Behind every adult, there is a child who has stopped growing and is sealed in time.
The twisted and cruel childhood was tempered by time and turned into an immunity shot, which silently penetrated into Xia Xiqing's skin and injected into his blood, making him lose his sensitivity and confidence in the word love from the bottom of his heart.
A person is not a collection of organisms, but a collection of experiences.
Zhou Ziheng hugged Xia Xiqing and kissed away his tears gently.
"As long as I'm here, this door will never be closed again." His hand gently patted Xia Xiqing's back, stroking his slightly raised spine.
He didn't want to judge everything Xia Xiqing's parents had done anymore. It was meaningless. He just wanted to accompany Xia Xiqing, let him live in more love, and live the free life he wanted.
Let him know that he is always worthy of being loved.
Xia Xiqing's hands hung loosely on Zhou Ziheng's waist. After he finished talking about the past, he seemed to be hollowed out. He had no strength left. Even his heart was beating slowly in his empty chest as if it was struggling in its death throes.
Zhou Ziheng tentatively touched the wound that he had never dared to touch. When he first saw it, Xia Xiqing was still completely unconscious, but this time he was awake. He picked up Xia Xiqing, put her on the small bed, and leaned over to kiss the terrible scar.
The two of them curled up on the small bed, Zhou Ziheng held him tightly in his arms, leaning on each other, like two drifters relying on each other on a small boat, who would fall into the vast ocean if they were not careful.
Zhou Ziheng's eyes were so gentle that Xia Xiqing suddenly felt that he was a very despicable person, as if he was using this tragic experience to deceive Zhou Ziheng's sympathy.
Knowing that he is extremely kind and that he likes me, I still say these things to make him sad and distressed, and then he will repay me with ten times the tenderness. This behavior is really too cunning.
But Xia Xiqing had no other choice. Maybe he could hide his experience, but the blood and genes in his bones could not. What he feared most was that he would become more and more like his mother. He had heard many similar things from rumors, saying that you and your philandering father were cut from the same mold.
They are all the same kind.
But only Xia Xiqing knew that the person he really resembled was his mother. Gloomy, conceited, and doing everything she could to maintain her dignity on the surface, but once her beautiful skin was torn open, she would find pus, blood, and residue inside.
"I don't want to be like her."
After a long silence, Xia Xiqing suddenly said this, which surprised Zhou Ziheng, but he was only surprised for less than a second, and soon understood who Xia Xiqing was talking about.
"You won't, you are different from her, you are kind and strong, and..." Zhou Ziheng grabbed his hand, put it to his mouth and kissed it gently, "You have me."
Xia Xiqing raised his eyes to look at him, and there was still an indescribable sense of depression in his eyes.
"We are from two different worlds." Xia Xiqing's inherent avoidance of love once again took effect. "You are very good, the best person I have ever met, but I am the exact opposite. We are on opposite sides in every aspect."
He seemed to be afraid of Zhou Ziheng's rebuttal, and rushed to continue explaining, "In fact, the cruelest thing is not false love. The cruelest thing is that when you fall in love with someone, that moment is real. You really love him, and he also truly loves you, but..." He suddenly choked up. Xia Xiqing thought it was ridiculous. He just couldn't bear the thought of that moment really coming. This was really unlike him.
"But what?"
He took a deep breath, "But, feelings will eventually wear out and you will no longer love," he looked at Zhou Ziheng, his eyes dodging emotions, "That moment was also real."
Zhou Ziheng finally understood why Xia Xiqing was resistant to establishing intimate relationships with others.
"So," he touched Xia Xiqing's ear, his voice deep, "you rejected me not because you didn't like me, but because you were afraid of the last moment."
Xia Xiqing's heart skipped a beat when he caught the key point of the matter. Zhou Ziheng always had his own logic. No matter what he said, he could always get to the point.
But that's not what Xia Xiqing wanted to express. "What I want to say is that you like me now because of the surge of hormones, but this kind of feeling will definitely cool down after boiling, and then you will be the one who gets hurt."
Zhou Ziheng's eyes remained firm, "Why are you so sure that it will cool down?"
"Because we are two completely opposite people." Xia Xiqing's tone hardened, like a temporary thorn, "Completely opposite things are forced together, there will be no good results."
Zhou Ziheng suddenly smiled and let go of Xia Xiqing's arms. Xia Xiqing frowned, "What are you laughing at?"
"I'm glad. I've thought of a very scientific example to support my point of view." She shrank down and lay down opposite him, coughing twice to clear her throat. "You said we are completely opposite. I will assume that this is true."
