zhou Ziheng came over and kissed Xia Xiqing's eyes.
"So, if completely opposite things meet, it may work miracles."
After finishing talking, Zhou Ziheng held Xia Xiqing's face and kissed his lips, a kiss, but at the moment of separation, he stole his heart. Gravity is also unexplainable attraction.
"The argument is over."
Can't win at all.
After so many years of so-called experience with countless hearts, the so-called invincible record, became vulnerable in front of this person, and at the moment of attempting to disarm and surrender, he found that he had no weapons for a long time.
Each of us is composed of countless surviving particles of one hundred thousandths, scattered in a sea of billions of people.
So when I met you, it was a miracle created by countless tiny particles coming forward, annihilating and colliding.
Precious and rare.
The two people slept all night in this small single bed, curled up in this small bed, and got up in a hurry when it was dark early in the morning, and wanted to return to the crew to film. When the door of this villa was locked, Xia Xiqing's heart suddenly fell heavily.
He raised his head and glanced at the small balcony on the third floor, vaguely as if he saw a little boy, waving at himself with a smile on his face.
"What's wrong?"
Xia Xiqing lowered his head and smiled, turned around and glanced at Zhou Ziheng.
"Woke up too early, hallucinations occurred."
After Song Nian finished his campaign, he made many phone calls to Zhou Ziheng and sent him a lot of WeChat messages. Zhou Ziheng ignored them. He also encountered many similar situations when he was filming. He usually explained to the other party. It shows that she has absolutely no thoughts about love, but Song Nian is really annoying, and let him know that her team is buying hot search hype, even a kind character like Zhou Ziheng will inevitably feel disgusted.
In addition, he now only has his heart on Xia Xiqing, and he can't care about anything. Everyday life is filming and liking Xia Xiqing.
[Song Nian: I know you don't have that idea for me, but I say it's all girls. You just left me at the banquet and ran away. So many reporters came to visit the class, I also want to face. ]
Zhou Ziheng saw the last one sent by her. If it were someone else, he would apologize, but for Song Nian, he had no guilt.
[Zhou Ziheng: Don't pretend, those reporters were also found by your team, and I have no obligation to come forward. ]
After sending this sentence, Zhou Ziheng blacked Song Nian. Ordinary celebrities don't do this, even if they tear their faces, they won't cut off contact, but Zhou Ziheng's family background has given him a natural barrier to his self-harming circle. This kind of seemingly horrible thing is nothing in his eyes.
The next few days will be the highlight. As Gao Kun's illness became more and more serious, Zhou Ziheng spent more and more time on makeup every day. Sometimes the night scene stayed up until the early hours of the morning, and in the morning he had to wake up to do styling.
Xia Xiqing felt distressed for him, saying that he was too desperate, but Zhou Ziheng was happy in it.
After finally filming a scene at the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, Kuncheng, Zhou Ziheng and Xia Xiqing were sitting in the car. Xia Xiqing saw the patients outside the car waving goodbye to them, and her heart suddenly became sore.
In fact, when his private life was the most chaotic, he really wondered if he would get AIDS. He even thought that it would be okay if he was infected. It would be boring to live anyway. He didn't even know what he was living for. Ge Ying Xia Yunkai? Still simply don't want to be looked down upon.
His gaze shifted from outside the car to inside, looking at Zhou Ziheng who was talking to the director.
Almost for an instant, Zhou Ziheng also looked at him, smiled at him, then thought that nothing happened, and continued to discuss with the director about the next show.
Such a smile happened to be an answer specifically for him.
Persevering in living for 25 years, I met Zhou Ziheng.
It seems... not a loss.
"In fact, the country now distributes drugs for free. It is no longer so difficult for the treatment of AIDS patients." Zhou Ziheng sighed and looked down at the script in his hand. "Maybe for them, the psychological pressure is far greater than the physical pressure. The suffering."
"Everyone's concept of AIDS is still too old. Because they don't understand it, they have discrimination and fear. These concepts are difficult to change, but video works can be spread." Kuncheng patted Zhou Ziheng's shoulder. "This is also one of the meanings of filming. what."
Zhou Ziheng also raised his head. Xiao Luo handed over a few cans of coffee. He took one and threw it to Xia Xiqing. Xia Xiqing took it and looked up at him.
"The responsibility is here." He smiled, shining.
Xia Xiqing also laughed, and looked out the window of the car with his chin on his hand.
He used to hate idealists. These overconfident people always wanted to save the world and tried to become an extremely important part of the world.
In fact, many so-called idealists are nothing more than critically ill patients suffering from redemption delusions. Most of them will eventually die in the gap that ideals and reality cannot fill.
Fell heavily.
Xia Xiqing always likes to watch the tragic scene where this ideal has died with cold eyes, until he meets Zhou Ziheng.
This gleaming idealist.
He was so dazzling, Xia Xiqing couldn't bear to pull him down just by looking at him. I hope he can fly freely in the vast sky of freedom.
