In the real world, although Sheng Canyang's memories came back, there were only pictures and sounds, like watching a movie he starred in with others, the relationship was very thin, and there was always pain in love, Sheng Canyang didn't feel it. The feelings come back slowly after coming here, like sitting here, waiting for the puzzle pieces on my body to slowly fall back into place.
Sheng Canyang sat in the small restaurant and toasted with the two of them. Ivy said: "The Second World has undergone reconstruction. Three years ago, only the central tower remained. The reconstruction only started in January of the previous year, and began to accommodate residents. Yes. It only started in July last year, so far it has only been half a year. The number of people admitted is 53,000."
"We don't say any nice words," said Evie. "Compared to the five years before 2000, the number of people is much lower. In 1994, there were 200,000 residents. At that time, most of them were rural people. At that time, we were in a state of preparation for war in the Second World, and the death rate was high because we had no choice. Poverty, death, and disease were the main causes of death for everyone. Among the 200,000 people, 160,000 were from rural areas. Rural women in recent years have always been more than rural men.”①
"It was a real life of poverty, without any hope," Evie said, "a life of suffering that can be seen to the end at a glance, no one can save it, and there is nothing we can do. At that time, we all knew that it would get better, because poverty is For a while, no one will be poor forever, and no people will be poor forever. We can get better if we get through it."
Ivie took a sip of wine, and then said: "If we don't discuss suicide|suicide, we can talk about life. Back then we could be called desperate, so are people now really desperate?"
"Is it true that there is nothing we can do?" Ivan said, "Is it because I can't hold on for a day? No way. Sheng Canyang, ask yourself, you have come here for the third time."
Sheng Canyang said, "I know what you mean."
"I couldn't live anymore at that moment," Sheng Canyang said, "I felt like I had nowhere to go."
Evie: "You just feel it yourself."
Sheng Canyang: "If you can learn to respect everyone's choice, your life will be easier and you will have a lot less burden."
"Including you giving up on yourself?"
"It's not this," Sheng Canyang sat on the leather sofa, a little drunk, he leaned back, then looked at him with slightly lowered eyes, and said, "It's time to respect everyone's cowardice."
Sheng Canyang said: "I'm not saying that everyone is like me, nor that I choose to be brave like this, but that life is a choice, and death is also a choice. With such a choice, when people have no choice, you have to allow them Choice. In a person's life, is there anyone who hasn't recalled the idea of "just die" in his mind for a second?"
"In Shanghai, 24 percent of primary and middle school students had the idea of suicide in a flash, and 15 percent actually tried it," Sheng Canyang said, "When I was in school , I have this thought in my mind, many times. I have never mentioned it to anyone, because boys can’t say this, and they will be regarded as cowardly.”
"I later found out that it was because of my illness. At that time, I didn't need to go for treatment," Sheng Canyang said. "I didn't want to receive some medicine every day, and I didn't want to be treated as a special case. This is the violence that normal people inflict on me. , so I can only live with such emotions, I know that if I am diagnosed, I am facing a more serious situation, and they will discriminate against me in their hearts."
Sheng Canyang said: "I don't mean that you are discriminating against me, nor that you have done anything wrong, but that you are ignorant of me, and this ignorance is a kind of violence to me."
Evie fell silent.
Sheng Canyang said: "I am a person who has experienced it. I can tell you that my own death has nothing to do with anyone. It is my own contempt for myself. I am willing to give up my life to avoid pain. I regard my life as thinner than paper." , Your incomprehension is actually nothing to me, I just can't accept that a person will be accused of irresponsibility after he has already abandoned his life and committed suicide. "
"We were born without any responsibility," Sheng Canyang said, "If we were born to be responsible, why were we born? To pay off debts?"
"If a young man commits suicide in a rental house, what is discussed most is not his life, but the loss of the landlord," Sheng Canyang said, "This society is already rotten, and the social contract has completely kidnapped your humanity. Isn't it the same reason to choose death and be accused by you of raising the suicide rate?"
Bai Kai said, "That...he didn't mean that."
Sheng Canyang said flatly, "I didn't mean that either."
"I hope we stay on the romantic side forever," Sheng said. "I hope we can talk about respect, and that's what I mean."
Ivy didn't say anything, picked up the wine glass and clinked with him, Sheng Canyang clinked with him, and put the rim of the glass under his rim to show respect.
Bai Kai said, "Then what do you mean? Shouldn't it be controlled?"
Sheng Canyang said: "We should make everyone feel happy, not make everyone endure pain. That's what I mean."
"Pain is the sword of Damocles hanging over people's heads," Sheng Canyang said, "I think Hairi has done a good job, he has always made me feel that it is really good to be alive, life is meaningful, if we all It would be much better to have such a moment, instead of always accusing others of being cowardly, irresponsible, sad, and sensitive, and to use less of these words."
