It must have been a long time, but why is my heart still hurting? If Nan Fang was here at this moment, and put his hand on my heart, he would definitely be able to feel the emptiness and pain that he once brought to me.
Let me think again, how I saw you—
My thoughts fly south with the migratory birds, while time sits silently by.
When I was a child, my family lived in a small county town in southeastern Sichuan. My parents were small civil servants, working in the county town's government, with a stable job, living a poor and stable life. My grandfather is a retired cadre, and my grandmother is a retired teacher. My family lived in an old yard not far from my father's unit. It is said that the house was left by our ancestors. After liberation, a large area was handed over to the public, leaving only a small yard for us, and it was a bungalow. My mother's hometown is in a city in western Sichuan, and I rarely interact with my grandparents.
My hometown in my memory is full of beautiful mountains and clear waters, a blue sky and white clouds. I often went to the hillside outside the city with my friends to play, dig sweet potatoes, catch grasshoppers, and look up at the sky, which was a cloudless blue, as bright as a 16-year-old girl, healthy, happy, and without a trace of worries.
At that time, the county town was just a palm-sized area, with some state-owned units, a few larger stores, and a few taller buildings. I clearly remember that there was a long-standing sycamore tree in the middle of the yard of my hometown, and next to it was a crooked evergreen. Every summer, when the sycamore tree bloomed, I was most afraid of big caterpillars falling from the tree. My grandmother often said that if you have a sycamore tree at home, you will attract phoenixes.
The book says that childhood is like a boat, filled with candies and toys, full of laughter and happiness. But my childhood, because of a boy named Nan Fang, is more like a colorful dream that makes people nostalgic and yearning.
In the summer when I was in the fourth grade at the No. 2 Primary School in the county, a distant relative whom I had never met before came to my house. At that time, I was a skinny little girl, often wearing a dress and a ponytail. I clearly remember that it was a scorching summer day. As usual, I took advantage of the afternoon newspaper reading class to quickly finish all my homework. Although the final exam was approaching, I was not worried. I usually listened to the class and did my homework seriously, so I was at ease in the exam. After school, I was not in a hurry to go home. I jumped rope with my friends in the school. The black rubber rope was stretched by two people, and the others jumped according to various styles. The height of the rope ranged from the ankles to the raised arms. I was jumping vigorously, and the ponytail behind my head was swung high. A classmate suddenly said to me, "Zhao Qinqin, your mother is here."
I turned my head and saw my mother walking towards me. She smiled at my classmates from a distance, "Are you all having fun?" She was wearing a light green suit and her hair was tied up. The hair on her forehead was blown up at the barber shop and fixed with hairspray. It was a popular style at the time.
The girls all shouted, "Hello, auntie, hello, auntie."
"Mom." I stopped.
"Qiuqiu, there are guests at home, come back with me."
"Hmm." I still felt unsatisfied and looked reluctant to leave.
"Play with your classmates another day." My mother pulled me out of the school gate.
I got home, put down my schoolbag and followed my mother to the main room to meet the guests. Grandpa and grandma were sitting on the old wooden sofa, and next to them was an old man with gray hair and a straight shirt. He looked tall and strong, with a gray beard, very white skin, a kind face, and bright eyes. "Qin'er, come here and meet Master Xu." Grandma waved at me, and Grandpa smiled back.
I walked over slowly, "Eunuch Xu," he said timidly. I had never seen such an extraordinary person before. In fact, I still don't understand why we call him Eunuch instead of Grandpa. He is from the same generation as my grandparents.
Dad introduced, "Uncle Xu, this is my wife Jiang Xiaorong and my daughter Zhao Qinqin."
The old man smiled widely, nodded at my mother and me, turned sideways, pulled out an envelope from his waist bag, and handed it to me, "Here, Quilt, take it."
Of course I knew what was in the envelope. It looked thick. I put my hands in my pockets and didn't dare to take them out. I was brought up in a strict family and couldn't accept anything from others. Eunuch Xu called me with a smile, "Quilt, take it. Don't be embarrassed."
