Looking at Li Chuan's appearance, I suddenly realized the preciousness of life.
I decided to take each day seriously. Work hard, dance Latin dance seriously, and pay attention to your diet. Every morning, I get up early and run seriously along the street.
Never in more than twenty years have I paid so much attention to my body, my health.
For two weeks in a row, I didn't see Li Chuan. I knew he was avoiding me on purpose. He often comes to CG, or holds meetings, or discusses blueprints. Come in a hurry, leave in a hurry, never go to the restaurant for lunch. When I called René, René kept me at a respectful distance, probably because Li Chuan had warned him, and even tried to find excuses for me to invite him to dinner.
Every time I encountered these overt and implicit rejections, my self-esteem would take a hit. But my heart was filled with a deeper fear, eaten by my own blind guessing. I recalled every word Li Chuan said, and the way René looked at me. I know that Li Chuan is dying day by day, he said that he can't give me another five years, it is true.
On Friday morning, I go to work on time. In fact, I asked for leave that day to accompany Ai Song on a spring outing in Xiangshan. But before I left, I received a call from the company that several translations needed to be submitted to Mr. Jiang for review in advance, so I made an appointment with Ai Song to meet at the gate of Xianglai Building. I handed in the documents, got off the elevator, and ran into Li Chuan who was getting out of his car. Li Chuan was still dashing, but under the sunlight, his face didn't have a trace of blood. He stood by the car door, the driver took a lightweight wheelchair and he sat on it.
"Morning! Li Chuan!" I took the initiative to say hello.
"morning."
I was freshly dressed for a spring outing, with hair long over my shoulders, a leather jacket, boots, and a miniskirt. Ai Song said on the phone that he had bought a new motorcycle, and the weather was warm and sunny today, and he wanted to take me for a ride in Xiangshan.
Probably never seen me in such a girly outfit before, Li Chuan gave me a blank look and asked, "Need to go out?"
"Yeah. I've already asked for leave to go on a spring outing with my friends."
There was no expression on his face: "It's fun."
Not far away, the motorcycle beeped. Ethan has arrived. Wearing a helmet, leather jacket and leather pants, it looks like a speeding party.
"Goodbye, Li Chuan!"
"goodbye."
I ran over, took the helmet from Ai Song, and sat in his back seat.
Ei Song said, "For safety's sake, you have to hold me tight!"
I said: "OK!"
Actually, I didn't want to make Li Chuan misunderstand by acting intimate. However, I was stimulated by his indifferent appearance. In addition, this was my first time riding a motorcycle, so I was a little nervous, so I hugged Ai Song tightly. As soon as he stepped on the accelerator, the motorcycle flew out like lightning.
"Didn't you say that motorcycles are not allowed within the Fourth Ring Road?" I asked loudly from behind.
"The Beijing A brand is fine, you can get it for any money."
"Ai Song, don't drive so fast, okay?"
"I'm already driving very slowly!"
We exited from the Sihai Bridge and got off the Fourth Ring Road, heading northwest, passing the straight and flat Minzhuang Road, and Ai Song let it go with ease.
Then, I pointed to a landscape in the distance and sighed: "Hey, Ai Song, look there!"
He probably didn't hear what I said, so he looked back at me.
At this moment, the motorcycle suddenly lost control, I screamed, and the person flew out. Then, I don't know anything.
When I woke up, I was in pain all over my body, and my chest was tight, and it seemed that many places were swollen.
My right leg was in pain and my chest was heavily bandaged. I saw Ai Song standing by my bed, looking extremely apologetic.
There was a bandage wrapped around his forehead, and faint bloodstains could be seen on it.
"I'm sorry, I hurt you!" Ai Song said.
It was really just a pain in the body, but I didn't feel extremely uncomfortable or dying.
"What happened?" I asked hoarsely.
"There is a hole in the ground, I was careless."
"I don't blame you, you turned around when I said something." I said.
"Your injuries are serious. One rib is broken and the femoral shaft of the right leg is broken. It has been operated on, and there is a steel nail and plate in it. Now you are checking whether you have a concussion. Are you still uncomfortable? I will go Tell the doctor."
"The places you mentioned are uncomfortable, but other places are okay." I looked for my mobile phone and wanted to make a call, "I have to ask for leave from my unit."
