—I could have lived in the dark if I had never seen the light—
He doesn't have much memory of his so-called childhood.
Day after day, year after year, the experience remains unchanged, so there is no need to occupy any memory.
Even in retrospect, it was just training and fighting.
Just these two monotonous words are enough to summarize all his time from childhood to adulthood. Injuries, blood and death are always by his side.
You had a rough time as a child.
The only masked subordinate who knew anything about this part of his past once said so.
He doesn't think so.
He didn't feel that was bitter.
This kind of life has been repeated since he became conscious, and it is a very normal life for him. He doesn't know that it is hard work-he only knows that kind of way of life, and he has never realized that there are still people in this world. other way of life.
If you don't know what sweetness is, you naturally don't know what bitterness is.
He lives in darkness because he knows nothing but darkness.
...
He has never had any concept of such an existence as a child.
The birth rate of human beings is already very low, and it is even more impossible for him to see those underage children in the army. He was on the battlefield, and what he saw and saw was nothing but the same as in the past, those continuous wars and the death that can be seen everywhere.
The cold starry sky, the silent stars, and the pitch-black universe, that's all he can see.
The brilliance of the stars praised by the so-called literati, the so-called light of the sun that gives people hope and warmth, in his opinion, is just a glimmer of light among the thousands of stars in the dark universe, and will eventually return to darkness.
Life originates from darkness, and it will end in darkness.
…
"I seem to have seen your eyes somewhere."
The child who had just been taken over by him said that he looked at him with big eyes and bright eyes.
It was clearly dark eyes, but there was a bright light in the blackness.
But a fifteen or sixteen-year-old boy looks like a child to him, and he doesn't even have a third of his life.
Childishness, innocence, and stupidity were clearly written on that green face.
But maybe it was because he was too clumsy, which made the child look more and more clean, clean, and he could see through it at a glance, like a spring water with crystal clear water, so cool that people couldn't help but want to give a bow water.
At that time, he didn't let people drag this stupid little guy away so as not to obstruct his eyes.
Probably just a little weird.
It's strange why the pupils, which are clearly black, can be so bright.
Thinking about it later, it might have been an instinct.
I have always been in the dark, so the first time I saw that little light, I instinctively approached it.
Those literati who don't know the so-called always like to say with great emotion that human nature always yearns for the light.
He has always been noncommittal.
It's a pity that his noncommittal can't control the so-called instinct of human beings.
... ... ...
"Boss, if you had made up your mind to throw that little guy on the planet and let him spread the branches and leaves for the family, you don't know what will happen now."
The red-haired subordinate once inadvertently expressed such emotion.
He was a little dazed.
When inferring the future direction of the war in the battlefield, he has always been precise and meticulous, and almost the entire battlefield is under his control. But he never likes to assume the past. He always feels that the past has already happened, and it is impossible to change it. It is meaningless to assume anything.
He never does anything useless.
Only that time, he was distracted for a moment.
If that's the case, it's probably irrelevant after that.
Like a small stone thrown into the water, it sank and left no traces.
The water flows forward, while the sunken stones stay quietly where they are.
From the beginning to the end, they were just strangers to each other.
…
At the beginning, he didn't take the child to heart at all. It's like a person who, while walking forward, sees a chick that has just hatched and falls to his feet, so he casually takes the chick back and throws it to the servants to take care of. Anyway, just give it a place to live, some food and a sip of water to keep it alive, and he will probably forget about it in a few days.
It's just that the fledgling was too fidgety, and refused to stay in its nest obediently. It insisted on tossing around in front of his eyes, waving its newly fluffed wings clumsily and with difficulty. The posture looked as if he would fall down with a plop in the next second, or hit his head on a tree trunk, so he couldn't help but look at it a few more times.
It feels like, such a small, delicate and clumsy little guy, if you don't watch, if you don't pay attention all the time, you won't live long at all.
It was because of this subtle reason that when the child appeared in his field of vision, he always subconsciously took a look.
This is probably the so-called caring.
…
"Yes, I don't like you."
This answer made him look at the boy for the first time.
Obviously I have nothing to depend on others, and as long as I know that I agree to follow his will, what awaits me is an earth-shattering future where I can jump from the bottom to the top of everyone, but that boy rejected him without hesitation.
