Ji Chuan is indeed Li Chuan's brother.
Chatted with René for an hour and learned a lot about Li Chuan's past. I chatted with Ji Chuan for half an hour, and Ji Chuan didn't reveal anything that Li Chuan didn't want me to know. We have been talking about the climate and scenery of Switzerland.
Ji Chuan advised me to call Li Chuan once a week. He said, Li Chuan must really want to hear my voice, but his condition is not very stable yet. People are also very weak, unable to speak for a long time, and in severe cases, they have to rely on respirators.
Frankly, having lived through the deaths of two loved ones, I am more resistant to fear. Li Chuan's situation reminded me of the month before my father's death. At that time, I could get three critical illness notices a day. Every time there was a rescue, Xiaodong and I stood guard outside the door of the operating room, staring at the wall clock on the wall, watching the time and life passing by. After a month, our minds have been tortured to the point of exhaustion, and we are completely numb to fear. We only know how to obey the doctor's orders, take care of patients, and work hard to cooperate with one treatment procedure after another. Sometimes I saw my dad struggling hard on the hospital bed, life would be better than death, I even secretly thought, if I were him, I might as well just go, maybe it would be a relief.
The week I finished chatting with René, I had nightmares every night. Woke up and couldn't fall back asleep. I started taking sleeping pills every day. Then, distract yourself with vigorous physical activity.
I went to the gym on Saturday and found out that the yoga class for this semester had ended early because the teacher suddenly asked for leave, and it was replaced by Latin dance. All the members of the original yoga class joined the Latin dance class and learned Cha Cha from a handsome male coach from the Physical Education Institute. The change is said to have caused no one's displeasure. On the contrary, everyone's energy has become stronger, and they can also be crazy after training, so why not do it.
When I was a senior, I did some Latin dancing for a while. At that time, our school held a Latin dance competition. Because I was the sports minister of the student union, I was appointed to represent the English department with another boy. In order to get the ranking, we found a senior Latin dance teacher to choreograph for us, practiced day and night, and finally won the runner-up. The champions are the two masters of the physical education department, and we are willing to bow down. After so many years, I have somewhat forgotten the dance steps, but because I often go to the dance hall, I occasionally pick them up to show off.
The gym I work in is the largest gym in our district. The Latin dance class has more than three times the number of people in the yoga class. Many college students and men have poured in.
On Saturday, I changed into my sports clothes and walked into the classroom. I saw a tall man with his hands in his trouser pockets, his head down, standing uncomfortably at the corner of the wall—Ai Song.
At first, I suspected that I went to the wrong classroom. But those mothers are all chatting in a corner of the classroom, I'm sure I'm right. Then, I suspected that Ai Song had gone to the wrong classroom. Ph.D. in physics dances Latin dance, which is a bit funny.
"Hi, Ai Song!" I went up to say hello.
When he saw me, he was a little embarrassed: "Hello, Xiaoqiu."
"Why do you have time to come here?"
"I followed my coach."
"Your coach? Who's your coach?"
"That's the one—"
I looked in the direction of my finger, "that one" is our Latin dance coach. Ai Song explained that he used to follow Teacher Ding in the Haidian District Gymnasium, but now this side wants Teacher Ding to come over. The class over there had just started for a month, and he didn't want to change the teacher, so he came along.
I was surprised: "You... like Latin dance?"
"Is it weird?" He knew what I was thinking, but his expression was very calm.
"Somewhat."
He licked his lips and explained: "We who study physics are always said to have a strong brain and simple limbs. I want to balance the balance..."
"There should be many ways to balance, right? For example, Sanda classes, martial arts classes, tennis classes, bodybuilding classes, swimming classes, golf classes, bowling classes..."
If he doesn't go to so many "masculine" classes, he wants to come here
He smiled lightly: "Well, I also go to these classes. However, I also like Latin dance."
I was speechless, and after a while, I had nothing to say: "Latin dance is pretty good."
"Yes," he said, "the coach just told everyone to find a partner. It's rare that we know each other. Can you be my partner?"
"Um...um..." I was looking for an excuse.
"Don't worry, I won't step on your feet." He looked at me sincerely, "I have learned it before, not at the elementary level."
"Oh... alright."
The music sounded, a very sensational Latin love song. The coach said, first let everyone listen to the music, dance casually along with the music, and warm up.
