Love Delusion

Chapter 19: Selective silence

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When I went to Fu Xiaoci's house, I saw that Xiaoci was better than it actually was. He sat in his room, writing day and night.

As I peered through the crack of the door, the thick curtains fell, blocking the day from the night. On the ground was the waste paper and crumpled manuscripts, Fu Xiaoci typed quickly on the computer keyboard, typing and deleting, deleting and typing.

Xiao Tao lowered his voice and said: "He is a little too addicted to the plot. A few days ago, when he wrote in the book that the goldfish I raised was thrown to death by someone, I happened to buy a fish at noon that day, and he saw The fish immediately ran into the bathroom and vomited. When facing me at home, I was quite independent, and I was able to speak and do things normally, but these days I was talking less and less, and I was unwilling to engage in new things. I told him something new. He's like a piece of wood."

"How long?" I asked.

Xiao Tao said, "It's been almost a month."

"He hasn't spoken to anyone during this period?"

"Occasionally, people who deliver courier or property will still say a few words, but they are not very good. Oh, it is normal to communicate with editors and others on the phone."

Fu Xiaoci is ill. We have known this disease from a long time ago.

In high school, Fu Xiaoci was the least timid, often crying silently by herself and hiding in the corner.

He doesn't seem to be interested in everything around him and doesn't want to meet people. He doesn't talk to his classmates in school, doesn't answer the teacher's questions in get out of class, and doesn't do anything except answer questions after class. Some people even thought he was mute or autistic.

Later, I asked Li Xingchen to know that there is a disease in this world called "selective mutism".

Fu Xiaoci's father used to be a mining boss. He lost money in a mining accident and suddenly fell to the bottom. His wife ran away with other mine owners, and Fu Xiaoci was the only one left. He drank every day, beat and scolded him. , married a woman, and her stepmother abused Fu Xiaoci at every turn. She even took off his clothes and hung him on a tree all night.

If it wasn't for Xiao Tao, maybe he would have been like this all his life.

It's just that this disease hasn't happened for a long, long time.

"This is the first time he has concentrated on writing for such a long time. It is much more difficult than he originally imagined, both mentally and physically." I looked at Fu Xiaoci's back and exhorted Xiao Tao. , and then push the door in.

Fu Xiaoci flicked like a frightened cat, and her whole body seemed to stand up. After seeing clearly it was me, she reluctantly relaxed: "Axian...why are you here?" The voice was also like a kitten's.

"I'm a little worried about you." I said.

He pulled a chair for me, finally withdrew his eyes from the screen, and let out a sigh of relief: "I didn't know, writing a book would be so lonely, it's out of control, and even I can't stop myself, I don’t feel like I’m writing the book, it’s the book writing me. When I’m not inspired or hit a bottleneck, I feel like I’m stuck in a bottle.”

I glanced at the screen: "Are you almost done?"

Only then did Fu Xiaoci put on a smile, but there was no blood on her face: "Come on, I'm still thinking about the ending. If it goes well, it will be completed within this month, and I plan to submit it as soon as I finish writing it."

"Is it for next month's Wenying Award?" I held his hand, "I can't wait to see you take the stage to accept the award."

Fu Xiaoci was a little embarrassed, and there was a little worry and inferiority mixed in the middle: "I don't know what I wrote."

"Your strength should have won a grand slam long ago."

He shook his head: "I feel like I'm just writing something very real, straight-forward, nothing..."

Just as he was saying that, a call came in, and he picked it up, "Hello?...Oh, it's Qi Tang...Well, I'm almost done, I'll send it to you later."

For some reason, the name sounds familiar: "Is it your editor?"

"No," Fu Xiaoci hung up the phone and replied, "it's a person I met at the same city literature conference. He is a junior in the same university. His writing is very gorgeous. He likes what I write very much. He is helping me collect information and reviewing manuscripts."

I smiled lightly: "There are so many people looking forward to it, you will be fine."

After sitting for a while, I said goodbye and left. Before leaving, I told Xiao Tao: "Fortunately, he can speak now, but it's not bad. I have a good psychiatrist, and I will ask him to sort out some information and preparations. Take the medicine first, if the situation is not good, contact me immediately."