Seeing Zhou Ziheng's face reflected on the car window, Xia Xiqing couldn't help smiling.
If he can, he is also willing to keep looking up.
They moved back to the house they had rented before, which was Jiang Tong's residence. When Gao Kun found out that there was nowhere to go for AIDS, Jiang Tong took him in. Gao Kun runs between the CDC and the rental house every day, and spends the rest of his time doing odd jobs. When he occasionally has a break, Gao Kun is learning sign language.
While waiting for the makeup to be applied, Zhou Ziheng and Xia Xiqing spoke to each other. The director was guiding the walk, and filmed several daily clips of them in this rental house in the afternoon.
"These are the relatively positive and sunny scenes in the film," Kuncheng told the illuminator, "the light source should be stronger, but softer."
When it gets dark, they enter the night scene.
This night scene made Zhou Ziheng very worried. In her dream, Jiang Tong dreamed that her mother would go home and pack her bags. At first, she said that she would take Jiang Tong away, but in the end she left by herself. Jiang Tong also woke up from the nightmare.
Just looking at the script, Zhou Ziheng felt shocking.
"Director Kunming," Zhou Ziheng sat next to Kuncheng while Xia Xiqing was putting on makeup, "Is this scene important?"
"Of course. This paragraph is an introduction to expose Jiang Tong's past." Kuncheng discussed a lot with Zhou Ziheng on the script. Zhou Ziheng couldn't hear a word. He originally thought that if it was not important, it would be better to remove it. Lest Xia Xiqing emptied his efforts to perform, and was cut off in the end.
But the director paid so much attention, Zhou Ziheng could only nod his head frequently, feeling uneasy.
Occasionally turning his head to look at Xia Xiqing, he can only see that he is reciting his lines seriously and looking at the script in his hand with his eyebrows down. After the makeup is finished, the filming will start soon. While waiting for Kuncheng to arrange the position, Xia Xiqing said, "Director Kun, Jiang Tong is a dream. In order to distinguish reality, I think Jiang Tong is acting like a normal speech in the dream. "
He explained again, "His dream reflects his wish to a certain extent. He missed his mother very much, so he dreamed of her coming back and taking her away. In the same way, I think he also hopes I am a normal child and will not be laughed at for being speechless."
Kuncheng thought for a while, decided to take his suggestion, and tried to perform it again.
"The first time of the 45th scene A of "Tracking", Action!"
Jiang Tong sat alone on the old sofa, quietly fiddling with the blades of the old fan.
The knock on the door suddenly appeared, and the moment he stood up, the sound disappeared. Just about to sit down, the knock on the door appeared again.
Jiang Tong first took two steps slowly, but for some reason, he suddenly quickened his pace and opened the door anxiously.
Standing outside the door was a wounded woman. Her body was a mixture of cheap perfume and blood, with curly yellow hair, fishnet stockings with many holes torn, and makeup that had been worn out a long time ago.
"Tong Tong?" She laughed, her bright red lipstick stuck to the corner of her lips, "Tong Tong."
Jiang Tong was stunned, unable to say a word.
"Tongtong, I am a mother." The woman who had been away for many years embraced him tenderly and patted him on the back, "Mom is here."
Jiang Tong just froze, letting her hug herself firmly.
"Yes, mom is back." The woman loosened her arm, and pushed him away a little while holding on to his shoulder. "You're all this big..."
Her tone was hesitant.
Because the actor did not expect that Xia Xiqing, who played Jiang Tong, was already in tears.
At the moment of the hug, a big drop of his tears fell out of his eye sockets.
Even Kuncheng behind the monitor was surprised. He had seen many actors who were very emotional, but this was the first one. He didn't even ask Xia Xiqing to cry here. Only Zhou Ziheng, standing silently in the corner, was more worried than anyone else.
But the actress is also very professional. The director didn't call to stop, so she went on acting quickly. She brought in her worn-out suitcase, smiled and touched Jiang Tong’s cheek, "Mom is coming back this time to take you away." After she finished speaking, she took Jiang Tong and walked to the small bedroom. Zi opened the closet, took out a lot of clothes and skirts from it, and stuffed them into the box.
"Mom," Jiang Tong stood by the closet stupidly, with his fingers in his ears, but he couldn't touch the hearing aid. His eyes were full of confusion, "Are you really back?"
"Yeah, silly boy." Mom stood up from the closet and touched his face again, "Mom will take you away this time, and we will never come back again." She glanced around, "again Don't stay in this place anymore."
Jiang Tong suddenly laughed, jumping for joy like a child, and like a mother, he rummaged in the closet looking for his clothes, stuffing them into the little torn suitcase one by one.
In the camera, he and his mother overlapped their hands in the suitcase.
But the next second, when he stuffed his yellowish white shirt into it, a few drops of blood suddenly dripped on it.
One drop, another drop, connected into one piece.