"Cell phones are not allowed here. My sister has already called CG. You have been in a coma for four hours. Do you want to notify your parents?"
"My parents are dead."
"I'm sorry." He said quickly, "Do you have any brothers or sisters?"
"I have a younger brother who is studying at Zhongshan University of Medical Sciences. Don't let him know."
He sat in front of me and pressed me gently with both hands: "Don't worry, I did this, so I have full power to take care of you. I asked the unit for a month's leave, and I didn't Sitting on duty. I come to take care of you every day!"
I was shocked when I heard the word "one month". Am I going to lie down for a month
Then the doctor came in. After a brief introduction of my condition, I was asked to complete the hospitalization procedures, and said that I would stay for a month to see how the bones healed.
Ai Song heard that he was about to go to the toll office on the second floor to complete the formalities. I grabbed him and said, "Don't rush to pay, CG has good medical insurance. Give me a call, and I'll call the HR department."
The director of the personnel department answered the phone immediately, and the answer surprised me. "The bosses attach great importance to this matter, and have sent special personnel to handle your transfer procedures."
"Transfer?" I said, "Is it necessary to transfer?"
"The inpatient department of your current hospital is very small and very crowded, which will affect your rest. We are transferring you to Jishuitan Hospital, where there are first-class orthopedic doctors."
When I told Ai Song about the transfer, Ai Song sighed: "The response is so fast and thoughtful. I really want to give foreign companies a new look."
I laughed but didn't answer.
The next day I was transferred to the inpatient department of Jishuitan Hospital. Xiao Zhao from the personnel department has registered for me in advance and paid a deposit. Ai Song was going to buy a meal ticket. Xiao Zhao said, "Annie is a vegetarian. We have already ordered special nutritious vegetarian meals for her at a nearby restaurant, and meals are delivered three times a day."
I said, "I...maybe need someone else to take care of me." I absolutely don't want to bother Ai Song with this kind of privacy and skin-to-skin matter.
Xiao Zhao immediately replied: "Well, we are afraid that the nurses will be too busy, so we hired a nurse. She is a nurse who has just retired. Her family is struggling and she needs to earn more money."
Ai Song opened his mouth wide: "Well, the cost of the nurse... will you also reimburse me?"
"Report." Xiao Zhao said.
I didn't ask any more, I knew who was behind all this.
Not long after Xiao Zhao left, colleagues in the company began to visit me one after another. I decided to silence them and prepared a sign-in book for them. The ladies from the translation team arrived first and brought me flowers and tropical fruits. Emma agreed to take care of Mia for me temporarily. Most of the male colleagues send flowers or skin care products.
The next day, even people from the drafting department and the budget department, who I didn't know very well, came to see me. A few I hadn't spoken to at all, but they all said they recognized me and were impressed with my "dance".
The person who came to see me on the third day was Mrs. Lin, the cleaner of the company. My sister-in-law is from the countryside, but she hits it off with me. Every time I come to my room to clean, I have a chat with her. Once she asked me if I had any clothes I didn't use, her daughter was in high school and about my height. I found her a big bag of denim jackets, jeans, sweaters, skirts and the like that I didn't wear. Another time, she said that her daughter was sick and hospitalized. I just paid her wages at that time, so I forced her to pay 200 yuan. Just for this, my sister-in-law came to see me with a basket of fruit, and made me a big plate of vegetarian buns, which moved me to tears.
There are thirty-three people in CG. In the sign-in book, there were thirty-two signatures except for the sister-in-law.
Everyone came, except Li Chuan.
Early on Wednesday morning, Xiao Guan brought several colleagues from Jiutong to visit me, including Tao Xinru and Tang Yulian. Since that broken appointment, I haven't contacted Xiao Guan for a long time. According to Emma, Xiao Guan was getting more and more tightly entangled by Tao Xinru, and there was nothing he could do. But Xiao Guan resented me deeply for my rejection. So, I kind of didn't want to meet him. Especially when I'm embarrassed.
"Hey, Annie, why did you have an accident as soon as you entered CG, or are you considering transferring back to Jiutong? We still lack translators." Xiao Guan said.