I asked Ei Song: "You said, you are not at the elementary level, so what level are you?"
"I used to represent the school in competitions."
I gasped: "Then you should at least take the intermediate class."
"The coach said that according to the registration situation, there are quite a few people who have intermediate level. So now everyone jumps casually. He observes and observes first, and then divides into classes immediately. From next time on, this time is the intermediate class, and the next class will be in the intermediate class. It's the elementary class." He said slowly, it seemed that he was very familiar with that Teacher Ding.
"Oh, I see."
I had no choice but to jump on with Aisong. I was dumbfounded after just a few steps. Although Ai Song's level can't keep up with the pair of champions from our school back then, he is on par with me. He can do very complicated movements, and his waist and hips are twisted so well.
The problem is not here. The problem is that during the jump, he kept looking at me with a half-smile, his eyes were a bit ambiguous. Not only was I dumbfounded, but all the girls in the audience were also dumbfounded.
We didn't have any preparations, but we cooperated quite harmoniously. At the climax, he even lifted me up and threw me out again in a dangerous ballet move. The music was still playing, my waist was still twisting, and the timer on my watch suddenly screamed.
Today, at this moment, I made an appointment to call Li Chuan.
I said sorry, dropped Ai Song, ran out of the gymnasium, took out my phone card, and pressed a long string of numbers on my phone.
"Hi." A pleasant male voice came from the other end of the phone.
"Li Chuan!"
"Xiaoqiu, how are you?" His voice was still very soft, even a little hoarse, but he sounded better than last time.
I suddenly felt a burst of relief.
"fine and you?"
"fine."
"Do you still need a ventilator, Li Chuan?"
There was a moment of silence on the other end, and the voice was obviously displeased: "Who told you I need to use a ventilator?"
My head "buzzed" and it became ten times bigger. When is this, this man is so sick that he doesn't even have the strength to speak, and he still keeps it from me? Still won't let me know? How long is he going to hide from me
It became hot for no reason, and my voice suddenly soared several times: "Li Chuan, since we have known each other for so many years, and because I have never lied to you, please tell me the truth, okay? "
Before the words fell, I was already frightened by my aggressive tone.
Sure enough, on the other end of the phone, Li Chuan uttered a very vague syllable, as if he wanted to say something, but he couldn't say anything, only the sound of labored breathing. Then there was a busy tone.
It's really a big disagreement. When Li Chuan met me, was it not a natural or man-made disaster? My crow's mouth, I beat him again!
My mind went blank and I frantically dialed the phone. A cheap international card requires more than 30 digits to be entered. In the confusion, I dialed the wrong number three times in a row before dialing the correct number. This time, the nurse answered the call, still in blunt English: "Mr. Wang needs to rest, please call back later."
"Wait!" I yelled, "Is Mr. Wang okay just now?"
"He's been waiting in front of the phone for a long time and he's probably a little tired. We're giving him oxygen and he'll be fine."
"But-"
The phone has been hung up.
I slumped down on the steps.
The moon floats among the treetops. The night wind is very warm, it is already spring.
I hugged my legs and sat on the cold slate, thinking about the years that passed by year after year. Confused and depressed.
melancholy... melancholy...
helpless... helpless...
I repeatedly asked myself: Can I live without Li Chuan? Without Li Chuan, would life be meaningful? The answer is simple: without Li Chuan, wouldn't I have passed six years? Without Li Chuan, wouldn't my life be very fulfilling
Why do I still look preoccupied and unhappy? For six full years, I haven't laughed to my heart's content. Really, even if I watch the most lively comedy, I will cry, and I will feel that I am actually the most ridiculous person in the world: wishful thinking, evil intentions, knowing that it is a mirror image, but also want to break the boat.
The street lamps flickered on and off, and the scent of cumin wafted.
With tears in my eyes, I sat on the steps in a daze for a long time, my legs gradually became numb, and I was about to stand up when someone patted me on the shoulder suddenly. Looking back, it was Ai Song.
"Hey, here are your clothes and your bag. get out of class is over."
I stood up, took my things, and thanked me.
"Would you like me to ride you off on a bicycle?" he asked, his eyes soft.
"It's not far from my home," I sniffed and smiled at him, "I'll just walk back by myself."
"I'll accompany you, I'll drop by anyway." He insisted. He took my bag and hung it on the bike.
