I can't remember anyone saying that: there is no pure friendship between men and women.
I deeply thought - this is so reasonable!
When I was just in college, when I was young and ignorant, I once thought that a man and a woman could establish a great and pure friendship, such as the great "brother" relationship between Brother Nan and Brother Tao. . Now, the sons of these two can play soy sauce.
Since classmate Xiao Cheng exposed my true identity, I was embarrassed to follow him to watch the scenery all day long, and occasionally pretend to play, pretend to beat the boss, and practice leveling.
When I entered the initial stage of leveling with enthusiasm, classmate Xiao Cheng suddenly told me that he no longer played "Knight". I stared at the computer screen in disbelief, typed quickly and asked:
He answered me:
I:
He doesn't want to be addicted, but why doesn't he think about other people's feelings? Others are already addicted!
He added:
I:
Since then, the "degenerate innocence" disappeared in the "battlefield" where the "knights" were full of gunpowder.
At first, I had a little fantasy, thinking that Xiao Cheng wanted to quit the Internet impulsively, and he would soon be tempted to run back and continue to fight the boss. It's like many boys who say they want to quit smoking, and they smoke more fiercely than before a few days later, and like many girls who say they want to lose weight, they resolutely rush to the food when they see the food, but they can't hold it.
However, I was wrong!
Classmate Xiao Cheng really quit online games. Even if he was forced to hook up with me occasionally, he would just stand on the top of the mountain and look at the scenery.
I gritted my teeth, I gnashed my teeth, I hated, hated that he could hold on to the end or give up decisively, but I was powerless to change anything...
Near college graduation, SARS broke out. Many students who rented houses moved back to the dormitory. Xiao Cheng also returned temporarily and began to work on graduation design.
I couldn't find classmate Xiao Cheng in the online game, so I harassed him in QQ and mobile text messages instead.
Sometimes I ask him to download a hit TV show for me, and sometimes I ask him to save an important file for me.
I swear I don't mean anything else, I'm just looking for a chance to take a look at him, and he's always very cooperative to let me just take one look, turn around and leave without saying a word of nonsense.
I didn't say anything to him, because as soon as I saw him, my heart was messed up and I completely lost my language function.
Occasionally, I heard from my roommate that classmate Xiao Cheng had signed up for a job. It was a state-owned unit in City B, with a stable job and stable income.
From the map, city B and city T are not separate. But since ancient times, it has always been easy for lovers to separate, and it is difficult to gather together.
With a wry smile, I patted Xiaoxin's younger brother's big head: "Your father is leaving, wave your sleeves, and don't take a cloud with you!"
…
That night, I had a strange dream.
I dreamed that ten years later, at our class reunion, I met Xiao Cheng. He was mature, stable, married and had children.
I said to him: "Cheng Ze, do you know? When we were in college, I loved you, but I didn't have the courage to confess to you... Suppose, I mean, if I confessed to you, would you? accept me?"
His eyes were still calm when he looked at me: "Sister, does it make sense to make such an assumption now?"
I slapped him on the shoulder: "Can you say something human!"
He immediately said, "Maybe!"
I laughed, patted his shoulder, couldn't stop laughing, and after laughing, I lay on his shoulder and cried...
Waking up in the piercing pain, I looked at the familiar dormitory, and suddenly had the illusion of traveling through time and space.
Ugh! What travels through time and space is clearly a dream!
What's the matter with classmate Xiao Cheng at our class's reunion? !
In the evening of June 12, 2003, I have a rare memory of the date, because the next day was my birthday.
Classmate Xiao Cheng called me and said, "I have downloaded the TV series you want and saved it on the CD for you. When do you want it?"
I answered without hesitation: "Now!"
"I'm outside the school now, the school gate is closed, I can't get in."
"Oh." My voice was full of regret.
"Or else, I'll be waiting for you outside the small door behind your apartment."
I was immediately happy: "Okay!"
Many years later, I still can't forget that summer night, when the temperature was rare and pleasant.
Across the dark green iron fence of the school, I stood on the campus, he stood outside the campus, we just looked at each other for a long time...
I asked him, "When will you report to work?"
He replied, "You can leave after you get your diploma."
"Oh."
I had nothing to say, he turned around and left.
I wanted to chase him very much, but the stiff and cold iron fence in front of me blocked my way.
All I could do was watch him go further and further away. Although I saw hesitation in his footsteps, he never stopped.
The next day, June 13, was my birthday.
In the sentimental mood of graduation, I became more and more unable to calm down, my heart seemed to be burning on fire, and there was no peace for a moment.
In the afternoon, classmate Xiao Cheng texted me and asked me what birthday present I wanted.
I say:
He said:
I tried my best to think in a very pure direction. After all, we are a pure classmate relationship.
I say:
I waited nervously for a long time before he replied:
I say:
He replied:
That night, I walked up and down the campus gate alone.
I wanted to go outside the campus to find classmate Xiao Cheng, but after the outbreak of SARS, the campus was closed at night, and the security guard was strictly guarding the door.
