They don't know how to deal with the subsequent events.
After Li Xuan let go of his hand, Sheng Min did not turn around to look, even though there was a lot of noise around them.
He just gently looked at Li Xuan's face, which looked more serious than ever before, and gently held his palm: "Let's go home."
On the way out, many people rushed to the emergency building. When they saw the two men holding hands, they only cast a momentary curious glance and then hurriedly squeezed towards the center of the vortex.
Birth, aging, sickness and death are all major events. Even in a place like a hospital, death can still attract a lot of attention.
But they walked quickly, holding hands, without looking back, not even once.
Li Xuan woke up briefly once during the night. After waking up, he looked at Sheng Min for a long time in the moonlight, leaned over and kissed his eyebrows tenderly, then turned sideways and locked Sheng Min tightly in his arms.
Sheng Min closed her eyes and pretended to be asleep, but she quietly placed her palm against his heart.
The next day was a nice sunny day. When getting in the car, Li Xuan noticed the bloodstains on the back seat and was slightly startled.
"Drive my car." Sheng Min said, "When we come back in the evening, we'll drive it to wash it."
Li Xuan nodded and arrived at the gate of the community. It was finally quiet and there was no one waiting there anymore.
"Will Li Mingge come to trouble you again?" Sheng Min asked softly after driving for a while.
Li Xuan shook his head: "I don't know... What do you think?"
"Probably not." Sheng Min thought for a while and said softly.
Li Xuan pinched the back of his neck and smiled: "It doesn't matter, just let him be."
Perhaps because he was busy with Shu Xin's funeral, there was no news from Li Mingge for a while. However, a few days later, he received a letter from the prison.
Considering that Shu Xin's suicide and intentional homicide occurred too close in time, the prison summoned Zhao Jizhe for questioning again after Shu Xin's death.
When Zhao Jizhe learned of Shu Xin's death, his first reaction was to meet Li Xuan.
When the post office delivered the letter, Sheng Min was at home, so Li Xuan did not deliberately hide it from him, but his expression darkened a little. Zhao Jizhe really knew Sheng Min's address.
He couldn't help but tighten his grip on Sheng Min's hand, but the latter didn't notice the source of the abnormality and tilted his head to take a look: "Why is it so thick?... Can I take it off?"
“That’s not necessary,” Li Xuan said, but Sheng Min didn’t stop him since he wanted to look at him.
The letter was actually not thick. When I opened it, I found that there was also a notification letter from the prison's psychological correction department inside.
It was said that Zhao Jizhe's reform in prison was very poor, he often fought with prisoners in the same cell, deliberately made trouble, and showed serious tendencies towards self-harm.
In principle, criminals can only meet with their immediate family members while serving their sentences, but Zhao Jizhe cannot find any relatives. Based on the needs of reform, if Li Xuan is willing, he can apply to the prison for a visit.
Sheng Min couldn't help but frowned, and then he heard Li Xuan ask him: "What are you writing? Why are you reading it for so long?"
He handed it back. Li Xuan glanced at it and said in a flat tone, "The prison service is so considerate nowadays." He threw it into the wastebasket. The sharp corner of the letter scratched the garbage bag, and with a "swish" sound, it knocked over the wastebasket again.
Li Xuan couldn't help but pursed his lips. Sheng Min had already bent down and helped him up. He turned his head and looked at him for a moment. Li Xuan said, "I'm hungry. Let's eat."
Sheng Min smiled, put his arm around Li Xuan's shoulders, leaned in and kissed the corners of his slightly tense lips: "Yeah."
The letter was just thrown into the wastebasket.
The next day, when he arrived at the theater, Sheng Min found the same envelope among a pile of express deliveries delivered to his office door.
Compared to the letter I wrote to Li Xuan yesterday, the content of this letter was much simpler. It was just a short line saying that I wanted to meet him.
Sheng Min looked down, and then he recalled that several months ago, when he went to the dormitory to pick up something for Li Xuan, he accidentally saw those letters...
"Sheng Min!" Deng Jing pushed the door open and came in. "I thought you were not here, so I called you several times... What are you daydreaming about?"
"Hmm?" Sheng Min quickly put away the letter and raised his head, "What's wrong?"
He handed Sheng Min a cup of hot cocoa: "The water chestnuts I got from you last time were so sweet. I bought them myself a few times but they didn't taste right. I wanted to ask where you bought them?"
"I went to a planting base when I was filming before, and I place orders every year. If you want to eat some, I'll have them send some over."
