Dark clouds passed by, and the moon hid behind them. The moonlight was blocked, and Sheng Min's eyebrows and eyes also dimmed.
It took Li Xuan a long time to understand the meaning of his words, and even longer to regain his ability to speak. He still spoke dryly: "You don't want to see me again."
"You shouldn't see me again." Sheng Min finished the last sip of wine and sat up straight.
"Why?" Li Xuan finished speaking, and answered this stupid question himself, his voice low, "I am disturbing you, am I not?"
Sheng Min shook his head: "I am the one who has been bothering you all the time."
Li Xuan moved his lips, but he couldn't say anything, and Sheng Min didn't let him speak.
"Do you remember when you woke up in the hospital? You said it seemed like the first time you saw me like this." Sheng Min smiled gently, with a rare bit of cunning, "Actually, I lied that day... I had seen you before, but you didn't remember, and I actually forgot too. The day I decided to die, I remembered it again... ... I didn't know you at that time, but you were the last person I thought of before I died."
He didn't know when a yellowed signature paper appeared in his hand. It was obviously kept well by the owner and there was not a single crease on it.
"I was the one who dragged you into this. Even though you won't admit it, I think it's true... I'm sorry I didn't tell you before... Now that I've said it, I feel much better." Sheng Min played with the signature paper in his hand, his eyes drifting off to somewhere unknown. "But I don't regret it at all... I don't plan to die anymore, but if I go back to that day and have to see you that way, I will still cut you without hesitation..."
He paused and sighed softly: "During this time apart, I often think of the days we spent together. Every detail seems like a dream... But this is unfair to you."
"How do you know this is not a good dream for me?" Li Xuan was silent for a long time, his voice almost inaudible.
Sheng Min curled the corners of his lips and didn't look at him: "Good dreams or nightmares, there will always be a time when you have to wake up."
The remaining body temperature was gradually retreating from Li Xuan's shoulder, but his tone and expression were still gentle: "I know why you came today, and I also know that you have been hesitating during this period of time."
The river water flows slowly, and Sheng Min's voice is gentler than the river water: "But Li Xuan, if you think something is right and what you want, then you don't need to think about it again and again... When you think about it, you already have the answer in your heart."
Li Xuan frowned upon hearing this, but Sheng Min still shook his head and quickly made a gesture to keep quiet.
"Do you see a bridge over there?" He pointed his finger into the air.
It was a wooden bridge, far away, and the locals called it the Wind and Rain Bridge. There was no wind or rain at the moment, and the shadow of the bridge was floating in the river, swaying.
"It's the same for us." Sheng Min lowered his hands, his eyes deep and calm, "All your self-doubts are just the suspension bridge effect."
"No!" Li Xuan denied it flatly. He couldn't find any more words for a moment, so he repeated it again with rapid breathing, "It's not like that."
Her lips were tightly pursed, and the curves at the corners of her lips looked sharp.
Sheng Min lowered her eyes, without arguing, gently pulled his wrist, opened his hand that had been clenched into a fist, and placed the signature paper in his palm: "It's not that important... I'll give it back to you, I..."
In the end, he didn't finish his words, and they ended abruptly here. After a while, Sheng Min smiled, looked at him, uttered two words silently, and stood up and left without any warning.
Li Xuan stared at the yellowed signature paper in his hand in a daze. He had no idea what it was, let alone what Sheng Min was going to return to him.
I hurried to see Sheng Min's back. He was still drunk and his steps were not very steady, but he did not stop for a moment, let alone look back. Only the sound of his footsteps echoed softly on the stone slabs.
The last two words were goodbye. Li Xuan finally realized his silent words, but Sheng Min was clearly saying that they didn't want to meet again.
He came to his senses, chased after her without thinking, and grabbed Sheng Min's hand from behind in an awkward manner.
Sheng Min was almost dragged to stagger. He turned his head away, and there was not much emotion visible between his brows.
Li Xuan looked like a seriously ill person. Looking at him, he felt that his hands and feet were constantly moving. He didn't know who was the drunker one. "Where are you going?"
It took him a long time to squeeze out these words, and then he managed to say in a calm voice: "I'll take you there."
"No need." Sheng Min shook his head gently. "I have to go back to the crew today. The flight is at 7 o'clock. I sent a message to Yang Xu and he is on his way... It's too late. You go back later. Drive carefully."
