That person is Li Lu.
I'm pretty sure the man I saw was not the one standing beside Li Lu at the Lin Yuan banquet.
The rich lady seemed to have sensed our existence, felt a little ashamed, spat, and walked away cursing with her bald head.
Li Lu got up from the ground, her eyes were empty, and her body was in a state of embarrassment. Suddenly, she covered her mouth, ran to the trash can beside her, and vomited while holding the trash can. Her eyes were all bloodshot, her pupils shrank all of a sudden, and there were blue veins on her head.
She seemed to spit out her internal organs, as if there was a demon in her body, but she couldn't help it.
The sound of retching was tormenting the ears, and I saw the saliva wet her hands, and her eyes were full of tears, mixed together, breathing heavily, very desolate.
When she finished vomiting and stood up and saw us, there was a broken feeling in her eyes.
Li Lu walked over slowly, and when she saw Qin Lang and me, her expression became very cold. I think every time I see her, she loses a lot of weight, and now what I have in front of me is almost a skeleton.
She looked at Xiao Mu, Xiao Mu hid in my arms and murmured, "Little Dad..."
She smiled: "Lin Xian, you really like picking up junk."
The little sympathy I had just felt disappeared: "Li Lu, will you feel more comfortable if you say one more harsh word? Since you have so much energy, why don't you take care of yourself."
"How are you?" Li Lu wiped the corners of his mouth with the back of his hand, wiping the wound like a beast, "I think I'm fine."
Qin Lang looked at Li Lu and said, "You... there is an infirmary here. I'll ask the waiter to take you there."
Li Lu's eyes were calm, but he raised his chin: "Qin Lang, don't sympathize with me. Anyone can sympathize with me, only you can't, you are not qualified."
"Li Lu," Qin Lang finally sighed, "Why do you have to force yourself into this situation?"
"I'm a shrewd person and a vicious heart. I just saw that the people who had to care about me had a better life than me. It's boring to live this time. Since it's boring, why don't you pull someone into the water?" Li Lu Every time he said a word, the corners of his mouth filled with a hint of self-defeating irony. When he was finished, he left slowly and slowly, although he was a little lame, his back was straight.
I didn't know what to say, so I carried Xiaomu to the locker room.
He first gave Xiaomu a bath and changed into dry clothes. Qin Lang also tidyed up briefly, and first took Xiaomu's hand to the restaurant.
Today was originally a working day, but I took a break. There was no one in this high-level club, and I was the only one left in the bathroom at this moment.
I stood in front of the mirror, looking at the rushing water, I couldn't help but recall the embarrassed look of Li Lu just now. To be honest I don't hate her or resent her, hate and resentment are a kind of thing similar to love, it's exhausting.
I don't know what kind of writing of fate made our life, which should have been like a clear pool, become dirty.
Turning off the faucet and shaking my hand, I tried to open the bathroom door, but I couldn't.
broken? I struggled hard and the door rattled, but it still didn't open. I squatted down and looked at the lock, the tongue was obviously flexible, but the door seemed to be stuck.
Just when I was wondering, Li Lu's voice sounded outside the door: "Don't bother."
I got it all at once.
"What do you want to do?"
"I don't want to do anything, I just want to talk to you."
"Then... there's no need to spend so much trouble."
"Heh... I just don't want to see your face, Lin Xian," the voice was weak, I felt she couldn't force herself, but she hated, "Look at this, doesn't it look like you were locked in a bar five years ago? "
Sure enough, things have changed and the same mistakes have been repeated.
She said to me word by word: "I hate you. Lin Xian. You probably want to say that I deserve it, that I hurt myself, but I still hate you. You know five years ago, that night... I thought that person Yes... But when I found out the truth was that I was raped by a gangster, I almost jumped out of the window! Dropped out of school, lost my life, beat people, went to jail...everything because of you. Are you innocent? Oh, yes, you are innocent, your existence is the source of my pain, you never hurt me with a knife, because you are the knife!"
She gritted her teeth and slammed the door hard.
I was in the door, and I could even imagine Li Lu's hateful eyes.
Li Lu said again like a female ghost: "But I'm not jealous of you, and you're no better than me." She paused, then said softly, "You are a failure. You think love can solve everything. What about your grandma?… You left, not only because you were discouraged, but because you were afraid to face the danger. You started to be unable to face the fact that you were gay and could not bear to be hurt by it, so you gave up , abandoned him without looking back... Now, you appear next to Qin Lang, who is the next person you want to kill? Your father, or your mother?..."
"Lin Xian, you can't get it."
Words of these words were chiseled into my body like wedges. She was right. People are like this, they want what they want. What I lack most in my life is love and home, and what I want in my life is to have a place where I can go back all my life.
Even if I gritted my teeth and braced myself in front of Lin Wangshu and Lan Wan, I couldn't hide the cherishing of them in my bones.
If it was them and Qin Lang, which was one of the two topics that must be chosen, I would choose to give up on myself.
I faced the door and said slowly: "Li Lu, my sexual orientation is innate, I have no choice. When I knew that I liked Qin Lang, I was the one who went crazy first. You don't understand what you mean. At that time, I frantically looked up other gay happiness stories on the Internet to brainwash myself, and every day I imagined how to face my family, my friends, and the eyes of strangers. That was the first time in my life that I knew what it means to be unhappy. But that kind of heartache is not grievance, not fear, but the helplessness of not being able to be with him upright."
"Oh... that sounds like a great..."
"Li Lu, ask yourself, do you really love Qin Lang that much? Are you unable to let go of him, or are you unable to let go of what you have put in too much and refuse to let yourself out?"
"What, are you trying to say that I don't love him?"
"I don't dare to say that you don't love him, but I dare to say that you love yourself more. Thinking back, you have said so much, so long, but there is a single word that mentions Qin Lang? Admit it, Li Lu, do you? Willingly."
It has become very quiet outside, probably after venting, Li Lu finally relieved a little and rested for a while.
My throat is a little blocked. I have held back these words for five years and have never said them. I didn't expect that the first time I heard this was Li Lu.
I continued: "It was Qin Lang who gave me the courage to stop the bullets from all over the world and go to him without fear. Even though it was sad, I was alone in the end, thinking that the person I loved would disappear little by little, but this I cherish this courage. You probably forgot that you once had this courage. But the difference is that I had the courage to let go, but you lost it."
There was absolutely no sound outside, and Li Lu probably left.
After so long, what does it feel like? To put it in an unpleasant example, it is like a sewer that has been blocked for a long time, plops it open, and the miscellaneous things in it flow out, and the rest is very refreshing.
I took a few deep breaths and tried to push the door open, but it opened.
There are people standing outside the door. But not Li Lu.
Qin Lang stood there.
Qin Lang's eyes were shining, as if some emotion had been ignited, and he looked at me deeply. LC