That night, I dreamed of the white gardenias blooming on the hillside of my hometown. I dreamed of the boy who sat on the grass with me and talked about everything. I seemed to still hear our laughter, like a skylark on a sunny day. Gradually, the scenery around me began to retreat, swirl, and peel off, fading into a cloud of mist.
When I woke up from a dream at midnight, I felt like there was a ball of cotton in my heart, almost suffocating me. It must have been a long, long time. If Nan Fang were here and put his hand on my heart, he would definitely be able to feel that every beat was so empty and painful.
At first, we were pure young people. When we met again many years later, our hearts were scarred and filled with melancholy.
This was a bad sign, at least for Shuming, and it was unfair. I started to get scared.
In recent days, someone in the office has been spreading gossip. I have kept in mind Li Shuming's "teachings" and only listen to office gossip, say less, and don't participate in the spread of rumors. But there is one thing that cannot be ignored. The head office will soon appoint a new general manager for the credit department. His surname is He and he is an airborne soldier. Shuming did not take this position directly as everyone had said before, although he is the best candidate in this department in everyone's eyes.
I was very disappointed. Is it true that an outsider is better at chanting? I thought that Shu Ming's achievements and talents were obvious to everyone, but I didn't expect this result. So, I couldn't wait until I got off work and hurriedly called him. Shu Ming's voice was as gentle and calm as usual, "Little girl, did you hear any gossip?" I have to admit that he is not a person who likes to be ambiguous.
"Yes, I really hope it's just gossip."
"If you have any questions, feel free to ask me directly."
"I heard that a man named He came."
"Yes, you are well-informed."
I cleared my throat and said, "It is said that the appointment will be made soon. Why, why, not you?" I didn't want to fool him and my mood was even more urgent than his.
"The world is unpredictable. Many things are not decided by ourselves, such as fate." It seemed like he was educating me.
"Don't you think it's a pity?"
"People need to be more casual and live comfortably. It's just a promotion. If you take yourself too seriously, people will look down on you." Shu Ming spoke slowly and calmly, as always.
I felt sorry for him, but was even more angry at his nonchalance. I really didn't know what to say, so I simply wrapped my fingers around the phone cord and kept silent.
"Qinqin, I'm going to Germany on business next month. The preparations are complicated, so I'm afraid I won't have much time to come and see you recently. Please take care of yourself."
Ah! We have to go out, but it's still so far! My heart skipped a beat and I suddenly became afraid. But I didn't know what I was afraid of. Was I worried that the distance would make us alienated and our relationship would change
"Little girl?"
"I'm listening. The decision was so sudden and I didn't hear you mention it before." I couldn't help but complain to him.
"I'm so ashamed. We've been apart more than together since we started dating. But you seem particularly uneasy lately. What's wrong?" He has a keen sense of smell.
"Maybe I have some pre-marriage phobia, and I am worried about gains and losses."
"Qinqin, I understand that I have very little time to accompany you during these days of dating, but don't worry, time will pass quickly. After this period, we will have time to go on a honeymoon together. I will follow you wherever you want to go, and you won't be able to run away even if you want to." From the beginning to now, he has always deeply understood my needs. My loneliness is all in his eyes.
After all, we have to live in the real world. He can't accompany me to walk on the white sand beach every day, go out to the sea to pick up shells and take pictures in the golden morning light, and it is even more impossible for him to rent two acres of land in the suburbs to grow loofahs and strawberries, and write poems under the shade of trees in his spare time. Li Shuming is not that kind of person. He needs to work hard and make a name for himself. Everything today is all done by his own hands.
Life is like this, short and tender, but infinitely hard. I just hope we can have more tenderness.
When I think of this, I start to feel a little hesitant.
I received a call from Xu Nanfang in the evening. After our last meeting, I felt very sorry for him. Even though I didn't know about it back then, I couldn't bear to reject his contact. I could only remind myself to treat him as an old friend.
He said he would stay in Shanghai for a long time after this visit. He was recently discussing business matters with the agent here, so he came here quite frequently. I politely invited him to call me when he came and visit me at home. Unexpectedly, he asked half-jokingly, "Really? Are you welcome?"
"Um."
"I really want to come. I have too few friends from the mainland, and you are the one who has come the longest."
