It turns out that dreams are what will never come true.
In autumn, migratory birds fly south, and they always return when the flowers bloom in spring. So, what about my South
Nanfang returned to Taipei and called me to say that he missed me so much that he couldn't bear it any longer and would come to see me during the winter vacation. I waited for him to come with great joy.
Zhang Yaoyao and her law department senior Luo Zhikun were very close at one time, but Yaoyao's attitude was unclear, hot and cold, which gave Luo Zhikun a headache. He thoroughly carried forward the spirit of perseverance and had the tendency to pursue love to the end. I chatted with Yaoyao and asked her whether she liked Luo Zhikun. Yaoyao blinked her eyes, her eyelashes fluttered like a small fan, smiled, and said, "People don't cherish what they already have. If you want to be a gem rather than a stone, you must not let them get it easily."
I laughed along, but didn't quite agree with her point of view.
Dormitory social gatherings for male and female students are popular in college. Under Luo Zhikun's lobbying, our dormitory naturally became their dormitory for social gatherings. Senior Brother Luo had a reason to date Zhang Yaoyao under the banner of social gatherings, and even dragged a group of us as foils. Whatever, whatever, it's good to participate in activities occasionally when there's nothing to do. Senior Brother Luo racked his brains and played badminton, had meals, skated, watched movies, and went to bars. Every time he went out, a boy named Yang Mi took good care of me. My roommates occasionally joked with us, but everyone knew that I had a boyfriend. Every time my roommates joked, Yaoyao would say, "I have a boyfriend." Everyone would stop. I didn't care much.
One weekend in autumn, Senior Brother Luo organized a grand group trip - to Wulong to visit Furong Cave and Fairy Mountain.
We skipped the Western Economics class on Friday and set off early in the morning. We arrived in Wulong in the morning, went to Furong Cave in the afternoon, and went to Fairy Mountain in the evening. At night, we built a bonfire on the grass, roasted a whole lamb, sang and danced enthusiastically, and enjoyed this wonderful youth to the fullest. I took out my cell phone and saw five missed calls. They were a familiar long list of numbers from the south. I remembered that I hadn't told him about this trip. My cell phone didn't have international long-distance service, and the hotel phone was not convenient, so I couldn't call back. I had to give up and thought about explaining it to him tomorrow.
We played until 1am, and no one showed any sign of leaving. I was hungry, so I sat down to eat some barbecue. My phone rang again. It was him. I quickly answered the call, "Nanfang—"
"Why don't you answer so many calls?" He was in a bad mood from the beginning.
"Didn't you hear it?" I chuckled, trying to lighten the atmosphere.
"You're not in the dormitory? There's no one in your dormitory." He sounded a little angry.
"No, I forgot to tell you, we are in Fairy Mountain—"
Nan Fang asked in surprise, "Which people?"
"My roommate."
Just at this moment, a boy called out, "Qianqian, come over and dance!"
"Who is it? Ask him to come over and answer the phone!" I thought he must be very, very angry. He had never been so furious before.
I quickly explained, "We are from the social dormitory. We came here together." Then I thought to myself, I felt a little guilty. I had to report to him everything I did in the past. This time, we were out playing and staying overnight outside without informing him in advance.
"You just said that there were only roommates here! Tell that kid to come over!" His tone was fierce and sarcastic, and it seemed that he was really angry.
"What? You don't dare to ask that kid to come over to answer the phone?" When he said this, it made me feel like I had really done something wrong.
I felt a little aggrieved and thought he was crazy. "I didn't say it was only my roommates! Don't make a fuss about it."
Yang Mi saw that I was a little excited while talking on the phone, so he walked towards me and asked with concern, "Qinqin, is everything okay?" This question was really funny -
Nan Fang heard a male voice and angrily said, "You are still hanging out with boys in the middle of the night, Zhao Qinqin, don't forget that you already have a boyfriend!"
There was a "bang" and a dead tone came from the other end of the phone.
What a good Xu Nanfang, he actually hung up on me. I got so angry that I turned off the phone.
Nanfang and I were mad at each other for a week because of this incident. At first, I ignored him and he ignored me. We would not talk when we met on ICQ or he would go offline immediately. After a few days, Nanfang started calling me on my cell phone, but I didn't answer. He called my dormitory a few more times, but I was either not there or pretending not to be there. Seeing me like that, Yaoyao sat on my bed and advised me, "Why are you making such a fuss? Be careful not to hurt your liver! If you have something to say, just talk it out and it will be OK after you explain it."
I refused, because I didn't think I had done anything wrong. "Didn't you hear the tone of his voice that day? It was as if I had really done something wrong."
