The ink on the letter paper has faded a bit, but the writing is still legible. Su Mingmei's words are graceful and neat, and she seems to be in a calm mood when writing this letter.
"I've finally come this far, and I'm surprisingly calm now. I've been in pain for so long, and it's such a relief to think that it's over now. I admit that I'm a weak person, and I finally I chose to escape, but I'm really tired. The only thing I'm ashamed of is my family. Mom, I'm sorry I didn't call you and talk to you at the end. As I said earlier, I am a weak person, I don't have the courage to make this call, I am afraid that I will hear your voice and think of your sad and crying appearance, and I will soften my heart again.
But I'm really in so much pain, I just want to end it all.
I knew I might be sick, but I didn't know how to heal myself. Acting used to make me happy, but now nothing makes me happy anymore. When I was studying, the teacher told me that I was too immersed in the role, which was an advantage and a disadvantage. A professional actor should be in and out of the play. But it is difficult for me to separate from a role. In order to distinguish the role and the self, I like to contact people in reality after a drama is finished, so that I can feel the reality and the existence of Su Mingmei.
Every time I fall in love, it is also during this time period. Mom, I haven't told you yet. I actually dated several boyfriends, but every time I broke up because of work and other reasons. But I still thank them, because getting along with them helped me find Su Mingmei.
After "No More Spring", I didn't play for a long time because I felt that I was in a bad state. Friends around me knew about my situation, so they often asked me to go out, hoping that I could slowly come out of my role. When I was out for dinner with a friend, I met a man. He's different from the men I've dated before. He's not an insider. He can only be considered average-looking among my previous boyfriends, but I was deeply attracted to him.
He has a strong breath of life in him, very vivid, just like myself in the past. He came out to do business at a very young age, and he has been to many places. He can always tell some stories I have never heard of. Although I know these stories may not be true, they make me very interesting. This was a bit of a surprise to me, because it's been a long time since I've experienced the emotion of being "fun".
We saw each other a lot after that, every date was pleasant, and when I wanted to develop a relationship with him, he opened up to me about the fact that he was married. I don't remember how I was feeling at the time, but I felt a deep sense of fate, and it seemed like I couldn't take the role of Jin Ya from me anymore.
Although I didn't act during that time, I took on a lot of other jobs. I thought that when I was busy, I would stop thinking about it. I also thought that maybe after the movie was released, I might get better. But I persisted until now, and the situation has not improved. I really don't have the strength to go any further, Mom, please forgive my cowardly daughter. Brilliantly beautiful. "
When Zheng Baozhu read the letter, she found that many places on the letter were wet with tears. She guessed it was her grandmother's tears when she read the letter. She couldn't imagine how sad Grandma and the others were when they saw the letter. This letter was more like a confession letter written by Su Mingmei to her family than a suicide note.
Grandma Xin should have seen it many times. Apart from those tears, there are obvious folds in some places. Zheng Baozhu folded the letter according to the original crease and put it back into the envelope. Grandma sat aside and did not speak, only the tears in the corners of her eyes revealed her emotions.
Zheng Baozhu took out a tissue and raised her hand to gently wipe away the tears from the corner of her eyes: "Grandma, my aunt is sick."
"I know." Grandma's voice trembled slightly, "She also went to see a doctor, but mental illness is difficult to cure in this era, let alone at that time. If we could spend more time with her, She probably wouldn't have gotten this far."
Not to mention their relatives who often do not meet each other, very few of the staff around Su Mingmei knew about her situation. On the surface, she didn't seem to be much different from usual, and even when the police questioned the staff, many people were surprised and said they didn't expect it at all.
"If we cared a little more about her, even a little bit more, the results might have been different."
"Grandma, it's not your fault." Zheng Baozhu comforted grandma softly, "My aunt also said in the letter that she doesn't want to see you sad."
"What's the matter?" Su Mingxi walked in and was a little stunned when he saw the situation in the room. Seeing that the things about Mingmei were turned out again, she seemed to be shocked by something: "Mom, you are..."