"Thank you, no. Every time you have an urgent task, don't you remember to call me?" I smiled and declined.
"Speaking of which, I have three brochures on hand and I want to trouble you." He actually stuffed the three auction house brochures into my hands without shame, "Anyway, you are idle now, and you can earn some money. ,Right?"
I looked at him and wanted to cry but had no tears.
I want to say, Xiao Guan, do you know how miserable I am? With steel nails and swollen and painful body, I still need to translate for you! CG punctual capitalists are not like you!
A group of people from Xiao Guan laughed and laughed with me for a while, and made an appointment to treat me to dinner after I was discharged from the hospital, and then left.
After the noise, everything returns to tranquility. My heart is like a drip on the drip stand, falling little by little. The spring is endless outside the window, but my heart is sour.
Xiao Guan is here, Li Chuan, where are you
Aunt Li, the nurse, came in to take a bath for me.
It is said to be a bath, but in fact it is just a body wash. She wiped it little by little with a towel dipped in warm water. The hand moved carefully between the bandages, as if archaeologists were studying a Han Dynasty female corpse. After taking a shower, I washed my hair again, and washed it again and again with a basin. Finally, I changed into a clean hospital gown.
It's been like this every day since. Aunt Li turned me over every two hours and massaged my feet three times a day to maintain blood circulation. I am buried in Jin Yong's every day. Occasionally I also take a pen to do some translation, and I get tired after only a few pages. Ai Song came to see me every day and ate lunch and dinner with me. With nurses taking care of everything, he couldn't really be of much help. The main job is to "serve" me for dinner. Therefore, under his persecution, I drank a bowl of bone soup made by his mother every day. Although my determination to be a vegetarian is unwavering, the bone soup made by Ai Song's mother is really delicious. Also, I want to get well soon.
From week two onwards, my inpatient life took a ninety-degree turn.
First of all, the injured thigh was extremely swollen and painful. The pain was to the point of restlessness, difficulty eating, and sleepless nights.
I developed osteomyelitis, a common surgical complication. Immediately afterwards, I started to have high fever, pus in my legs, and unbearable pain. I needed pethidine to relieve the pain.
That's what it's like to be sick. I have been healthy and agile since I was a child, and I am keen on all kinds of sports, but I have never suffered serious injuries. This time, the osteomyelitis was a pain for me.
I had to take intravenous antibiotics every day, and I had to drain and drain pus regularly. I can't look at my leg, it's got a horrible scar on it. The doctor who came to check the wound always had a sullen face. I doubt it would be long before he would say that this leg can no longer be kept and must be amputated. Then some scenes from the movie Doctor Bethune and the scars on Li Chuan flashed in my mind.
Although I have repeatedly asked Esson not to come to the hospital every day, during the month he was on leave, he would come every day, sometimes even for a whole day. Several times he tried to help me change my clothes, but I refused. I don't allow him to touch me, and I don't allow him to look at my body. Finally, seeing that he really had nothing to do and really wanted to do something, I said, "Ai Song, you can cut my hair. The shorter the better, I have too much hair, and it's inconvenient for Aunt Li to wash it."
Ai Song happily took the scissors and cut off my ugly head. It made me feel embarrassed to meet people for several days, and I didn't dare to blame him.
I took a wall calendar, counted the days day by day, and marked every day spent in the hospital with a big cross.
A month passed, and Li Chuan still didn't come to see me.
My heart is getting cold little by little.
Waking up from the pain in the middle of the night, thinking of Li Chuan's heartlessness, tears drenched the pillow.
At the beginning, I comforted myself that Li Chuan didn't know that I was sick. However, it is impossible for him not to know, even the cleaning lady knows, and all the CG employees have come to see me, so he doesn't know that something happened to me, is it possible
Then, I comforted myself that Li Chuan was probably sick himself. Not allowed to go back to Switzerland. But the ladies in the translation team would gossip when they came to see me every week. I heard from them that after I was hospitalized, Li Chuan went to work in CG almost every day, and even held several meetings. But they also said that Li Chuan's health was not getting better. Sitting in a wheelchair most of the time. They almost forgot what Li Chuan looked like standing up.
When I was in despair, I thought again, even if Li Chuan was determined not to come, at least he would send René. Or, have René give me a call.
