"Am I the best...?"
Xun Yuming stared at him blankly, repeating unconsciously.
"You are." Zhuang Yi let go of his hand when the red light counted down, and shifted gears to drive forward, "Don't question yourself, so what if you win the prize? You are always the second-ranked candidate, and the nomination is sure."
"Besides," he asked with a smile, "is there anyone as young as you who has achieved such achievements?"
It only takes one sentence to belittle others, but it takes years of hard work to catch up with others. Admitting that you are inferior is more painful than admitting that you are mediocre. Therefore, people's first reaction when they fall behind is to gain psychological balance by belittling the superior.
It is true that Xun Yuming was chosen first, not to mention that medical achievements are difficult to measure. Even if he is really inferior to the first place, he is still the second place voted by the judging panel.
There are countless flowers, praises and applause between the world's second and the world's first, but how much difference is there in terms of strength
"You have to stay away from those who pour cold water on you." Zhuang Yi said, "A kind reminder and deliberate mental suppression are completely different things."
What Zhuang Yi said was completely opposite to what the teacher said. One was the love of his life, and the other was his mentor. Their words sounded very reasonable, but how should we judge who is right? Xun Yuming was confused.
When the car arrived home, Zhuang Yi went to the kitchen to put away the sundries. Xun Yuming followed him blankly, and heard him say: "I want to give you a psychological consultation, would you like it?"
He turned on the range hood, shook the cigarette case on the table to shake out a cigarette, and asked if he could. Xun Yuming sat by the bar and nodded, "Don't ask me in the future, it's up to you."
"I like to ask for your permission." Zhuang Yi wished that he would control himself, from money to habits and even clothing and food, and take care of every detail, like a real partner.
Where can I buy the joy of being strict with my wife? Only those who love me and others love me will be restrained. When two people respect each other, there is no fear, only understanding and tolerance. Only people with low self-esteem in reality will find a little sense of superiority from their lover, and he will not.
"You're so weird." Who doesn't love freedom
Xun Yuming held his face and sighed, "What do you mean by filing a lawsuit against the teacher?"
The teacher just said a few unpleasant comments. Although he was sad, he would not go to court for it.
Zhuang Yi took a puff of cigarette, extinguished the cigarette butt, got up and walked deep into the porch, "Follow me."
Xun Yuming followed slowly, he didn't come in this study often, the experience of psychological evaluation last time was not very pleasant, he had a shadow in his heart, saw the large writing desk, and the two sofa chairs facing each other, I couldn't help being nervous and scared.
Zhuang Yi pointed to the sofa, beckoning him to sit down, then went to the next door to fetch oranges, put them in his arms and hugged him, "Relax."
He smiled very gently, Xun Yuming swallowed his throat and looked at him: "Do you want to do it now?"
"Soon." Zhuang Yi took out a notebook from the bookcase, which contained a summary of his experience in searching for Yuming over the years, as well as the problems Chen Linlin discovered since he consulted him.
When Zhuang Yi was a beginner in psychology, he had an after-school practice of analyzing real people. He took Xun Yuming as the object and wrote countless articles on analysis and diagnosis.
At that time, they parted ways, neither of them had the contact information of the other, and it was impossible to meet again. Zhuang Yi could only obtain Yuming's academic news through hearsay, and it was very difficult to research.
Later, when Xun Yuming returned to China, they met again, and Zhuang Yi asked Chen Linlin to consult him for personal gain. As the person in charge of the consulting room, he also had the opportunity to get in touch with Xun Yuming's case, which made his analysis much easier.
He spread the notebook full of words on the table, sat across from the sofa, and said with a smile, "It's not the first time I've had a consultation, why are you so nervous?"
Xun Yuming's eyes dodged, his whole body couldn't help trembling, and the orange lying on his lap was knocked up by him to snoring. He reached out to pick up the water glass on the coffee table, but spilled water all over his body like sifting chaff. Tangerine shook her hair and jumped down to hide from the rain with a "meow".
"How can it be the same." Chatting with Chen Linlin, the difficulty lies in the embarrassment, and the pain of uncovering the scars when recalling the past.
But facing Zhuang Yi and opening his heart, he couldn't help being nervous, "You...be merciful."
"I'm not trying to scold you." Zhuang Yi smiled, shook his head and said, "You demonized psychological counseling, we're just chatting."
"I don't believe it." If it was just a chat, he had heard why Haiwan was crying in this room at the beginning, and Haiwan called him the devil for a reason.
"Hearing is delusion, experience is reality." Zhuang Yi crossed his legs and began to cut to the point, "Please answer me a question first, how did you and Angus know each other?"