As soon as he looked up, he saw blood on his mother's face, dripping from the top of her head on her chin, her whole body was covered with wounds, and there were even big and small scars from cigarette butts burns.
Jiang Tong suddenly panicked.
"Mom, I'll go, I'll get you gauze, take medicine..." He hurriedly stood up, walked to the bathroom, opened the locker behind the mirror, found a small medicine box inside, and closed it again When looking in the mirror, he clearly saw that he was also injured in the mirror.
mother.
Going to bandage mom.
When he returned to the bedroom, it was empty, without his mother and no suitcases. He ran out holding the box frantically and saw a figure opening the door and leaving the dilapidated rental house.
mother!
Jiang Tong shouted, but found that he couldn't make a sound. He opened the door and ran down the stairs barefoot.
There was nothing, she was gone.
Jiang Tong was holding his small medicine box alone, biting his teeth, clenched tightly, and the muscles of his jaw were trembling.
The blue and swollen eye sockets were full of tears, but not a single drop came out.
"Pass." Director Kun stood up, "This one is very good. Very good." His heart was a little moved. I thought that in order for this play to show the effect he wanted, at least three or four pieces had to be polished. Xia Xiqing's feeling was too right, even better than he thought. Kuncheng couldn't help wondering that Xu's script was written for him.
After making up several shots, I finally finished shooting this dream. Xia Xiqing sat in the lounge, waiting for the prop group to rearrange the scene. He actually didn't dare to think, if this play was filmed before he took Zhou Ziheng home, could he stabilize himself.
But now he seems to have relieved a lot.
After shooting for a while, Xia Xiqing found that her feet were a little bit painful, and when she looked down, she found that the part of the soles of her feet close to the toes was scratched by something on the ground, and there was a small cut that was not too deep.
I was so dazed that I didn't notice any cuts.
Just when he was about to laugh, Zhou Ziheng came over with a pot of hot water.
"Where did you get it?"
"When you were shooting, I asked Xiaoxiao to help me boil the water." Zhou Ziheng knelt on the ground, reached in to test the temperature of the water, and then grabbed Xia Xiqing's feet and prepared to put it in. Xia Xiqing hid.
"I'll do it myself." He glanced at the door of the lounge, "Don't do this, it won't be okay for people to see it later."
"What are you afraid of?" Zhou Ziheng still stubbornly grabbed his ankle, only to find a little blood on the palm of his foot, "What's the matter? Are you injured?"
"This can be considered an injury? You didn't have broken arms and short legs when you were filming. I just scratched it." Xia Xiqing said, afraid of him, and took the initiative to put his feet in the basin and stretched out his hands to wash. But Zhou Ziheng was so stubborn that he had to wash him. The two were awkward for a while. Xia Xiqing was afraid of people coming in anytime and anywhere. It would be worse to see them making trouble, so he had to pretend to be dead and let him wash.
"Then hurry up and don't delay things."
Zhou Ziheng hung his head and smiled, "I can't delay." His movements were very gentle, he stood up and took a soft towel and the small first aid kit they had kept. He squatted down again to dry him carefully, and put his feet on the floor. Then I disinfected the small wound on my knee, and finally put a band-aid on it.
"Alright." After finishing all the work, Zhou Ziheng lowered his head and kissed his white instep, then raised his head and smiled at him.
Xia Xiqing looked down at him, "Fool."
Zhou Ziheng squeezed his ankle, "I just performed really well. I was worried about you. I'm afraid you will lose control of your emotions."
"Everything seems to be much better," Xia Xiqing twitched at the corner of his mouth, "It's easy to break out when you keep pressing."
"You will definitely get better and better." Zhou Ziheng smiled at him with a tilted face.
This person is very strange. When he is not smiling, his sharp facial features always give people a strong sense of natural oppression. But when he laughs, his deep eyes will bend unscrupulously, like a crescent moon, with the corners of his mouth. Raised, childish in the gentleness.
Is it getting better...
Where did he come from, the confidence can continue to support him to believe in those happy endings.
Xia Xiqing frowned and smiled, "Have you seen the watchman in the wheat field?"
Seeing Zhou Ziheng nodding, he continued, "I remember there was a sentence in it. An immature idealist would die tragically for his ideals, while a mature idealist would die for his ideals." His eyes saw. Xiang Zhou Ziheng, "You are more like the immature former."
Excessive enthusiasm, too desperate.
Zhou Ziheng stood up, bent down again, put his hands on the knees that stood upright, and leaned in front of Xia Xiqing who was sitting on the chair.
I thought he was going to refute, after all, he always has his own logic.
But Zhou Ziheng affirmed Xia Xiqing's judgment.
"Yes."
Zhou Ziheng came over and kissed him, his eyes firm and soft.
"My ideal is you. Replaced by equivalent, I am indeed willing to die tragically for you."
Xia Xiqing was convinced at this moment that this person must be a natural positive particle, and could not wait to hug his negative self and annihilate in the heat.
"For a performing artist, this is an ending full of dramatic beauty and impact."