"From now on, I will protect Zhao Qinqin."
In the teahouse on Nanbin Road, Li Shuming slowly put down the teacup in his hand, took my hand, squeezed it gently, and said.
I couldn't resist the surge of emotion at this moment.
Shuming took me on a river cruise to see the night view. In the night, the two rivers are clear and the trees are silver, the sky is full of stars like lights on earth, and the lights on the ground are like stars in the Milky Way. The colors shine against each other, and the scenes are different, like a dream, like a poem, like a song.
Facing the gentle river breeze, my thoughts were all over the place, and I didn't know where to go. My heart has been wandering for too long, and now it has finally found a home. I couldn't help but turn my head and quietly shed a few tears.
The next day, Li Shuming boarded a flight to Beijing. Before leaving, Shuming said, Qinqin, I will go and take care of it first, and then I will pick you up. I will wait for you in Beijing.
I nodded.
My family was satisfied with Li Shuming. My mother told me that the Zhao family was traditional and had very strict requirements for their children's marriage. Li Shuming was the only exception. He was divorced and nearly 40 years old, which was a little too old for me. His parents were not alive, and my sister was the only relative at home. But somehow, my family liked him. Even my father, who was always a little serious, treated him politely and never disliked him. My mother really liked Shuming as if he were her own son.
"Mom, what do you like about Li Shuming?"
"Mature, steady and responsible. He must have experienced hardships. He is extraordinary. Which of today's kids has such qualities? They only care about eating, drinking and having fun... Only those who have endured the most hardships can become successful people." The mother put down the magazine in her hand and said seriously.
"Plus he has a good appearance, is humble and polite. He looks good. Also, he doesn't smoke or drink." I added.
"It's good to be both good inside and out, and it's like the icing on the cake. But the key still lies in the inner quality." The mother picked up the book and flipped through it as she spoke.
"He's cunning and sly." I said with a grin. In fact, I knew in my heart that if it weren't for that marriage, Li Shuming could barely be considered a diamond bachelor. Old people are naturally cunning because it's hard for them to open their hearts. I understand this and I don't hate it.
"Okay, okay, you're going to start a family, it's time to focus on your studies!" My mother looked at me meaningfully.
I lowered my head and said, "Yeah." My mother was right. My heart had been wandering for so many years, and I often felt like I couldn't find a place to go. Now, Li Shuming has given me a harbor to shelter me from the wind and rain, where I can stay quietly for as long as I want.
"Qinqin, people must learn to let go of the past, cherish the present, and plan for the future, do you understand?" the mother said again.
"Yeah." I thought to myself, my past couldn't be simpler, there was only Xu Nanfang.
"So, what are you and Shuming planning?"
"He helped me find a job and asked me to come over after everything was arranged."
"Oh, good. You can start preparing for the wedding."
"OK."
This is what my mother wants, that the man works hard outside to build a career and support the family, while the woman only needs to take care of everything at home. The marriages of our elders and children and grandchildren have continued in this pattern, without exception, the man is strong and the woman is smart.
I was preparing for the wedding with great enthusiasm. My family decided on the date and the format of the wedding, and the other details were basically up to me. Shuming called every other day to ask about the situation, and my mother helped and supervised it. It was midsummer, and I often went to the wedding company under the scorching sun on weekends to contact relevant matters, and also went around to choose wedding dresses. Although I was in an air-conditioned room, I put them on and took them off, and after trying on a set of clothes, I was often sweating all over. The stuffy weather in the mountain city was really not something that ordinary people could withstand.
One day when I got home from get off work, my father and mother were sitting in the living room talking. The atmosphere seemed a little solemn. I took off my shoes and walked barefoot straight to the stairs. My father called me, "Quilt, quilt."
"Hmm? Dad came home really early today. Is there something wrong?"
"Change your clothes and come out, we have something to tell you." My father's tone was always serious, and it was hard to tell whether it was good or bad.
"Oh." I quickly went upstairs to the bedroom, closed the door, drew the curtains, and changed into a loose cotton nightgown with a big Mickey Mouse pattern on the chest.
I sat down on the single sofa on the left, raised my head, turned my face to the side, pulled the hair tie, let the ponytail fall down, and let my hair fall on my shoulders. I have had long hair since I was ten years old and never dyed it. I waited for them to speak.
"Qinqin, Eunuch Xu has passed away." My father said expressionlessly.
"Do you remember Grandpa Xu?" My mother asked, and then reminded me, "Grandpa Xu from Taipei came back several times when you were a child. He came to visit relatives."
I nodded. How could I not remember? "So suddenly?"
"He had a cerebral hemorrhage. He was rescued, but died a week later. He was old, alas!" the mother sighed softly.
"The last time he came back was three years ago. At that time, the old man kept complaining that his health was getting worse and his legs and feet were not as flexible as before. I'm afraid he would have fewer chances to come back in the future," said the father.
"Oh." A trace of sadness rose in my heart. Everyone knows that birth, aging, illness and death are natural laws, but sadness is still inevitable when saying goodbye. The kind and gentle and tall Eunuch Xu, the Eunuch Xu who always brought me beautiful toys, the Eunuch Xu who had a thousand connections with the Zhao family, did he pass away peacefully? Will he meet my grandparents in the afterlife
"Come back in a few days to bury the deceased. Fallen leaves return to their roots." said the father again.
