Sheng Canyang lay on the sofa, with one hand on his forehead and the other on the ground.
For him, the most difficult thing is not the choice, but the uncertainty of the reality of the other world, but it would be too far-fetched to say that all this is his fantasy.
Rationality told him that he should be suffering from a mental illness, and sensibility convinced him that all this happened for real.
Sheng Canyang knew in his heart that even if he was crazy, he would not be able to construct such a world to deceive himself. But there is no shred of evidence that another world exists.
Sheng Canyang's current life is actually very good. One of the great blessings in life is to be dedicated and happy. Sheng Canyang feels that he has already done it. He likes music and stage performances, and he has been recognized by everyone with what he likes. All this is very important to him. It's not something that can be let go easily. No matter who it is, it will not be abandoned.
But these memories are too real, the problem is that he is too real, as if there is such a person.
Sheng Canyang hasn't taken off his coat since he entered the door. He was wearing a heavy silver-gray down jacket, and he was lying on the sofa, with different voices alternately playing in his head, but in the end he became more and more calm.
All voices stopped, and Hae-il's face disappeared.
Sheng Canyang sighed, stood up, opened the door and walked out, walked to the elevator door, and pressed it to the top floor.
The wind in January was very harsh. Sheng Canyang walked up the steps. When he opened the door, his hair was blown into a mess, and the surrounding was quiet except for the sound of the wind. He grabbed a handful of hair and walked forward bravely. The rooftop Surrounded by low fences, Sheng Canyang walked over, looked downstairs, and took a deep breath—it was too high.
Sheng Canyang stood on the rooftop with his pockets in his pocket for about five minutes, thinking about how he had the courage to jump from the twenty-fourth floor last time.
At that time, it seemed that I only glanced down. After confirming that there was no one below, I didn't even hesitate for two minutes. I supported the railing with one hand and jumped down. It may be because of Ansel. He was a little scared at the time. No, I just feel relaxed.
But now—Sheng Canyang leaned on the railing, looked downstairs, and took another deep breath.
The weather was a bit too cold, Sheng Canyang was so cold that he shrank his neck into his coat, zipped it up, and then glanced down again.
That might not work. Sheng Canyang thought, I really can't jump down, it's too high.
Will it be better during the day? Sheng Canyang thought, the day is not so dark, maybe it will be better
Try again during the day. Sheng Canyang thought it over, and then stood on the roof to feel it for a while, and then ran back, it was really too cold up here.
If there is no mental problem, under normal circumstances, it is too difficult to keep calm and jump from the top. Sheng Canyang felt that he might not be ready yet.
When will this be ready? Sheng Canyang walked into the elevator, pressed the floor, felt a little annoyed, rubbed his hair, and leaned against the wall.
Do you want to see a doctor? Sheng Canyang had such an idea. Maybe really crazy
Sheng Canyang took out his mobile phone and started to register, but he thought that there were too few free days, which made him even more annoying.
Sheng Canyang let out an "ah" in the elevator, and looked up to feel his own collapse.
The next morning, Sheng Canyang walked into the nanny car with a tired face.
The assistant was startled when he saw it, and said, "Didn't you sleep well?"
"Let's go." Sheng Canyang collapsed on the back seat, covered himself with a quilt, and said, "Call me when we arrive."
The assistant couldn't bear it, and said, "Why don't you push back? Tell them to wait."
"No need," Sheng Canyang said under the quilt, "Call me when we arrive."
Today is a magazine shoot. If they are really made to wait, these fashion people are the last ones who want to suffer, and they have to spread the news. You will be scolded for playing big names.
Sheng Canyang entered the shooting scene with a lawsuit on his forehead, and sat in the dressing room to prepare makeup and hair. The assistant called the manager in a low voice to inform the news. Sheng Canyang stretched out his hand and said, "Give it to me."
The assistant looked at his expression and handed him the phone. Sheng Canyang answered the phone and said, "Don't ask Xiao Zhao to tell you how I am doing today."
The manager was stunned when he heard his voice, and then said, "How do you know... Where is Xiao Zhao?"
Sheng Canyang said: "I won't be in a good mood if you're like this, just leave me alone."
Agent: "Okay, okay, I see."
"Not in the future," said the manager, "I made a mistake again."
Sheng Canyang returned the phone to the assistant, and then got even more annoyed.
The assistant said, "Oh, don't be angry with us, I'm sorry."
Sheng Canyang glanced at her, shook his head without saying anything. The assistant said: "We don't know what to do for you to make you happy."
Sheng Canyang: "..."
"It's okay," Sheng Canyang said, "I didn't sleep well and I'm a bit irritable, I'm sorry."
The assistant said, "If there's anything I can do to help, just let me know."
Sheng Canyang opened his eyes and said, "...make an appointment with a doctor for me."
