I saw a book in the library that said, "If the person you love leaves you and you can't forget him, then hate him. You must hate him terribly, hate him every day, hate him every minute, hate him when you are awake, and hate him when you are asleep. There is no need to have any manners or dignity, you can tell everyone that you hate him. As long as you are happy, hate him as much as you can. Hate him once and for all, don't suppress it. One day, you will find that you have hated him to the extreme and can't hate him anymore. There is nothing to hate about him anymore, and no matter how much you hate him, he will not come back to you. At this time, you suddenly feel that you don't hate him at all, and you have been immune to it from then on."
I tried to hate him. I hated him for seducing girls at such a young age, I hated him for possessing me, I hated him for giving me gifts to bribe me, I hated him for being a playboy, I hated him for abandoning me after having sex with me… .
Gradually, the scar seemed to heal, but my sadness remained, like a wound that stopped festering but could not heal, and it hurt...
In the blink of an eye, I was already in my third year of college.
I don't know when it started, but I started sneezing every morning when I woke up, and my nose was blocked when I went to sleep at night. I went to the hospital and was told that I had chronic rhinitis. I don't know if it was the humid climate in the mountain city, or the moments when I woke up in the middle of the night and couldn't help crying in my bed, that caused me to get this troublesome disease.
My mother was very sharp-eyed. Seeing that I was in a depressed state recently, she guessed that Nan Fang and I had broken up. She took this opportunity to complain about the faults of all the men she had met and educate me, which was considered to be a lesson in the concept of love.
As I listened, I felt like crying, tears welled up in my eyes. I lowered my head and forced myself not to let the tears flow out.
My mother didn't know that the thing I cherished most in my life had been given away.
Just consider it as paying the price for your paranoid and frivolous youth.
Of course, I would think of Xu Nanfang, and when I saw the scene, I would feel sad and look back at the past. I silently told myself that I must forget it.
The first love has gone, but the friendship continues. Yaoyao took me to various activities, dances, outings, karaoke, she said, when you are lonely, just keep yourself busy, busy with study, busy with play, it's better than being alone in a daze.
In the second semester of junior year, Senior Brother Luo finally got the girl. I don’t know whether it was Luo Zhikun’s perseverance that touched Yaoyao, or Yaoyao had already fallen in love with him and just wanted to test him with time. In short, the girls in our dormitory no longer needed to carry thermos to boil water, and this task was taken care of by Senior Brother Luo.
Yang Mi asked me out several times. One time we went to the movies. The Star Wars prequels were showing. We went to Huanyi Cinema. He bought me a can of Coke and a big bag of popcorn. Somehow, I was confused after watching the movie. I didn’t understand it for a long time. I sat in the darkness of the small theater and thought about Nan Fang and the movie - Pearl Harbor. A man left because of the war, but he unexpectedly came back in the end... For a brief moment, I actually wondered, will Nan Fang come back? Like the man in the movie, maybe he will come back after finishing his studies...
"Qinqin!" Yang Mi called me, "This movie is boring."
I came back to my senses and tried to force a smile. "It's okay, it's okay. I just don't really like science fiction. It feels so wild and I can't understand it."
"Then let's go."
Yang Mi took me out halfway and took me to Nanbin Road for a midnight snack. After dinner, we walked side by side on the riverside path to enjoy the breeze. "Am I boring?" He suddenly lowered his head and asked me.
“I don’t think so.”
He raised his face and looked at me, "Then, can you tell me why you are always unhappy?"
Can I tell him that every corner of the mountain city is filled with memories of the South and me. Wherever I go, it's easy to think of it, unless there is someone who can really walk in and take his place.
I looked at Yang Mi, not knowing how to answer. He was a typical mountain city boy, with white skin, thin lips, and medium height. He was not as tall and mighty as the northern boys, but he had a refreshing temperament. "It's just that there's nothing to be happy about." I answered him.
"Then let's find something fun to do, okay?"
"What's the happy news?"
"I'll call Luo Zhikun and the others to come out and sing karaoke?"
I smiled, turned my head to look at the flashing neon lights across the river, and didn't answer. That night, the four of us went to Jiefangbei to sing karaoke, and it was two or three in the morning before we remembered to go back. Yaoyao said, "The dormitory door is closed, how can we go back?"
Yang Mi suggested, "Then let's continue singing, play until dawn, and then go back to sleep."
Senior Brother Luo patted Yang Mi on the shoulder and said, "Brother, this is a good idea. The girls can lie down on the sofa if they are tired!"
Yang Mi is particularly good at singing Zhang Xinzhe's old love songs, "Tolerance" and "Irresistible", which she sings particularly movingly. They were my must-listen songs in the evenings during my high school years. (To be continued)