Sheng Canyang said: "I don't like those cold numbers, what is the suicide rate, how many are men, how many are women, how many are teenagers, I used to be one of them, a teenager, I know a lot of people in these statistics, I know how difficult it is for them. The battlefield of the second world should not be here, but in reality."
Bai Kai and Ivy: "..."
"Go and treat them in reality," Sheng Canyang said, "Don't let everyone get hurt. After coming here, tell them what they did is wrong, and let them not have such thoughts. Create happiness instead of blaming others Does not suppress pain."
Bai Kai took a deep breath, took a sip of wine, and nodded to Sheng Canyang.
Evie said, "Let's see if you can succeed."
"Remember to support me," Sheng Canyang drank a glass and said, "I'll treat you two as members."
Sheng Canyang's dormitory was arranged on the second floor, and Ivan sent him there, and said, "You want to live in the central tower, just stay here for one night."
Sheng Canyang had no objection. Ivan leaned against the door and said, "Do you believe in fate?"
"Huh?" Sheng Canyang said.
Evie: "Do you believe it?"
Sheng Canyang said, "Believe it."
Evie: "I'm about to be scrapped."
Sheng Canyang turned to look at him.
Evie said: "There is not much time left, maybe less than half a year."
"I made an agreement with Hairi back then," said Ivy, "we were almost the same, so I didn't think it was a big deal if he was leaving. After I came here, I didn't feel very at ease. None of the people here are reliable, and everyone has no idea, and they are all at a loss."
Sheng Canyang said, "So?"
Ivie sighed, and said, "If you can really find Hai Ri, remember to find me too."
"How long do you have?" Sheng Canyang said, "Specifically."
Evie: "Seven or eight months."
Sheng Canyang raised his eyebrows, and Ivan said, "Seven months."
Sheng Canyang paused for a moment and said, "I can't guarantee it."
"I know," Ivan said suddenly, "Just talk about it, forget it, just pretend you haven't heard of it."
Sheng Canyang said: "I can try my best."
Evie said: "Actually, I think it's all too fateful."
"Huh?" Sheng Canyang said, "What do you mean?"
Evie: "The things about you are amazing. You are talented, smart, and so outstanding. You make me feel my destiny. It seems that at this moment, seeing you here is all because of my destiny. arrange."
Sheng Canyang put down what he was doing, turned to look at him, and said, "Every step I have come to is not easy."
"If fate is making arrangements," Sheng Canyang said, "I'm a little sorry for myself."
Evie: "That's probably what it means, as long as you understand it."
"I hope fate arranges the future blessings," Sheng Canyang said, "everything can be saved."
Sheng Canyang entered the central tower and the director's office the next day.
The director glanced at him and made a call to tell everyone to come back for a meeting. After hanging up the phone, he didn't speak to him again.
Sheng Canyang waited beside him for a while, then suddenly said, "Can I go out and have a look?"
The director raised his eyelids and asked someone to take him out, but Sheng Canyang said, "I can do it myself."
The director hesitated, looked at him, and said, "Go."
Sheng Canyang nodded his thanks, and then opened the door to go out of the □□tower with a total of ten floors. He walked into the elevator and saw the dormitory written on the fourth floor. He clicked on the fourth floor.
With a "ding", it's here.
Everything in the second world has been rebuilt, the streets are completely different from those of the past, and the division of areas is also slightly different from before. Only the central tower is still the same as before.
Sheng Canyang walked out, and the entire corridor was in a circular shape, with some light in the front, but the surrounding lights were dim, and the walls were dark green. Each door is separated by a long distance.
Sheng Canyang passed by a door, and the door suddenly opened. Ivan came out, saw him stunned, and said, "Why are you here?"
Sheng Canyang suddenly said, "Look."
Evie understood, and said, "Come here."
Hai Ri lived opposite Ivey, and Ivey went back to get a key, then opened the door opposite, then pushed it open, handed the key to him, and said, "You might as well live here."
Ivan didn't follow in, but stood at the door watching Sheng Canyang enter the room, and then helped him close the door.
The breath of life in Hai Ri's room was weak.
There were several bottles of wine on the table, all of which had already been opened. Sheng Canyang picked up a bottle casually, opened it, tasted it, took a sip, and frowned. Hai Ri really likes to drink, especially strong alcohol. Sheng Canyang has also developed a drinking habit in the past two years, but he can't drink what Hai Ri usually likes.
Hai Ri is usually like a sunny boy, only this one point is more contrary, Sheng Canyang didn't think about the reason at the time, but just told him not to drink.
Sheng Canyang wiped the table, and there was a lot of dust on it. Hai Ri's bed sheet was sky blue and looked very clean. He sat on it and looked around. There was a watch on the bedside table, and the time indicated half past ten. In the drawer, there are Band-Aids, lip balm, thick eyes and a few leaflets, which read "Limited-time activity of pickled cabbage fish, 10 yuan off for orders over 50".