He wasn't angry, and he didn't feel any embarrassment, but he was a little confused.
He always thought that this was a weak little guy that he could see through at a glance, but at this moment he couldn't figure out what was going on in that little mind.
He didn't know what liking was, but he could tell that although the child said he didn't like him, he actually liked him.
Every time the boy's dark eyes looked at him, they were always bright, and the eyes that looked at him seemed to be shining.
He thinks, this should actually be called liking, right
he thinks.
It's really hard to guess what a child is thinking if he obviously likes it but says he doesn't like it.
Although he later found out that what the child liked was actually his face.
Robin told him that it is the kind of face control who has to look twice when seeing other people look good.
Just like later, the dead child looked at Salome intently, as if seeing him for the first time, his eyes were as bright as if they were shining.
... He suddenly felt that it was definitely not the look in someone's eyes.
…
At that time, he didn't know that he and this boy had a lot of intersection and bond in the past. But even when he didn't remember anything, he couldn't help but start caring.
He never believed in the fateful trajectory. What must be said is probably what those literati said, the instinct of human beings to attract light.
He didn't know what the instinct to seek light was, but he didn't know when it started, his eyes always subconsciously followed the child's location.
The young man doesn't seem to like dark places. The place where he is is always very bright, as if he stayed in a bright place for a long time, the light penetrated and melted into his body, so even if he was in a dark place, the child laughed He himself seemed to be shining brightly, and in that dark place, he was the only one who was bright.
He has always been content with darkness, and he still remembers the days and nights on that planet when he was young.
He doesn't like daylight, because daytime means danger and death. Those carnivorous monsters are always hunting during daytime, and the daytime is too bright, and it is too easy to reveal their whereabouts. He has watched countless times during the daytime. Companions became the meat of those monsters.
Only the dark night is safe for him. In the dark and lightless night, the darkness surrounds him and makes him seem to melt in the darkness. As long as he stays quietly, no one will find him, Attacking him, those carnivorous monsters couldn't detect his existence. On the contrary, he stayed in the dark, changed from prey to hunter, and could easily kill anything that tried to get close to him.
War, in fact, is the same as hunting on the hunting ground.
It's just that the monster has been replaced by a human.
It has become a habit to be silent in the dark, he habitually lurks in the dark, staring at his prey like hunting.
Then, one hit kills.
His enemies said he was like a ferocious beast lurking in the dark.
His subordinates were angry at this and said it was an insult to him, but he didn't think it was an insult.
Because he knew that what those people said was the truth.
He was a beast from the darkness.
Because of this, he always felt that he didn't like places that were too bright.
It is precisely because of this feeling that he is noncommittal to those people who say that it is human instinct to yearn for the light.
Later he realized that the so-called bright place does not mean that there is a bright place, and the so-called light does not refer to sunlight.
Even in the dark night, when the boy in his arms smiled at him, he felt that everything around him seemed to light up.
He didn't know if it was an illusion, but the princess who was no longer there used to carelessly comb her long golden hair behind her ears with her fingers, while giving him a lazy sideways glance, and said something.
It's probably your heart that lights up.
The facial expression of the blond princess seemed to be half complaining and half mocking.
She squinted and leaned there lazily, and he saw the corner of her eye lightly passing over the snow-white piano opposite.
He doesn't like her.
It’s not because this princess always likes to pester him in public and express her love to him—she’s been pestering him for decades so genuinely and falsely, and he doesn’t feel happy or bored. What I have to say is No sense.
His feelings for this princess are as calm as a pool of stagnant water, without any ripples, no matter whether he likes it or dislikes it, whether he hates it or not, there is nothing.
If you don't like it or even get bored, that's for later.
When he saw the way she looked at the boy, he began to feel uncomfortable. Then, this discomfort became bigger and bigger, gradually turned into dislike, and then continued to turn into boredom.
He didn't like the way Salome looked at Mutt. He didn't like seeing that woman smile at Mutt. A word from that woman and a finger that touched Mutt began to annoy him immensely.
Troll, this is the first time you've seen me in years.
Salome lazily rested her arms on her chin, and she looked at him with half a smile.
