Six months after their marriage, Li Chuan's health gradually stabilized and he began to resume work. We still live in Kunming, and Li Chuan flies to Beijing two days a week to take care of the CG business. But most of his designs are done at his home in Kunming. The translation company I belong to is also very busy with business. The number of translations has decreased, but the task of interpretation has increased. I also travel frequently.
After getting married, my colleagues all thought that I would give up my job and become a full-time wife. I have never been used to being an idler, and Li Chuan also respected my choice.
In July of that year, Li Chuan was invited to Sicily, Italy, to attend an annual meeting of the construction industry. Before that, he rushed to Switzerland to complete the design of a commercial center. I couldn't get away because the company picked up a government tour group, so we said goodbye for two whole months. As soon as the mission of the tour group was over, I took a two-month long vacation to return to Switzerland. At that time, Li Chuan had finished handing in the blueprints and was having a meeting in Sicily. He ordered his driver, Finn, to pick me up at the airport and let me wait at home for four days. He flew back immediately after the meeting. In fact, he really wanted to sneak away, but his report was scheduled on the last day, and several rare partners heard that he had "come out of the mountain" and invited him to dinner one after another, so he couldn't get away.
Not much has changed at Zurich Airport.
The plane arrived on time. In order to avoid waiting for luggage, I only brought a minimum size suitcase, which contained my computer, unfinished translations and a few newly released books to pass the time. I have everything in the house, I didn't even take a change of clothes.
The pass was smooth, and I looked for Finn in the dark crowd at the exit, but I didn't see him. There were all Swiss people standing in front of me, and I couldn't remember what Finn looked like.
Suddenly, I found a Chinese face.
Those eyes were originally indifferent, but when they saw me, a smile burst out like a glass of water.
It was actually Li Chuan!
Surprised, I ran over and jumped on him.
He hugged me hard, kissed my forehead heavily, and looked up and down: "What tour group is it? Are you so tanned?"
"You can't use the word black, you have to use wheat."
"Well, it's so dry."
"'Mc' can't be an adjective—" I joked.
He was wearing a solid black suit and a thin silver-gray tie, and his hair was neatly combed.
Didn't it mean that he couldn't get away? He actually rushed back to Zurich a day earlier than me.
"Is the meeting over?" I asked.
"No, I slipped out to pick you up. Come with me to Sicily, okay?" He took my hand, "There is a big game room downstairs in the hotel, you can play games every day. I will take you to see it when I have time." Volcano—active volcano, still smoking."
He begged me like a child, and I watched him wryly smile.
Li Chuan is a real workaholic. Once he takes over the job, he will turn upside down day and night and eat disorderly. When he is busy, he only remembers to eat one thing non-stop: tuna fish sandwich. When I supervise him, his work and rest are still normal, and I will advise him not to stay up too late. I haven't been around these two months, and he really lost a lot of weight.
Li Chuan knows that I don't like unfamiliar environments, especially formal social occasions like meetings and dinners. I don't know anything about his work in Europe, I have only seen some pictures of buildings he designed. The headquarters of CG is in Zurich. Li Chuan hasn't been to work since he got married. I only accompanied him to the company's year-end dinner once. Many people chatted with me in fluent English, and I followed Li Chuan closely like a tail. After a few conversations, I got tired of coping, and Li Chuan often took the initiative to take the topic.
I sighed: "You don't need to pick me up, just buy me a ticket and I'll change the plane? When did you arrive?"
"I arrived thirty minutes earlier than you." He smiled, "Just in time to pick you up, I slipped away from the morning meeting."
Li Chuan's style is quite German, and he is very planned. After a serious illness, it becomes easy to change my mind, and occasionally I will do some mindless things on a whim. He must have rushed this trip, almost racing against time. My mind was dull, and I remembered some things he said about going through customs before. The security check for the disabled is particularly troublesome, especially in the United States after 9/11. Even though he was carrying various documents, Li Chuan was still required to take off his shoes for inspection like all men. Removing shoes is a particularly difficult maneuver for high amputee people. The thin-skinned Li Chuan always complains every time he talks about this: "This is so embarrassing! (I'm so embarrassed.)" Wearing prosthetics and passing through the metal detector will inevitably make a noise, and he will be arrested when he encounters an especially suspicious security inspector. Please enter the single room for undressing inspection. Li Chuan, who travels frequently, is used to these procedures, and most of the airport staff are quite friendly, and he understands that very few people suspect that there are bombs or drugs hidden in the prosthetic limb. Human flesh can be used as a bomb these days, let alone prosthetics
I looked around and found the problem: "Hey, where is your luggage?"
"No luggage." He patted his pocket, "I just brought my passport and wallet."
Sure enough, he fled the battle, fleeing in such a panic, his forehead was covered with sweat. I touched his face, feeling distressed: "Are you tired?"
"It's okay." After that, he insisted on taking my suitcase, and I didn't grab it from him.
Looking at my watch, Li Chuan dragged me to the departure hall: "Hurry up, it's time to board the plane."
Arrived in Catania, Sicily at two o'clock in the afternoon. It was quiet in the hotel. Li Chuan said that the meeting party had arranged tourism activities in the afternoon, and all the guests went out for sightseeing.
After opening the room with the key card, Li Chuan put down his luggage and pushed me against the back of the door.
"Ai-"
He gags me and kisses me deeply, a little violently. I twisted my head back and forth, nearly suffocating, struggling in his arms. He let me go and gave me time to breathe: "Xiaoqiu, long time no see, you have to be good."
