I can't think of an exact adjective to describe my family. My parents built a city for me, which I thought was unbreakable and indestructible. It protected me from the wind and rain, gave me a warm childhood, and a carefree life. Later I found that, in fact, our home had long been precarious and in danger.
My parents' relationship had been problematic for a long time, and they had eased for a while. I thought things had finally turned around, the dark clouds had dispersed, and the sky was about to clear up. But in the second semester of my senior year, a serious incident occurred that directly affected our future lives.
It was a spring evening on a weekend. I came back from school after making up lessons. I had just finished dinner. My grandmother went out for a walk. My mother was putting on her clothes in front of the mirror. She was going out for beauty treatment. As she was about to go out, the phone rang. I ran to answer it. It was a young woman's voice. It sounded very unfamiliar. She asked for Jiang Xiaorong. I handed the receiver to my mother. She was still laughing, "Oh, who is it? You are so accurate. I am going out." After answering the phone, my mother's smile almost froze and she put it away all of a sudden. She spoke on the phone expressionlessly.
I really regretted running too fast after answering the phone, otherwise my mother would have already left. The call came from a woman who claimed to be Zhao Xinyue’s girlfriend. My mother closed the door and answered the phone. I didn’t know what she said, but I vaguely heard her ask, “What do you want?”… .“Shameless…”
After answering the phone, my mother went into the bedroom and threw things all over the floor, especially my father's belongings, all spread out on the floor, and pulled out all his suits and ties, piled them on the floor, and stepped on them again and again. After my grandmother came back, she sighed and called my father to ask about the situation, but it seemed that she didn't get anything out of him. I was worried all night and couldn't sleep, so I had to get up and write a letter to the south.
The next day, my mother got up early, packed a few things and said she was going to Chongqing to do something. I tentatively asked her if she was going to see my father and what she was doing. Perhaps because she was afraid of affecting my mood and studies, my mother did not tell me and only said she was going to see my father. She was vague. My mother's eyes were swollen, probably because she cried last night, and even the thick makeup could not cover it. I understood it in my heart, but did not ask any more questions. Since they don't want me to know and don't want me to be affected, I will pretend not to know.
I don't know what my mother said to my father when she went to Chongqing. Anyway, my father didn't come home for about two or three months. In the following days, I saw the light on in my mother's bedroom twice in the middle of the night. She was sobbing quietly in the room, and it seemed that she was talking on the phone quietly. The sound was intermittent and vague. It was not easy to hear clearly. My mother gradually lost weight and completely lost the plumpness of a middle-aged woman. She looked more shrewd and more calculating. I began to worry endlessly. I didn't sleep late at night and pricked up my ears to listen to the movement in my mother's room. Later, I gradually suffered from insomnia. Sometimes I was even dazed in class, thinking about things at home and the distant south. I began to hate my father.
My correspondence with the South became frequent again.
"Nan Fang, my father cheated on me and my mother was sad. I was worried that they would get divorced... But fortunately, I will graduate soon and go to college... Men become bad when they have money, is this true?... Haha, what a stupid question, you are also a man, how can a man admit his own shortcomings.
I hope to go to college as soon as possible, go out into the world, and live my own life... Can you describe your college life in detail? It will also give me more motivation... "
Nanfang called me and said he couldn't help but worry about me after receiving the letter. He told me that in Taipei, it was common for rich men to find lovers outside, and some smart women would come up with all kinds of tricks to tie men to their side and make them inseparable. He assured me that he only loved me, and advised me to be more open-minded about everything. My parents' lives are their lives, and we are us, and we all need to deal with our own lives. I was surprised that he could see so clearly and think so clearly.
Nan Fang also said that the school has a cross-strait exchange student program, and he is applying to come to the mainland as an exchange student to experience life here, and it will be convenient for him to communicate with me...
My parents didn't divorce after all, but my studies were affected. I only got admitted to Southwest University of Political Science and Law with a major in finance. The dream of walking on the campus of Xiamen University with Nanfang in my arms became a blur. Nanfang successfully obtained an exchange student quota and will go to the capital Beijing to be an exchange student at Renmin University of China.
I don't know how my mother got through that dark time, or what she did secretly or what sacrifices she made. Anyway, after I got the admission letter from Xi'an Jiaotong University, my father came back specially. I remember clearly that on the day my father came back, my mother dressed up exquisitely. She had her hair done, permed into big waves, dyed brown, and carefully put on makeup, eyeliner, and lipstick. She wore a short cheongsam with light flowers, 8-9 cm high heels, and a smiling face enveloped in the fragrance of Dior. My father was energetic, dressed in a suit and tie, and looked like a gentleman. People who didn't know him might think that the two were remarried!
I just felt awkward standing aside. My father gave me a bank card, saying it was a reward for my admission to university and pocket money for the future. He also announced a major decision right away—to take my grandmother, mother and me to live in downtown Chongqing. The ancestral house would remain, and the commercial house in the city center that had not yet been occupied would be sold.
