[The envelope was delivered by the postman. You thought it was an invitation or an invoice. The moment you received the letter, you realized that your expectation was wrong.]
[There is a bulge in the middle of the envelope, and the rest is very thin. By feeling it, you guess that there is a piece of silk cloth and a thin piece of letter paper inside.]
[Chishou Kazumi is not at home. She went to a senior citizen club an hour ago. These highly educated old ladies suddenly became interested in the education of the children in the orphanage and often volunteered to teach. Last month, she even took you to a music class.]
[Chishou Kazumi was rather dull when she was young and often lived alone. Now that her hair has turned gray, she is keen on socializing. In contrast to her, you now only write letters to your peers who have the final say in the industry, and you are too lazy to write or say a word to others.]
[You shouldn't have received a letter from someone like you, but your name was on the letter. You suspected that Chishou Kazumi had participated in some event and left your name on it, and that the letter was actually sent to her.]
[After hesitating for a moment, you decide to open it and take a look. ]
Nan Youxi closed his eyes, and the memory scene appeared under his tightly closed eyelids.
In the dead of winter, the faint morning light shone on the bare bushes in the garden. The elderly Nan Youxi walked slowly into the pavilion, sat at the round table, and tore open the envelope with his wrinkled hands.
Inside the envelope, there was a transparent sealed bag containing two things: a piece of letter paper and a handkerchief.
Although the handkerchief was white, the edges were badly worn.
Over the years, Nan Youxi has touched many high-end fabrics, and as soon as he touched it, he knew it was a cheap one.
He failed to recognize the handkerchief at first. When he unfolded it and saw the word "Nan" embroidered with blue thread on the corner, he suddenly remembered that this was the handkerchief he had worn when he was a child. It was the handkerchief he gave to a woman more than 40 years ago.
After sixty years, his hands, which could still steadily press the keys, pluck the strings, and hold the instrument level, began to tremble in the winter sun.
After folding the handkerchief and putting it back into the sealed bag, he took out the letter paper and unfolded it.
Slightly messy handwriting appeared in front of him.
"Feel sorry."
At the beginning of the letter, a sudden, solitary apology appeared on the paper.
This did not soften Nan Youxi's heart at all, but instead made him more resentful.
Since you chose to walk away in the first place, why are you sending me a letter now? Why are you apologizing
"Last week, the power company staff came again to ask me to pay the long-overdue bills. I had already bought a blanket with my last penny, and I was penniless."
Nan Youxi frowned. He had never expected that Asano Nao's later life would end up like this. In the previous simulation, her savings were clearly enough for both of them to live until old age. Was she cheated by someone? Or did she spend it recklessly
He didn't mind supporting Nao Asano materially, or rather, he couldn't wait to use this as an excuse to make Nao Asano appear in front of him.
The emotions of forty years ago had been buried in the corner of my heart by more than forty winter snows, and the snow piled up thick and solid. But the moment I saw the handkerchief, the cold snow accumulated for most of my life had melted silently.
He looked down eagerly, wanting to see an address and a contact method.
"I didn't buy any new clothes or furniture. I stopped buying games, comics and novels forty years ago. I sold my old stuff, the stuff my grandma left me. I didn't dare sell them one by one. You know how tormenting it is for me. I asked a second-hand goods store to sell them in bulk.
I had no money to pay the electricity bill. Three days ago, at the tail end of the cold wave, the power company cut off the electricity to my house.
I light a candle and write this letter to you on a table as cold as ice. My body is cold and my temples swell and ache. It is a torture to write such a letter with such stiff muscles and such a slow brain.
But if I don't write to you, what else can I find? You were everything to me in the past, and you are everything to me now!"
Nan Youxi turned up the collar of his coat. The cold wave had passed, but the temperature was still very low, especially at night when the wind was blowing. He couldn't imagine how cold it would be to survive these days without electricity and air conditioning.
He wanted to grab Nao Asano by the collar and ask her why she didn't write to him earlier.
"I didn't want to disturb you. You who are reading this letter may be filled with anger, or may not care, or may have forgotten me. Your anger burns in my heart, your indifference makes me sad, and your forgetfulness denies the meaning of my existence.