"Science and engineering guy." Xia Xiqing glanced at him. Zhou Ziheng stretched out his index finger and pressed his lips, then smiled and said, "You know, I suddenly remembered the love poem about the Big Bang when we were recording the show for the second time. You still remember it, right?"
"According to that theory, one trillionth of a second after the explosion, there were particles in the universe, electrons, quarks, anti-electrons and anti-quarks. In short, particles and anti-particles." The corners of his mouth curled up slightly. Xia Xiqing looked at him and smiled, and couldn't help but stretch out his index finger, wanting to poke the corner of his mouth that was raised.
But Zhou Ziheng dodged it.
The outstretched fingertips paused in mid-air, and Zhou Ziheng also stretched out his index finger, poked Xia Xiqing's fingertips, smiled, his eyes bright.
"In the still chaotic universe, positive particles and antiparticles meet, collide, and annihilate into photons."
After saying that, the fingertips that had just touched were held in his palm.
Xia Xiqing finally believed the saying that the ten fingers are connected to the heart. At this moment, his heartbeat seemed to be transferred to his fingertips, beating violently in his warm palms.
"Under the influence of the high temperature of the universe, photons continue to produce positive and negative particles. Like a chain reaction, they keep meeting and annihilating each other. There is a mystery that scientists have not yet solved. Why are there only positive matter left after these positive and negative pairs of particles? No one knows. We only know that the survival rate of these particles is one in a billion." He loosened his hand, and the moment his fingers opened, the little rose on his ring finger was faintly visible.
"Then, the temperature of the universe continued to drop, until the electrons were attracted by the nuclei and became atoms. Countless atoms turned into stars under the pull of gravity. Some of the stars exploded, while others remained, such as..." He took out an orange lollipop from his pocket, "The sun, a tiny star born in a small corner of the universe." He peeled off the candy wrapper of "the sun" and stuffed it into Xia Xiqing's hand.
"Billions of years later, this small star will attract other heavy matter and gas to form planets." He took out another blueberry-flavored candy and held it in his hand, "For example, the Earth."
He grabbed the blueberry candy and circled the "little sun" held by Xia Xiqing like a small airplane. "After a long time, rare liquid water appeared on this asteroid, and slowly, life appeared. Finally, you and I appeared."
Zhou Ziheng looked into Xia Xiqing's eyes, which were gentler than the starlight in the universe.
"These are all created by the particles that survived. Every part of you and me, this bed, this room, the Earth, the sun, the galaxy, all come from those one billionths. Ultimately, it comes from the meeting of positive and negative particles."
The long theory of the origin of the universe ended here. Zhou Ziheng came over and kissed Xia Xiqing's eyes.
“So, when completely opposite things meet, maybe miracles will happen.”
After saying that, Zhou Ziheng held Xia Xiqing's face and kissed his lips. It was a light kiss, but it stole his heart at the moment of separation. It was an attraction that even gravity could not explain.
"The argument is complete."
There is absolutely no way to win.
The so-called experience that has touched countless hearts over the years, the so-called invincible record, became vulnerable in front of this person. The moment he tried to surrender, he found that he had no weapons left.
Each of us is made up of countless one hundred thousandth of surviving particles, scattered among billions of people.
So my meeting with you is a miracle created by countless tiny particles coming one after another, annihilating and colliding.
Precious and rare.
The two of them slept curled up on this small single bed all night, and got up in a hurry before dawn to return to the crew to film. When locking the door of the villa, Xia Xiqing's heart suddenly dropped heavily.
He raised his head and glanced at the small balcony on the third floor. He seemed to vaguely see a little boy waving at him with a smile on his face.
"What's wrong?"
Xia Xiqing lowered his head and smiled, then turned around and glanced at Zhou Ziheng.
"I got up too early and I'm hallucinating."
After Song Nian finished filming, she called Zhou Ziheng many times and sent him many WeChat messages, but Zhou Ziheng ignored them all. He had encountered many similar situations when filming before. He would usually explain to the other party that he had absolutely no intention of falling in love, but Song Nian was too clingy and let him know about her team buying hot searches for hype. Even a kind-hearted person like Zhou Ziheng couldn't help but feel disgusted.
In addition, his heart is now solely devoted to Xia Xiqing, and he cannot care about anything else. His daily life is just filming and loving Xia Xiqing.
[Song Nian: I know you don’t have that kind of feeling towards me, but I am a girl after all. You guys just left me alone at the wrap party. So many reporters came to visit the set, and I have to save my dignity.]