Sheng Canyang's appointment is at the end of the month, and he doesn't have to go to class that day, and he doesn't have a schedule, so he can rest for a day and a half. Sheng Canyang sat in front of the doctor, looked at his face, and suddenly fell silent.
He thought for a long time, and finally said at the beginning: "I have a new memory since the end of last year."
He looked at the doctor's face, forced himself to sit here, suppressed the desire to get up and leave, and continued: "In this memory, after I committed suicide, I entered a strange world. In this world, everything It is some people who committed suicide, we need to do the task together, whoever wins can win the chance of death."
The doctor put down his pen, looked up at him, and said with a smile, "Whoever wins can die?"
"Yes," Sheng Canyang crossed his hands and put them on his knees. He tried to describe that memory in an objective tone without adding any subjective emotions. "In my opinion, this world seems to want to give everyone another choice." Every resident can return to reality at any time, but most people do not have the courage. I have met many people here, some committed suicide because of mental illness, some because of debts, some because of the death of their relatives, there are various For various reasons,... I seem to be a little special in this world."
The doctor said kindly: "Oh?"
Sheng Canyang ignored the kindness he deliberately created, and continued: "My despair value is very high. Even in this world full of despair, I can be regarded as the highest type of person."
Sheng Canyang found that he was gradually becoming calmer, and he continued to say slowly but clearly: "I really want to die. In that world, I worked very hard to participate in the tasks they arranged, some immersive games, the popular werewolf killing, The script kills the game. I know, they want to wake up the love of my life through this kind of mission, but I didn't want to stop for a moment, I was very good at these games, so soon, my points were enough."
The doctor started recording again, saying, "And then? What happened?"
Sheng Canyang said: "Then my death application was not passed. I was always surprised. I was the only one who failed to pass my death application, but then I understood."
The doctor looked up, indicating that he was listening, and looked at him with interest.
Sheng Canyang didn't look at him, but slowly recalled those days, he said: "I met a boy, his name is Hai Ri."
"We met when we were doing missions. At the beginning, he said he was my fan," Sheng Canyang said, "I recognized him at the time, and I saw him in reality, so I believed it at the time.... Although Later, it was proved that that person was not him, but that is already a story."
Sheng Canyang said: "That was his first mission. He is the murderer. I actually found out a long time ago, but I didn't tell others, and I can't explain why. It stands to reason that I really wanted to win at that time. Wanted more points. But he…”
Sheng Canyang thought about it, but still smiled, and said, "It's very cute."
"He is very cute," Sheng Canyang said, "I had no other thoughts at the time, but was moved with compassion."
The doctor smiled gently: "Let me guess, are you in love with him?"
Sheng Canyang said calmly: "Yes."
"It's easy to fall in love with him," Sheng Canyang said, "He is very bright, unlike me, I can't help myself to find him. But he always claims to be my fan, which makes me a little angry .”
Sheng Canyang smiled embarrassedly, and the doctor nodded.
Sheng Canyang said: "I created a lot of opportunities for myself, and even asked my friends to help, and lied to him that our theater needed help, but at that time it was just a good impression. In the end, I must tell him that I like him because the more we get along, the better he is. I feel that I like him very much, there is no opportunity, no reason, I just don’t want other people around him, I hope only me.”
"He agreed." Sheng Canyang's expression became brighter, as if thinking of that memory, it made him a lot gentler, "That was the most comfortable period of time I lived in that world. But then I found out that he actually had Secret."
"He may not be called Hai Ri, nor is he an ordinary person," Sheng Canyang said, "It was a long time later, and I needed to conduct an internal test of a mission, because it was not safe, so I didn't take him with me. Difficult and thrilling, I felt as if he was trying to make things difficult for me, and that night, he drove to me and acted strangely. He felt in love with me, but he was sorry for me, and I knew he couldn’t fall in love with someone else, so maybe He is the one who hid something from me."
Sheng Canyang slowly sorted out the events during that time: "My friend was with him and told me that he would chat with some inanimate objects in the past two days, and he started...not calling me 'husband' anymore."
"This is actually a symbol," Sheng Canyang said. "Either he redefined our relationship, or he suddenly changed his temperament. I think it has both. He should have awakened another memory... like I am the same now, I immediately thought that when we were first together, someone once called another person's name in his face. I actually thought, he may have come to me to do a task, the purpose is to Send me out of that world and bring me back to reality."
Sheng Canyang closed his eyelids and looked at the texture of the wooden floor: "It turns out that what I thought was right, it is indeed the case, he is indeed not an ordinary resident. I thought at the time, even if this is the case, as long as he is willing to be with me , we can also leave together, just happened at that time, that world was about to collapse, I was actually very happy, I thought this was an opportunity, we could escape. But... I won the last mission, but he disappeared gone."