He knew what she meant. For so many years, he had only looked at her with his eyes, just like looking at the grass and trees on the side of the road, never really seeing her as a person.
You probably don't know how terrifying the way you look at me is.
She said with a smile, but there was no smile in her crooked eyes.
She said, Troll, what would happen if Mute saw your eyes like this
When she said this, she suddenly burst out laughing.
She said that it was the first time he saw her in so many years, and it was the first time he saw this woman out of control.
He knew she hated him, probably from the day they met for the first time, all others saw was her different treatment and admiration for him, but all he saw was the look in her eyes when she looked at him cold.
so good.
The woman said so.
you have him by your side...
Her charming and slender eyes are narrowed, behind the blooming beautiful petals is hidden the silence after withering.
She said, you won't be like me if you have that kid by your side.
That was the last time he saw that woman.
Soon after that, the woman was reduced to ashes on the planet that was consumed by flames and destroyed.
...
"Did you choose to pursue the secrets of the past, or the future with that child?"
The subordinate who said these words probably always felt that he wanted to reveal the secret for revenge, because he hated the mastermind behind the scenes, and hated to the point of finding him no matter what.
Not so.
He never felt how cruel his life was when he was young, so he naturally didn't have any hatred, let alone any revenge.
He just doesn't like having a hand behind the scenes manipulating him, it's a pain in the throat.
It wasn't for any revenge, it was purely to cut off the hand that was trying to restrain him.
No one can control his will, no one can.
However, his so-called will completely collapsed in an instant when he saw the image of the past in the training room.
He rarely had any strong feelings, but at that moment, he hated that person so much.
The man with the same face as him exposed all the ugliest things he had ever done in front of the child.
[Troll, what will happen if Mute sees your eyes like this?]
He didn't dare to think about it.
He carefully hid the ugly devil in his heart so that no one could see it.
He never cared what others thought of him, but he didn't want that child to see him like that.
...
Troll
It was a ferocious beast fit only in the dark.
That's what everyone says, and it's true.
He just needs to stay quietly in the dark, from the beginning, now, and then until the end.
Born in darkness, born in darkness, and finally in darkness.
That should have been the trajectory of his destiny.
It's just that this so-called trajectory unexpectedly turned a corner, and the monster quietly lurking in the darkness unexpectedly saw a glimmer of light, perhaps because of curiosity, perhaps because of other things, or perhaps because of the so-called instinct, it walked towards that point. The direction of the twilight, unconsciously, walked under the light.
The little ball of light was too light and fragile, as if it would shatter if touched lightly.
If it wanted to touch it, it could only carefully retract its sharp claws and suppress the hostility and blood all over its body.
It lay there, guarding next to the little ball of light.
It lay quietly on the ground, squinting its eyes to enjoy the light that it had never felt before, as well as the warmth that fell on it.
... ... ...
Everyone thought he was crazy.
He thought he had indeed gone mad.
At the moment when the Star Destroyer blasted open the gate of the Emperor Star, he didn't think about anything. Consequences, blame, and the future all disappeared from his mind.
Go to the child.
That was his only and all thought at the time.
His obsession with the boy was so deep that he himself felt terrible.
A young man's actions, words, and sometimes even just a glance can easily influence his will.
[I give you the universe.]
The light of thousands of stars cannot compare to the brightness of the boy's black eyes when he looked at him.
What is eternal doom.
He thought he was beyond redemption.
...
Even if he later learned the truth and realized that the boy was not young, he still felt that the other party was still a child.
Small, weak and innocent, he needs to be hugged, hugged and pampered, carefully cared for, and if he touches it a little, he will feel very distressed.
He didn't know it then.
The so-called child is indeed weak and innocent, but behind that kind of innocence is an indescribable cruelty.
Children are usually stubborn, if they like it, they like it, but this kind of liking is just a part of their life, if it is lost, it is lost, they can still live on, and the lost thing is lost to the world. A place of life.
The boy said everything.
Whether it is the past of Ga and mankind, or the demise of the earth.
Mute probably thought he was hiding it well.
Perhaps, for others, he did hide it well.
But he knew what he wanted to do.
He knows him too well, every point, every place, even every strand of hair, he knows clearly.