"Not good! I want to challenge you!" I yelled.
We fell to the hard floor.
There is always a fresh and elusive fragrance on Li Chuan's body. The air conditioner blows a blast of cold wind, the ceiling fan turns slowly, and the room is filled with the unique olive smell of the Mediterranean. His slightly cool body gradually became hot, and sweat slipped under his body. After a while, he relaxed and stroked my face thoughtfully. I smelled the pine scent on his fingers, and said softly: "Li Chuan, we might have a baby this time. I'm not in a safe period right now."
His body froze slightly.
After a moment of silence, he shook his head: "No. I have received many radiation treatments, and the glands have already been damaged. Your chances of conceiving... are almost zero."
In fact, Li Chuan said this when he was not married, and I always took it as a fluke. This was just an unintentional mention, which immediately touched his heart.
"It's okay, it's okay, I don't care," I quickly changed my words, "I don't have to give birth, if we like children, we can adopt them!"
He lay on the ground, staring blankly at the ceiling, without speaking for a long time. I got up and went to the bedroom to get a cane and handed it to him, then went to the bathroom to fill the water.
After the water was ready, I went to find Li Chuan, only to find him leaning against the wall in his pajamas, still thinking about something.
"The water is ready." I hugged him and pressed my face against his chest.
"Xiaoqiu," he suddenly whispered, "I also really want a child."
I covered his mouth and gently stroked the long and thin scar on his body with my hand.
"I'm sorry—" I murmured.
Except for the medical staff and his father, Li Chuan never let anyone see his scars. In the year of the accident, he first lost his mother, then lost his leg. Afterwards, he had been undergoing radiotherapy, lost his hair and appetite, and suffered a huge physical and mental blow. Even now he still thinks his scar is terrible, and he doesn't want anyone to see it except me.
"Xiao Qiu—" His voice became serious, "We need to talk."
"You talk, I listen."
"Don't mess around," he patted the top of my head, "sit on the sofa and talk."
I sat down obediently, and Li Chuan sat beside me.
"I have to tell you about the baby."
"Say it."
"It's not entirely impossible."
My eyes lit up.
"When I was 17 years old when I had chemotherapy for the first time, considering future fertility issues, I accepted the doctor's advice and stored a batch of sperm in advance. If you insist on having children, you can try IVF."
"IVF?"
"In-vitro Fertilization, how do you say it in Chinese?"
"In vitro fertilization, or IVF." I began to count. "Seventeen-year-old sperm, my God, after nineteen years, will it still work? Frozen yogurt will not be eaten in a month."
"Generally speaking, if it is properly preserved, it can survive for thirty years."
My heart beat a drum: "Then... um... Can the quality be guaranteed?"
He put his hands on my shoulder and was silent. After a while, he said slowly: "How do I know? If I really want it, I will just use it. Think about it, if I got cancer at the age of nine, we would be completely hopeless. But don't hold too much Hopefully, the success rate of in vitro fertilization at your age is only 30%."
I grinned foolishly, and began to smugly: "Ah... that's seventeen-year-old Li Chuan! Oh my God! Seventeen-year-old Li Chuan is a flower-like boy." I admit that I am a nympho. I have seen photos of young Li Chuan playing tennis, such a handsome and handsome man, his brows are full of confidence and pride. After the age of seventeen, Li Chuan suffered from illnesses, and he never took a full-body photo again. The photo I took with him in Kunming is the only one.
"Don't be too happy," he twisted my ear, "the IVF process is very cumbersome, and your emotions will be tortured."
There was a hint of depression in his smile, and his tone was not enthusiastic, even cold.
With such a professional answer, he must have done detailed research.
My heart is secretly cold. Li Chuan does not want children, although he also desperately longs for a complete family. Yes, would a person who doesn't know how long he can live be willing to leave his child with the pain of bereavement
I smiled and didn't say any more.
There will be a formal dinner and reception at the meeting. After taking a shower, Li Chuan took me out to buy a black evening dress. We walked around the street north of Cathedral Square, ate local citrus and melon, and bought a pack of pistachios. . When we got back to the hotel, the dinner party had already started. Li Chuan introduced me to his colleagues one by one. Everyone talked about industry news in various languages. After a while, Li Chuan finally let go of my hand in understanding: "Honey, there's coffee and ice cream at the bar over there. Go and drink something first. I'll come over to accompany you after we chat for a while."
I fled as if amnestied.
The bar is in the southwest corner of the hall. I ordered a glass of local wine and took a sip. It was really delicious. After a while, a chestnut-haired European woman came over, ordered a glass of whiskey, and sat on a high chair at the bar to chat with me.
She was beautiful and well dressed, with jewels gleaming on her breast.
"I'm Miff," she said. "I'm an architect."
"I'm Xiao Qiu." I said, "My husband is an architect."
She raised her eyes and asked with a smile, "Is your husband Oda-kun?"
"No," I said, "my husband is Swiss."
I didn't mention Li Chuan's name, because I don't know much about the construction industry, so I finally found a free time to rest, and I didn't want to talk about the industry news with the National People's Congress.
"I am English."
I smile, needless to say? Her British accent is too obvious.
"I am from China."
"You are Taiwanese, right?"
"No, I'm from Yunnan, mainland China."
"You look like a Taiwanese," she obviously hadn't heard of the place name, "your clothes are beautiful."
"And yours too. I like your shawl."