Xun Yuming sat upright, and said honestly: "He was one of the judges in that mathematical modeling competition. He liked my paper very much, so he paid attention to me."
"In my second year of Ph.D., that is, the year you returned to Stanford, I had an exchange opportunity to go to Harvard University. He was one of the leaders of the neural research team at that time."
At the beginning, Zhuang Yi took great pains to make up lessons, and only wanted to return to Stanford and live in the same school as him. And Xun Yuming lost his patent and suffered all kinds of ostracism, but he wanted Zhuang Yi to come back so that he could peek at him from time to time.
It's a pity that good luck tricks people, but the year he came back was the time when he left. One is in Boston, one is in California, and the two are separated again.
Knowing this, Zhuang Yi regretted that he should not come back. Dartmouth is very close to Harvard, which is better than the east and west coasts.
Later, Xun Yuming finished his internship and went to Minnesota, while Zhuang Yi stayed in New York for two years. Because his grandmother was getting old and missed his little daughter, he went back to China with his parents.
He didn't think about looking for Yuming, but he couldn't help but want to send him an email when he was on the plane back home.
I wrote and deleted, deleted and wrote again, and finally cut it from two pages to only one line: "Hi, how are you? I'm fine. I want to tell you that I'm back in China. Goodbye."
It was a weekend when I received the email, and the sky outside was as blue as a rainbow with a rainbow after the rain.
Xun Yuming just got off the night shift, dragged his body that was about to fall apart, returned to his second-hand little blue bird, opened the mailbox of his mobile phone, and was dazed for three seconds, tears "swiping" down his face.
I didn't expect to hear from him again after many years. I didn't expect to receive his message again, but it was a complete farewell.
He read the letter countless times, and rubbed his fingers over the screen with careful care, but he didn't reply.
Looking back on the past, Xun Yuming had a sore nose and quickly changed the topic: "The teacher is a very good person. He donates to poor students all the year round, and he also gives free lectures for community colleges, hoping to encourage more people to join the medical career. To me This kind of newcomer is still Asian, and he never excludes me, giving me a lot of opportunities."
"He was very kind to the family. At that time, I lived alone and had no relatives, so he took me home for Christmas. Their family members were very hospitable, and Mrs. Angus even went online to learn how to make Chinese dishes, such as dumplings stuffed with cheese. Give it to me, it's really unpalatable... "
Thinking of the past, he couldn't help but smile, "He is a good husband, a good neighbor, he leaves work on time every day, takes picnics with his children on weekends, and never misses any family activities because of work. He has two sons and a daughter, and the eldest son himself Doing business, my youngest son goes to college in Georgetown, and my daughter has good grades."
Such a perfect person, just like his name—is Eros, an angel, and a gift from God to the world.
Zhuang Yi didn't seem to hear his words at all, and said in a low voice: "Things that are too perfect are often illusions. Human nature is so complicated, even a good person can commit heinous crimes with a single thought."
"Are you prejudiced against him?"
"Blindly thinking that others are good is actually prejudice."
Xun Yuming frowned slightly. He used to believe in Angus' words and respected him extremely, but when he saw him after returning to China, he felt strange emotions.
He didn't want to admit to Zhuang Yi that denying Angus was equivalent to denying his former self. He was also afraid that Zhuang Yi would hate the teacher even more, leaving him in a dilemma.
But from Angus' evaluation of Zhuang Yi and their relationship that night, to his disapproval of himself and his research in the laboratory today, Xun Yuming always felt weird.
The familiar teacher suddenly became so unfamiliar, this feeling was like eating a broken peanut, the taste was so strong that he couldn't suppress it.
"Can you tell me what kind of care Angus has given you? Apart from life, we only talk about work." During the consultation, Zhuang Yi habitually tilted his head slightly, with no expression on his face, and his tone was not warm Clear and indifferent, with an objective attitude that is completely out of the way, only the pair of eyes are so sharp that they seem to be able to see into people's hearts at a glance.
"He..." Xun Yuming recalled the past and found that he couldn't find any strong arguments, "He introduced me to Hopkins for an internship."
At that time, he applied for the Hopkins internship program, but the number of places was limited and there were many outstanding ones. The competition was too fierce, and he was not sure. After Angus learned about it, he contacted his friends in the hospital to help him get a chance.
Zhuang Yi nodded, and then asked: "Do you think you can get in without him?"
"I don't know." Xun Yuming couldn't be sure, "You mean, I was selected in the first place, and the teacher's phone call is just going along with the flow and has no effect?"
He always speculated about the teacher from a malicious standpoint.
"I didn't say that." The corners of Zhuang Yi's mouth curved slightly, "But why do you think so?"