He knew that the child had made up his mind to leave when he told them everything.
Boys have always been docile, soft, and not very stubborn, but once a boy decides something, no one can change it.
including him.
The days of waiting seemed to be execution. He was like a prisoner waiting for the death sentence. He was powerless to escape and could only wait numbly for the arrival of death.
The child's smile, the child's breath, and the soft body, the intimacy with him... He is like a desperate gambler, a terminal cancer patient, greedy for the false sweetness.
[After a few days, I'll go find you again, okay?]
[… Ok, I will wait for you.]
He didn't know what kind of expression he used to say this sentence.
But he knew he couldn't wait.
…
At this moment, he looked at the boy's lips.
Those lips were pink, like the color of a bud that just opened, and he could always taste the incomparably sweet taste when he kissed those lips.
He couldn't understand why those lips, which were sweeter than anything else, could speak such cruel words
[Major General, I like you.]
he knows.
[I like it to the point that... I can spare my life.]
he believe.
But so what
Saying that he likes it, it's not that he chooses to leave him.
So what's the point of the so-called liking
...
He looked at those pitch-black eyes, and there was a bright light in those black pupils at any time.
He thought that he might have some understanding of the reason why the man who gave him his father's genes finally chose to do that cruel thing.
The child saw too much in his eyes.
Too many to bear.
Whether it is the man who has the same genes as him, or the first generation who gave him the genes, they can occupy a place in the heart of this child.
And he's just one of them.
It's not fair.
It's so unfair.
In the hearts of teenagers, there are too many important things.
There are too many things more important than him.
He was mad with jealousy, but he never said it, not once.
Because he couldn't bear it, he couldn't bear to say a harsh word to that child, sometimes a teenager just needs a look of grievance, and it makes him feel very distressed.
…
He heard Mutt smile and say to him, I like you.
I also heard him tell him calmly, I want to leave you.
He doesn't understand.
He just suddenly wanted to ask.
What do you think I take you for
...and what did you take me for
... ... ...
The young man led him from the darkness to the light, and he used his warmth to let him know the throbbing of the blood in his body, and the sweetness of the beating heart.
Then, it took everything away easily.
He was a little dazed, the huge light curtain was in front of his eyes, and behind the light curtain, the boy was standing there.
They were so close that it seemed as if they could reach out.
He looked into the child's dark eyes quietly, and suddenly remembered that day, in the deep underground of the planet where he was born, he was sitting in a cold prison, through the light curtain outside the prison, With eyes open, he quietly watched the boy walk onto the spaceship holding the hand of a man with the same appearance as him.
He quietly watched the boy's back disappear into the gate of the spaceship as he left him.
At that time, everything was silent, and he stayed in the dark, silent, and couldn't hear anything.
The silence and darkness that should be the most used to, I don't know when it started, it has become unbearable.
In that silence, one more second is suffering.
In that darkness, if there is more, it will almost make people crazy.
Just like now.
—[I could have been in the dark if I had never seen the light]—
...
……………
A huge cylindrical light curtain flickered in the air, and the flickering light illuminated the face of the marshal standing in front of the light curtain. It was an extremely handsome face.
as it should be—
But at this moment, the feeling on that face was only trembling and panic.
There wasn't much expression on that face, but the same face, the same expression, seemed to have not moved at all, but for some reason, the man changed little by little from a human to a head that made people tremble at a glance. Humanoid beast.
"If you forget, I'll say it again."
Troll himself almost forgot.
In front of this child, he carefully put away his sharp teeth and claws, hiding his ugly and dark everything, not wanting him to see it.
He had hidden it for so long that he almost forgot about it himself.
He was originally a beast from darkness.
"I once said that it's up to you to use me however you want."
This human-shaped ferocious beast quietly watched the young man in the light curtain with a horrifying gaze.
The calmer the gaze, the more terrifying it was.
It was like the suffocating calm before the storm.
"But if you use it, you have to pay the price."
Beasts never believe in mercy.
Law of the jungle.
All it believes in is blood and claws.
It only knows that it will die if it can't eat.
Therefore, it will bite its prey firmly under its sharp claws.
"If you don't pay the price, I will ask for it myself."
No matter what means-