"Hey, you have good eyesight, believe it? This is bought from Cambodia and hand-woven. I was fascinated by it at first sight." She spread the shawl and gestured, "This meeting is so boring, it's all men, Ninety-nine percent of men. Believe me, honey, men flatter each other more than women."
It was so humorous, I couldn't help asking: "Are you the only female architect here?"
She smiled proudly: "That's right. 12% of registered architects in the UK are women, but only 9% in the United States. In fact, 40% of the architecture majors in universities are women. It's strange that these women graduate Where did it all go after that?"
I twirled my wine glass and said, "Probably married to an architect."
"Honey, which city in Switzerland do you live in?" She said, "I have cooperated with several design companies in Switzerland, and I may know your husband."
"My husband is Alex ong." I pointed at Li Chuan's back, "The one with black hair."
She took a breath and widened her eyes: "Oh My God. You are Alex's wife!"
"yes."
"Alex just hid in China for a whole year because of you!"
"I can't get away from some work, and he is willing to stay with me in China." I didn't mention his illness. Talking about other people's diseases abroad is a big social taboo, and only a few friends know about Li Chuan's cancer.
"Alex is the most difficult man I've ever met!" Meeve half-smiled angrily, "I have seduced him many times but failed. He only bought me a glass of wine, and the next day he still competed with me for business." It’s not a big business either, I said Alex, this time you let me go, he said sorry, I fancy a ring.”
She pointed to my hand and said, "This ring must have been bought with that money, in XXXX, right? I vomited blood and drew the picture for three months. I was so tired that I almost had my stomach perforated. In the end, he won the bid. Bad boy, every time you break my plan, I want to settle accounts with him."
In fact, the ring was bought in Switzerland before Li Chuan and I broke up for the first time. At that time, he was so confident in his health that he thought it was just a routine check-up, so he made a special trip to a jewelry store to buy the engagement ring. Then a phone call from the hospital dashed his hopes. He said that he was dumbfounded when he heard it at the time, and he could hardly believe that God would be so cruel. The doctor said there was only three months at most, and he wished he could die immediately.
Actually, I was very curious about the six years when Li Chuan left me. His state of mind, his life, his work, his treatment... countless questions. But this was also the most painful time for the two of us, presumably Li Chuan also had the same curiosity about me.
But we tacitly kept silent about this period of history, leaving it in an uncultivated state.
During the chat, Li Chuan would occasionally reveal some truths. For example, on the day he knew that his illness had relapsed, he was in so much pain that he sat alone by the Zurich River and meditated, and then went to church to stay all night, praying devoutly. After receiving the diagnosis call, he was forced to go skiing by Ji Chuan and Rene. He rushed down from the mountain again and again, seeking the feeling of death in the speed. Back at the Zurich hospital, he chose a very risky treatment plan, which even experts thought had little chance of winning. And he miraculously escaped from the arms of death.
I looked at the ring on my finger and smiled without answering. How could Miff understand the setbacks and thrills involved.
Fortunately, Li Chuan was already walking towards me.
"Hi, Miff!" He said, "It's nice to meet you! I thought you were still working on your design in Germany. Xiaoqiu, let me introduce. Miff is the chief designer of RO Construction Company. He once worked with I’ve collaborated on several projects. I really like her designs and it’s been a pleasure to work with.”
Li Chuan is quite sophisticated in social situations. After all, several generations of family studies have built a strong social network for him. Apart from Li Chuan, one of his uncles and two cousins participated in this meeting, but they left early because they were involved in a project. Otherwise, the Wang family can hold a family dinner here.
I think Mi Fu's eyes on Li Chuan are full of love and provocation from the beginning to the end. Her voice suddenly softened a little, she turned her head away and then back, laughing wildly. Of course, this is not the first woman I've seen who lost her composure in front of Li Chuan, but I'm still a little bit jealous.
He introduced me to her: "This is my wife Xie Xiaoqiu, she is a very good professional translator."
"We already know each other."
"Miff, my cousin, Moya, is a sophomore in college. I want to do an internship with you during the winter vacation. Is it okay?"
"Stop it, Alex. You don't want to send a little spy over here to spy on the military, do you?"
"How could it be? There are other places to go, but she admires you too much. The little girl is just a sophomore and doesn't know anything. Just let her do odd jobs and learn some basic knowledge."
"Does she speak English?"
"I know French and German, and I can understand English, but I don't speak it fluently. Don't you know French?"
"My God, my French is only enough to read a fashion magazine. How about you pay me to get an interpreter for her?"
"Okay, I'll let her brother pay for it."
"It's really stingy, he's still a cousin. I can't give up this little money."
"What you are criticizing is that I should ask her to use her wages to pay for translation. She is so old and she has the nerve to spend her family's money."
"I know a hotel that offers discounts to foreign students."
"Oh, don't bother me. I'll book her a hotel closest to your company."
"Closer to our company? That prime location?" She suddenly giggled, "Your cousin is really going to spend money."
"After all, she's a girl. Safety comes first when you're out. Besides, in our line of work, it's important to have a good rest and eat well."
"Okay, let her call me, and I'll arrange the rest, so don't worry." She looked annoyed, her chest puffed up, "Really, Alex, it's such a big deal for you to get married Don't tell me either."
Li Chuan quickly explained: "I'm sorry, our wedding is held in China. When are you free to come to Zurich? Xiaoqiu and I will definitely treat you to dinner."
