Zhou Hao knew that he was completely crazy, and uncontrollable desires grew like vines in his heart. For many sleepless nights, he would be like a ghost, floating under the No. 2 building.
Sometimes I watched the whole night and found nothing; sometimes I could see you and me, two people embracing each other on the balcony.
Just like now, in the middle of the night, he saw the two people on the balcony again. The two of them chased, laughed, played with the world, and did all the fun things they could do.
He stared up at that place stupidly, he wanted to see what his family was doing at the moment? Well done, why don't you want him
Since four years ago, he has regarded Jiang Yuqian as his family. The man led him into the apartment he lives in now, and threw the key on the coffee table, "Your key." He raised his eyelids and said Without saying a word, he reached out to take it and put it in his pocket properly. At that time, the twenty-two-year-old Haohao finally had a home.
The house is not big, more than 100 square meters, and the balcony is transparent from north to south.
The first time between the two of them happened in the living room between the two balconies. It was winter, and the strong wind outside was blowing loudly. Without any lubrication, Jiang Yuqian embedded himself firmly in him.
At that time, he was in pain, but also happy, thinking with joy: If there is entanglement in the body, the relationship will only become stronger and stronger.
He didn't care about desires, but he hurriedly urged that person to come over every weekend. He just wanted to keep the relationship involved for a long time, so that Jiang Yuqian could completely become his family.
Although later, he understood the innocence and naivety of this kind of thinking, but he was still full of hope and innocence. The longer he grew, the more he looked like a child.
Over the years, he has grown many years older, but he still can't break away from the vicious circle of childhood. He was so eager to depend on each other that he depended on Jiang Yuqian more and more in his heart. He pretended to be cool, but his heart was clamoring all the time: It's the weekend again soon, and he can come over again.
He has been tirelessly talking about the thoughts of his mother-in-law and mother-in-law for four years. Here, how much painstaking effort has been put in, and how much hope has been put in, and the result? Nothing! He was thrown back into the dank attic again.
The two quarreled on the balcony for a while, and then Cheng Zixu ran into the living room, followed by Jiang Yuqian. It was strange, although he was far away and the light was not clear, yet he could carefully see the smile on Jiang Yuqian's face.
Zhou Hao also laughed, enjoying the pleasure of self-torture.
He was a little tired, leaning against the flower bed helplessly, he thought he should close his eyes and sleep for a while while he was tired. However, it was like playing a movie in his mind, it was full of clips of him living with Jiang Yuqian in the past—
The way of making love that is eager to vent, the same bed and different dreams after making love, what else? There is also a house that is always lifeless, a lover who will never be happy, and a relative who will never get a response...
With trembling hands, Zhou Hao took out a cigarette from his pocket, and flinched to smoke one.
Taking a deep breath, the strong taste of nicotine covered up the shallow coolness in his heart. He grinned deliberately again, the laughter was suppressed in his throat, and he didn't whimper.
The burning sensation in the throat was like a fire bursting out of the ground.
Laughing and laughing, the fire finally spewed out, and he cried without image. In the middle of the night, like a lunatic who escaped from a mental hospital, wandering by the flower bed in June, crying.
"You ruined me! You ruined me..." Zhou Hao vented crazily in his heart.
His eccentric mother ruined his childhood and youth. He was like a lonely child carrying a cross and always looking for salvation. He thought Jiang Yuqian was the one who could redeem him. In the end, after so many years of entanglement, this person still kicked him into hell.
The woman has a well-behaved daughter, and the man has a lover who has been in love for many years. They enjoy the joys of the world to their heart's content, and don't care about him anymore, leaving him in a corner, moldy and sore.
Gradually, the fiery sadness turned into intense hatred. Inexplicably, like a tornado, it blew into his heart, knocked down the houses and trees in his heart, and took away everything in peace.
It's just that the wind comes and goes quickly. The hatred gradually disappeared, and turned into self-pity and sadness again.
The cigarette in his finger burns round and round until only a short stub remains. Zhou Hao took out another one from his pocket, held it in his mouth, and swiped the lighter with trembling hands. The cigarette was lit again, and while puffing out the clouds, he raised his head and stared at the building again.
It was pitch black inside, and nothing could be seen. No, in his blurred eyes, he saw two intertwined and moaning bodies. They touched each other, kissed each other, and finally embedded themselves with love...
"Ouch—" He threw away half of the cigarette in his hand, then lay down beside the flower bed, retching with all his might.
Zhou Hao couldn't take it anymore, he rushed to the door of Cheng Zixu's house and rang the doorbell fiercely. The exciting bell echoed in the silent corridor in the middle of the night, which was a little weird.
This time it was Jiang Yuqian who opened the door. He was wearing gray pajamas, staring coldly at Zhou Hao in front of him.
"Have you had enough trouble!"
Zhou Hao let go of his usual conceit and arrogance, and looked at Jiang Yuqian aggrievedly, "Honey, I can't sleep..."
"Zhou Hao, if you continue like this, everyone will be tired."
He didn't seem to understand Jiang Yuqian's words, and he muttered, "I can't sleep, I feel uncomfortable..."
At this moment, Cheng Zixu came out, also wearing the same gray pajamas.
Zhou Hao's hatred instantly soared, he raised his foot and kicked Jiang Yuqian again, turned around and fled in a hurry.
Back at his place of residence, Zhou Hao went into the bathroom, and the shower washed over his body like needle pricks. He closed his eyes and rubbed vigorously wherever his fingers could reach, trying to scrub away the last mark Jiang Yuqian had left on him.
Over and over again, like self-torture, the skin was rubbed red, and under the washing of the transparent warm water, it showed a coquettish red. There are red marks in the white skin, which is very clean.
He is no longer that dirty kid in school uniform in a small southern town.
After washing for about half an hour, without shower gel, he dried himself and went into the room.
Confused and helpless people, walking barefoot on the polished solid wood floor. At this moment, he regretted it, he didn't want to erase it, he wanted to leave these marks.
Zhou Hao fell down on the big bed where they had made love countless times in the past, used his nose to smell the man's scent, and then wrapped the quilt tightly around his body.
That night, he leaned against the head of the bed wrapped in a quilt and fell asleep. In the dream, he dreamed of his father, holding him around his neck, showing off in the streets, "This is my Haohao, this is my little Haohao!" He grinned loudly , showing a missing front tooth.
The emotions that cannot be pinned can only be sent to the dead under the underworld.
Zhou Hao woke up the next day with dark circles under his eyes, messy hair, and the quilt on his body slipped off unconsciously. He woke up from the cold, and with the scorching temperature on his forehead, he knew he had a fever.
He is a medical student, and his physical health problems have always been easily resolved. For ordinary minor illnesses, he clearly knows whether it is serious or not, whether he needs to go to the hospital, or just take some medicine.
He still went to the hospital today, and the fluid was injected into the body from the vein, flowing slowly. He stared at the infusion bottle for a long time, feeling its flow, feeling its cleansing in his body. Slowly, feeling much more comfortable, he closed his eyes and fell asleep again.
After taking a nap for a while, when he woke up, the needle on the back of his hand had been pulled out, and a piece of adhesive tape was pasted on it. After tearing off the adhesive tape, the place punctured by the needle stopped bleeding. He stood up and walked out of the infusion room, towards the exit of the clinic.
In the past, there would always be a boy here, holding a lot of food, chasing him and stuffing it into his arms. It's gone now too.