We walked silently. Along the way, I was in a bad mood and didn't say a word.
Turning a street, Ai Song suddenly said: "My sister said, you are a weirdo."
"Weird? Why?"
"She said, you don't have any friends in CG, neither men nor women. It's not that you are unlikable, but that you, um, don't seem to need friends, and you seem not interested in the outside world."
I looked at him, stunned. Is this what Emma thinks of me? so negative
"Not interested?" I pleaded, "No way! I'm in the vegan society, I have yoga classes, I go clubbing, I dance, I swim, I run—I'm always connected to the outside world."
Deep down, I know I'm lying, I'm quibbling. If it is said that Li Chuan's departure caused my spiritual death, this is a bit too much. If it caused my soul to go into hibernation, causing my senses to fail, my social regression, my crisis of faith, it would be absolutely true.
He turned and looked at me with unpredictable eyes: "I mean the mind, not the body." Then, he said, "You look smiling, but when you are about to smile, you frown again, as if you just drank drank a glass of bile..."
Ai Song talked very enthusiastically, but forgot a truth, that is: a person who is full of troubles does not want to be analyzed by others.
I interrupted him very rudely: "Stop, student Ai Song! I know you are doing research. However, I hope you will not be interested in my research. I don't want to be a particle. I don't like being studied by others. I Whether you are happy or not has nothing to do with you!"
After saying this, I regret it a bit. In fact, I never attack others for no reason on weekdays. Who made him come across this annoying moment. My mind is full of Li Chuan. However, the man didn't change his expression, neither anxious nor angry: "Do you know the 'butterfly effect'?"
"..."
"A South American butterfly flapping its wings gently in the tropics can cause a tornado in Texas, USA. One tear you shed today can cause a flood in Brazil, and it could cause a flood next year." A blizzard in winter. Your happiness is related to the world, and of course it is related to me. We are all related."
"Student Ai Song, first, I don't want to be 'physicalized' by you. Second, when you discuss issues, please don't always focus on the global climate or the universe. It's not related, it's up to you. For example, me and you It is irrelevant, because it is defined by me. I am related to someone else, and I define it. If he does not come to be related to me, I will also be related to him... "
Before I finished speaking, my eyes became sore, and I couldn't help choking: "Who did I provoke in my last life? Why did I end up with the bad luck of eight lifetimes..."
For six years, I have never discussed the matter between me and Li Chuan with anyone. I covered it tightly, as if it was some kind of secret. I didn't tell Xiaodong, lest he feel sorry for me. I don't tell my classmates, for fear they will make fun of me. I didn't even dare to tell my colleagues, for fear that they would directly say that I was miserable: "Look, this man is really miserable. He is young, his father died, his mother died, and he was ruthlessly dumped by his boyfriend." Ning Anan is me The only best friend I can confide in, went to Shanghai after graduation and plans to marry Xiu Yue. In front of her, I am too embarrassed to mention it... Today, I actually vented my anger in front of a stranger I don't know very well, which fully proves that my will has been broken. It was almost consumed by Li Chuan.
Seeing tears on my face, Ai Song took out a tissue and asked me an irrelevant question: "By the way, do you eat lamb skewers?"
The smell of barbecue all over the street is very tempting——
"... No, I'm a vegetarian."
"Vegetarian. They also have baked tofu, baked spinach, and baked potato chips."
"You can eat, I'll treat you."
"Okay. Anyway, we are poor in physics, and we are used to soft meals..."
"Pfft—" I couldn't help laughing.
We found a booth at random, and the bench was a bit dirty. Just as I was about to sit down, Ai Song stopped me and wiped the stool with a napkin. He ordered a bottle of beer and ordered ten kebabs, and I ordered a plate of grilled vegetarian food: dried tofu, corn, potatoes, and spinach. We all made a point of "spicing it up".
Ai Song is the same as me, I don’t like spicy food, the spicier the better.
"Aren't you from Beijing?" I asked.
Ai Song doesn't look like a northerner, but his accent is standard Mandarin.
"I'm from Chengdu, and I went to university in Beijing. My parents are both from Chengdu. There are four things Chengdu people like to do when they get together—"
"Which four things?"
"Eat some spicy soup, play some little mahjong, watch some crooked videos, and talk about some flower girls." He used Chengdu dialect, soft and funny.