Zhou Ziheng saw the last message she sent. If it was someone else, he would have apologized, but towards Song Nian, he felt no guilt at all.
[Zhou Ziheng: Stop pretending. Those reporters were hired by your team. I have no obligation to show up.]
After posting this, Zhou Ziheng blocked Song Nian. Most celebrities wouldn't do this, and they wouldn't cut off contact even if they had a falling out. But Zhou Ziheng's family background gave him a natural barrier to stay in the circle, so this seemingly ferocious thing was nothing in his eyes.
The scenes in the following days were all important. As Gao Kun's illness became more and more serious, Zhou Ziheng spent more and more time on makeup every day. Sometimes the night scenes lasted until the early morning, and he had to get up before dawn to do the makeup.
Xia Xiqing felt sorry for him and said that he worked too hard, but Zhou Ziheng seemed to enjoy it.
After finally finishing filming a scene at the CDC, Kuncheng, Zhou Ziheng and Xia Xiqing were sitting in the car. Xia Xiqing looked at the patients outside the car waving goodbye to them, and suddenly felt a little sad.
In fact, when his private life was at its most chaotic, he actually thought about whether he would get AIDS. He even thought that if he really got infected, it would be fine, because life would be meaningless anyway. He himself didn't even know why he lived, to annoy Xia Yunkai? Or did he simply not want to be looked down upon
His gaze shifted from outside the car to inside, looking at Zhou Ziheng who was discussing the play with the director.
Almost instantly, Zhou Ziheng also looked at him, smiled at him, and then continued to discuss the next performance with the director as if nothing had happened.
Such a smile seemed like an answer specially given to him.
I persisted for twenty-five years and met Zhou Ziheng.
It seems... not a loss.
"In fact, now that the country distributes drugs for free, it is not that difficult to treat AIDS patients." Zhou Ziheng sighed and looked down at the script in his hand. "Maybe for them, the psychological pressure is far greater than the physical suffering."
"People still have old ideas about AIDS. Because they don't understand it, they discriminate against it and fear it. These ideas are hard to change, but video works can spread them." Kun Cheng patted Zhou Ziheng on the shoulder, "This is also one of the meanings of making movies."
Zhou Ziheng also raised his head. Xiao Luo handed him a few cans of coffee. He took one and threw it to Xia Xiqing. Xia Xiqing took it and looked up at him.
"I have an important responsibility." He smiled, his eyes sparkling.
Xia Xiqing also smiled, supporting his chin with his hands and looking out the car window.
He used to hate idealists, those overconfident people who always fantasized that they could save the world and attempted to become an extremely important part of it.
In fact, many so-called idealists are just severe patients with redemption delusion, and most of them will eventually die due to the unbridgeable gap between their ideals and reality.
Fall down heavily.
Xia Xiqing always liked to watch the tragic scene of the demise of ideals from the sidelines, until he met Zhou Ziheng.
This shining idealist.
He was so dazzling that Xia Xiqing couldn't bear to pull him down just by looking at him. He hoped that he could fly freely in the vast and free sky.
Looking at Zhou Ziheng's face reflected in the car window, Xia Xiqing couldn't help but smile.
If possible, he would like to keep looking up like this.
The scene shifted back to the house they rented before, which was also Jiang Tong's residence. When Gao Kun was diagnosed with AIDS and had no other options, Jiang Tong took him in. Gao Kun ran between the CDC and the rental house every day, and the rest of the time was spent doing odd jobs. When he occasionally had a break, Gao Kun would learn sign language.
While waiting for their makeup to be touched up, Zhou Ziheng and Xia Xiqing rehearsed their lines while the director instructed them on their movements. In one afternoon, they shot several daily scenes of their time in the rental house.
"These are the more positive and sunny clips in the film," Kun Cheng instructed the lighting engineer, "The light source should be stronger, but soft."
When it gets dark, they start the night show.
This night scene made Zhou Ziheng very worried. Jiang Tong dreamed that her mother came home, packed her luggage, and said she would take Jiang Tong away at first, but in the end she left by herself. Jiang Tong also woke up from the nightmare.
Just reading the script, Zhou Ziheng felt shocked.
"Director Kun," Zhou Ziheng sat next to Kun Cheng while Xia Xiqing was putting on makeup, "Is this scene important?"
"Of course. This paragraph is an introduction to revealing Jiang Tong's past." Kuncheng discussed a lot with Zhou Ziheng about the script again, but Zhou Ziheng didn't listen to a word he said. He originally thought that if it was not important, it would be better to remove it, so that Xia Xiqing wouldn't have to put in so much effort to act and have it cut out in the end.