After leaving Fu Xiaoci's house, looking at the bustling road and the gradually darkening sky, I felt a little heavy.

Going east from here is home, and going west is the "Yet" bar.

Where to go is a big problem.

Thinking about it, in the past, Qin Lang didn't bother to remember my birthday. Qin Lang didn't bother to share it with me. It seems that they really didn't take care of this special festival.

There is only one good memory. At that time, I hadn't confessed to him. His buddy bought an ice cream cake to celebrate his birthday on the basketball court. He invited me to go with him and gave me a piece.

I ate it all over my mouth, and then he wiped the cream from the corner of my mouth with a finger and sucked it directly in my mouth. At that time, my face was flushed, and I only dared to shirk it because of the heat.

He just smiled and asked me if it was sweet.

I shook my head and shook the memory away. My reason told me that I should go east, but after I stepped out, my legs went west uncontrollably. It was a coincidence that he received a text message in his hand, and it was he who sent it: "Box A26, I'll wait for you."

The appointed time was six o'clock, but when I arrived, it was already after nine o'clock.

Carrying a bottle of wine in my hand, I watched the busy traffic while drinking. At the door of "Yan", I stared at the word "Yan", and just kept looking at it.

When I was in Japan, I liked Kobayashi Ichicha's words: "I know this world is short as dew, however, yet." It's so well written.

So apt.

He took a breath, turned the bottle over, stuffed his head in, then put down the bottle and planned to go in, but before I could touch the door, a hand came out to stop me, and my tone was a little impatient: "Xian, you can't go in. !"

I looked up and saw that it was Li Xingchen, his expression was a little flustered, he was panting slightly when he spoke, apparently running over in a hurry. I was facing him: "How do you know who I'm going to see?"

"Lin Xian, do you still want to live like that five years ago? Do you still want to be tortured by him?" Li Xingchen held my shoulder, instead of answering my question, he shook me, "Do you know that , No matter how good a psychiatrist is, there is no way to save an uncooperative patient!"

I felt that the wine in my stomach was fermenting, and the smell of alcohol rushed into my nose, which made people's eyes red with pungency: "I know, I know."

Li Xingchen was obviously a little angry, instead of his usual joking tenderness, he roared a little: "Know you are still here? I thought it was true that you told me that you would let go, but you turned out to be perfunctory me? Xian, you still like him?"

If Qin Lang asked me about this, I would definitely go back a thousand times sarcastically, but if Li Xingchen asked me, I couldn't stand it any longer.

He opened his mouth, not knowing what to say, but after closing it, he opened it again, slowly, as if in a trance, and said, "Xingchen, tell me, how should I treat this patient? Did you cure me? Now, I won't have any feelings for him at all?"

Li Xingchen shrank his hands, his eyes were a little disappointed, exhausted all the medicines in the world, but he couldn't solve the emotional problem, Li Xingchen was no exception, he said: "...I thought about it, you will come back because you can't get over this hurdle. ."

The neon lights were flickering, men and women were coming and going, and I looked at my watch. Five hours had passed since my appointment. I patted Li Xingchen on the shoulder: "It can't get through, so I have to cut it down. You are one of my few friends now, I know you are worried about me, don't worry, I am stubborn but not stupid, after all... "

He wiped Li Xingchen's shoulder and walked in, saying as he walked, his voice scattered in the slightly warm air: "...Illness can be repeated again, but life can't be cheap."

When I was about to push the door again, I was stopped by Li Xingchen again. This time he surprised me and hugged me from behind, fiery and tight.

"No matter what I say today, I won't let you in!" Li Xingchen's domineering words really startled me, my back was against his chest, and I could feel his heartbeat, he said, "I I don't want to be your friend, listen, I like you, Lin Xian!"

Note: Selective Mutism (SM) is a social anxiety disorder in which the patient persistently "refuses" to speak in certain occasions that require verbal communication (such as school, an environment with strangers or a lot of people, etc.). , and a clinical syndrome characterized by normal speech on other occasions. LC