"I was waiting for you to say that." Deng Jing said with a smile, "Then you can send some to Yin Qianpin as well, so that he won't have to share mine."
"Okay." Sheng Min nodded, and then he remembered that he hadn't seen Yin Qianpin since he came today, "Director Yin went out?"
"You can help the assistant director rehearse, so of course he's lazy."
Deng Jing curled his lips. Actually, Yin Qianpin was not being lazy. The theater was expanding this year and they wanted to take back the tenth floor. Yin Qianpin had been busy looking for a new place to move to these days.
"He originally thought the place was too small, so he planned to buy a building while moving." Deng Jing said worriedly, "You are too ambitious, don't go bankrupt. The New Year is coming soon, and he might deduct my salary... Why do you look like that? I'm telling the truth."
"Then I'll give you a few more baskets of water chestnuts. It's New Year's Day, and I don't want you to go hungry." Sheng Min said seriously.
Deng Jing also smiled, and heard the assistant director knocking on the door: "Teacher Sheng, get ready for rehearsal."
"Then go ahead." Deng Jing said, "I'll go back and read the script."
"Wait a minute..." Sheng Min suddenly called him.
"What's wrong?"
He lowered his eyes and thought for a moment: "You can take over for me this afternoon, I'm going to go out for a while."
The prison's visiting room is very simple, with a long wooden table, two chairs, and the only decoration are two dying green plants on the table.
After waiting quietly for a quarter of an hour, footsteps were heard at the door.
Zhao Jizhe was obviously a little surprised when he saw him, and then he looked around the small meeting room without giving up. After confirming that the person he wanted to see was not there, his gloomy face frowned deeply. But the prison guards were present, so he had no room to speak and could only listen to their greetings.
"The warden has already arranged that we will temporarily shut down the surveillance and listening equipment in this visiting room."
The prison guard was not very old and he loved to follow entertainment gossip. Although he was wearing a hat and a mask, his handsome features were still impressive.
But since his boss had already said hello, he could only control his urge to sign and said in a businesslike manner, "For safety reasons, the handcuffs cannot be removed. I'm at the door. If there's an emergency, you can press the alarm next to it."
Sheng Min nodded, indicating that he remembered it: "Thank you."
"polite."
"Where is Nineteen?" Zhao Jizhe couldn't wait to speak as the prison guard just closed the door.
"He's not here." Sheng Min took off his baseball cap and mask, pointed to the chair opposite him, and said, "Sit down."
"He didn't come? Only you? You were the one who stopped him from coming?!" Zhao Jizhe accused him illogically.
Sheng Min said calmly: "You wrote to me saying you wanted to see me, so I came. Li Xuan doesn't want to see you, so he won't come."
"Why didn't he come to see me?!" Zhao Jizhe was a little excited. He pressed his hands on the table and slammed the shackles on it, making a harsh sound. "That woman is dead, right? Why doesn't he want to see me? I failed to kill Li Mingge. Is it because I... "
"Do you think he will be happy about Shu Xin's death? Or even thank you?" Sheng Min gently interrupted him.
This calm remark seemed to have hit Zhao Jizhe's sore spot, and a look of resentment immediately appeared on his face: "I think... What do you mean, do you think you know him well?"
"Yes." Sheng Min responded calmly, "I know him very well."
Zhao Jizhe looked at him sinisterly, then laughed out loud. He pulled out a chair and sat down. "I wrote to you, but I didn't expect you to come. Really... You're even more conceited than I thought... What's so great about you? You're just an actor who sells his looks. What's so great about you... Let me tell you! Nineteen was only fooled by you temporarily, but you two won't be together for long. He'll figure it out soon!"
Sheng Min did not comment on this, and took the simple glass teapot on the table and poured himself a glass of water. Such calmness seemed like a deliberate provocation in Zhao Jizhe's eyes. He became more and more angry, holding the teapot on the table with both hands and smashing it on the ground: "He can never fall in love with you! He can't really like men!"
"Be quiet!" The prison guard outside the door was startled by this and pushed the door open, "Squat down!"
Zhao Jizhe's heart was beating fast and his eyes were red with anger as he stood there.
"It's okay." Sheng Min said calmly, "I'm sorry, I'll pay for the damage."
The prison guard scratched his head and said, "It's okay, it's okay... The prisoners are in a bad condition, so you should be more careful when you communicate. I'm at the door, so be sure to call me if you have any questions."
He then went forward to check if the handcuffs were secure, and took the remaining two cups with him.