"I won't be going to Switzerland recently, Alex, just don't forget me when the baby is born." After finishing speaking, he glanced at my belly meaningfully.
I was a little embarrassed, as if I had been stabbed in a sore spot, and looked at Li Chuan in embarrassment.
He was calm and at ease: "Of course."
The dinner was very rich, but I had no taste, and my mind was full of IVF. Li Chuan drank his juice slowly, and I laughed with him while holding a glass of wine. I had a lot of worries hidden in my heart, and I accidentally drank half drunk, and lay down as soon as I got back to my room. Li Chuan also wanted to see a friend, sent me back, told me to rest first, turned around and went out again.
After more than an hour, when he came back again, I sat in the middle of the big bed with the quilt in my arms, and said to him seriously: "Li Chuan, I plan to undergo IVF."
I didn't say "ask", or "try it", and I didn't give him any room for argument. And I didn't use the word "we" either, because the matter - purely procedurally - did not require his involvement.
He put the key card on the table, with a slightly surprised expression, lowered his head and thought for a while and said, "Can I persuade you to give up?"
He has changed his mind.
"Why?" I tried my best to sound negotiable, "You don't actually need to participate in this matter. The frozen sperm has been idle for many years, and I just took it for a while. Wouldn't it be a pity to waste it, what do you think?"
He sighed, and sat next to me: "First, you will have blood drawn many times during IVF, and you have haemosickness."
"I'm not dizzy with my own blood, I'm not afraid."
"Second, the process is cumbersome, the success rate is low, and the psychological pressure is high. Many people have to see a psychologist in the end."
"The success rate is low? Then try a few more times."
"Third and most important, I have very bad genes."
I frowned and looked at him from head to toe: "Your genes are quite good. You are handsome and beautiful, and you have a high IQ."
"I'm afraid I have cancer in my genes."
"Hey, don't think too much. My uncle also died of stomach cancer, and my grandmother still has arthritis. Trust me, Li Chuan, this is just a coincidence."
"Xiaoqiu," he glanced at me silently, "your heart is extremely strong. If anything happens to me, you won't be troubled. But if my children face these things in their childhood—no matter To her or to me—too cruel. Have you thought about it?"
I was silent for a moment, finding it difficult to answer.
But I stiffened my neck and said, "Why should I think about negative things? I'm not a negative person! Don't you think that every time you draw a picture, every time you design a building, it will be destroyed by an earthquake?"
"Of course I would! All my designs emphasize shock resistance." He suddenly changed to a begging tone, "Can we think about this issue in a few years?"
"But—the older you are, the less likely you are to conceive. If you want to try, you have to try it early."
"Wait another three years, okay?" He took my hand, put it on his lips and kissed it lightly, "Let me be sure that I am healthy enough to take on the responsibility of a father—"
"No! It's not a matter of time. You can be a father at any time. Even if something happens to you, I can raise the child by myself. Li Chuan, think about it, if we have a child, the life —”
"Xiaoqiu, please take my feelings into consideration, okay?" He interrupted me with a muffled voice, obviously angry.
I stared into his eyes and said firmly, "Li Chuan, I want a child, you can't change this."
Because of this sentence, Li Chuan was depressed for a whole night and hardly talked to me.
I didn't expect such a strong reaction from him. After we got married, we also bickered occasionally, but never seriously quarreled. We all treasure this rare moment immensely.
The next day Li Chuan gave a meeting report, and I went to the game room downstairs to play video games all day. When he came back, he looked pale, as if he hadn't slept well all night, so I didn't mention it again.
After the meeting closed, we went to the small town of Taormina and stayed in a hotel facing the sea and backed by a cliff. Li Chuan took me to see the famous volcano and beach here. In the small town, there are rocks on the hills and alleys, and there are layers of steps built with stones everywhere. We specially visited the ruins of the ancient Greek theater. The ancient walls collapsed, but new plays are still being staged. Beautiful bays, lazy streets, children running around, old people in hats. Li Chuan accompanied me the whole time. He had been to this place before, so he acted as both a commentator and a guide, and he was exhausted.
I relented and went back to Switzerland for two full weeks without mentioning IVF.
One evening, I drove home, bought a lot of vegetables, and cooked a plate of his favorite fish for Li Chuan. Seeing that he hadn't finished get off work, I took the water bottle to the lawn in front of the door to water the flowers.
Our neighbor Angie chatted with me holding her three-month-old daughter, Sophie.
"Anne," she said, "Sophie has been miserable today. She has been crying all day and has rashes all over her face. Look, my heart is so distressed."
Little Sophie's face was rosy and covered with small pimples, covered with a thick layer of Vaseline.
"Poor Sophie, will it be very itchy?" I took the child over, held her in my arms and looked at it carefully, pinching her fidgeting little hands, "You see, she always wants to scratch her own face."
"Yeah, I cut her nails and wanted to wear gloves for her. The weather is too hot, and she doesn't like it very much." Angie is a local, and she studied in a university in the UK. Although she has a strong German accent, she is fluent in English.
"Why don't you turn on the air conditioner at home?" I suggested.
"No, I'm afraid she'll catch a cold. She made a big fuss last night, and her dad and I didn't sleep a wink all night."
"It turns out that raising children is so hard." I looked at the dark circles on Angie's face and sighed. But I thought in my heart, I am willing to work hard. However, after all, raising a child is not a matter for one person alone, and Li Chuan's support is also very important. The more I thought about it, the more I struggled, and then Angie said a lot of details about how to wake up at night and how to breastfeed. I didn't listen to a word, but only heard the last sentence.