Li Xuan's heart was beating fast, and he held his wrist tightly, refusing to let go.
A thin layer of sweat spread across the two people's skin, and it was impossible to tell who it came from.
Sheng Min sighed almost inaudibly: "Li Xuan, I didn't mean to involve you. But I really let you go. You have delayed too long. Move on."
That was all he had to say. This time, Sheng Min easily broke free from the hand, but was caught again the next second.
"Are you going to let me go or give up on me?" Li Xuan frowned, his Adam's apple moving up and down, "I'm going to move forward, can't I have you in front of me?"
He looked relatively calm, but too calm, making everything look like a paper-thin disguise.
"This is for you to decide." Sheng Min was always gentle and calm, "If you don't have an answer, then that is the answer itself."
Li Xuan seemed to be frozen, staring at him intently, thinking over and over again, is this true? The answer, where does he have an answer? How did Sheng Min come to a conclusion
"I've always been grateful to you, from the time we met until today." Sheng Min continued, "But we've changed back. I've never been your responsibility, and I'm no longer your burden... The birthday is over, it's past twelve o'clock, and the pumpkin carriage will turn back into a pumpkin..."
He told a joke that wasn't very funny, and he himself had a hard time forcing a full smile.
A normal childhood is a luxury for them. They don’t read fairy tales and don’t believe in miracles. But they are indeed the miracles that have come into each other’s lives.
Unfortunately, the best time for tasting it has passed.
Sheng Min exhaled, his Adam's apple moved slightly, his tone and attitude were sincere: "There is no need to drag it out, and you don't have to be soft-hearted towards me, no need. The farewell has been long enough. If you can't say it, then I say, at this point, the best relationship for us is not to be even friends anymore..."
"You can judge your feelings, but you can't make decisions for me." His brain was still confused, but his intuition prompted Li Xuan to interrupt him hastily, "You've been talking about me all the time, what about you? What are you thinking about?"
He clasped Sheng Min's wrist tightly and was shocked to find that he was incredibly thin, and his palm was painful from the wrist bones.
Sheng Min lowered his eyes and looked at Li Xuan's knuckles, which turned white from overexerting himself. "Can we stop going around in circles on this issue..."
"I want you to say it!"
His emotions made no sense. After a long stalemate, Sheng Min finally showed the first trace of fatigue tonight: "Li Xuan, it's easy for you to control me. You know, I don't have any way to deal with you."
Hearing this, Li Xuan was shocked and could no longer hold on, so he loosened his grip weakly.
The moon came out again, but Sheng Min's eyes were still blurry. The only thing that was clear was that at the moment when he received Sheng Min's true love, Li Xuan could not find any pride or joy.
Sheng Min's porcelain-white wrist was pinched with a glaring red mark. Li Xuan moved his fingertips slightly to touch it, but finally dropped his hand.
"It doesn't hurt." Sheng Min noticed his gaze and silently hid her hands behind her back.
Finally, the wind started to blow, and the creek water began to ripple, breaking the dim shadow of the bridge. He thought, Sheng Min might be right, it was indeed the suspension bridge effect. But Li Xuan was not sure when he quietly stepped onto this bridge, and he did not know if he would ever leave.
"Let me think about it." Li Xuan said, each word was difficult, "Give me some time."
Sheng Min thought this was not right, and he wanted to refuse. Everything tonight was to free Li Xuan from the situation that he was trapped in. But he had no chance of winning against Li Xuan. Although even Li Xuan didn't seem to be the winner.
"I don't have a definite answer. You can do whatever you want." Sheng Min just said this at last.
The moon has set and the sun has not yet risen.
Before dawn, Sheng Min left alone. His thin figure blended into the night, and Li Xuan had the illusion that he was losing him.
Did he ever get it
I sat by the river for a long time holding the signature paper. The dew soaked my black T-shirt and then disappeared in the rising temperature in the early morning.
The clouds on the horizon were light gray, and unknown birds flew by without leaving a trace.
Li Xuan remembered what Sheng Min said in the hospital that day.
Don't be afraid, it's okay.
He never took this sentence to heart, and never thought that he was afraid of anything. But on this ordinary summer morning when the morning star had not yet set, he finally got a glimpse of a dark cloud deep in his heart.
It turned out that he was really afraid. He was afraid that this was love, and even more afraid that it was not.