Impulsively, I jumped out of the school fence, my arm dripping with blood.
I endured the pain and found a bar casually. Sitting in front of the bar, I sent a message to classmate Xiao Cheng:
He quickly replied:
I returned:
Less than ten minutes after I received the news, the person I was waiting for arrived as promised, slightly drunk. At first glance, he came from another restaurant to catch up.
He didn't ask me what I was looking for, he took me directly to a small private room and ordered a few bottles of beer.
Seeing that I drank a few bottles of beer in silence, he couldn't stand it any longer and broke the silence: "Are you in a bad mood?"
I said, "Yes."
"For what?"
"For you, because you are leaving."
He stopped talking, just looked at me.
I suddenly remembered the dream of deep sadomasochism a few days ago, my heart was sour, and I raised my head and drank another glass of beer. Then I gathered up all my courage and said, "Now that we're going our separate ways, I just want to hear you tell me plainly: You don't like me, you never liked... so I can give up..."
I say this mainly to facilitate his refusal.
But I didn't expect that after a short silence, he asked me: "What if I said... I like it?"
"what?"
He walked up to me, very close to me, I didn't dare to look up, only saw his slightly heaving chest: "I like you, it's been a long time."
"… "
I rubbed my forehead and rubbed so hard, I was completely blinded.
I tried hard to say something, and after thinking for a long time with my half-drunk mind, I said, "You, why didn't you tell me earlier?"
"I thought I'd made it obvious enough."
"… "
That night, he said a lot to me, very frank and very solemn.
He said he had already seen that I had feelings for him and that I was running away. He didn't tell me because he knew that even if he did, I wouldn't accept him, he wasn't my ideal choice.
I am speechless.
He was right, he really wasn't.
He said: "He knew what I wanted was a mature, responsible man who could commit to my future, and he couldn't do any of that.
I remain speechless.
He was right, he really couldn't do it.
He said that he was only 20 years old, he had never talked about real love, and he didn't know whether love had an expiration date. The promise of a lifetime was too heavy for him.
I lowered my head and touched the cold wine glass, and my heart was also cold.
A lifetime promise, he can't give me after all!
In the end, he said, "I have said everything I should have said, and you have understood what you should have understood. Go back and find your fellow countryman. He is more suitable for you than me."
I looked at him so close at hand, I wasn't sure what the future would hold, but I was sure he was right in front of me right now and I could grab him as soon as I reached out.
I grabbed his sleeve without hesitation, lowered my head and didn't dare to look at him, but my tone was very firm: "I can!"
"Huh? What did you say?"
"I can accept it, even if there is no result."
He was stunned for a long time: "Didn't you say that you don't want to have a fruitless relationship?"
"Yes, I don't want to. If one day, I break up with you, I will be very painful, but if you and I... give up without even trying, I will definitely regret it for the rest of my life. I would rather be sad than not want to Let yourself regret it!"
Minutes passed, and I waited for a full minute for his response.
He said, "You've been drinking too much. We'll discuss this matter tomorrow."
"Uh?"
"I'll take you back to the bedroom."
I'm actually quite a drinker, I just have a headache right now!
Didn't sleep well all night.
The next morning, I was woken up by the ringing of my phone. I dug out my phone as fast as I could and connected the call.
Xiao Cheng's slightly dry voice came: "Are you sober?"
I covered my hot face: "Yeah!"
After a while, he asked, "Do you remember what you said last night?"
I continued: "Hmm."
"If... you want to take it back, it's too late."
I leaned my phone against Crayon Xiaoxin's big head, and said in a low voice like a gnat: "What if I don't plan to take it back?"
"…Let's go to the bar tonight and continue talking."
"Oh."
After hanging up the phone, I held Crayon Shinchan for a day.
On a cool summer night, I stood opposite the "Reincarnation Bar" and watched Cheng Ze walk towards me.
The face that I rarely face but has a deep memory on has no expression, but because of the dim light of the street lamp, it gives people a special warmth.
He walked up to me and said nothing, just held my hand lightly and walked across the deserted road.
The road is clearly very remote, and there are no people passing by, let alone cars.
But he took my hand and held it firmly.
His hands were as warm and firm as I imagined...
Walking into the bar, the bartender asked him very familiarly, "What kind of wine do you want to drink?"
He looked at me and asked, "Is orange juice okay?"
I nod.
So he ordered two glasses of juice, one for each of us, and I guess he wanted to talk to me about something important and hope we could all stay absolutely awake.
Last night in the box, we sat facing each other, it was clear that the night was as cold as water, but I felt very hot.
"Since when did you like me?" My face was so hot that I could fry an egg when I asked him.
He smiled and didn't answer.
"When exactly?"
He didn't answer yet, so I continued to ask.
Forced to do nothing by me, he simply replied: "You have the final say, when you think it is, it is when."