But I have to write this letter. You are my last hope. I am sinking in the sea of suffering and only you can give me a hand.
I want to tell you everything. I will not explain what you already know. My physical condition does not allow me to write too much. After each paragraph, I have to stand up and rub my body to warm myself up.
I still remember clearly that you came to the apartment behind my house at 3 o'clock in the afternoon on March 25. You came alone, carrying a large gray travel bag and a large silver suitcase.
That day I went to the study to get comics. When I pulled the curtains tight, I accidentally glanced out the window and saw you. You were standing behind my house, right under my window. You were pulling a suitcase with your left hand, your right hand was shading your forehead, you looked up and looked around, you were looking for your apartment.
I was attracted by the luggage you brought with you. You looked like you had just graduated from junior high school, but you were able to come to this completely unfamiliar city alone with your luggage.
I was finishing a newly released game and had nothing to do, so I kept looking for you outside the window. Without even realizing it, I had been sitting in front of the study window all day.
I was twenty years old at that time. I had never cared so much about a boy, and observed a boy so carefully, until you passed by my window. I wrote this to let you know that my love, from the moment it sprouted, belonged completely to you.
My pen cannot express my feelings for you, and my body won't let me say more. My handwriting is very sloppy, right? I'm so sorry, I beg you to read it to the end.
You may have already noticed that I had planned to leave you. That plan was made on an ordinary night. We went out for a walk that day and met your classmates in the orchestra. Their respect for you made my heart ache. I was sure that if I stayed with you, I would only drag you into the abyss of a failed life.
After I left you, I returned to the house left by my late grandmother, and my grandmother came to take care of me. She had worked hard all her life, first she lost her son and daughter-in-law, and then her only granddaughter became like this. She must have been suffering, but I couldn't take care of her.
My grandmother died thirty years ago, and the funeral was arranged by a distant aunt from our family, who had arranged this before her death.
I didn't contribute money, nor did I attend. The funeral was held in my grandmother's hometown, and I couldn't go. Everything was kept simple, and the money used was my grandmother's meager savings. I couldn't contribute money, and I calculated that my money was tight and just enough to cover the expenses.
Yesterday, the hospital called me and told me that it was time to pay the next bill. I couldn't raise the money, and all I had left was the house in Misaki City.
I cannot move the house, and my heart trembles with joy at the thought that you might come over, open the door with your key, lie on the sofa where you often sat, touch the wooden table where we ate, and gaze at our happy bed.
But I had no money left. My grandmother had sold her house in her hometown and gave all the money to me.
I have to pay the hospital fees. I can't delay. I can't let the hospital cut off treatment like the power company did. I can't let the hospital cut off our daughter's treatment.
My dearest poor daughter, I feel sorry for her. Her hair is like mine, her eyes are like mine, her shoulders are like mine, and her hands are like mine. It is because she is so much like me that she has fallen into this situation!
I'm sorry, there are a few more wrinkles on the letter paper. Please forgive me, I no longer have the strength to change a piece of paper to write on, and I no longer have the courage to write it again.
Let's continue talking about our daughter, she is the piece of you that I stole from you.
Of all her body, only her lips are like yours, those lips that are as warm as the sun when she is happy. I have touched them countless times and kissed them when my daughter was still young, wanting to touch you through them.
Sometimes, I envy her for having these lips, just because having them makes her different from me.
Unable to bear my inner fragility, the departure of my parents, and the ridicule of my classmates, I ran back home in a daze. But she, with such a ridiculous mother who only brought her ridicule, still managed to complete her studies with strength.
I didn't name her Liuhua. On the one hand, I felt ashamed to use this name. On the other hand, I was afraid that you would recognize her because of this familiar name when you passed by her. She is the only fragment of you I have left. Even you cannot take her away from me!
I did not use the last name Asano, but my grandmother's maiden name, Ihime.
Our daughter's name is Yiyuan Miyu.
You may be familiar with this name. Twenty years ago during the summer vacation, Miyu, who came home, told me that she was very happy in college and that a professor named Nan took good care of her.
I was stunned, and Miyu shook my shoulder, and I came back to my senses. I asked her about the professor without saying anything, and she happily told me everything.