The brief interlude did not calm Zhao Jizhe's emotions: "Can you pretend like this in front of Nineteen? Is that how he was deceived by you?... Understand him, you understand him? Nonsense! I am the person who knows him best in this world."
"Really?" Sheng Min was not angry.
"Don't believe it?" This self-evaluation made Zhao Jizhe feel proud. He looked at Sheng Min sinisterly, then smiled again. He stood up, dragged a chair and sat down in front of Sheng Min, gesturing with his fingers, "He is not even as tall as this table leg, and I have known him for more than ten years. Can you compare with him?"
That year Zhao Jizhe was five years old, and it was autumn when he met Li Xuan.
The few trees planted sparsely in the orphanage died after a frost, and the dead branches and leaves were piled up under the trees without anyone to pick them up. After two rains, they fermented and gave off a foul smell.
So all the children were asked to clean up the place, and if they didn’t finish, they were not allowed to eat.
There were no tools, so they had to pick up everything by hand. It was almost done and everyone was sweating. Just when he was in this miserable state, he saw Li Xuan.
Just after registering his information, he was taken to the dormitory by the aunt from the orphanage with a stern face.
"Here comes another one." Several children talked unhappily.
This is just a small orphanage located in a remote county town. The annual financial allocation is not much, and many supplies rely on donations from enthusiastic people in the society. Excluding those that are withheld, the more children there are, the less each person can get.
"Clean up quickly, stop dawdling and looking around!" the aunt who was leading Li Xuan past scolded.
"It's done, Auntie." The older child smiled flatteringly, "It's all clean."
"What do you mean by clean? It's just cleaner than your face." This auntie was the most abusive in the orphanage, but by comparison, she was relatively soft-hearted. "Go back and clean up before you go to eat. It's so dirty... Bring him in too."
She pointed at Li Xuan as if she had thrown away a annoying burden.
It was called a dormitory, but in fact it was just two bungalows, one for boys and one for girls, with a large bunk bed where a dozen children slept together.
As soon as the door closed, the older ones surrounded Li Xuan and reached out to grab his small schoolbag.
"Bring it here for inspection."
It sounds high-sounding, but actually I wanted to see if there was any food inside. When you are admitted to the orphanage, you have to take pictures. The staff will usually give the children some melon seeds and candies as props to show their care. They are not of very good brands, and they are just given to them after the pictures are taken.
Every child who came in had to go through this, and out of fear, almost no one resisted.
Li Xuan was the first one.
He held onto his schoolbag tenaciously with his little hands, refusing to give it to them, but was soon slapped hard to the ground.
"Get lost."
They scolded him, opened his bag, and all the items poured out.
Clothes and books were scattered all over the floor. They kicked them around with their toes and found a few chocolates.
Their eyes lit up and they rushed to pick it up.
“And this.”
"Give them all to me!"
The oldest child held out his hands. He was almost ten years old, tall and strong among the group of children, and he could please his aunt, so the others were afraid of him. No matter how reluctant he was, he had to hand it over reluctantly.
He smiled triumphantly, greedily opened one, and could not wait to put it in his mouth. Everyone else watched him swallow his saliva in envy, and no one noticed when Li Xuan got up from the ground, with a stubborn little face, jumped up viciously, grabbed his arm, and bit his hand.
"You lunatic! Let go!"
The child was bitten with a deep bleeding tooth mark and screamed in pain. All the chocolates fell to the ground and were crushed by Li Xuan.
"Get out!" The older boy kicked him angrily and knocked him to the ground again.
That day, Li Xuan was beaten and locked on the balcony, and he didn't even have dinner.
And this was just the beginning. He offended the leader of the children, and at his instruction, the others isolated and bullied him.
He was too young, his bones and flesh were still soft, but he had a sharp edge but no barrier to support him. Li Xuan's stubborn temper made him the target of public criticism and he suffered a lot.
They beat him, kicked him, poured cold water on his quilt so he had no place to sleep, and threw dead cockroaches in his food.
When the noise gets too much, the aunt will stop it, but most of the time, as long as nothing serious happens, they are not in the mood to care about it and will just ignore it.
At the beginning, Zhao Jizhe was actually very happy. He had just experienced a failed adoption and became the object of ridicule by other children after being sent back. Before Li Xuan came, he was the one who was bullied.
But as time went by, because he refused to give in, Li Xuan was bullied more and more severely. For several days in a row, they did not let him enter the house and forced him to kneel down and beg for mercy.
How could Li Xuan be willing to do that? He showed a precocity and stubbornness that was inconsistent with his age. In the end, they took away his food and locked him outside the corridor in such a cold weather.