"We will all go to the funeral." Mother took over the conversation. "I'm telling you first, so you can be mentally prepared. They asked someone to calculate the date, and it's set for next Friday. Quilt, you'd better ask for leave from your boss at work first."
"Okay, okay." I responded repeatedly. Eunuch Xu is a very important distant relative of our family, so everyone must be present.
"Remember to wear dark clothes, nothing fancy," my mother reminded me again.
… .
The dinner was tasteless, with no taste for sour, sweet, salty or bland. I secretly wondered in my heart, the Xu family would definitely come back, who would come? Would the person I was most afraid of seeing come? Was he married, maybe even had a child? Would he bring his wife with him? What should I do if I saw him
Xu Nanfang, the name that he had cursed in his heart a thousand and ten thousand times, gradually surfaced.
Shu Ming once said, Qinqin, forget the hot and humid south, the northern cities are more suitable for you. In winter, we can stay in the heated room to watch a heartwarming movie, go to Jiuhua Mountain Villa to soak in hot springs, and in summer, we can go to Beidaihe, sunbathe on the beach, and swim in the sea. Shu Ming was not around, I lay on my back on the bed with my arms as a pillow and said to myself, I must hold on until that day. Xu Nanfang is just a sad past for me. Since it is sad, I should forget it. I want to let him see how well Zhao Qinqin is doing now. Thinking about it, I feel energetic again. I got up, opened the closet, and turned over all the clothes in the closet. After picking and choosing, I finally found a suitable set of clothes, a little black skirt, knee-length, with a black shiny forged belt, serious enough and suitable for my figure.
On the weekend, I asked Zhang Yaoyao to go with me to pick out a dress. There is an old shop that makes cheongsams in Jiaochangkou. We went there under the scorching sun and asked the waiter to bring out more than ten styles, both short and long. We tried them one by one. Yaoyao took photos for me and sent them to Shuming online. As I was standing in front of the mirror, my cell phone rang. The ringtone was a song that Shuming sang for me while playing the guitar. I recorded it. It was the first and only time I saw Li Shuming play the guitar. I never thought he could play this.
"Shu Ming, I'm trying on clothes."
"Did you pick one you like?"
"Still looking at it. I'll take some pictures and send them to you."
"Okay, if you can't make up your mind, you can choose two or three and have them custom made. Then you can decide which one you like during the wedding."
"Yeah." Actually, I have almost made up my mind. I have tried so many things, but none of them are as satisfying as the first one I put on. This is how I choose things. Ninety-nine percent of the time, the one I finally decide to buy is the one I like at first sight. Maybe it's because of preconceived ideas.
A few days later, the Xu family returned with the ashes of Grandpa Xu. The burial took place on Friday morning. My father had met them in advance and came back to say that quite a few members of the Xu family had come, including some who were running businesses in Shanghai and some who had come from Taipei. The old man now had many children and grandchildren.
On the day of the funeral, I went with my parents. The cemetery is on a hill in my hometown. We got up early in the morning and set out from the city. We first took the highway to the county town, and then took a winding mountain road. It took about two and a half hours to drive to the destination. Most of the people present were from the Xu family and our family, and everyone looked sad. Grandpa Xu was a decent person during his lifetime. After his business in Taipei became big and his foundation was solid, he did not forget his relatives in his hometown. He helped wherever he could. The old man had experienced too much in his life. After surviving several disasters, he had seen things through and was fearless. Grandpa Xu was a devout Taoist. This time, the Xu family specially invited lay Buddhists to perform rituals, which are said to enable the deceased to go to heaven early, and to help the deceased ancestors escape the suffering of the netherworld as soon as possible, to show filial piety and kindness, and at the same time bring a sense of security to the family and relieve the psychological shadow caused by the death of relatives.
We were distant relatives, standing at the back, while the Xu family was in the front. At first, the lay Buddhists were doing rituals and reciting scriptures. I couldn't hear them clearly, so I leaned forward slightly to see who had come. As I looked around, my heart was pounding. Fortunately, Xu Nanfang didn't appear in my field of vision, so I felt a little relieved. But I also felt strange that he, as a grandson, didn't come to the burial of Grandpa Xu. That was too much. When the time for the official burial arrived, all the children and grandchildren of the Xu family came out. At that time, I saw Nanfang. He came out from nowhere, holding Grandpa Xu's urn in one hand. The other direct relatives knelt down one by one, except Nanfang. For a moment, I was stunned and speechless.
The South, the South that once made me unforgettable and heartbroken, now looks like this! Is that really him? The young man who was once tall, mighty, strong and sunny. I couldn't help but scream "Ah!", but my voice was very small. My mother touched my arm, and I immediately fell silent, covered my mouth excitedly, lowered my head and hid behind, not daring to look up.
After the ceremony, Nanfang left first. We didn't even have a chance to say a word, or Nanfang didn't even see me.
On the way back, my father drove the car, and the winding mountain road wandered around. I sat in the back seat without saying a word. The stories deep in my memory came out bit by bit. The fog dissipated, and the past gradually became clear.
If memory is a bridge, then it is also a prison leading to loneliness. (To be continued)