I didn't see René, nor did I get a call.
Thinking back to the days when I was with Li Chuan, I really never got sick, not even a fever. However, every time menstruation comes, I feel very uncomfortable. Li Chuan would let me lie on the bed without moving, and then cook soup for me. When my stomach hurts badly, he will put his hands on my stomach. Learn the appearance of a qigong master and "ventilate" at me. Li Chuan has always cared about people!
In the second month after the car accident, Ei Song had to go back to work in the institute. Although he is not sitting in class, he has to attend classes and do research, so it is impossible for him to stay with me for as long as the first month. In fact, his friendship with me has made me feel very guilty. I repeatedly asked him not to come to accompany me again, because Aunt Li took care of me professionally, meticulously, thoughtfully, and patiently, and I really didn't need another person by my side. Ai Song disagrees. He still comes every day, although the time of stay is shorter than before, but he goes to the bookstore to buy for me, buy DVDs, buy TV series, and spend time for me in different ways. Once he actually watched eight episodes of "Yongzheng Dynasty" with me in one go. Seeing that I was drowsy, he would lie on my bedside to revise the student's thesis, talking to me one after another.
However, my mood gradually dropped to zero. Every night, as soon as Ai Song left, I began to cry and cried quietly until late at night. Although I know that Li Chuan has something to hide. However, I never expected that he lived next to me, and when he heard the news of my accident, he didn't even pay a visit to me.
I am deeply confused. Does Li Chuan really still love me
If there is no difference between loving and not loving, why love
Such a laborious, fruitless love, should I persist
Unable to move, the muscles in the broken leg began to shrink. Well-trained Aunt Li stepped up the intensity of the massage. However, a certain part of my heart is also shrinking, and... it is getting smaller and smaller.
Lying on the hospital bed every day, I daydream daydreaming about the door. I dreamed that Li Chuan came to see me holding a handful of flowers. The footsteps in the corridor, the slight cough, and the flickering figure in front of the door all made me suspect it was him.
Then, when it was confirmed that it was not Li Chuan, I was numb.
I tore myself repeatedly in anticipation and disappointment.
Gradually, I began to stare out the window for a long time in a daze, not wanting to talk to anyone or talk. My leg was so swollen that I couldn't even feel it, and the pain was foreign.
Once, I was so upset that I pulled out the drip needle without authorization. Ai Song found out, and sternly persuaded me. I couldn't help yelling at him. Afterwards, I apologized to him again. Then I took advantage of it and ordered him to visit me at most once a week.
Ai Song firmly disagreed: "No! I caused your injury, and I will take care of you until you are discharged from the hospital!"
I had a dark second month in a severe emotional outburst. The leg has lost a lot of weight, and there are still big scars on it. I was transferred to a rehabilitation hospital for a month of functional training.
When the sisters in the translation team came to see me, they all said that I was as thin as noodles.
"Maybe you are a vegetarian." Emma said, "You are sick now and need more nutrition. It is better not to be a vegetarian. I will ask my mother to stew braised pork for you."
"No, no, my will is already weak, and I have enjoyed drinking Mama Ai's bone soup. I can't go out of line. I have to stick to my faith!"
"Well... After drinking our family's soup, next, should I be our family's daughter-in-law?" Emma smiled and hinted, "Let me tell you, my mother made the soup a few times, and then Ai Song herself I just learned it. Now that you drink everything you drink is made by him, I can take the opportunity to grab a bowl. How about it? Isn’t the young master of the Ai family good? He gave up two opportunities to go to the United States for meetings because of you. Those who did the project with him over there scolded him to death."
"I really appreciate him." I said sincerely, "Your Aisong people are so nice."
I didn't ask about Li Chuan, but everyone always talked about him.
"Li Chuan is wearing a black leather jacket today, that kind of soft and tight fabric, is there any mistake!" Mingming said, "When I saw him in the morning, I almost passed out. He wears a suit at most, serious, I can still resist."
"Yeah, I said a long time ago that he wears leather jackets the most sexy, and I've never seen him wear them once." Lisa echoed, "Although I missed the elevator with him, there is still his perfume in the elevator, a faint CK, it's daydream."