Zhao Jizhe saw him several times, standing in the moonlight, clearly very tired, but unwilling to bend his back. The small figure reminded him of his adopted brother.
Although he was sent back to the orphanage because his lost brother was found, he still remembered the day his brother came back, holding his hand and calling him brother. At that moment, he felt that he had really become a member of that family.
Li Xuan had nothing to do with being well-behaved, but Zhao Jizhe felt a little soft-hearted.
He sneaked out and stuffed half of the steamed bun he had left over from dinner into Li Xuan's mouth.
Li Xuan looked at him coldly and refused to take it. Zhao Jizhe advised him: "Eat it. You haven't eaten for a day. If you don't eat, you will starve to death... You won't be able to wait for your parents to pick you up."
I don't know which word touched Li Xuan. He silently took the half cold steamed bun, ate it, wiped his eyes quickly, and said in a childish voice: "They couldn't come in the first place."
Since that day, Zhao Jizhe often secretly saved some food for him. Li Xuan was indifferent at first, but now he no longer refused him when he was very hungry.
This went on for three months. With the arrival of the Spring Festival, leaders from the Maternal and Child Health Association came to inspect the orphanage and saw Li Xuan being beaten.
Li Xuan did that on purpose. He knew they would come that day, so he deliberately angered the kids who led the bullying of him, pretended to be scared, and ran into the office where the leaders were holding a meeting.
The head of the orphanage was criticized and fined, and the child who bullied him was severely punished after the leader left. Of course, Li Xuan, as a victim who exposed all this, was also locked up in the confinement room because he lost face for the orphanage. In the following years in the orphanage, he was often locked up for reflection because of his stubborn temper.
But at least after being released this time, the nightmare of being bullied at will has ended.
Life in the orphanage was dull and boring. Day after day, some children were taken away and new ones were sent in. The days of being bullied and then bullying others were repeated.
Li Xuan never participated in these things. He even seldom spoke to them. He always sat alone aside. The only person he was close to was Zhao Jizhe, and it was the latter who always stuck to him.
They grew up in such an environment until it was time for them to go to school.
Li Xuan's intelligence was fully revealed, and he always got the first place in every exam. The teachers in the school praised him as a good seedling, and many adoptive families also knew that there was a "genius" here and were willing to adopt him.
But Li Xuan always refused.
Zhao Jizhe, who had always hoped to have a family that would accept him, to have the love of his family, and to no longer be laughed at by his classmates as a wild child, perhaps because he was too unlucky, was never able to fulfill his wish.
"Why don't you go?" he asked Li Xuan.
"I have parents." Li Xuan said coldly, "I don't need others to be my parents."
In fact, Zhao Jizhe didn't want Li Xuan to leave, as he was the closest person to him in the orphanage.
"Nineteen, then let's be each other's relatives." He said to Li Xuan, "I am the elder brother, and you are the younger brother."
Li Xuan ignored him, but he didn't reject him either, so Zhao Jizhe thought he agreed.
If it could always be like this, maybe it would be good, Zhao Jizhe often thought about it later.
Nineteen is so talented, he will definitely be able to get into a good university. If he fails in his studies, he can learn a skill and leave the orphanage when they can be independent.
But they still have to stay together and visit each other often, because they are brothers and the only relatives to each other...
But fantasy is just an illusion, and the illusory imagination came to an abrupt end when Zhao Jizhe was twelve years old - the orphanage had a new director.
Unlike the original female dean who was a bit sarcastic and loved to curse, this was an unusually gentle old man with white hair, gentle and polite.
At first no one noticed anything unusual. From the staff to the children in the orphanage, everyone welcomed the arrival of the new director.
He never cursed, nor did he withhold bonuses from his subordinates. He worked hard and even stayed in the orphanage instead of going home. He was not like some of the former male staff members of the orphanage who intentionally or unintentionally flirted with the girls. He always kept a proper distance. I heard that he was the director of a certain unit and had retired. He said that he couldn't stay idle at home, so he applied for re-employment and was transferred to the orphanage...
Everything seemed fine until one day, Zhao Jize had a stomachache and went back to the dormitory without eating dinner.
When he passed the corridor, he heard a noise in the room. He subconsciously looked inside, but without turning on the light, he could vaguely see a figure through the gap in the curtains.
He remembered that at this point, everyone else should still be in the cafeteria - except Li Xuan, who skipped two grades at the age of ten and was already in the sixth grade. He was preparing for a math competition organized by the city. Those who won the first prize could be admitted to the key middle school in the city.