I still didn't move. Grandma stood up and pulled me over, "Qin'er, go ahead. Thank you, Eunuch Xu."
I then reached out to take it, thanked him again, and stepped aside. "Let me introduce you, this is my second son Xu Yihua, and my grandson Xu Nanfang." The old man said again. I then realized that there were two people standing next to them, an uncle who was about the same age as my father, and a boy wearing a short-sleeved T-shirt, cloth trousers, and black lace-up leather shoes. The uncle smiled at me, and the boy walked over and stretched out his hand, "Hello. My name is Xu Nanfang."
Growing up, no boy had ever taken the initiative to shake hands with me. Most boys in our small county town didn't know these etiquettes. My hand moved, hesitated, stretched out halfway and then retracted, and I just said to him, "My name is Zhao Qinqin."
My mother smiled and said, "The quilt in our family is still a little timid." I felt unwilling and quietly protested against my mother's statement.
That evening, the whole family worked in the kitchen for a long time, setting a table full of sumptuous dishes to entertain them. Grandpa and grandma treated the three guests as honored guests. During the meal, the adults talked lively, my family members greeted them warmly, and my parents took good care of Xu Nanfang. I sat at the corner of the table and didn't say anything. Anyway, no one paid attention to me, so I just ate my food obediently. My family's rice bowls were only a little big, and Xu Nanfang ate a lot, and even added two bowls of rice. Grandpa Xu asked, "Nanfang, are the dishes at Grandpa Zhao's house delicious?"
"Well, delicious." Nan Fang raised his head and smiled at the people at the table, revealing a row of white teeth. His face was full of sunshine and vitality.
From their conversation, I learned that Grandpa Xu was a distant relative of the Zhao family. He was an air force pilot. When the Kuomintang evacuated the mainland, he followed them to Taiwan and settled down there, doing some business. In recent years, when the political situation has loosened, he brought his children and grandchildren back to visit relatives via Hong Kong. Grandpa Xu also has two daughters and three granddaughters. Xu Nanfang is two years older than me.
After dinner, my grandparents suggested taking a walk by the river. Seeing the situation, the whole family had to go. At that time, I really didn't like strangers, especially such special guests. Uncle Xu was okay, he kept speaking Sichuan dialect, but Uncle Xu and Xu Nanfang could only speak Mandarin with a strong Taiwanese accent. I didn't know what to say to them at all. After thinking for a while, I said to my mother, "Mom, there is a final exam tomorrow, and I can't remember a passage in the text. I want to see it."
My mother whispered to me, "I'll come back and check it later. Is it in time?"
I didn't say anything. My father heard me, turned around and said to me, "Then you should review the text at home."
I breathed a small sigh of relief.
I quickly read the text at home, closed the book, put a small stool in the yard, and played paper painting. At that time, there was a kind of fragrant paper painting, which was beautifully printed. In fact, I remembered the text. The teacher helped us review the things that needed to be reviewed in class. There was nothing to read when I got home. About an hour later, the sun was about to set, and the sky was full of red clouds, which was very beautiful.
"Hey! You're not reading a book, what are you playing?" Xu Nanfang jumped out from somewhere, supported himself on the sycamore tree in the middle of the yard with one hand, put one foot on the steps, and said to me with a smile.
As I put away the paper drawings, I said, "I'm not playing. I'm reading a book."
"Where is the book? Where is it? Where is it? Why can't I see it?" He looked around deliberately and gave me a wicked smile.
I ignored him, holding the iron box of paper paintings and a small stool, and went straight into the house, thinking, what do you care? The sound of my parents talking came from far away, and the large group that went out for a walk came back.
"Qinqin, how are you doing with your review?" asked the mother.
"I can recite them all." I said as I pretended to stand up from the desk, and secretly glanced at the boy. He stood by the door without saying anything, as if nothing had happened.
The three members of the Xu family sat there until 9:30 pm before leaving, and their parents took them to the hotel. (To be continued)