The doctor finally said, "Disappeared?"
"It's actually death," Sheng Canyang chose a new word, but it was difficult for him to say the word, "He is a world defender who can absorb despair, but my despair is too high, he absorbs my despair After it was over, my own life also came to an end, and then...disappeared in a sea."
Sheng Canyang said slowly: "Then my memory will end."
The doctor smiled and said, "So what's bothering you?"
"It's the things in my memory, which slowly appeared in reality," Sheng Canyang said calmly, "In reality, I followed the memory to find friends from that world, some of them are still alive, some of them After returning, he fell ill and died."
The doctor didn't seem surprised, Sheng Canyang said: "I don't think it's a psychological hint, and I haven't seen them before."
The doctor asked carefully: "How many friends from that world have you met?"
Sheng Canyang subconsciously erased Ansel's part and said, "Two."
The doctor said: "Did the memories appear first, or did they appear first?"
"One came before the memory."
Doctor: "Will it be when you heard his story?"
Sheng Canyang looked at him and said, "I can't prove it."
The doctor smiled and said, "What this sentence means is that I can't prove that you have heard his story."
Sheng Canyang felt that his attitude was not bad, so he relaxed his guard a little.
The doctor said, "So how do you feel now?"
"Confusion," Sheng Canyang said, "I can't tell which ones are real and which ones are fake."
Sheng Canyang said: "This memory is dangerous. It is inducing me to commit suicide. I have already started to try suicide. A month ago, I stood on the rooftop, but in the end I didn't have the courage to jump off."
doctor:"… "
"I always feel that Hai Ri is waiting for me." Sheng Canyang said as usual.
Doctor: "Hasn't he already disappeared?"
"Yes," Sheng Canyang said, "but I promise to find him. To be honest, I have no way to find him."
Sheng Canyang: "Is it possible for a person to construct such a memory? I can accurately recite my friend's mobile phone number. He once told me in that world that he committed suicide because he had leukemia. I found it in reality some time ago. He, he died of leukemia two years ago."
The doctor was a little surprised, but still said: "This is not impossible, the power of the human subconscious is huge."
Sheng Canyang nodded, but was still immersed in that memory.
"It's so real," Sheng Canyang murmured, "It's as if it's right in front of you."
"These two worlds are like..." Sheng Canyang said suddenly, "Wait a minute."
The doctor raised his head and looked at him inexplicably, Sheng Canyang was stunned, and said, "How could Hai Ri know about that memory..."
Three years ago, Ansel took a look at Sheng Canyang in reality, how could Hai Ri know
Sheng Canyang stood up immediately, and the doctor said, "What are you going to do?"
"Thank you, I'm here first." Sheng Canyang said politely, then picked up his clothes, opened the door and rushed out.
The assistant waited outside the door, unexpectedly said: "So fast?"
However, Sheng Canyang called immediately, and after several rings, Ansel answered lazily, "What are you doing? Didn't you tell me not to disturb me?"
Sheng Canyang said: "Why does Hairi have your memory?"
Ansel: "..."
"You liked me?" Sheng Canyang asked.
Sheng Canyang realized that what he said was wrong, and said, "Have you ever chased me? I mean, chasing stars?"
Ansel sighed after a long time, and then said, "That's what happened."
"You know Evie, right?" Ansel asked.
Sheng Canyang: "Yes, what happened to him?"
Ansel: "Both he and Hai Ri are defenders. Ivan also has a reflection in real life, and I know his reflection. The connection between these two worlds is that they and us are like two worlds. Jack, and through us, the message can be delivered."
"Many times their tasks require some memories, and they will steal our lives," Ansel said. "I did follow the stars for a while, maybe they think that memory is very appropriate."
Sheng Canyang felt suddenly enlightened, and understood many things at once.
Sheng Canyang asked: "So you didn't come to see me that time to harm me."
"Ah, I lied to you casually. Didn't you think it was because of me that you committed suicide? I just said it casually," Ansel said, "I felt that you were going to commit suicide, so I went to see you , I have no ability to save you, you were already seriously ill at that time, I knew you were going to the second world soon, so I stopped by to see you."
Sheng Canyang: "Why don't you tell the truth?"
Ansel sighed and said, "Why did you say that?"
"Don't you think it's weird?" Ansel said, "Do you like Hai Ri, or me who has that memory? I think it's weird."
Sheng Canyang didn't speak, Ansel: "Then if I tell you again, I can actually feel Hai Ri's mental fluctuations? Over the years, when he is happy, when he is sad, and what troubles he encounters, I can feel it." get it?"
Sheng Canyang: "Really?"
"Yes," said Ansel, "otherwise how would I know he was dead."
Sheng Canyang let out a long breath, feeling his heart was terribly blocked, and patted his chest with his hand.