This primary school hadn't had any students who were admitted to the city's key schools for a long time, so they attached great importance to it and specially contacted the orphanage. Every day after school, Li Xuan would stay in the school for a while longer, finish the tutoring papers, and then go back to the orphanage. He would also go to the grass by the railing and continue reading under the street lights outside the railing.
He thought that Li Xuan had come back early for some reason, and he was so happy that he went to the window to see what was going on...
But I didn't want to see the amiable dean lying on the boys' bed, breathing heavily... Even the dim light couldn't hide his wrinkles and ugly appearance. He grabbed a piece of clothing with one hand and sniffed greedily... The other hand kept moving...
The children in the orphanage matured precociously and knew a lot of things at the age of twelve.
Zhao Jizhe didn't remember how he left. He hid in the corner of the backyard for a long time until it was completely dark and he knew that everyone had gone home, then he slowly returned to the dormitory.
Zhao Jizhe wanted to forget everything he saw that day as an accident, but in the days that followed, he couldn't help but pay attention to it.
He found that the dean's eyes were always on the boys. Under the pretext of concern, he would touch their faces, waists and shoulders intentionally or unintentionally... He even passed by them again and again when they were taking a shower...
Everything that he once thought was normal, has changed its meaning. A few times, he hastily withdrew his observation gaze, but was met with the inquiring eyes of other children. Then he realized that he was not the only one who noticed this matter.
But no one said anything, no one dared... In a place like that, the director was the one who decided everything. He became more and more excessive and more and more blatant, but the children in the orphanage could only pray silently that bad luck would not befall them.
The first victim was a disabled child, a mute who could not speak... One day he came back very late, limping, and a few candies fell out of his pocket, but he did not pick them up. He lay down on the bed silently, covering his face with the quilt.
The mute with damaged vocal cords could not make any sound when he cried, only his body was shaking silently under the quilt.
No one else spoke. Zhao Jizhe was very scared. He wanted to get closer to Li Xuan to find some support, but then he remembered that Li Xuan was still reading outside and had not come back yet.
Fortunately, the child was lucky. Not long after, a family came to the orphanage to adopt the child. The hostess of that family was also deaf-mute, and they took the poor child away.
Some people were able to escape from the sea of suffering, but the rest began to feel fear again... The dean chose the mute because he was too timid at first, and people who can't speak are easier to control... Now that he has tasted the sweetness, his desires are expanding. Who will be the next victim
The children who have not noticed yet may have an easier time, but those who know the truth are just like lambs to be slaughtered in fear, unable to do anything but watch the disgusting gaze of the dean, and who will stay on him for a long time...
A week later, on an evening before the sun set, Zhao Jize walked into the dean's room trembling and shaking.
The memories stopped here abruptly. Zhao Jizhe looked at Sheng Min and smiled contemptuously: "I knew about those disgusting things between men a long time ago... But do you know why it was me?"
He paused maliciously, lowered his voice, and shared a long-buried secret: "I am not the most beautiful child in the orphanage."
Like a cold, poisonous snake spitting out its tongue, his eyes and tone carefully examined Sheng Min as he spoke, not missing any of his expressions.
Then Zhao Jizhe licked his lips and smiled, his shoulders shrugged, causing the chair to shake and rubbing against the floor, making a numbing sound. He stood up suddenly, looking crazy: "I volunteered! I volunteered to replace him! A beautiful but stubborn thorn, and a docile and obedient dog that came to the door on its own, which one do you think you would choose?!"
The clothes that the dean was holding when Zhao Jizhe first saw him were Li Xuan's. His dirty eyes often lingered on Li Xuan... After the mute left, it became more and more frequent. Zhao Jizhe was worried and scared, but he couldn't remind Li Xuan.
Li Xuan was only ten years old that year, and he rarely interacted with those older kids who talked about the girls next door and told dirty jokes. His intelligence was not limited to these dirty things...
All my thoughts were focused on the upcoming exam. I left home early and came back late, with no time to pay attention to what was happening around me.
Only Zhao Jizhe was worried. He tried his best to follow Li Xuan every minute he was in the orphanage. But everyone is a fish on the chopping board, what can they do... They can only pray that the knife falls slowly...
Finally one day, he heard the director tell Auntie not to let Nineteen stay in school after school anymore. No matter how important the competition is, the management of the orphanage still needs to be unified...
Zhao Jizhe heard the sound of sharpening a knife.
He couldn't figure out how one fish could save another fish, so he took his place and went into the net.