These things were put away by Zheng Baozhu's grandmother, and no one except her knew where to put them.
"I showed Ming Mei's suicide note to Baozhu." Grandma wiped her tears and turned to look at Su Mingxi, "Today they talked so much, and they even disturbed Mr. Ge to run in person. I think maybe we just kept it a secret before. Talking to them, refusing to talk about Mingmei, is really wrong. After speaking, I do feel much better in my heart.”
Su Mingxi pursed the corners of her mouth slightly, unable to describe her mood, she walked up and glanced at Su Mingmei in the newspaper, and smiled inaudibly for a while: "It turns out that so many years have passed, I'm getting old, Mingmei is still the same. look."
"Yeah." Grandma nodded, and put the things she took out into the tin box in the same way, "Are you coming back so soon? Where's Mr. Ge?"
"Baozhu's father drove Mr. Ge back, but I didn't follow him." Su Ming said happily, "I just bought some food down below. Good evening, everyone. Have a good meal together."
"Yeah." The iron box was closed again, but this time, grandma didn't lock it with a lock. "Baozhu, after reading your aunt's letter just now, do you still want to act?"
Su Mingxi also looked up at her, Zheng Baozhu pursed her lower lip lightly, looked at her grandmother and asked, "Grandma, do you think my aunt regrets being an actress?"
Grandma's hand gave a light meal. She never thought about it, or deliberately didn't think about it. There were so many words in Mingmei's absolute letter, but not a single word mentioned that she regretted becoming an actress.
"When I was six years old, when I saw my aunt for the first time, I wanted to grow up to be a shining person like her. Even today, this dream has not changed, and it has even become more and more heavy. Now I am I know that being a good actor is hard and not easy, but I still want to be an actor."
The way Zheng Baozhu said it made Su Mingxi think of the little Zheng Baozhu who sat on the ground that year and glued back the torn composition piece by piece.
Her eyes were still as firm and light as they were then.
The room was quiet for a while, only a few people's slight breathing echoed in their ears. Grandma put down the box in her hand and looked up at her: "I can stop you from doing what you want to do, I know I can't stop it, but you want us to accept it right away, we can't do it either. Here. Let's all give each other some time and think about it."
Zheng Baozhu knew that this was a concession made by her grandmother, so she nodded and said, "Okay, but my mother can't keep me at home anymore."
Su Ming snorted happily: "I want to lock you up at home. Can I lock you up? Just like you guys in the hospital today, backhanded calling the police and saying I was illegally detained, I believe it."
"Okay, let's keep things like this for now. Let's all stay calm." Grandma beckoned to Su Mingxi, "Mingxi, help me to bed, I want to rest."
"Okay." Su Mingxi went to help Zheng Baozhu's grandmother, and Zheng Baozhu also held a hand beside her. After her grandmother lay down, Su Mingxi said to Zheng Baozhu, "Let's go out and let your grandma have a good rest. Today is really tossing."
"Well." Zheng Baozhu followed Su Mingxi out. As soon as the two of them came out, several people in the living room looked at them, looking like they wanted to gossip but couldn't speak.
After waiting until dinner, everyone tacitly stopped talking about it. Tonight, my uncle really showed his skills and made a table of delicious food. Zheng Baozhu ate so much delicious food, and his mood finally improved.
After the meal, everyone cleaned up the kitchen and table together, and Su Mingxi started chasing people: "Your grandmother can't live here with such people, you all hurry back today, and don't delay the old man's rest. I stay here today to accompany my mother, tomorrow go."
Everyone had no objection and left together. Zheng Baozhu was going to go back to the hotel directly, so she asked Qu Zhi, "Where are you going?"
Qu Zhi said, "With you."
Zheng Baozhu nodded, told her father, and went to lead the car with Qu Zhi. Su Jiaying's car was parked next to her. Before Yaoyao got in the car, she reminded Zheng Baozhu, "Auntie, don't forget to ask for an autographed photo for me."
