"Hearing hallucinations and hallucinations are accompanied by symptoms such as insomnia and dreaminess. According to various examinations and your psychological tests, I can basically diagnose that you have delusional disorder."
"The main symptom of this syndrome is that the patient has the illusion that he is in a secret relationship with another person. The object of the patient's illusion is usually little or no contact with the patient, and the patient himself believes that his object has a fictional relationship with him. Development and relationship. Erosionism is mostly found in the main symptoms of delusional disorder, or part of the symptoms of schizophrenia."
The doctor wrote the conclusion on the medical record, and after stamping it, he handed it to me and asked thoughtfully, "Do you want to be admitted to the hospital, or should you prescribe some medicine to see the effect?"
I sat in a chair and didn't recover for a long time.
There was a colic in my heart. Outside the door, I didn't know which patient's family member was crying. The voice reached my ears, turning up thousands of sufferings.
After biting my lip, I found the strength to speak: "How to distinguish between delusion... and reality?"
The doctor has seen a lot of patients like me, and the tone is somewhat pitiful: "It's hard to say, delusional patients are generally due to too much attention to themselves, and it is difficult to distinguish between delusional plot and reality. In a situation like yours, it is recommended that drug treatment and Psychotherapy runs concurrently."
"… what should I do?"
"It is recommended that you temporarily separate from the object of your delusion, and put yourself in an environment without the existence of that 'he'. Now that you are aware of the existence of delusion, try not to think about it, or try to divert your attention. If so, try to fall in love with another person."
"…will it be okay?"
The doctor didn't say yes or no, just wrote the prescription on the list to perfunctory me: "Don't worry, if you want to prescribe it, you have to have confidence in yourself."
At this moment, I felt that I had become An Qi in the movie. I didn't even know that the real story was much more exciting and tragic than the movie.
Surrounded by people coming and going, people who are suffering from illness and rushing for help. I even thought: "Is all this in front of me now real or fake?"
No wonder Qin Lang always hates me so much. Anyone who is entangled with someone he doesn't like will be spurned from the bottom of his heart.
What's more, still being entangled by a homosexual.
How disgusting.
No wonder, I have always regarded myself as a bitter victim, looking forward to Qin Lang's turn and pity, but I don't know that he is the real innocent person.
I brought him three years of ridicule and three years of troubles, and I just used such unbearable shame to repay him for helping me.
Now, when I recall countless times in front of people, I proudly and arrogantly declared that Qin Lang was my boyfriend, and when Qin Lang wanted to strangle me, I was so embarrassed that I wanted to slap myself.
In fact, I did too. Slap, sternly, mercilessly.
The passers-by on the left and right looked at me like an idiot, then looked at me coming out of the psychiatry department, and took a few steps away from me with contempt.
Lin Xian, you are fucking crazy.
Lin Xian, you are so fucking cheap.
Lin Xian, you deserve the fuck.
With tears in my eyes, I went back to my grandma's ward. Suddenly, I felt a sharp pain. The pain made my knees go soft and I fell to my knees. In just such a second, I heard a continuous and sharp machine chirping!
On grandma's electrocardiograph, there was only a straight line with no fluctuations left.
The doctors and nurses were busy, the beds were pushed out, the critical illness notices were bookmarked one after another, and finally we heard the familiar sentence: "I'm sorry, we tried our best."
Take a breath.
My father walked towards me step by step, his expression was like a Japanese grimace mask, and it was cold. When I stood in front of me, a few words finally popped out: "Look at what you have done! Why don't you die?!"
I looked up at him, like a three-year-old doing something wrong, so panicked that I could only cry.
"Why are you crying, you still have the face to cry? I tell you, go home for me, don't be ashamed here!"
The rebuke resounded throughout the hospital, and I was almost led out of the hospital by my soul. The things in front of me became more and more blurred, all of a sudden black, all of a sudden white, all became strange.
No one loves me, why am I not dead
This sentence was like an atomic bomb. After it exploded in my head, it was scattered all over the place.
I am grateful for the last period of that day, Qin Lang, which ended all the emotions and short-lived happiness of my adolescence, and pushed me completely into the abyss, instead of worrying about the edge of the cliff.
I fell from the edge of the cliff, fell to the bottom of the valley, and then, there is no violent joy, and naturally, there will be no great sorrow to visit.
…
When I woke up from this dream, I felt a century old.
When I opened my eyes, I saw the familiar ceiling, my hands were numb, I tilted my head, needles were stuck, and salt water was hanging.
There were faint voices of people talking outside the door, and it could be heard that it was two people, Qin Lang and Li Xingchen.
Before I passed out, I was so scared that I couldn't discern it rationally, but now I wake up feeling much better. At least hearing the voices of the two of them, I understand that the Qin Lang who swore to say 'I like me' just now is true.
In the past five years, I have found the secret of distinguishing between "delusion" and "reality" - that is, in my delusion, there are only two people, Qin Lang and I, and there has never been a third person.
I never thought about what would happen after Qin Lang found out about this disease, but it really happened, but my heart was calmer than I imagined.
The drip that Li Xingchen gave me was supposed to be a sedative, but there was not much left, and I still felt drowsy, so I closed my eyes.
As soon as he closed his eyes, he heard the sound of the door lock being opened, and walked in with a deliberately light footstep. I knew that person was Qin Lang, but he insisted not to open his eyes, and Qin Lang had been standing beside the bed, as if he had been looking at me.
Was blatantly raped.
The bed sank and he sat down. I gradually felt a warm body approaching me tentatively little by little, until the breath was so clear that it seemed to be sticking to me, I finally couldn't help breathing quickly and opened my eyes suddenly.
Qin Lang's obsidian-like eyes were less than 5 centimeters away from me. After seeing how many people's eyes, I still feel that Qin Lang's eyes, either frowning or glancing, always carry a proud edge.
"Finally awake?" His words were clear until I was pretending to be asleep.
I frowned, my voice was a little hoarse because of the shouting before: "Because I don't want to be kissed by you."
"Don't you wake up, won't you?"
"Where's Li Xingchen?"
"He went back to the studio to prescribe medicine for you. I don't think it's time for you to care about him now."
After he finished speaking, the corners of his mouth tensed and his chin tightened, which was a sign of anger. LC