My mother was all smiles. This must be the result she had been waiting for. Of course, it was a good thing for us. After all, our family would be reunited and we would be able to live together every day soon. However, I was filled with a thousand kinds of attachment and reluctance to leave.
From now on, there will no longer be a big green caterpillar falling from the sycamore tree and hitting my head, no longer seeing the red dragonflies dancing by the river, no longer hearing the cicadas and frogs chirping by the lotus pond, let alone climbing up to the Luohan Po to see the gardenias... Many beautiful memories of my youth have gone away, treasured in a small corner of my heart. Perhaps, one day many years later, Nan Fang and I will come back and sit by the river and slowly talk about the past.
The young woman who called my mother never appeared in any form for quite a long time. My mother never mentioned her, and I couldn't find any trace of her. It was as if such a person had never existed.
My father bought a duplex in the city, two floors, about 200 square meters. My grandmother lived downstairs because it was inconvenient for her to climb the stairs, and my parents lived upstairs in the master bedroom, leaving the guest bedroom for me. My mother worked an easy job in a public institution in the city.
I sat in my father's black car and came to Southwest University of Political Science and Law, which is located near the Shapingba Martyrs' Cemetery. The curtain of my four-year university life slowly began.
At this time, Nan Fang was pulling a big suitcase to Beijing. He would be an exchange student studying international trade at a top university in the mainland for a year. I joked with him on the phone, "Nan Fang, can your classmates tolerate your Mandarin?"
"Fortunately, fortunately, my roommate is from Hong Kong, an exchange student from the Hong Kong Polytechnic University. Our Mandarin is on par with each other!"
“Are the girls at Renmin University pretty? How do they compare to those at National Taiwan University?”
"None of them are as good looking as Xizheng—"
"Haha, you're so talkative!" I said coquettishly.
"Look, they don't believe the truth, but they are unhappy when I tell them a lie..."
In autumn, I received a red leaf card from the south, telling me that I had climbed Xiangshan Mountain...
During the May Day holiday, Nanfang and I agreed to book a flight to Chongqing on the 29th to visit me. I was naturally very happy. It had been a year and a half since we last met. I wondered if he had changed. Would the guy from Taipei become thinner due to the unfamiliar climate? Would he become puffy after eating too much northern noodles? For several days, I fell asleep under a blanket, imagining all the possible appearances of Nanfang.
The day before he came, I was so excited that I couldn't sleep all night. I got up to go to the bathroom and then got up to drink water. Zhang Yaoyao, a night owl in the same dormitory, felt strange, "Miss, what time is it? Why don't you come and watch a movie with me?"
I tiptoed over, afraid of waking up other students, and gently lifted her curtain. This girl was wearing headphones and watching a movie on the computer. She happily asked me to get on the bed and watch it with her. I thought, I couldn't sleep anyway, so I took off my shoes and got on the bed. I saw the famous porn star Christy Chung half-naked, making out with a man. I was a little embarrassed, "Yaoyao, what movie is this?"
"'Jane Wong' - hehe, an art film. I'm worried about being alone, let's watch it together." She pulled me.
I sat down with my head held high. There were passionate scenes in the movie, and Zhang Yaoyao wanted to discuss it with me. Unfortunately, I didn't know much about the relationship between men and women at that time, and I felt shy, so I just kept saying "yeah" and couldn't answer. Zhang Yaoyao didn't feel shy at all, and started introducing her to me. She said seriously, "Zhao Qinqin still needs to receive popular science education and take physiology and hygiene classes."
The next day, I slept until 11:00 am and didn't get up. I didn't want to go to the political economy class in the morning. May in the mountain city can be called summer. The sun was shining brightly and it was very hot. In the afternoon, I wore a blue fabric dress that I bought at the Pacific Department Store in Jiefangbei a few days ago. It was a waist-cinching dress with a big bow tied on the back, revealing a little shoulder. I wore a pair of white flat leather shoes on my feet. My hair was still tied in a ponytail as usual. I went to Jiangbei Airport to wait for Xu Nanfang in this outfit.
The plane arrived on time, and Nanfang and I saw each other at the exit at the same time. We were surprised and happy. It felt a bit like suddenly finding "him" in a vast crowd.
Nanfang wore big sunglasses, had a crew cut, and was wearing a very casual light blue T-shirt, jeans, and sneakers. His skin was still the same wheat color as before, his body was strong and well-shaped, and his beard was shaved very cleanly.
"Hi! Nan Fang!" I called him softly from a few meters away, holding my small bag in both hands and folding it in front of me.
"Qinqin!" He walked over with big strides, as if there was a wind under his feet.
Nanfang took off his sunglasses and gently covered my face with them. He carried a large travel bag in one hand and took my hand with the other, and walked out of the airport hall.
Many years later, Zhang Yaoyao told me that some men like to hold your shoulders gently when walking, while others like to hold your hand tightly. They are two completely different types of people... Li Shuming is the former, and Xu Nanfang is probably the latter. (To be continued)