"... Tired now, but it will be much better after three years old. Then you think they grow too fast."
The soft little thing in the arm moved, its big green eyes fluttered, and its head with golden curly hair softly pressed against my chest, screaming in its mouth, I made her laugh, and she also Smiling at me, he stuffed his fingers into his mouth and sucked them. I couldn't help but kissed her little face, and looked down, the clothes on the chest were wet with her saliva.
I quickly said, "Hey, do you think she wants to breastfeed?"
"I just fed it," Anji said. "Actually, Alex of your family also likes children very much. When Sophie's sister was young, whenever Li Chuan was at home, she would go to his house. I don't know how many ice creams and chocolates she cheated from him. "
"Yes." I said. I couldn't help but sigh again, I don't know that Li Chuan likes children.
But after he came back, Li Chuan never mentioned the child again. Apparently, he doesn't plan to have children for a few years. And I secretly looked up information on the Internet, and I guessed right, the older the IVF mother, the lower the success rate.
After a pause, Angie asked again: "Then when do you plan to have a child? Huh? If you want it now, she can play with Sophie. Both of us will save trouble. Raising a child is physical work, and it is easy to have a child." The sooner the better."
"Yes." I said vaguely.
"The Wang family only has two sons. The eldest is not born, and the second has no sign. Alex's grandfather must be in a hurry, right?"
She really understands Chinese culture. I looked at her dumbfounded.
Because of his illness, the whole family was sensitive for Li Chuan about the child. During the chat, everyone consciously avoided this topic. The Wang family does not have to worry about having a fourth generation. We have participated in several full moon parties here and gave out gift bags one after another. Not knowing how to answer, Anji suddenly moved his eyes: "Hey, your Alex is back." After saying that, he waved to my back and took the child.
I turned around and saw that Li Chuan had already driven back at some point, and seemed to have been standing by the car for a while, so I hurried over and took the leather bag containing the laptop for him.
"Get home so early today? Is there no traffic jam?" I asked.
"No."
"The food is ready and waiting for you to eat."
"Didn't you say that you can do it when I come back?"
"No, I have to show you something this time. Let's eat authentic Yunnan cuisine. I went to the Chinese store to buy rice cakes."
Li Chuan smiled and touched my face: "Is Anji's daughter cute?"
"It's so cute!" I blurted out, "I can't wait to hold it in my arms every day."
The tone of my voice was too excited to reveal what was on my mind. I was afraid that he would find out, so I hurriedly changed the topic: "Come inside, the soup is still simmering on the stove!"
After changing his shoes, he went straight to the dining room to sit down. Li Chuan took a sip of the soup and suddenly said, "Xiaoqiu, if you really like children, go to IVF. I just happened to have something to ask the doctor today, so I just asked."
"..."
"Xiaoqiu?"
"… Um?"
"Why are you in a daze?"
"Are you looking for a doctor? What's the matter? Are you unwell?" My voice was dry and I looked at him nervously.
"No, no, don't think about it. It's because I've finished my medicine. Let him open two more bottles for me."
I breathed a sigh of relief: "Oh."
"About IVF, do you want to go to a clinic in Zurich, or a clinic in the US?"
"That... didn't you mean... wait a few more years?"
"Xiaoqiu, don't pay too much attention to my feelings, your own feelings are also very important."
I stared at him blankly, my heart pounding, "So, Li Chuan, do you agree to IVF?"
"Well." He stroked my shoulder, "I'm just worried that you will be tortured. To do IVF, you have to go to many clinics, have to do a lot of examinations, and take a lot of medicines, many of which have side effects. Forget it, the success rate is so low—I don't want to see you disappointed."
I grinned and made an OK gesture to him: "It's okay. I happen to be free during this time. The boss said that since I'm not in Kunming, I will try to arrange as little work as possible, and I will concentrate on making people in the rest of the time." .”
Seeing that I was so happy, he also smiled: "Then let's go to Mount Sinai in California. There is a good clinic there. It's just—the doctor said that he was worried that there would be problems with the sperm during transportation."
"We don't have a clinic here - in Zurich? Can it be done here?"
"He recommended Dr. Singer to me. His clinic is currently the holder of the highest success rate of IVF in Switzerland."
"How much is that?"
"39%. Of course, if the vitality of the sperm is included, it will be greatly discounted."
"Hey!" I patted his face, "It doesn't matter, if you can't do it once, you can do it twice. You have money and I have a body. Sooner or later you will succeed."
"..."
Li Chuan didn't tell me more. I did further research on the internet. Data show that IVF can have a great emotional and psychological impact on couples. If it fails, 60% of couples will experience emotional outages: depression, anxiety, anger, insomnia, quarrels... 13% of women will have suicidal thoughts. Not to mention the career, time, financial, emotional, and marital costs paid for it.
I refuse to think so much. In my blueprint of happiness, Xie Xiaoqiu, there are always Li Chuan and our children. Otherwise it is not a complete family. This opinion is a little old, but I never pass up a chance.
I thought about it, and said to Li Chuan, "Then do you have Dr. Singer's phone number?"
He nodded.
"I'll make an appointment with him right away and start as soon as possible." I said, "You don't need to participate in this matter from the beginning to the end. I can bear the pressure of failure alone. If you add another one, you can't bear it."
"How can that be? It's our business." His face hardened, "I won't let you go to the clinic alone."