"Actually, Mr. Wang's illness is still not completely cured." Xiaowei added quietly, "All you see is his glamorous appearance."
"Why not? He doesn't use a wheelchair much anymore."
"There were times when he came to work for less than an hour, and that René came to pick him up." Xiaowei said, "Li Chuan vomited in a mess in the office, and René almost carried him to the wheelchair and pushed him away. That week we Changed the carpet twice for him."
"Oh... Li Chuan is so pitiful. You don't rely on this money to eat, and if you are so ill, do you have to come to work every day?"
"That's right! Looks like you have to find a healthy man to find a man. Just this disease, it looks so distressing."
"Can you stop being such an unprincipled nympho every day?" I smiled wryly, "Li Chuan is not the only beautiful guy in CG."
"There are beautiful men, and it's not uncommon to see top-quality ones." Everyone retorted in unison, "Li Chuan is like a fairy."
Yes, Li Chuan is a fairy. Where can I, a mortal, get it
That night, Ai Song came to see me and helped me walk seriously. At the end, I suddenly said: "Ai Song, don't come here again. You have taken care of me for so long, and I have deeply appreciated your affection. .”
"Okay, why do you say that again? Let's drink soup."
He brought me a big bowl of fragrant bone broth. My tears suddenly fell down.
"Ai Song, I will not fall in love with anyone."
"You and I are the perpetrator and the victim. Don't think about it, okay? If you are discharged from the hospital, see if I come to see you. I'm busy."
I wanted to mention Li Chuan to him, but I couldn't say it. I was gradually thinking of Li Chuan in a negative direction. The more I thought about it, the more I felt that he was unforgivable. Even when the sisters in the translation team mentioned Li Chuan, I thought he was a very distant person and had nothing to do with me. I used to miss him so much, this kind of worry, this kind of care, has quietly changed.
I faced Ai Song and wept silently. He asked me why I was sad, and I didn't say a word.
He sighed and said, "Do you want to hear my story? My ex-girlfriend, I call her Xiaoxue."
"She started chasing me in high school, chasing me out of breath. The kind of love that chases and beats, like a storm. I was very young at that time, I didn't take her feelings seriously, and treated her Joke, said: "The heavy snow is pressing on the green pine, and the green pine is straight and straight. You must know that the pine is noble and clean. When the snow melts." It was a vigorous snow, which buried me completely. I was surrounded by her love. Eight years , feel very happy, relaxed, and take everything for granted. I forgot to tell you, I am a workaholic. I have never had a weekend off for ten years. Every day I go to the laboratory and work late into the night. If the paper does not go well, I I still lose my temper with her. Even when she told me that she was pregnant, I couldn’t find time to accompany her to check. Until one day, I came back from the laboratory and saw the medical report left on the table. She had an abortion , took away all her own things. Throwing all the gifts I gave her and our group photos into the trash can."
I looked at him in shock.
"I went crazy. I went to her, confessed bitterly, and begged her to come back, but she firmly refused. Two months later, she got married. She said that she had been with that person for half a year, and the friends around her I know it all, but I haven’t noticed it yet.”
He patted me on the shoulder: "I never blamed her. On the day of the wedding, I even gave a gift. I wish her happiness, because I really don't deserve to be her husband. You see, everyone learns from their past." To something. I learned from my story how to love. Not necessarily a woman, but anyone who has a place in your heart. I also learned from my story about letting go. Not yours love, it will go. You can't catch it, let it go."
I got some inspiration from Eisong's story.
Just after the third month, I was able to walk with a cane. The doctor said that the X-ray showed that the leg bones had recovered very well, but the muscles were a little shrunken, and weight-bearing training had to be strengthened. The plate remains in the bone and will not be removed until a year later.
Before leaving the hospital, I quietly went back to the apartment once. Infatuated to check the phone and cell phone message records, check my e-mail, check MSN text messages.
I quietly told myself that as long as Li Chuan left me a message, even if he just asked "ho are you", I would forgive him.
But, nothing. Not a single letter.
I remembered a word Esson likes to say: black hole. Powerful energy, strong gravity, everything falls in, nothing escapes, everything is sucked away. But, in fact, there is nothing in it.
My heart is completely ashamed.