"No wonder you insist on celibacy, no one cares about you for the rest of your life, you can play for the rest of your life."
"Yes. This is a good way of life, I suggest you try it."
"But," I took a bite of the tofu, and asked a substantive question, "How to solve the physical problem?"
He was drinking beer and almost spit it out: "Physical problem?"
"It's just... um, that?"
"That? Oh-that. In order to stick to this way of life, I have to sacrifice it. Just like you have to sacrifice meat and vegetables in order to be vegetarian."
It was my turn to choke: "Is this... easy?"
"It's not easy... but it can be overcome. Any difficulty will be gone if you overcome it, right?"
"Is it because you majored in physics and have little chance to meet suitable girls?"
"That's the truth. There aren't many girls in the physics department, and if there are any, they're all very naughty, and even if they were, they would have been snatched away."
"Didn't someone as outstanding as you grab one?"
"I was snatched by girls when I was in high school."
Strange, I said: "So, you had a girlfriend?"
"Well." He said, "My girlfriend and I went abroad together. I majored in physics and she majored in biology. We are both PhDs. After a year, she fell in love with someone else. In order to marry him, we All the children were aborted."
His expression was very light, as if he was joking. I was taken aback and said, "How did this happen? How long have you been talking?"
"Eight years, starting from high school." He took a big sip of beer, "The eight years of the War of Resistance were ruined in one fell swoop."
"Then you are still so happy?" I admire him a little bit.
"What should I do if I'm not happy? Jump off the building? Throw into the river?"
"Oh, Ai Song, I think we need to shake hands." I really reached out and gave him a shake.
"Why, have you been dumped too?"
"So far, it's considered. It's in the process of over."
"Let's eat." He said, "I can't persuade you about feelings, you just try to transfer your sensory organs to your mouth."
"You mean diet therapy?"
"Yes. I recommend you a kind of food, which is specially designed to cure lovelorn."
"What food?"
"Beef jerky," he said. "Really, that stuff tastes particularly gritty—it has the feeling of 'Aspirational Hunger Meal'. If you don't believe me, try it. I've recommended it to many people."
I laugh out loud.
After eating for nearly an hour, Ai Song sent me to the door of the apartment. I said to him, "Thank you for taking me back."
"You're welcome."
I took out my keys and turned to open the door. Ai Song suddenly said, "We have a dinner party on Saturday. Many experts will come, and many family members will also attend. In order to prevent the union chairman from caring about me, can you cover me for me?"
I think this request is quite reasonable, maybe I will need his cover in the future.
"Okay."
There is a huge sycamore tree next to my apartment. Before entering the door every day, I have to look up along the pole of the sycamore tree until I see the sky, and then look down from the sky until I see the roots of the tree. This is the only eye exercise I do every day.
Then I opened the door and saw Mia dozing off on the bed. I went to the kitchen to wash yesterday's dishes, one. Find the teacup, pour out yesterday's tea, a cup. Help Mia take a bath and dry her with a hair dryer. Then turn on the computer and work overtime to do translation. This week, I was worried about Li Chuan every day, and it was difficult to concentrate, which delayed a lot of work. I toiled away in front of the screen for two hours, exhausted. Take a shower and go to bed, listening to classical music on the radio, staring at the ceiling with my eyes open, my mind is so confused that I can’t fall asleep.
The clock gradually pointed to three o'clock in the morning. I crawled out of bed looking for sleeping pills, the bottle was empty, I ate them all and forgot to buy them. I did yoga in the living room, and the more I did it, the more energetic I was, I simply put on my sportswear and running shoes and went out for a run on the street. I can fall asleep when I am tired from running.
The neighborhood where I live is facing a street with bright street lights, and occasionally vehicles pass by. There are all-night dance halls and Internet cafes on both sides, which is quite safe. Running is an effective way to treat insomnia. I ran around the neighborhood, out of breath, when the cell phone in my pocket suddenly rang.
It's an unfamiliar number and it's very long.
Crazy, who is looking for me in the middle of the night? Prank or malicious harassment! Just press the red key to hang up.
A minute later, the phone rang again. This time I got impatient, turned on the phone and yelled at the people inside: "Hey, who are you, can you dial the number carefully? Please check the time, it is 3:30 in the morning!"
The people over there were obviously depressed. After a long time, a faint voice came: "I'm sorry, it's me. Li Chuan."