I heard your name from her mouth, and my heart was in turmoil. For so many years, I deliberately avoided your name, and I never read the news of the music industry. I didn't expect that this name would appear in Miyu's mouth.
Miyu has been a smart child since she was young. When I was in school, my grades were just average, but she always got first place. She must have gotten extraordinary talent from you.
I selfishly and arbitrarily wanted her to be more like you, so I enrolled her in music lessons and let her join the wind band. She was admitted to Misaki University of Arts, the same school as you.
I didn't expect you to teach in that school.
When Meiyu was young, I always waited for her to come back by the window, and when I woke up from my dreams late at night, I was worried that Meiyu would follow the lead of blood, meet you somewhere, hold your hand, and leave me. After all, she was the piece of you that I stole from you.
By the time Miyu grew up, this kind of illusion had not reappeared for a long time. I didn't expect that it was lurking in reality and was going to give me a heavy blow at this moment!
I saw admiration in Miyu's eyes. A daughter should admire her father. I believe that as long as you wave your hand, Miyu will leave me and stay by your side!
I tossed and turned. I had imagined such scenes before. In those scenes, I took Miyu away forcefully and ran to a corner you didn't know! This was the case in all the scenes I imagined! No exceptions!
But I hesitated at that time. I didn't know whether I should restrain Miyu in this way. Miyu has been away from you for eighteen years, and fate made her meet you. Should I break you up and let her return to her life without a father for eighteen years
In this hesitation, a rare beautiful delusion came to my mind. I thought, I can hide myself, as long as Meiyu doesn't mention me, you may not guess that Meiyu is your daughter, in this way, Meiyu still belongs to me, and I can get news about you through Meiyu.
My heart started beating violently. I was alert all night and fell into a deep sleep in the early morning.
It was my fault!
This is my punishment for fantasizing about things I shouldn't have!
I woke up at noon and called Miyu, but there was no response in the empty house. I went to Miyu's room and my heart sank to the bottom.
Miu fell between the bed and the closet, she covered her chest, her eyes were closed, and her lips were pale.
If I hadn't slept so soundly in the morning, I would have heard Miyu's movements and could have sent our daughter to the hospital earlier!
Meiyu has had heart problems since she was born, but I can't remember the name of the disease the doctor mentioned. I have a terrible headache now, and I really want to use a hammer to smash my skull, but I can't, because I still have to finish writing this letter to you.
Our poor daughter has been taking medicine since she was born. Her little body is stuffed with a large number of white tablets and colorful pills. She grew up enduring the pain of illness and medicine.
The savings my parents left me, the compensation the company gave me, the royalties from the book, most of my grandmother's savings, and the money raised from selling the country house were all left to Miyu to buy medicine.
I had already calculated it! I had already calculated it! The money I had left should be enough for her to take medicine until she was ninety!
It’s not enough now, I have run out of money because I slept too soundly that morning and didn’t hear anything from Miu!
I called an ambulance and sent Miyu to the hospital. I missed the best time for rescue. Miyu is still alive, but she can only spend the rest of her life under the care of the hospital.
I've run out of money.
This house is already very dilapidated. The wind comes in from somewhere and hits my back. I can no longer feel my feet and my teeth are chattering.
I don't have money to pay the electricity bill. I don't have to pay the electricity bill, but my daughter Meiyu needs to pay for medicine, nursing care, and hospitalization... I have no money left. How is the temperature in the hospital? Did Meiyu receive the blanket I bought online
I am a useless person and I can't make any money. You taught me to write a book, but I can't write anything anymore. If I had money, I could rent a house next to the hospital and hire a live-in nursing team to take care of Miyu. Then Miyu wouldn't have to stay in the hospital!
I am writing to you, begging you to take care of Miyu and pay the hospital fees. I wrote the hospital's information at the bottom.
If possible, please keep it a secret from Yimei. I feel sorry for her. She knows nothing about Miyu's affairs.
I'm sorry to you, to Miyu, to grandma, and to Yimei...
When you get this letter, I will surely be dead in the corner of the house, a dead woman begging you to save your daughter.
(End of this chapter)