Sheng Canyang stood up, walked to the window, opened the curtains, and saw the gray sky outside, a gray whale wandering in the sky.
Sheng Canyang frowned, stared at it for a while, and suddenly remembered the phone call, the director said: "Everyone is here, come back."
Sheng Canyang went back to the ninth floor, and there were five people standing in the room, including Yiwei and Bai Kai. The director said, "This is our entire staff. Let's get to know each other."
Sheng Canyang shook hands with them one by one, and the director said, "This is Sheng Canyang, I don't need to introduce him to you."
"I want to give you a formal introduction to this world," said the director. "You don't know us well enough."
The director stood up and walked out first. A group of people followed behind him. The director pressed the elevator to the tenth floor.
The elevator door opened, facing a window with a calligraphy and painting hanging on it, which said "The house is kind and generous".
They turned out along the corridor and saw an empty office with a huge screen hanging in mid-air and only a small chair.
The director said: "We call this thing 'eye'."
"The moment related to the frequency of the will to die," said the director, "we can all see it here."
Sheng Canyang said, "Are there any before?"
"Yes," the director said, "the stronger the frequency, the clearer and clearer the picture will be. We will arrange for defenders to save those who are of noble character and have not done anything wrong."
The director looked back at him and said: "I have never doubted your quality. Hai Ri was appointed by me, and he is also one of the most respectable people among the maintainers in my opinion. For your task, we arranged There are many, including the memories that Hai Ri needs to implant, and we have selected them one by one, and finally we chose the memory of Hai Ri's reflection in the real world, this is the most authentic and the most arousing way to arouse your favor."
Sheng Canyang generously admitted: "It's really effective."
The director said politely: "Thank you, we are very professional."
Sheng Canyang: "So what is the reflection doing?"
The director looked confused and said, "We don't know either."
"They have their own will," the director just said, "they have their own organization, largely out of our own control. Sheng Canyang, we have been off track for a long time, many years, without organization, without arrangement, We can only do what we do well, but we are not good at other things."
"I see," Sheng Canyang said, "If you don't think I'm young..."
"Age has never been a problem," said the director first, "The only thing I want to ask is, why did you come back?"
Sheng Canyang thought for a while, and said truthfully, "For Hai Ri."
"Do you think Hai Ri is more important than other people?" Director, "more important than this world?"
Sheng Canyang said: "I don't think so, he's just more important than me."
director:"… "
"What if you were given a choice," said the director, "what if one day you were asked to choose between love and this world?"
"Actually, this kind of assumption is meaningless," Sheng Canyang said, "I choose this world."
The director was neither very satisfied nor dissatisfied.
Sheng Canyang said: "The lives of both of us are not worth mentioning. If it weren't for me, he would have no value, because he would have died long ago. If I died, my value would only be in his heart. We are not as good as others For happiness, we are just more important to each other. I believe Hai Ri also knows it in his heart."
Sheng Canyang's affection was tinged with coldness, which was so touching that everyone was silent for a moment, thinking about this sentence.
Sheng Canyang has endless silence to his heart. A long time ago, when he was tortured by a black dog, he was tormented by all kinds of thoughts every day because of too many storms in his brain, and when he was so anxious that he couldn’t sleep every night, he decided to stop thinking and not pay attention to himself, so he fell silent After a long time, Sheng Canyang discovered that being silent to himself can also be silent to other people, letting others evaluate and criticize at will, and being tolerant of other people's behavior.
The director paused for a moment and looked back at the crowd. Ivan applauded first, and everyone slowly raised their hands to applaud. The director said to Sheng Canyang, "I believe you can do a good job."
Sheng Canyang shook hands with him, and the director said, "Let's work hard together."
Sheng Canyang nodded.
in the evening.
Sheng Canyang sat in front of the huge screen, looking at the picture in front of him, Hai Ri's face appeared on the picture.
Hai Ri's face is as gentle as the gentle waves in the south of the Yangtze River, and when he smiles in the picture, there is a hint of sadness. When the two of them stood by the sea, Hai Ri's picture became clearer and clearer, which meant that Hai Ri's pain at that time was getting worse.
The two people couldn't hear what they were saying. Sheng Canyang looked a little crazy when he saw his red eye circles on the screen. It should be at this time that he decided to come back.
Before Hai Ri disappeared, Sheng Canyang tapped the keyboard and pressed the pause button. Then watch it all over again.
references:
[1] James M Bolton, David Gunnell, Gustavo Turecki, Suicide risk assessment and intervention measures for patients with mental illness [J], British Medical Journal Chinese Edition, Volume 20, Issue 8, August 2017
[2] Xie Lizhong, A Case of the Suicide Rate and Discourse Controversy in Contemporary China [J], Sociological Research, Issue 5, 2013
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Thanks to the little angels who voted for me or irrigated nutrient solution during 2020-11-23 21:39:39~2020-11-26 16:16:24~
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