But since the director attached so much importance to it, Zhou Ziheng could only nod his head repeatedly, feeling uneasy.
Occasionally, I turned my head to look at Xia Xiqing, and I could only see him reciting his lines seriously, with his eyebrows lowered and looking at the script in his hand. After finishing the makeup, the shooting was about to start. While waiting for Kun Cheng to arrange the position, Xia Xiqing said, "Director Kun, this part of Jiang Tong is a dream. In order to distinguish it from reality, I think Jiang Tong should speak normally in the dream."
He further explained, "His dream, to some extent, reflects his wishes. He misses his mother very much, so he dreams of her coming back and taking her away. Similarly, I think he also hopes that he is a normal child and will not be laughed at for not being able to speak."
Kuncheng thought about it and decided to accept his suggestion and try to perform it.
"'Tracking' Scene 45 A shot 1, action!"
Jiang Tong sat alone on the old sofa, quietly fiddling with the blades of an old fan.
There was a knock on the door, and the moment he stood up, the sound disappeared. Just as he was about to sit down, the knock on the door came again.
Jiang Tong first took two slow steps, then for some reason, he suddenly quickened his pace and opened the door anxiously.
A wounded woman stood outside the door. She smelled like a mixture of cheap perfume and blood. She had dry yellow curly hair, fishnet stockings with holes in them, and her makeup had long since faded.
"Tongtong?" She smiled, with bright red lipstick smeared on the corners of her lips, "Tongtong."
Jiang Tong stood there in a daze, unable to utter a word.
"Tongtong, I'm your mother." The woman who had been gone for many years hugged him tenderly and patted his back. "Mom is here."
Jiang Tong just stood there, allowing her to hold him tightly.
"Yes, Mom is back." The woman loosened her arms, held his shoulders and pushed him away a little, "You've grown so big..."
Her tone was a little hesitant.
Because the actor did not expect that Xia Xiqing, who played Jiang Tong, had already shed tears.
At the moment of the hug, a big tear fell from his eye socket.
Even Kun Cheng, who was behind the monitor, was secretly surprised. He had seen many actors who showed emotions quickly, but this was the first time he had seen such a scene. He had not even asked Xia Xiqing to have a crying scene here. Only Zhou Ziheng stood in the corner without saying a word, more worried than anyone else.
But the actress was also very professional, and she continued to act quickly until the director called for a stop. She brought in her worn-out suitcase, smiled and touched Jiang Tong's cheek, "Mom is coming back this time to take you away." After that, she took Jiang Tong to the small bedroom, opened the closet, took out a lot of clothes and skirts, and stuffed them all into the suitcase.
"Mom," Jiang Tong stood stupidly beside the closet, his fingers reaching into his ears but unable to feel the hearing aids. His eyes were full of confusion, "Are you really back?"
"Yes, silly boy." Mom stood up from the closet and touched his face again. "Mom will take you away this time, and we will never come back." She glanced around and said, "We will never stay in this place again."
Jiang Tong suddenly laughed, as happy as a child. Like his mother, he rummaged through the closet for his clothes and stuffed them into the small, tattered suitcase one by one.
In the camera, he and his mother's hands were folded in the suitcase.
But the next second, when he stuffed his yellowed white shirt into his pocket, several drops of blood suddenly appeared on it.
One drop, then another drop, connecting into one.
When he looked up, he saw that his mother's face was covered in blood, flowing from the top of her head to her chin. Her body was covered with wounds, and there were even scars of varying sizes from cigarette burns.
Jiang Tong suddenly panicked.
"Mom, I'll go get you some gauze and medicine..." He stood up hurriedly, walked to the bathroom, opened the locker behind the mirror, and took out a small medicine box. When he closed the mirror again, he saw clearly that himself in the mirror was also covered in wounds.
Mother.
I'm going to bandage my mother's wound.
When he returned to the bedroom, it was empty, with no sign of his mother or suitcases. He ran out with the suitcase like crazy, and saw a figure opening the door and leaving the shabby rental house.
Mother!
Jiang Tong opened his mouth to shout, but found that he could not make any sound. He opened the door and ran down the stairs barefoot.
Nothing, she's gone.
Jiang Tong was holding his small medicine box by himself, gritting his teeth so tightly that the muscles in his jaw were trembling.
His bruised and swollen eyes were filled with tears, but not a single drop came out.
"Passed." Director Kun stood up. "This one is very good. Very good." He was touched. He thought that if this scene wanted to show the effect he wanted, it would take at least three or four takes. Xia Xiqing's feeling was so right, even better than he imagined. Kun Cheng couldn't help but suspect that this script written by Xu was written for him.