"Hey, you're so busy, you don't have that much time to spend with me. The cycle of IVF is very long."
"Not long. About three weeks at a time."
"Isn't that long? How many projects do you have on hand? They all have deadlines, right? It's such a distraction."
"It's okay, if I don't accompany you, if things don't go well, you won't think about it."
These words hit me again, and I jumped three feet high: "Ha, here we go again! Am I so fragile?"
"You have."
Unconvinced, I went over and strangled his neck to prevent him from speaking: "It's settled, I'll go alone. I'll tell you the result if it works or not."
"You can't go without me." Li Chuan said, "I'm afraid you can't understand this doctor's English. I've promised you to do IVF, so you have to give in and let me go with you."
"No. I'll go alone. I'll report back to you."
"Xiaoqiu—"
"Stop talking, Li Chuan, I've made up my mind. Congratulations on finding a strong-willed wife."
The next day I drove alone to see Dr. Singh. Li Chuan was right. Singer could speak fluent English, but he had a strong German accent. Most ordinary people can't understand it, but I'm different. I'm a trained translator, and I picked up his pronunciation within a few moments of conversation. For example, you have to understand many sounds as v, and d as th. Words starting with F should be replaced with v, "fery good" is "very good". After a few simple conversions, we have been able to talk without hindrance.
After inquiring about my health status and medical history in detail, Dr. Singh sent me a set of test strips for checking the secretion of LH hormone, and asked me to measure my ovulation period. I started taking birth control pills at the same time, according to him, to increase the responsiveness of the ovaries so that menstruation would come on time.
Everything went well, the monthly letter arrived, and I went to the clinic for a blood test and an ultrasound examination. The doctor is very satisfied with my health. There is nothing wrong with my uterus either. So they started injecting me with ovulation drugs. This injection needs to be done three times a day for ten days, and Li Chuan asks a nurse to complete it at home. In addition there are fairly frequent blood and ultrasonography tests.
The eggs mature gradually under close monitoring.
When the time came, the doctor injected me with a hormone called HCG, and told me to start egg retrieval in 36 hours. The name sounds scary, and because of the anesthesia, I basically fell asleep the whole time and didn't feel anything. After finishing, I just felt a slight pain in my lower abdomen, which the doctor said was normal.
Out of curiosity and confidence, I actively cooperated in all inspections. The IVF process is really cumbersome, sometimes several times a day, sometimes every day. I told Li Chuan to still go to work in the company and not to accompany me every time. Sometimes after the examination, I would see Li Chuan waiting for me in the parking lot, but I refused him to accompany me to see the doctor and do various examinations. Singer told me that Li Chuan knew my situation well, because he called at least once a day to ask about all the details and procedures. On the day of the puncture, he kept guard outside the door of the operating room. Seeing me coming out in full clothes, I smiled without saying a word. In the next few days, he seemed very relaxed, probably infected by my indifference.
Three days later, three healthy embryos were implanted back into my uterus. This is not a surgical procedure, no anesthesia is required, and I don't feel much pain. After it was over, the doctor asked me to lie quietly on the bed for a few hours. Li Chuan brought me a detective book. I read a few pages, but I couldn't read it, so I chatted with him.
It can be seen that his calmness is faking, because he refuses to sit down quietly, but walks around the ward with a cane. I secretly wondered, would he be more nervous about the pregnancy test fourteen days later
"Hey, Li Chuan, don't worry. We will definitely succeed!" I confidently raised my fist at him.
He grabbed my hand and rubbed it on his face: "Promise me, Xiao Qiu, just try this once, okay? If you don't succeed, you won't try again."
"Why?"
"Seeing you getting injections and drawing blood like this every day, I'm about to collapse."
"Strange, injections and blood draws, aren't these things you used to do often? I think you are at least more used to it than me!"
"I'm not used to it." He said softly, "Last time you had surgery on your leg, I stood outside the hospital all night. Then you got sicker and sicker. Every time I saw that Ei Song, I wanted to strangle him to death. Now that I think about it I still hate him for that.”
"Then you came in to see me, really, so cruel. I hated you at that time."
"I'm sorry, it's all my fault. I think...maybe that way you will be quicker...to fall into Ai Song's arms."
"Stop coming! A strong-willed person like me will not change course easily."
"Change what?" He didn't understand.
"A change of purpose."
"Xiaoqiu, your will is so firm, I really admire you so much. You would have been a hero in the revolutionary era. If it was the War to Resist US Aggression and Aid Korea, you would have blown up many bunkers. My bleak and desolate life, It's up to you to guide me forward."
"Li Chuan, when did you become so talkative?"
When I was returning home, I took Li Chuan and turned into a baby product store, where I bought a set of pink clothes.
We all like girls.
Li Chuan went to the counter to pay without saying a word, and the enthusiastic salesperson actively sold me: "Madam, have you bought your stroller? Have you bought a feeding bottle? Have you bought diapers for newborn babies? There are also baby bags. Blankets, hats, mittens? Electric breast pumps? Cribs? A full set of sound-making toys?"
Li Chuan's expression was extremely calm: "Don't worry."
"This store has a bargain event this week, all products are 20% off, don't miss the opportunity!"
"Well," I smiled, and threw a pair of glass feeding bottles into the shopping cart, "Then buy another pair of feeding bottles."
"Okay!"
Li Chuan glared at me.
"What are you staring at, I really can't have a baby, this bottle can also be used to hold soy sauce."