The rope, the toys, the pain, the sickening smell of decay on the old man, his wrinkled hands... The more he suffered, the harder he cried, and the happier the dean's face with age spots smiled...
The strange thing is that he himself had never really entered. At that time, Zhao Jizhe didn’t understand it, but later he understood. It was not because he still had a conscience, but because the dean was too old.
But people have so many ways to torture others... Zhao Jizhe was increasingly afraid of the coming night. His wound had not healed yet, and he didn't know what would be stuffed into it next.
The only thing to be thankful for was that he took the initiative to jump into the fire pit, the dean's attention was temporarily diverted, Li Xuan was not called back from school, and he quickly and successfully completed the competition.
As expected, he got the first place with full marks. In addition to getting a place in the city's key school, the school also gave him a little bonus and a small cream cake.
Li Xuan went home early after school that day. He divided the cake into two parts, hid them in the bushes at the back door, and planned to give half to Zhao Jizhe.
The county middle school does not have evening self-study, and school ends only a little later than the elementary school, but when all the other children have returned, Zhao Jizhe is still nowhere to be seen.
"Where's Zhao Jizhe?"
Li Xuan waited for a long time but he didn't see him, so he asked others about it. But because they were afraid, they refused to tell him.
Finally, one girl couldn't stand it anymore and said, "Don't look for him anymore. He's with the dean..."
Li Xuan rushed into the office, broke the dean's nose with a punch, and brought Zhao Jizhe out.
They ran and ran, past the garbage dump and the stinking ditch... Li Xuan used the bonus given by the school to buy medicine and applied it to Zhao Jize in silence.
"How long has it been?" Li Xuan asked.
Zhao Jizhe didn't say anything.
"Why didn't you tell me?"
He still couldn't answer.
"Let's call the police." Li Xuan said finally.
Zhao Jizhe didn't dare to call the police, he was afraid. He remembered that a long time ago, a child in an orphanage died due to excessive corporal punishment, and the police came, but in the end nothing was done.
It's useless, he thought. The kids in the orphanage are as cheap as weeds. Who cares
But Li Xuan insisted.
They went to the nearest police station, and two hours later, the director with tape on his nose rushed over to take them back.
"Children are ignorant. If you discipline them, they will call the police and cause trouble for you."
"You can't do this." The young male police officer who answered the call tried to stop them. He protected the two children with an excited look on his face. "You can't just take the children away without a thorough investigation. The children's injuries need to be seen by a doctor."
"Go back." His superior yelled at him, "Do you have the right to speak?" He turned to the dean and said respectfully, "You are so kind to the children for coming here in person. I'll just send them back. In fact, our deputy director said that you are his mentor, and we have to treat your affairs as our own... These ungrateful little bastards are really hard to deal with."
They were taken back like this. Perhaps Li Xuan's punch ruined the dean's mood. He did not do those disgusting things, but beat them up and threw them into the dark confinement room.
He was kept alive by eating two dry steamed buns and drinking cold water every day. After a week, Li Xuan was finally taken out when he was on the verge of death.
Of course it wasn’t out of kindness, but because the county education bureau was doing an end-of-year work summary and arranged for people from the TV station to interview the student who scored full marks in the competition.
However, after the interview ended and the reporter left, Li Xuan was locked up again.
"Nineteen, do you think we will die here?" Zhao Jizhe looked at him being locked up again, the door slowly closing, and asked him desperately, "I'll go and admit my mistake, I'll go and admit my mistake to the dean..."
"No!" Li Xuan grabbed him and said, "You are crazy!"
"What should I do? I don't want to die!"
In the darkness, they faced each other for a long time. After a while, he heard Li Xuan say, "Let's run... I'll take you away from here."
Run, Zhao Jizhe didn’t know how to run.
Could they get out of the confinement room? With so many people watching them, could they get out of the orphanage? Where could they run to
"They will let me out again the day after tomorrow." Li Xuan's voice was soft but firm, "I will go to the County Education Bureau as a student representative to receive the award... The day after tomorrow, the day after tomorrow we will leave..."
The next morning, Li Xuan was released again. The award ceremony was supposed to end before noon, but in the afternoon, he still hadn't returned. Through the wall, he heard a few aunts say that they had to go find someone quickly...
Zhao Jizhe was very scared. He wondered if Nineteen had abandoned him... Cold and hungry, he fell asleep in panic and fear until he was awakened by the noise.
"It's on fire! It's on fire! Put it out!"
He rushed to the door in panic, and through the small window where meals were served, he saw a blazing fire in the direction of the office opposite.