Ansel was also silent for a moment, and then said: "I just said, it will be very weird."
Sheng Canyang asked, "Do you hate him?"
Ansel laughed, and laughed at himself, "Is there anything annoying about him?"
Ansel: "In fact, there are no miracles in the second world. You can't find him after you go back. He has disappeared, but you will think of the relationship between the two of you. Now you only have memories, but no feelings."
Ansel said: "Have you ever thought about it, in fact, if the entire society is infected with mental illness, then mental illness will become an infectious disease, and when pain becomes something that everyone has to bear by default, the Killing will eventually become the same goal for everyone, and the second world cannot solve this problem."
"I don't mean to justify myself by saying this," Ansel said, "I did kill a lot of people, although that was before, forget about it, I actually want to say, I heard that Qian has the ability to control time."
Sheng Canyang: "..."
"But I don't know whether it's true or not," Ansel said, "so I dare not speak nonsense. The Second World has not done anything for many years, and no one knows whether it is true or not."
Ansel said: "If it is really possible, you can see Hai Ri, but even so, you can't bring him back, alas, there is no solution."
Sheng Canyang kept talking while walking out, was silent for a moment, and then asked: "You don't like me, do you?"
"..." Ansel said, "Of course not."
Sheng Canyang said bluntly: "It's probably not because you think that between you and Hai Ri, I will definitely choose him, so you pretended to be a straight man from the beginning and pretended to hate me."
Ansel said: "Stop! Can you?"
"I have goosebumps," Ansel said.
Sheng Canyang: "Then how do I understand your behavior?"
Ansel: "You can't feel the feelings between the two of you, but I was okay at the time, maybe I just wanted to be a good person, don't think too bad of me."
"But why did you suddenly ask me this?" Ansel said.
Sheng Canyang pushed open the door, and the wind on the roof rustled.
Ansel said immediately, "Where are you?"
Sheng Canyang said, "Are you concerned about me?"
Ansel: "..."
Sheng Canyang suddenly said: "You didn't let me contact you, but you didn't change your phone number."
"What's the meaning?"
Sheng Canyang walked to the roof, the wind blew his hair up, and said, "You know far more than what you told me."
"They said they wanted me to commit suicide," Sheng Canyang had already reached the edge, and he looked down, "but they were actually warning me not to commit suicide."
Sheng Canyang said: "If you really want me to die, you just need to give me stronger evidence to make me believe that Hai Ri really exists. You must have something like this at hand."
Ansel: "Why would I do this?"
"The memories before Hai Ri met me are yours," Sheng Canyang said, "You like me. You know that I will always think of these memories as long as I look at your face, so just tell me all these and let me Make a choice. If I stay in reality, I will definitely choose you."
"Goodbye, Ansel," Sheng Canyang said with his nose a little red from the cold, "I'm in the Yangshuo Building, call an ambulance for me."
Ansel: "Wait a minute!"
"Think clearly," Ansel said despite knowing that the more urgent the situation, the bigger the loophole, he still couldn't control the speed of his speech, "Are you sure you want to do this? What I said may be false."
Ansel said: "Didn't you just become popular? Are you willing to let go of these? You will die if you jump off the building!"
Sheng Canyang said, "So, call an ambulance."
After all, he hung up the phone and threw it aside, Sheng Canyang took a deep breath, opened his eyes, and checked that there was no one below.
Sheng Canyang said to himself, "This is the craziest thing I've ever done in my life."
"You better really exist," Sheng Canyang took two steps back, and then made a run-up movement, "You better be waiting for me."
Sheng Canyang closed his eyes and gasped for a moment, feeling his heart beating violently.
Believe in what you see with your eyes, believe in what you hear with your ears, and believe in what you feel, Sheng Canyang reorganized his thoughts, then opened his eyes, revealing a firm light.
Sheng Canyang jumped down on the spot, then took two steps towards a run-up, and suddenly jumped down—
In the cold wind, Sheng Canyang even felt the feeling of being blown away by the wind in the air, and Sheng Canyang's mind went blank for a moment—
"Name."
"Sheng Canyang."
"age."
"twenty one."
The teller raised his head from the document and glanced at him: "How did you die?"
"Jump off the building." Sheng Canyang laughed.
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The behavior in the article is artistic processing and cannot be imitated. Thanks to the little angels who voted for me or irrigated nutrient solution during 2020-11-19 23:54:22~2020-11-22 01:46:55~
Thanks to the little angel who threw the shallow water bomb: 27797011 1 piece;
Thanks to the little angel who cast the mine: Guan, Fanmiao, Guangguang 1;
Thanks to the little angel of irrigation nutrient solution: 30 bottles per side; 14 bottles per inch; 10 bottles without preservatives; 1 bottle of mottled color blocks;
Thank you very much for your support, I will continue to work hard!