I notified my landlord that I will no longer be renting his apartment from next month onwards.
I invited migrant workers to help me pack all my books and clothes.
I booked a plane ticket back to Kunming. One Way.
I canceled all capital accounts in Beijing.
I sold the car to a used car dealer.
Ai Song helped me complete the discharge procedures. He had a meeting in California the next day and wished me all the best.
Back home, I printed two resignation reports. One for Jiutong and one for CG.
Monday is my last day in Beijing. Ai Song has checked in my books and large luggage for me.
I changed into something very casual. The weather is very hot, and I would definitely have to wear a skirt. But I didn't want people to see the scars on my legs, so I put on a pair of trousers, leaned on an aluminum alloy armpit, took a taxi, and went to Xianglai Building.
Important people never miss a historic moment.
While waiting for the elevator downstairs, I ran into Li Chuan. Two people, three crutches, I kind of want to laugh, I think everything is false and ridiculous.
Li Chuan helped me press the elevator door, and we walked in at the same time.
He kept his head down, not daring to look at me.
He wanted to press the nineteenth floor for me, and I said, "No, I'll go to the twentieth floor."
"You're not fully recovered yet, so come... ahem... to work?" He coughed softly as he spoke, but still didn't lift his head.
"No, I'm not going to work." I announced deadpan.
Slightly startled, he was about to speak when, with a "ding", the elevator reached the twentieth floor, and the door opened.
He pressed the elevator door and let me go out first. When I reached a corner of the corridor, I saw Mr. Jiang's door closed, so I stopped him:
"Li Chuan, I have something to ask of you."
He finally raised his head and stared at my face, his eyes suddenly became turbulent: "What's the matter?"
I took out two envelopes from my pocket: "This is my resignation letter. One for CG and one for Jiutong. Please forward it to Mr. Jiang for me."
He obviously expected something, and didn't reach out to pick it up: "Resign? Why resign?"
"I'm tired and want to rest for a while." I said lightly, "Then, I'll come out and look for a job."
Does everything need to be explained? Li Chuan should be able to see the hatred on my face.
His cheeks moved, as if he was clenching his teeth, but he said in a restrained manner, "That's fine. It's fine to take a break."
I turned around to leave, but he suddenly asked again: "Then will you still stay in Beijing?"
"No," I heard myself say coldly, "I'm leaving Beijing tomorrow."
His face was a little blue: "then where are you going?"
"Li Chuan," I looked up at him, smiling like a knife, "Didn't you want me to leave you? Now that I'm finally going to disappear, don't you think it's gratifying? Why bother to worry about my whereabouts? "
I shoved the envelope firmly into his hand, went back to the elevator, pressed the eighteenth floor, and went to pack my things in the office.
The moment the door was closed, Li Chuan suddenly blocked the elevator.
I looked up at him, my heart beating like a drum. There was a sadness in his eyes that I couldn't bear.
I secretly thought, if he wants to keep me, even if it is just a little hint, even if he relaxes a little, I will forgive him, forgive him immediately.
Unexpectedly, he just took a deep breath and said calmly: "Xiaoqiu, I wish you a safe journey."
Then, the elevator door slowly closed.
Another door in my heart was also closed at the same time.
I went back to my office in a daze. It was too late to clean up my disturbed mood, and I spent an hour sending emails to explain my work, then cleaned up the memory, deleted files, and returned the computer to the administrative department. My last email was to ask Emma to give Mia to Li Chuan, saying that he would definitely adopt her. Then, I wrapped Li Chuan's coffee cup with a piece of paper and stuffed it into his mailbox. Pack your stuff into a cardboard box. Go downstairs, call a taxi, go home.
When I arrived at the canteen next to the apartment, I bought a pack of cigarettes.
Back at the apartment, smoking one after the other.
The past is unbearable, my heart is riddled with holes, and my soul is completely disillusioned.
The shadow of the sun gradually slanted to the west, and the shadow of the moon gradually rose.
The plane tomorrow morning, the luggage has been packed. I left the key to the apartment on the desk.
I couldn't sleep and kept sitting on the bed crying.
At two o'clock in the morning, my cell phone rang suddenly.
I glanced at the display on my phone and saw an unfamiliar number.
The phone rang once, then hung up.