I remember when my cousin broke up, she was very sad. She cried and told me that her world had collapsed.
I can fully understand her feelings, because I heard that when Cheng Ze and Zhuo Zhuo started dating, I seemed to see the mirror in front of me shattering, the tiles in the bathroom shattering, and everything around me shattering.
After a few seconds, I found that everything was intact and it was my invisible heart that was shattering.
2002, New Year's Day.
Zhuo Zhuo was not in the bedroom. After eating the "New Year's Eve dinner" organized by the class last night, she went straight home to celebrate the New Year.
Nannan and Jiji were in my bedroom, gossiping about the hottest news vividly: "Last night, Zhuo Zhuo seemed to accept Cheng Ze."
I stirred the coffee in my hands, the black swirl spinning round and round. I said, "No, Zhuo Zhuo doesn't like him."
"It's true, I saw it with my own eyes." Gigi said, "Last night at our class reunion, Cheng Ze drank a lot of alcohol and disappeared in a blink of an eye. I saw Zhuo Zhuo go out with a bottle of mineral water, and he disappeared. . Later, I went around the restaurant to find her... Guess what I saw?"
Nan Nan hurriedly asked, "What did you see?"
"I saw Zhuo Zhuo and Cheng Ze sitting in a dark place with no light, very close, Cheng Ze took off his coat and put it on Zhuo Zhuo, Zhuo Zhuo didn't refuse. They seemed to have a good chat, and we all had dinner together. It's over, they haven't finished talking yet, that picture, at first glance, there is a story."
The cup in my hand was crooked and more than half of the coffee was spilled. I hurried to the bathroom to wash my hands, rubbing it with all my strength.
I made the sound of the water louder and didn't want to hear any more words, but Nan Nan's voice still came to my ears without a word: "Zhuo Zhuo was really caught up by classmate Xiao Cheng! This news is too shocking. , I want to calm down."
"What's so terrifying?" Gigi said, "I said long ago that Cheng Ze is fine, and Zhuo Zhuo will agree sooner or later."
"Did you say so?"
Gigi said: "I said it, I said it when I was a freshman."
Freshman year? I can't help but think back to my freshman year, when Nannan and Gigi would often discuss similar topics.
Time flies so fast, so long has passed in a blink of an eye, so long that I almost forgot about "a bloody case caused by an orange".
Nannan and Jiji chatted until late. After they left, I picked up the phone and put it down several times, and finally sent a text message to Zhuo Zhuo:
I didn't call her because I was afraid she would hear my voice trembling.
I held the phone and waited for a long time, Zhuo Zhuo finally replied:
The words on the phone were clear, I still couldn't believe it, and sent a message to confirm:
Zhuo Zhuo did not directly reply to the answer I wanted, but sent a rich sentence:
When I read this message over and over again, Zhuo Zhuo sent another message:
Looking at the words on the screen, a tear fell on the phone.
I pressed the phone buttons with difficulty:
Zhuo Zhuo replied:
I had nothing to say and typed tremblingly:
Zhuo Zhuo replied:
"Ok", I typed it, but didn't send it.
He finally caught up with Zhuo Zhuo, and his sincerity finally moved Zhuo Zhuo, and I was the one who made him realize what it means to be sincere!
I really want to laugh and bless them with a smile, but I really can't.
I suddenly regretted that if I could take this step bravely like Zhuo Zhuo, would it be me who sat beside Cheng Ze and was gently clothed by him
I shook my head with a wry smile, no, of course not! The person he liked all along...isn't me.
New Year's Eve, I spent in Internet cafes.
Holding a big bag of tissues, I watched an overnight episode of "My Sassy Girl" three times over and over.
Out of the corner of the eye, I saw the boy next to me staring at me with weird eyes. I wiped my tears and smiled at him: "This movie is really touching!"
After that, the boy next to him also started to watch "My Sassy Girlfriend" and laughed so hard...
Three days later, Zhuo Zhuo came back.
There is a coat of Cheng Ze on her chair, which smells of Zhuo Zhuo.
On her computer, Faye Wong's "Ambiguous" is playing on a loop: "The tea has become sour before I finish drinking it, I have never been in love but I have lost love. I accompany you in circles every day. How can the entanglement be considered short..."
I couldn't stand the lyrics, so I packed up and went to the study room. I didn't go back to the dormitory until I was sure that Zhuo Zhuo was asleep.
That's it, day after day.
The end of the semester is here, and we are officially entering the exam month.
In order to prepare for various exams, I spend every day in the study room, and I don't have time to surf the Internet or play cards. This is very good. I also don't have time to see Zhuo Zhuo and Cheng Ze's sweet love.