"Don't worry, I won't forget it." Zheng Baozhu waved at her with a smile, then opened the car door and sat on it. When she went back in the evening, it was the car she drove. Qu Zhi sat in the passenger seat, and finally found the opportunity to ask, "How was your talk with your grandma today?"
Zheng Baozhu nodded and said to him, "After Teacher Ge came, my grandmother's attitude has softened a bit. It seems that being a teacher is still beneficial. Everyone will listen to you subconsciously."
"That's not necessarily the case. It's not that there are no naughty students."
Zheng Baozhu laughed and said, "Yes, but my grandmother's heart has finally been resolved. She showed me my aunt's suicide note today."
Qu Zhi was stunned for a moment. Su Mingxi's suicide note has not been released to the outside world, so many people don't know the existence of this thing. Qu Zhi is no exception.
"Your aunt still left a suicide note?" He was a little surprised.
Zheng Baozhu nodded: "Well, she did suffer from depression because of filming, so my family is so opposed to me acting too. My grandmother has always blamed herself, she thinks that she doesn't care enough about my aunt, and she has been Said that if she could stay by her aunt's side a little more, maybe this kind of thing would not have happened."
Qu Zhi pondered for a while, and said, "The word depression has only appeared in the eyes of ordinary people in recent years. Even today, there are still people who don't take it seriously, thinking that it's just that the patient can't figure it out. Some people are depressed. People with depression look like ordinary people, and even relatives and friends, it is difficult to find out that they have depression."
After listening to him, Zheng Baozhu thought for a while before saying, "So you want to say that you can't blame my grandma for this, right?"
"… Hmm." Qu Zhi replied bluntly, "but I understand that it is easy to have such thoughts as relatives. It is normal for them to worry about you, but now the treatment in this area has improved a lot compared with decades ago, as long as the time is met. With medication and treatment, there is a chance of cure.”
After speaking, he paused and added: "Of course I'm not saying that you will get depression."
"..." Zheng Baozhu nodded, if it wasn't for driving, he would have wanted to give him a thumbs up, "As expected of Dr. Qu, he is very strict."
Qu Zhi turned her head away and didn't speak anymore, Zheng Baozhu was quiet for a while, and then asked him, "Have you seen my aunt's performance of "No More Spring"?"
"No." Qu Zhi shook his head, "I heard it was very depressing, so I didn't watch it."
Zheng Baozhu heard which depression he was talking about, and chuckled lightly: "Indeed, I saw it, and then I cried like a fool in the room, and I was in a very bad mood for the next week, causing my mother to think that I fell in love early and didn't. Lost in love."
Qu Zhi: "… "
"The audience is so uncomfortable after watching it. My aunt must have been more uncomfortable back then, right?" Zheng Baozhu said calmly, "I still remember that in the movie, before the painter decided to commit suicide, someone asked her what she wanted to do if she had a next life? The painter said , do whatever you want, just stop painting. But if my aunt can do it all over again, I think she might still choose to be an actress."
Because Su Mingmei under the lens is the most dazzling.
Zheng Baozhu has always believed that life not only has length, but also thickness. Although Su Mingmei's life was short, she left a deep impression in the history of film.
After the car drove back to the hotel, Zheng Baozhu and Qu Zhi went straight back to their rooms. Everyone was tired today and just wanted to rest early.
Two days later, Zheng Baozhu's friend contacted her, saying that the wheelchair had been delivered to the address she gave. Zheng Baozhu thanked the other party and was going to visit her grandmother in person. This wheelchair has many functions, and she is worried that the old man can't figure it out by himself.
She happened to meet Qu Zhi when she was going out. She was stunned for a moment, then closed the door and asked him, "Are you going out?"
Qu Zhi nodded and glanced at the bag on her shoulder: "Are you going out?"
"Well, the wheelchair has been delivered. I'll go check it out for my grandmother." Zheng Baozhu said as he walked out, "Are you looking for me for something?"
Qu Zhi said: "I originally planned to go to the house to see the decoration, and I wanted to ask you to come with me. Since you have something to do, let's change it."