I remember that I was in the fourth grade of primary school when I met him. But where did those years go from passing through my fingers
We talked about our recent lives, and he asked me what I had been doing in recent years. I smiled and thought that as a girl from a small county, what grand ambitions could she have? All she could do was get a college diploma, find a job, fall in love, and look for a suitable marriage partner. Then, she would live an ordinary, traditional Chinese family life, raise children, and follow in her husband's footsteps until the end of her life.
I listened to him talk about his experiences over the years, studying, treatment, nothing else. I remember he said he had a girlfriend, but Nan Fang laughed at himself, "I can't take care of myself, how can I have the energy to chase after girls? Besides, I can't catch up with them!"
My heart suddenly felt sad and painful. If such an accident happened, life would become pale, anemic and dull, for sure.
Unconsciously, I mentioned my hometown in the county, Luohanpo, and the lotus pond by the river. These distant scenes, spoken by southerners, were vivid and vivid. But I felt uneasy and subconsciously avoided the topic of nostalgia.
Gradually, I talked to him more and more. One time, I suddenly asked him, "Did it hurt at that time?"
"It hurts." He lowered his voice, was silent for a moment, then raised his voice again and changed the subject, "But it's okay now. Hey, what kind of person is Li Shuming? I heard from auntie that he is gentle and handsome."
I just found out that he and Uncle Xu had been to our house the last time Shuming came here on a business trip and dated me. Strange, my parents never mentioned this to me.
My mother has been arranging my marriage for me. She said she wanted to hold a grand wedding for me and marry her daughter off in style. She hired a wedding company to help make the wedding invitations. Most of the invitations to our relatives and friends were finalized by my mother. The rest were a few of my good friends and a few of Shuming's friends in Chongqing. I read the list to Shuming on the phone. When I read the names of my colleagues at work, Shuming suddenly asked me to stop, paused, and said, "Qinqin, it may not be appropriate to invite them."
"What? Only a few who have good relationships."
"We are in the same system, and there is a lot of gossip. It is better to keep a low profile in the company."
I felt a little disappointed for a while. He was also so cautious about feelings. I thought love was high-profile, ostentatious, passionate and cheerful. The gurgling of water is refreshing, but for marriage, it is not too much to want to be grand. But what he said makes sense. We are in the same unit and have a superior-subordinate relationship.
I angrily deleted my colleague's name from the list of invited guests.
That night, I talked to Nan Fang on the phone and expressed my unhappiness to him. He unexpectedly asked me for an invitation. "But it's a big red and gold-embossed invitation with photos of the bride and groom printed on it? I want one, too."
"You know this too? Do you have time?"
"The last time I went to your house, I happened to see your aunt laying out a table full of invitations for selection. I must come. How can I miss such a happy event? Oh, by the way, there's no need to mail it. We'll go there later and I'll pick it up in person."
I am filled with joy.
Finally, I heard him say excitedly, "Qinqin, no matter what, I should be grateful to you for enriching my life. We have given our all sincerely."
It seems that he has let it go, and I am sincerely waiting for his blessing.
The head office officially appointed the new general manager of Shuming's department, the paratrooper named He, and the rumors were true. Fortunately, I was mentally prepared beforehand, so I wasn't particularly disappointed. During the afternoon tea party, I heard Qiufang gossiping with two girls again. When she saw me approaching, she immediately shut up. I secretly felt something was wrong, so I made an excuse to go around to the tea room next door and deliberately closed the door to listen to them talking.
"We initially thought that Mu Zili should be promoted to the position of the official. After all this time, it turns out that he is not the one?"
"It's better for outsiders to chant sutras, do you understand?" Someone was hit on the head with a slap.
"I heard that Wang Biyun is back."
"… .Yes, she came from our branch first, and then the two of them had a big fight, one left and the other stayed. This time, one of them came back and it was naturally difficult for the higher-ups to balance the situation, so they just dropped one of them. I wonder who will leave this time…"
As he was talking, his voice became quieter and I couldn't hear him clearly. I was afraid to make a sound. The three words "Wang Biyun" made me gasp. Wasn't he assigned to Hong Kong? Why did he come back? It was said that they were in the same department before. Shuming happened to be on a business trip at this time. Would he have other arrangements
For a moment, doubts arose.
I have never met Wang Biyun, but I feel uneasy for no reason. (To be continued)