The exam finally ended in a rush, and I was ready to pack up and go home to recuperate. I returned to the dormitory with the test materials in my hand, and saw Zhuo Zhuo and a boy in the dormitory.
The two snuggled together, and as soon as they saw me, they separated immediately.
I am struck by lightning!
Standing at the door in a daze, I couldn't figure it out: In this day and night, what kind of bloody drama are they playing
Zhuo Zhuo greeted me awkwardly: "Xinxin, are you back?"
I was still stupid at the door, unable to even answer.
Have you ever experienced such a pain:
There is one thing, you treat it like a treasure, you keep it carefully, you don't even dare to touch it, for fear that it will get dirty.
But you watch someone in front of you, mercilessly smashing it, smashing it to pieces...
Your heart hurts so much that you have no right to stop it.
Because, no matter how much you like it, it never belongs to you!
After the boy left, Zhuo Zhuo told me, "Cheng Ze and I are not together."
I've been numb from being struck by one after another, and I groaned unconsciously.
Zhuo Zhuo added, "Cheng Ze and I are still not suitable."
I rubbed my forehead desperately, I had a headache, it hurt badly.
Zhuo Zhuo added: "Lin Mu confessed to me a few days ago. I think we have known each other for many years and know each other. He may be more suitable for me..."
I endured and endured, but I couldn't. I said, "You know what? It hurts more than never getting, getting and losing."
Zhuo Zhuo lowered her face, and I saw a trace of injury in her eyes, which didn't seem to be guilt.
"Xinxin, I don't want to talk about Cheng Ze and I... Don't talk about us to others, okay? We are classmates after all, and I don't want others to make irresponsible remarks."
"I understand."
I sat weakly by the bed, Zhuo Zhuo silently packed up.
For three years in college, Zhuo Zhuo and I ate and lived together, we were inseparable, we had endless gossip, we had endless sweet talk, we never quarreled, never had conflicts, I thought we were the best best friends, But it turned out that we were just playing with each other's lonely playmates, seemingly intimate, but we were careful to hide our own thoughts... never frank.
That night, I was heartbroken in the study room, and I ran to Cheng Ze's bedroom on the spur of the moment.
From the sixth floor to the third floor, one minute away, I thought a lot of things.
I want to say to him: it doesn't matter if Zhuozhuo doesn't like you, and me, I am your girlfriend, I like you, I have liked you for a long time.
I want to say: it doesn't matter if you don't like me, I'll introduce you to a girl who is more beautiful than Zhuo Zhuo, we can't hang on a tree.
I also want to say: Cheng Ze, you are actually very good, really good, aren't we just a little bit younger, which man is not over nineteen? Which uncle didn't change from youth and frivolity? no big deal!
I thought about it a lot, but when I walked into his bedroom and saw him lying on the bed, frowning and sleeping, all my courage disappeared in an instant.
His small roommate said to me, "He just went out to dinner with his teammates and had a drink. Are you looking for him? I'll wake him up for you."
I quickly said, "No! No! I'm actually fine."
"Oh, then I'll go do the laundry, you can sit wherever you like."
After my roommate went to the bathroom, he didn't come out again. I guess he hasn't washed his clothes for at least two months, so it takes so long. Later, I heard that the roommate who made a small house loves cleanliness, and never spends the night with dirty clothes.
In the silent and quiet night, I sat by Cheng Ze's bed.
I've known him for a long time, and it's the first time I've looked at him so closely.
During that long stare, my excitement and surging enthusiasm cooled a little bit.
I began to be afraid, I was not afraid to express my heart to him and be rejected by him.
I am afraid that he will accept.
Just like Zhuo Zhuo accepted him, he accepted this feeling hastily for a while, and then realized that we were not suitable. Then, we broke up, we became strangers, and we became the most unwilling thorn in each other's hearts.
This is the ending I least want to see, but it is the ending that many wrong loves will eventually lead to.
Moreover, there is a Zhuo Zhuo between us. Whether she regards me as a friend or not, I can't ignore her feelings.
I didn't wait long when Cheng Ze woke up, opened his eyes to see me, and sat up suddenly.
He rubbed his forehead, his eyes swept over with a sigh of relief.
After a moment of silence, I said, "Your roommate is doing laundry in the bathroom."
"Oh," he asked, "when did you come?"
"Just here."
"Can I help you?"
I blurted out: "Come and borrow a phone charger from you."
"Isn't your phone a Motorola?"
"I... borrowed it for someone else."
A minute later, I left with my phone charger in hand, thankful that I didn't say something on a whim.
Until now, I am still happy.
Fortunately, we didn't start a relationship in a hurry when we didn't know how to cherish. Fortunately, we gave each other time to learn to miss, learn to respect, learn to cherish, learn to persevere, and learn how to manage a love.