He mentioned this, but Zheng Baozhu remembered this: "No need to change another day, I'll see you when I get back from my grandmother, I won't be there for long."
Qu Zhi thought about something and nodded slightly, then looked at Zheng Baozhu and said, "Then why don't I go with you."
Zheng Baozhu blinked and agreed, "Okay."
The two went to grandma's place together, and the big wheelchair was delivered. When the two arrived, Su Mingxi was studying with the manual: "Hey, why are you two here?"
Zheng Baozhu said, "My friend said that the wheelchair was delivered, so I came to see it specially."
"Oh, that's right, Xiao Qu, come and read this manual for me." Su Mingxi greeted Qu Zhi and pointed to the part that he didn't understand. Zheng Baozhu watched them mess around when the phone rang suddenly. Seeing that it was Gao Boyun, she quickly covered the screen and glanced at Su Mingxi.
She was listening to Qu Zhi's explanation and listening carefully, not paying attention to her side at all.
Zheng Baozhu took the mobile phone and quietly went outside the balcony to answer the phone. Qu Zhi glanced at her out of the corner of the eye, and said to Su Mingxi, "Let's have grandma sit up and try it out for yourself."
"Okay." Su Mingxi followed Qu Zhi and pushed the wheelchair into the room, and helped Grandma Zheng Baozhu to the wheelchair.
As soon as grandma sat on it, she felt completely different from the one she sat before: "Don't say it, this one is really much more comfortable to sit on."
"That's for sure. Otherwise, why did Baozhu spend so much time buying this for you?" Su Mingxi helped her adjust her sitting posture and introduced her, "There are quite a few functions, and Qu Zhi told you to try it."
"Oh, okay." Grandma said, glancing outside. "Where's the pearl?"
Su Mingxi was also a little strange: "Yeah, where did this person go to be lazy?"
Qu Zhi said: "It seems that someone is looking for her, she went to answer the phone."
As soon as Su Mingxi heard this, she guessed that Zheng Baozhu was doing small tricks behind their backs again: "This sneaky look, wouldn't it be another director looking for her?" She said, looking at Zheng Baozhu's grandmother: " Mom, you don't really plan to agree to Baozhu's filming, do you?"
Grandma said: "I don't agree to use it? It's useless for you to stop, what can I do?"
Su Mingxi frowned and said, "But we can't just get used to her, in case one day..."
She didn't say anything more here, but the meaning behind it is self-evident. After listening to their conversation by the side, Qu Zhi moved his eyes slightly, then looked at them and said, "Grandma, Aunt Su, and Aunt Baozhu, Baozhu actually told me. I know you are worried that Baozhu will also be involved in filming. Suffering from depression, but now people generally pay more attention to this disease than before, many people will take the initiative to receive treatment when they are mildly depressed, this disease is not a terminal illness, it can be cured.”
Hearing what he said, Su Mingxi couldn't help but say: "Look, I knew you were going to start talking to Baozhu again. You persuaded me all morning, but I didn't say enough. In my impression, you obviously don't like talking much. Yes."
Qu Zhi: "… "
Su Mingxi looked at him and sighed softly: "Hey, in fact, we all know that what you said makes sense, but on the one hand, it will take some time for us to accept it, and on the other hand, we are really worried that Baozhu is alone. We can't accompany her outside filming, and we can't know what happened to her right away."
The corners of Qu Zhi's mouth moved, and he said, "You don't have to worry, I will be by her side."
Su Mingxi and grandmother were both stunned, they looked at each other, and finally Su Mingxi said: "Qu Zhi, you and Baozhu grew up together, you are so good, we must believe you, but... this, you It's impossible to stay with Baozhu all the time, right? It's fine now, but you have to get married in the future, right?"
"Won't."
"… what?"
"I won't marry anyone else." Qu Zhi looked at them with the same expression as he had always been pious when he talked to Zheng Baozhu about the development of technology that day, "I like Baozhu."