Amid the noise of the firefighting and the women's panicked screams, a slight sound of wire rubbing suddenly came from the door.
Then the door was opened and Li Xuan stood outside the door, very calm: "Let's go."
Everyone was busy putting out the fire. The sound of hurried footsteps filled the small orphanage. In the distance, the sirens of fire trucks could be vaguely heard.
No one noticed them. When Zhao Jizhe ran through the backyard, he discovered that the biggest fire was in the room where the dean lived. The fire started there and then spread to the office area next door.
Among the orphanage staff who organized the fire-fighting, the director was not there at first glance.
"You set the fire?" he asked Li Xuan with trembling teeth.
On the weed-covered playground, the firelight illuminated Li Xuan's profile. His thin black coat fluttered in the wind. He seemed to have grown up overnight, not like a ten-year-old child at all. He looked at the flames licking the wall indifferently: "He deserves to die..."
Zhao Jizhe's mind buzzed and the next second he rushed into the fire.
"Don't I want him to die?! I wish I could peel off his skin!" Zhao Jizhe's sleeves slipped down in excitement, revealing the winding scars on his arms, "But I can't... I can't let Nineteen, who is so young, be charged with murder..."
Fortunately, he rushed into the fire and found the dean lying by the door, unconscious from smoke inhalation, with no intact flesh on his body. Because he did not take any protective measures, Zhao Jizhe's arm was burned.
Just as he had pushed the man to the corridor, Li Xuan rushed in wearing a wet quilt, slapped him fiercely, and dragged him away without waiting for Zhao Jizhe to react.
Afterwards, Li Xuan took him and fled the orphanage during the chaos. They sat in the back seat of a truck, swaying for many years, and they never went back since then.
"October 17th." Zhao Jizhe said word by word, "If you don't believe it, you can look through the old newspapers of that year and find the orphanage arson case... Look, do you still think you understand him now? Do you know that he is a lunatic who would kill and burn people?"
He hoped to see fear or terror on Sheng Min's face, but there was none, although Sheng Min was indeed thinking about Li Xuan at that moment.
Recalling the day when they had just met and Li Xuan knew his sexual orientation, he told him that one of his friends had been molested by a homosexual. This incident changed the trajectory of their entire lives.
Sheng Min tried hard to recall what Li Xuan's expression and tone was when he said this, but he couldn't remember it no matter what.
I only remember that Li Xuan saw that he was in a low mood and apologized to him, saying that it was not his fault to like men and that it was not a mistake in itself.
What kind of mood is it
Sheng Min's long absence angered Zhao Jizhe. He raised his voice, pointed at Sheng Min and cursed: "You don't know what kind of person he is. You see he is glamorous now, but when you were with him, did you see him living in the gutter? No! Only I know! I am the only one who accompanies him! I am his only relative! ... Everything I did was for him. I became a jerk for him and went to jail for him!"
He yelled at the top of his lungs, and then burst into tears without warning: "I've been in jail before, and Nineteen said he looked down on me, but I did this for him... I know he wants to learn computers, that programming class, and he read the promotional materials many times. We don't have money, but... The things they asked me to deliver contained drugs, didn't I know that? I just wanted to take a gamble and give it a try. As long as I have money, I can let Nineteen enroll in the class..."
He cried terribly, tears streaming down his face. He curled up on the ground in agony. "I volunteered. I'm his brother. Everything I did for Nineteen was done willingly. If someone wants to grow into a tree, someone else has to be the mud under his feet. I'm willing... But why did he do that? Why did he kick me away as soon as he grew up... He shouldn't... How have I done anything wrong to him..."
The crying sound echoed repeatedly in the small reception room. Sheng Min finally filled in the most crucial part of this incomplete story, but he did not feel any joy at all.
"I was so good to him..." Zhao Jizhe was still crying.
Is it okay? Really
He believes that everything happened in reality, but among all the choices, is there really only that one way
Sheng Min thought in despair.
He felt like there was a big hole in his heart and the cold wind was howling in.
Li Xuan had already won first place in the competition and could have left the orphanage soon.
He is so smart and hardworking that he can always find a new way out in the city. He may be able to successfully complete his studies and go to college to study his favorite major.
He didn't have to go through the life on the edge of a knife in Qingshui Lane, needles and scalpels didn't have to pierce his thin and pale body, and he didn't have to be forced to abandon his name, before he could grow into the indestructible man he is today.
Just a little bit, just a little bit.
Just one step away, everything changes.
Sheng Min lowered his eyes and looked at the person in front of him who was crying uncontrollably.