It was the fourteenth day in a blink of an eye, and when I got up in the morning to take a pregnancy test, I walked out of the bathroom in a daze.
None of the symbols I was expecting.
Li Chuan stepped forward to hug me and comforted me in a low voice.
"Don't be discouraged, the test strips will make mistakes, and the results of the blood test are the most reliable." I looked at the big "99.9% accuracy rate" on the carton and said incredulously.
Li Chuan didn't say anything, and took me to the clinic by car, but the door didn't open too early, and we sat in the cafe outside the door, waiting for a full hour and a half.
After the blood was drawn, Li Chuan took me to a nearby French restaurant. I don't like French food very much, not because it's bad, but because it's too small. I suspect that all French chefs have practiced Tai Chi. If there is a large white plate, a small piece of fish in the middle is served with soups of various colors, piled up in a very artistic shape, and presented very uniquely. The taste is good, but I am still hungry after eating, so I have to stuff my stomach with dessert.
But French cuisine does take time. Appetizers, soup, fish, barbecue, salads, and desserts were served one by one. I tried to hide the great loss and anxiety in my heart, and kept chatting with Li Chuan calmly.
I even told him three little domestic jokes.
Li Chuan didn't quite understand, so I explained to him one by one.
"Don't worry, Xiaoqiu." He shook my hand, "I'll check the news later to see where there are tornadoes, floods, and earthquakes. We can adopt a few orphans, which counts as a job." A good thing happened."
"Who said I was in a hurry? I am prepared to fight a protracted war."
A day later, the blood test results came back. Not pregnant.
Singh said that failure is normal, after all, the success rate of IVF is really not even half. What's more, the quality of Li Chuan's sperm is not particularly good. He suggested that I rest for a period of time, and then I can adjust my mentality and physical strength.
He didn't suggest me to do it a second time, it seems that Li Chuan put pressure on him.
I shook my head resolutely: "I won't wait, the second round will start right away."
Singer looked at Li Chuan and said, "Your wife is very assertive."
Li Chuan smiled bitterly: "Yes, no one can change her decision. However, whatever my wife wants, I can get it in the end."
It wasn't until the fourth IVF that I got word of the pregnancy. At that time Li Chuan had already started his second round of psychotherapy. Repeated failures hit him hard. And my forced smile and fake optimism after the failure made him even more heartbroken. He began to suffer from frequent insomnia, skin allergies, and became increasingly withdrawn. Ji Chuan suspected that he was suffering from depression, and forced him to see a psychiatrist several times.
In fact, Li Chuan's psychological quality is extremely strong, otherwise he would have been crushed by cancer long ago. But he is also an emotional and introspective person, especially one who cannot see his loved ones suffer. He always thinks all of this is his fault, and then he is immersed in anxiety and self-blame. Ji Chuan and René began to take turns persuading me to give up IVF: "You can adopt children, you can have as many children as you want, Li Chuan absolutely supports you."
I knew that they were worried about Li Chuan's health, fearing that he would not be able to bear the blow of IVF failure and his condition would deteriorate.
So I said, "How about this, I'll tell Li Chuan that I'll give up IVF. Then you two will send him to another country to live for two months."
Two people looked at me like I was crazy. Qiqi said, "What about you? What are your plans?"
I folded my arms: "Stay here, change to another clinic, and continue IVF. It's just that everything is hidden from him so that he won't worry too much."
"Xiao Qiu," Ji Chuan gritted his teeth angrily, "Can't you change your mind?"
"Can't."
Human endurance is really elastic. Li Chuan was so nervous, even though I was the one who was tortured from beginning to end, I felt numb.
Ji Chuan reluctantly cooperated with my plan and found a project to transport Li Chuan to Brazil for two months. On the other hand, I claimed that I was not used to the climate in Brazil, and I had a translation of a book in hand, and I would rather wait for him to come back at home.
René quickly said, I just finished IVF, I need to rest a lot, it's not suitable for me to fly around with Li Chuan.
After lying like this for two months, when Li Chuan came back from Mexico, I happily reported the pregnancy news to him at the airport.
He went to the construction site every day and was so tanned that I almost didn't recognize him. But this news made him startled, his face blushed with excitement, he threw his luggage on the ground, quietly pulled me aside, and asked, "Xiaoqiu, you didn't listen to my advice and went to IVF again?"
"Yes, forgive me, Amen."
"Doctor... what did he say?"
"I've had another doctor and everything's fine. Also, put your ears down," I whispered, "it's twins."
"Really?" He put his arms around me, "My God! This is not a dream!"
"of course not!"
As far as the delivery process is concerned, pregnancy through IVF is not much different from normal pregnancy, except for the need for a period of progesterone injections and the occasional need for blood and ultrasonography. During this period, our various worries—worried about my health, worried about the syndrome caused by IVF, worried about miscarriage, worried about fetal abnormalities—all worries gradually disappeared after the medical data pointed to normal. Like all couples who are going to be parents, we entered the exciting period of labor.
After eight weeks, I left the IVF clinic and was transferred to a general gynecologist.
"Li Chuan, now I am an ordinary pregnant woman." I said excitedly, "I have finally become an ordinary pregnant woman!"
Yes, at this moment, I don't want anything, I just want to be an ordinary person and have everything an ordinary person should have.
We soon learned that they were a pair of daughters and named them An An and Ning Ning.
Health and happiness are our greatest wishes for our children in this life.