I was still running, passing a small intersection, when I heard Li Chuan’s voice, and forgot to look at the lights, a car came from behind and stopped abruptly. If the man is dead, why not!"
I hurried back to the sidewalk and obediently waited for the red light.
"It's so late, you're still outside?" Li Chuan obviously heard the driver's "Chuan scolding".
"I..." swallowed, "I'm running."
"Seeing that you are still online, I thought you were awake." He said, "Did you take the sleeping pills?"
"Um."
"You're still running outside in the middle of the night? Do you know how chaotic it is outside? Go home right away, do you hear me?" The man must have recovered his breath, and his tone suddenly became violent.
I want to say, I want you to take care of it, who are you to me, it's none of your business. After thinking about it, Amitabha, I, Xie Xiaoqiu, don't have the same knowledge as patients: "I'm running home."
After Wenzhou came back, Li Chuan was determined to break up with me and never called me on the cell phone. Now that Huiran calls, I suddenly feel flattered, lucky to have three lives, and very grateful to Qiran.
I ran back to the apartment in a hurry, opened the iron door, and without thinking about drinking water, I sat on the bed and said to the mobile phone: "Li Chuan, what do you want from me?"
"Nothing… "
"Are you better?" I was still panting, "Can you talk more?"
"It's much better." He paused, and said, "I only need a ventilator occasionally, just once or twice. Don't listen to other people's nonsense, and don't think so seriously."
I admit that regarding the ventilator, I can't look at too many pictures on the Internet.
"Li Chuan..." I asked, "Then, are you in pain?"
"Where does it hurt?"
"Did they... put a pipe—"
He quickly interrupted me: "No. There are different types of ventilators. Don't use your imagination so much, okay?"
"Then where is your whole body uncomfortable?"
"No more," he said. "It's comfortable now."
"You are quite... lying in the hospital? Huh? Li Chuan, is this what you want to tell me?"
"Well. I'm usually very busy and don't have time to rest. Now I just take this opportunity to take a rest. So, don't worry." He was on the other end, understating it.
"I'm sorry, I lost my temper today. Is my voice loud? Is my speech very rough? Are you very angry?" It's over, it's completely Qiong Yao, I really lost my temper at all.
"Xiaoqiu," he said word for word, "never say sorry to me, you have nothing to say sorry to me."
"Then why are you calling again now? Are you comforting me?"
"I just want to tell you that I am safe, so that you can rest assured."
"When can I leave the hospital?"
"It's still a while."
"That means you're still sick."
"Xiaoqiu, don't dwell on this topic all the time, okay? Think of something happy."
"You're sick and you want me to be happy, you think I'm not human!!!" The voice was high again.
"..." The other end stopped talking.
"Li Chuan, talk!"
"... Continue to move on, do you hear me?"
I think his illness must be much better, otherwise his tone would not be so fierce, and he was still a little impatient. I was wondering if I should argue with him again. It's better not to.
"Okay, I'll find a man tonight." I was angry, "That physics doctor just sent me back, so I'll call and ask him if he wants me tonight. Anyway, I'm with you, just two thin people Son, I still think it's hard."
"I want you to move on, not to mess around. You want to get AIDS." He scolded me again.
"Li Chuan," I said earnestly, "Give me five years, okay? Let me take good care of you. I only want five years. If you want me to leave after five years, I will definitely leave, and I will never quarrel with you. "
For a long time, he did not speak.
"Li Chuan—"
"I'm sorry," his voice was flat, "I'm very sorry—I don't have five years to give you."
My tears were streaming down, and I yelled at him in a crying voice: "Then leave me alone, I have to go for a run!"
"Wait, don't go!" he said, "I have a way to put you to sleep. You lie down first and get under the quilt."
"..." sobs.
"Don't cry, lie down yet?"
"Lie down..."
"Let me read you a passage from 'A La Recherche Du Temps erdu (Reminiscence of Things Past)."
"Li Chuan, I want sex..."
"I'm in Zurich, you're in Beijing, why are you having sex? Miss?"
"Spiritually... why don't you read me some pornography."
"No, then the more you listen, the more excited you will be..."
"Then wait until I fall asleep before hanging up..."
"Okay. You close your eyes, I'll read." Li Chuan's sexy bass came from the other end: "Longtepms, je me suis couché de bonne heure..."
Miraculous! I fell asleep in a minute.