He made choices at every stage that he thought were great but were actually terrible, and then with a sentence, "I'm doing this for you," he felt at ease and let Li Xuan bear all the consequences.
Does he want Li Xuan to be the tree, or does he want Li Xuan to rot in the mud with him
Does Li Xuan know what Zhao Jizhe did for him? Does he admit it
Whether you know it or not, or whether you admit it or not, maybe it’s not that important.
He was given a lot of so-called favors without knowing it...
Then, repay it.
Li Xuan could actually refuse, and he should have refused. What he got was never what he needed or wanted.
But he still accepted it all and accepted the injustice of fate.
He downplayed it by saying he didn't want to be blamed and didn't want to owe anyone anything.
But he didn't owe anyone anything.
Sheng Min struggled to maintain his shaky composure, closed his eyes and took a deep breath.
"I treated him as my own brother, but he wanted to throw me away..." Zhao Jizhe kept saying, "He doesn't want to take care of me, he doesn't care about me anymore..."
Sheng Min looked at him with pity, unable to find any words. He couldn't question him or blame him. He had no right to do so, and he couldn't bear it.
Not even for Li Xuan.
The evildoer is dead, but the harm is still going on, and the victims should not tear each other's scars.
Besides, they were all too young at the time.
"You want to see me just to tell me this?" Sheng Min said softly.
"You can't compare to me. I am the best person to him." Zhao Jizhe mentioned this sentence again.
“We have nothing to compare to.”
Sheng Min was very calm. He was unmoved by Zhao Jizhe's attempt to show off and provoke him. He slowly half-knelt down and handed Zhao Jizhe a piece of paper: "Wipe it off."
"Stop pretending to be so unhappy!" Zhao Jizhe slapped him away. "I want to see you, of course I want to see you, I want to see who you are! Since I knew about your existence... I have followed you many times... Not only do I want to see you..."
He lowered his voice, "I'd rather kill you."
"Really?" Sheng Min knew what he meant, but her eyelashes didn't even flutter, "Why not?"
Why, why...
Zhao Jizhe recalled a certain day when he followed them quietly across the street. It was getting late, and the sky was getting dark. They held hands unrestrainedly under the cover of night.
In the middle of the conversation, Sheng Min said something and Li Xuan started laughing.
Just next to the street lamp, the light reflected Li Xuan's extremely gentle expression. Zhao Jizhe didn't know before that these two words could be associated with Li Xuan.
In fact, Zhao Jizhe followed very closely at that time, but Li Xuan, who was always alert, did not notice it. At that moment, he was too relaxed, his heart and eyes were all on Sheng Min, and he could not see anything else.
Why didn't he touch Sheng Min? Zhao Jizhe asked himself. He was afraid. He knew Li Xuan would not let him go. He dared to touch his company, but he didn't dare to touch Sheng Min - even though he swore that they would not last long. Only he knew how guilty he felt.
"Are you very proud?" He asked Sheng Min, gritting his teeth, "Are you feeling sorry for me? I don't need it!... Tell Nineteen a message for me, and say..."
"Don't say anything. I won't bring anything."
Sheng Min thought that there was no need for him to stay any longer, so he stood up and said, "You don't have to fight with others or hurt yourself anymore. He won't come to see you because of this... He doesn't want to see anyone die, but you can't keep threatening him like this."
Blackmail
Zhao Jizhe looked up at Sheng Min's face, which was so close to him. His face was as beautiful as pearls and jade, which made everything around him pale in comparison. He didn't understand. Was Li Xuan confused by this face
"Why do you do that?" Zhao Jizhe couldn't help but yelled as Sheng Min walked to the door. "Yes, I blackmailed him and dragged him down. He didn't recognize me as his brother or as a relative. What about you? How long have you known him? What's so good about you? Why do you deserve him?!"
Sheng Min turned his head and the setting sun came in from the window. The light and shadow left beautiful tricks on the green plants. Every vein was a texture carved by time.
He was once jealous. He was jealous of Zhao Jizhe, jealous of the dead man, and jealous of everyone who appeared in Li Xuan's life before him, even though he knew that what he had was something that no one else could ever have.
But not anymore.
The white hair is as new as before, and the friendship is still the same as before.
Time is the most irreversible and the most insignificant thing in the world.
No matter when they met, his love for him would never be greater than it is now.
"It doesn't matter if I'm good or not." Sheng Min spoke softly, not answering anyone, but just telling himself, "As long as Li Xuan needs me to stand by him, I am the only person in the world who deserves him."