Li Chuan and I took a class on "How to Be a Parent for the First Time". It was a government-funded program where we worked with many of the same couples to learn about birthing techniques and newborn babies, and watch birthing videos together. On the way home, I asked Li Chuan how he felt, and Li Chuan said, "Well, the process was quite bloody."
"Yes, I wasn't afraid at first, but now I'm a little scared."
"Perhaps you'd like to consider a C-section?" he suggested. "After all, this is your first, and two more children."
"I can give birth normally, I have to believe in the power of nature!"
"Then—take anesthesia earlier? Or you'll scream like the women on TV."
"Don't anesthetize. My aunt said that anesthesia has side effects and is not good for the fetus, and the mother will recover slowly."
"Xiaoqiu, after IVF, do you feel that you have become very domineering?"
"Hmph, I am domineering and have capital! I have succeeded!"
"Then can you let me drive? Don't you feel tired from driving with such a big belly?"
"Not tired. I like to drive. This car is big and comfortable to drive. You sit down and have a good rest."
"You really have become a queen..."
I didn't expect the day of childbirth to come early.
That day was five days before the due date, and we went out for a walk after dinner, and I stopped suddenly while walking.
"What's wrong? Uncomfortable?"
"I think... maybe the water broke." I stuck out my tongue.
"I'm going to call an ambulance." He took out his phone.
"Stop screaming, let's walk back by ourselves, can't you just drive me?" I said, "You don't remember what the teacher said, even if the water broke, it's still far from having a baby. If you go to the hospital, you might be arrested." Please come back."
Li Chuan looked at me nervously: "You...can you still go?"
"sure."
"Is it going to be born now?"
"That's so fast? Didn't the doctor say that the first baby is very slow? It usually takes seven or eight hours."
"Will the twins hurry up?"
I dragged him back to the yard quickly and got into the car. Li Chuan said, "Wait, I'll go get the things I prepared."
We have prepared a large bag of newborn supplies and put it at the door, ready to call at any time.
Li Chuan came out with a big bag, and I found that he had stuffed three tennis balls in the bag.
The car was driving fast, and I asked him, "Why are you bringing tennis balls?"
"Didn't you say you can use this massage when your back hurts?"
"Is there this kind of saying?"
"You didn't go to that class. It was about how to massage pregnant women to relieve pain."
"Only relying on these three small balls? Do you believe it too?"
"In short, you will definitely be in pain, so I will use this to massage you."
After entering the hospital, the obstetrician, Mr. Manfil, had already arrived, exchanged some pleasantries, did a checkup, and said that since the water broke, let’s give birth today, and give oxytocin first.
It was a male doctor, tall and thick, he spoke in a leisurely manner, and looked a lot like a dock worker.
When the contractions started, I screamed in pain and insisted on not taking anesthesia.
"Oh my God, how can it be so painful?" Seeing me wailing, the female nurse glanced at me and said with a smile, "It hurts like this after only one finger is opened. You still insist on not anesthesizing." Seek bitterness.
"Then ask the anesthesiologist to come." Li Chuan said, "Can I ask him to come immediately? I think my wife can't take it anymore."
"No... I'll bear it a little longer..."
Li Chuan ignored me and said to the doctor, "Please anesthetize her immediately."
His voice was decisive, almost roaring.
There are needles in my back. The pain went away immediately, but the contractions were still felt.
There was only one female nurse in the delivery room teaching me how to push, how to breathe, and kept saying "push, push, push, push..."
Her voice was high-pitched and high-pitched, as if she felt that I was not working hard enough.
I took the opportunity to ask Li Chuan: "Why is she the only one here? Isn't there anyone else? Where's the doctor?"
"That's right. The birth canal hasn't fully opened yet. The midwife will help you push hard. She will notify the doctor when it is about to come out."
"That's it... I don't pay much attention to it... I'm twins."
"This process is very long, and sometimes it takes several hours. There is no reason for the doctor to wait. Besides, he is very famous, and he usually only comes in the last few minutes. Of course, he will come to rounds in the middle to see Forms and stuff. It was like that when my cousin had her baby."
"Then what is he doing now? Sleeping?"
"Maybe playing games. I just saw an S in his office."
"I'm so upset, I met such a doctor who is not doing his job properly!" I cursed in a low voice in Chinese.
The process was really long.
It was not until 3:40 in the middle of the night that Dr. Manfil arrived late. I'm finishing the push and resting with my eyes closed. When he opened his eyes again, a large group of people came to the room at some point, not counting Manfil and Li Chuan, besides six nurses, there was also a pediatrician who was in charge of checking newborns.
At 3:57, the boss, An An, came out. At 4:06, the second child, Ning Ning, also came out.
all the best.
The excited Li Chuan was pulled by the doctor to cut the umbilical cord. After several times of cutting, he failed to cut it. Later, he said that he couldn't do it, because the umbilical cord was soft and slippery, and the structure looked more complicated than cables, so he couldn't bear to cut it.
Everything is going on in an orderly manner in the delivery room. And I was exhausted from the bleeding. At that moment Li Chuan held my hand tightly, but I was looking at the dark blue starry sky in the corner of the window.
I heard the babies croaking and Li Chuan telling me how perfect they were.
I saw two palm-sized faces.
"Congratulations! Mrs. Wang! You are a pair of beautiful daughters." The doctor said to me.
I breathed a sigh of relief.
Am I too greedy? Am I asking too much from God
Will these get it if I don't
An An and Ning Ning, thank you for giving me and Li Chuan the opportunity to be parents. Thank God for this precious gift!