Yaoyao hugged my shoulders, comforted me, and said with a smile, "When you are no longer angry, you should miss him."
I don't know which book I saw this sentence in, "When we are young, we always have to prove this and that, and the conclusion is always that others are wrong and we are right." This sentence could not be more appropriate to describe us at that time.
When my anger subsided and my mood calmed down, I began to think about him uncontrollably, day and night, madly.
I bought a new 50-yuan IP long-distance call card from the school store, and mustered up the courage to call him on his cell phone. I called him three times but no one answered. I thought he was just mad, so I ignored him and thought, he will call me back in a couple of days if he remembers it. OK, I'll give him a few days.
Another week passed. I still hadn't received a call from Xu Nanfang, nor had I seen him on any online contact tools. I felt more and more that something was wrong, and I began to frantically try to contact him. At first, no one answered my phone call, and when I called again, it said the phone was turned off. I took out my phone book, dug out the number of his Taipei home that I had written down in high school, and couldn't wait to call. A middle-aged female voice answered the phone, and she spoke in Minnan dialect at first, but changed her tone when she heard me speak Mandarin. She told me that Nanfang was not at home, and that I could tell her if I had anything to say, and she would pass it on.
I am not sure whether the Xu family knows about our affairs, so I am embarrassed to say more. I will just say that I am a friend from the south, my surname is Zhao, and I have something important to tell him. Please call me back.
After I hung up the phone, I had a bad feeling in my heart. This feeling has been hanging over me and lingering. Until a week later, I received an email from Nan Fang in my Sohu mailbox -
"Qianqin, I'm sorry I haven't contacted you these days.
I've been very busy recently. My family wants me to finish my undergraduate studies at National Taiwan University before going to the United States to study. I'm currently applying...
Also, I'm fine, please don't worry about me. I miss you."
The content was brief. I read the email carefully three times, not missing a single word. I was stunned. We had been together for so long, but he had never mentioned going to the United States to study. Didn’t he agree to come to Shanghai to work after graduating from college? He didn’t say he saw my call, nor did he say why he didn’t answer. He mentioned applying to study in the United States, but he didn’t say a word about our future or our future plans. Did he forget the promise he made to me that summer? I was filled with doubts, and that bad premonition was about to become a reality. I had a vague feeling that Nan Fang didn’t like me anymore.
I spent the whole night replying to him in a long email, expressing all the questions in my heart. I wanted answers.
I endured a month of anxiety, checking my email every day, but I never received a reply. Gradually, my previous anger and confusion turned into deep disappointment, sadness, and even despair. Perhaps my mother was right. Men are fickle, especially those from wealthy families. Xu Nanfang is just one of them. He just wanted to play with me. Once he got me, it would declare that the love game was over. The only thing left was to tell me clearly, "Game over."
I finally understood what it meant to be easy as pie. The control has always been in his hands. Just by turning over the back of his hand, my world is different.
However, I still held on to the last bit of hope, waiting for God to pronounce a verdict on my first love. Later I thought, I was just deceiving myself.
Half a year later, I was surprised and delighted to open an email -
Nan Fang told me that the formalities for going to the United States had been completed, and he would go to study with a few friends. He also said that he was really sorry, and said many irresponsible things when he was young and impetuous, and asked me to forget it and let go of this relationship. There was an attachment, and I opened it and saw that it was a photo of four people, three big boys and a girl, standing closely together. He said that they were classmates who went to the United States to study together.
The letter also states:
"In fact, what I hope for is just that moment. I have never asked you to give me your whole life. If I can
On the hillside full of gardenias/ If I could meet you/ Love you deeply once and then say goodbye/ Then no matter how long our lives are
/ It's just, it's just / When I look back / That brief moment
I would like to quote a little poem and give it to you. "
The story of a playboy who seduces girls and then abandons them is playing out in his own life.
Poor me, I was abandoned by the first man in my life...fc3cf452d3da8402bebb765225ce8c0e
Sadly, I can't stop missing you. I am like a possessed person, recalling every detail of the past like crazy. Those beautiful past moments have not faded away with time.
I still don't understand, why doesn't he want me? Why doesn't he want me? Is it because of the girl in the photo
Every day, I go to class, eat, and study like a zombie. I hope I can sleep all day and never wake up. That way, I won't have time to think about Xu Nanfang.
I am afraid to open my phone. Every time I open it, I will habitually wait for his text messages or calls. Sometimes I stare at the screen for an hour or so, but still get no response... I am so tired. I am so tired after walking for so long.
I am tired. It is so tiring to love someone across time.
I was very sad. We walked hand in hand for so many years, but in the end he abandoned me... (To be continued)