"I..." Xun Yuming was stopped by his question, "You asked that, I guessed."
"Why do you guess like this?" Zhuang Yi refused to let go. There was indeed maliciousness in this speculation, but it was also Xun Yuming's own malice. He just asked an uninteresting question.
Xun Yuming's expression gradually became distressed, he was a little angry, this unknown anger had nowhere to go, he could only flatten his mouth and say: "I don't know!"
"Okay." Zhuang Yi smiled again, with a hint of connivance, "Aside from introducing you to an internship, is there anything else?"
"Of course." Xun Yuming said coldly, "The teacher took me to Mayo to work, took me to join his laboratory, and helped me raise funds...too much."
"After your internship is over, do you have any other options besides going to Mayo?" Zhuang Yi asked one by one, "Can the laboratory share your research results? Is the investor investing in the laboratory or yourself?"
Xun Yuming is not a fool, how can he fail to understand the meaning behind these questions, "The teacher will not use me, you are wrong." He stubbornly chooses to believe, could it be that the unreserved trust in the past six years is just a joke? mistake
cannot.
He can't accept it, and he can't accept it.
"I didn't think about anything." Zhuang Yi's tone was relaxed as usual, "What do you think I'm thinking?"
"Can you stop asking me these things?" Xun Yuming got angry, couldn't control it anymore, got up and said, "You...you just want to say that I can go to other places if I don't go to Mayo. I... What made me join the lab is profit, and the so-called investment is also a joke, isn't it? I'm a fool, I was cheated, am I?"
"Really?!" He couldn't see Zhuang Yi's expression clearly, his eyes were foggy, and the cool liquid slid down his cheeks. After the turbulent waves passed, his heart was desolate.
In psychological counseling, it is very common and easy for the counselor to fall in love with or hate the therapist. Zhuang Yi's style has always been like this, what can't be broken can't be built. For patients who don't have a tendency to self-destruct, he is used to using speech skills to let the other party face their hearts, and then they can start the treatment smoothly.
But facing Xun Yuming today, seeing his gradual collapse, he was shaken. The establishment of industry standards is indeed justified, and Zhuang Yi even slightly regretted that he shouldn't consult people close to him.
At this moment, he comforted Xun Yuming that he would interrupt the progress of the consultation, but he couldn't bear to comfort Xun Yuming, hesitated, and finally hugged him into his arms: "Don't cry, obviously, it's my fault, I'm talking nonsense."
"You're not!" Xun Yuming grew up, no matter how big a blow he experienced, he never shed tears, but Zhuang Yi is his nemesis, and he couldn't help crying when he met him, "Teacher won't treat me like that."
Zhuang Yi was reluctant to let him suffer, and even more reluctant to lie to him again, and now he couldn't care less about what he wanted to induce him to understand: "Obviously, from Angus' behavior, he has a little personality disorder."
According to his judgment, Angus should like to be immersed in the imagination of "he is a saint". He is kind to Xun Yuming, supports and takes care of him, and cares a lot. Most of the time, it is actually to satisfy his own imagination.
When he finds that Xun Yuming is good enough and does not need his help, he will make up some things to trick him, make him grateful to himself, and at the same time belittle him and deny him, making Xun Yuming feel that he is worthless without him. Can't survive.
He is smart and has a strong jealousy. He is used to cultivating successors, but once the level of the successor surpasses him, and even makes him unable to catch up, he will mentally suppress the other party and keep himself in the supreme position.
A few days ago, Zhuang Yi was dissatisfied with Angus' introduction of 1.85 meters to Xun Yuming, and asked someone to investigate him, and found that he had been nominated for the Field Award twice, but never won the award.
And Xun Yuming, as his student, did what he couldn't do in his whole life at a young age, how to balance his mind.
Angus has a strong insight, he can easily discover a person's weakness, or a shortcoming of a problem, and then use his findings to say some seemingly irrefutable reasons to suppress Xun Yuming and make him have Strong self-doubt.
"Mingming." The shirt was wet with tears, Zhuang Yi patted the person in his arms lightly, and asked softly, "Do you trust me or him?"
The author has something to say: Welcome to the new baby.
Thanks to the little angels who voted for me or irrigated the nutrient solution~
Thanks to the little angel who cast [Grenade]: 1 Lianlianlian;
Thanks to the little angels who voted [Landmine]: 3 little experts selling newspapers; 35736526, 30750791, and 1 my cat is thinking of you;
Thanks to the little angels who irrigate [nutrient solution]:
10 bottles of Huai Shui, first dyed; 5 bottles of 35736526; 1 bottle of male feather;
Thank you very much for your support, I will continue to work hard!