After several shots were added, the dream scene was finally finished. Xia Xiqing sat in the lounge, waiting for the props team to rearrange the scene. He didn't dare to think about whether he could keep himself steady if the scene was filmed before he took Zhou Ziheng home.
But now, he seems to have let it go a lot.
It had been a while since the filming ended when Xia Xiqing noticed a slight pain in his feet. He lowered his head to check and discovered that the sole of his foot near his toes had been scratched by something on the ground, leaving a small cut that was not too deep.
I was so dazed that I didn't even notice that I was cut.
Just when he was about to call Xiaoxiao, Zhou Ziheng came over with a basin of hot water.
"Where did you get it?"
"I asked Xiaoxiao to help me boil water while you were filming." Zhou Ziheng half-knelt on the ground, reached in to test the water temperature, then grabbed Xia Xiqing's feet and was about to put them in, but Xia Xiqing dodged.
"I'll do it myself." He glanced at the door of the lounge, "Don't do that. It's not good if someone sees us."
"What are you afraid of?" Zhou Ziheng still stubbornly grabbed his ankle, but found a faint trace of blood on the sole of his foot. "What's wrong? Are you injured?"
"Can this be considered an injury? Didn't you have a broken arm and short legs when you were filming before? I just scratched it." Xia Xiqing was afraid that he would say that, so he took the initiative to put his feet in the basin and reached out to wash them. But Zhou Ziheng was very stubborn and insisted on helping him wash them. The two of them were awkward for a while. Xia Xiqing was afraid that someone would come in at any time and see them making such a fuss, so he had to pretend to be dead and let him wash them.
"Then hurry up and don't delay anything."
Zhou Ziheng lowered his head and smiled, "There's no time to delay." His movements were extremely gentle. He stood up and took a soft towel and the small first aid kit they always had on hand. He squatted down again and carefully dried the water for him, put his foot on his knees, then disinfected the small wound and finally put a Band-Aid on it.
"Okay." After finishing all the work, Zhou Ziheng bent down and kissed the white instep of his feet, then looked up and smiled at him.
Xia Xiqing looked down at him, "Fool."
Zhou Ziheng pinched his ankle and said, "You acted really well just now. I was worried about you. I was afraid that you would lose control of your emotions."
"I feel a lot better now that I've said it all out," Xia Xiqing curled his lips, "If you keep suppressing it, it's easy to explode."
"You will definitely get better and better." Zhou Ziheng smiled at him with his face tilted up.
This person is very strange. When he is not smiling, his overly sharp facial features always give people a strong natural sense of oppression. But when he smiles, his pair of deep eyes will bend unscrupulously like a crescent moon, and the corners of his mouth will also rise, revealing a childishness in his gentleness.
Is it getting better
Where does he get the confidence that can constantly support him to believe in those happy endings
Xia Xiqing lowered his eyebrows and smiled, "Have you seen The Catcher in the Rye?"
Seeing Zhou Ziheng nod, he continued, "I remember there was a sentence in it: an immature idealist will die tragically for his ideal, while a mature idealist will live a miserable life for his ideal." He looked at Zhou Ziheng, "You are more like the immature former."
Too much enthusiasm, too much desperation.
Zhou Ziheng stood up, bent down, supported his hands on his straight knees, and moved closer to Xia Xiqing who was sitting on the chair.
I thought he would refute, after all, he always has his own logic.
But Zhou Ziheng affirmed Xia Xiqing's conclusion.
"That's right."
Zhou Ziheng leaned over and kissed him, his eyes firm yet soft.
"My ideal is you. If I were to replace you, I would be willing to die tragically for you."
At this moment, Xia Xiqing was convinced that this person must be a born positive particle, and he couldn't wait to embrace his negative self and annihilate in the heat.
“For a performing artist, this is an ending full of dramatic beauty and impact.”
The author has something to say: I feel a little embarrassed to say this. If possible, can you please bookmark my follow-up novel "Everyone is not human except me"? Because my advance receipts have not been enough, I may not be able to start the novel smoothly.
I am a new author, so the advance payment for each article is very important, which is directly related to the exposure of this article in the future. The article "Character Design" also suffered from insufficient advance payment. It was published when it was 600, and it has never been on a good list, so the data has not been very good. So if you are interested, can you help me collect it? I want to save more before publishing, thank you very much!
Although this article "Personality" doesn't have as many collections as the first one, I am very happy to see your comments every day. You are my motivation to write more articles! I love you so much!