"… "
Can I say this too
Seeing that he was unwilling to answer, I decided to change the question: "When did you not like Zhuo Zhuo?"
"I never liked it."
"You don't have to lie to me! To be honest, I don't mind. When exactly?"
He turned to the waiter and said, "Add two beers."
Uh, did I ask what I shouldn't ask
After the two bottles of beer had bottomed out, he said, "I'm just an ordinary classmate with her. I've never said anything to her that I shouldn't have done or done something I shouldn't have done. Why do you think I like her?"
"Because of that orange!" I asked sternly, "Since you don't like Zhuo Zhuo, why did you give the orange to Zhuo Zhuo and not me?"
He carefully recalled for a while, and asked a sentence that made me almost vomit blood: "Which orange?"
I took a big sip of orange juice and pressed down the blood that was about to vomit: "It was when you met Zhuo Zhuo and me in the second year of sophomore year. You gave her the oranges in your hand, and you gave her the only oranges."
Xiao Cheng asked, "Is there such a thing? Why don't I remember?"
I:"… "
I plan to remember things for the rest of my life, but he has no impression at all.
Seeing that I was very interested in the orange, he thought about it carefully, and answered me solemnly: "If there is such a thing, then use my logical thinking to reason: I must have wanted to give you two at that time, she would leave her. I was close, I gave it to her, and after that, she must have divided you half."
Zhuo Zhuo did give me half, but that's not the point. The point is that Zhuo Zhuo gave the half, not him.
I asked again, "Why don't you cut the orange in half and give us half each?"
"It's just an orange, and I'm serious about dividing it in half and giving it to two girls. Do you think I'll be so boring?"
To be honest, he really isn't such a boring boy.
He added: "Also, with my logical thinking, if I want to give girls oranges, I have to buy at least 10 jin or 8 jin before I can give them away. How can I only give one... I must have given it casually at the time, I didn't have a brain at all. "
"Oh. Then what was on your mind?"
Xiao Cheng said to the waiter, "Two more beers."
Uh? Should I ask again
I originally wanted to ask him if he and Zhuo Zhuo had ever been in a relationship, and what happened at that "New Year's Eve dinner", but he suddenly reached out and held my hand on the table, and I immediately forgot what I wanted to ask. Gotta be clean.
He said: "It's been so many years, why are you coming to me now? I'm leaving school in a month and going to another city..."
"I know." I nodded, "I know this is the best time to end a relationship, not start... But, that doesn't matter, what matters is—do you want to be with me?"
He didn't answer me.
But I can read his hesitation.
He must have thought about being with me, but at that time I didn't have the courage to accept it and chose to escape.
Now, I don't want to escape, but we have to face too many real problems, the distance of space, the distance from each other, and many, many unknown obstacles. This is not a good start, and it is destined to have a good ending. …
We sat at the bar until the apartment was about to lock the door.
He took me to the front of the apartment, and I was about to enter the apartment when he suddenly took my hand again.
When I turned around, his kiss fell.
The soft lips touched lightly, just touching, I suddenly felt like being hit by electricity, and my whole body was paralyzed.
The wind of the summer night is extraordinarily gentle...
This kiss is a shallow taste, and there is no deeper exploration.
"Let's try," he whispered in my ear.
"try what?"
"Try love without breaking up."
"Do not break up… "
"Do not break up!"
That night, I kept licking my lips, and I always felt that my lips were numb. Could it be poisoning
In the middle of the night, I was tossing and turning in my arms with Xiaoxin's brother, and the phone rang.
I saw the name displayed on the screen, and happily and shyly connected: "Hey..."
Xiao Cheng's voice rang in his ears: "Are you free tomorrow night?"
I quietly glanced at my sleeping roommates and asked in a low voice, "Is something wrong?"
"I want to invite you to a movie."
"... You didn't lose the game again, did you?"
I vaguely heard a smile in his voice: "What if not?"
I thought about it for a long time: "... go too."
"Tomorrow, oh, it's half past five today. I'll be waiting for you at the door of your apartment. I'll call you five minutes in advance to remind you."
"Don't remind me, I can't forget it." I glanced at Zhuo Zhuo, "You better wait for me at the cinema."
"okay."
I was about to hang up when I heard him say again: "I can't sleep..."
"Me too."
"Then let's talk for a while."
"Um."
Then, we started chatting, and I don't remember what we were talking about. I just remember that I had a great time chatting with him under the quilt.
Later, I fell asleep, and when I woke up, the phone was still in my ear, and there was an unread text message on it:
- Lesson 7 of "The Secret Book of Love" -
In love, the most tormenting thing is ambiguity, and the most memorable thing is ambiguity.
That kind of detachment, that kind of lingering words, will make love more and more unforgettable.
If you meet a good man, and he happens to pay attention to you, then dress yourself up carefully, and start with him first. A test so far, a tender look in his eyes, a proper sentence of concern, and a smirk that doesn't mean anything. Believe me, no matter how cold a man is, he can't bear the tenderness around his fingers...