When he received the call from his stepfather, Zhou Hao was lying in an extremely cold air-conditioned room, wrapped in a quilt, with Sanskrit music playing in the room, and the curtains completely blocked the light outside.
A depressing atmosphere, a desperate situation, and a poor man with an empty heart.
The stepfather's phone call was very brief: "Your mother is sick, please go home quickly."
Only then did Zhou Hao slowly lift off the quilt, lazily packed his luggage back home, and bought a train ticket for tomorrow, which was a hard seat.
After six years, he is finally going back.
Rows of tired-faced people sat on the chairs in the waiting room, men and women, all kinds of people, each with a mobile phone in their hands, or two or three people gathered together to chatter, and the words that popped out of their mouths were harsh and noisy...
Zhou Hao closed his eyes tiredly and leaned on the chair, feeling very tired.
It didn't take long to check in and enter the station.
In the carriage, everyone was busy putting luggage, and people passing through the aisle, one after another, always had physical friction.
No. 062 of Car No. 10, a middle-aged woman sat on the seat, holding a three or four-year-old child in her arms.
Zhou Hao shook the ticket in his hand, "Please give me this seat, this is my seat." Then Zhou Hao raised his hand and put the suitcase on the luggage rack.
The middle-aged woman showed a hearty smile, a little apologetic, "Little brother, look, I'm still holding a child, I got off as soon as I got off the stop, very quickly," then teased the child in her arms, "Come on, call uncle Hello."
Zhou Hao was expressionless: "This is my seat, please move out of the way."
The woman's complexion was obviously ugly, she muttered a few words, stood up with the child in her arms, and just stood upright beside the seat. Zhou Hao knew that the woman did it on purpose, so he didn't care, closed his eyes and rested.
In the noisy environment, he couldn't fall asleep at all, he just closed his eyes to rest for a while. What flashed in his mind was the scene when he came to City A by train from Qingjiang six years ago. In fact, it was similar to now, very messy and noisy.
Return? Or go home? He doesn't have much sense of hometown. It seems that he has been wandering around all his life, unable to escape the life of wandering around.
Three days later, the train arrived at Qingjiang, and Zhou Hao went straight to Qingjiang County Hospital.
Two hours late... only two hours late...
His mother died during the rainy season in the south.
The corridors of the hospital are full of the smell of disinfectant, the terrazzo floor in the 1980s looks dirty and broken at the moment, and Li Hengting's sharp, choked-up crying is in the ward...
He looked in through the crack of the door, and his mother was lying on the white bed, the pink woman in the dream, but her belly was now flat.
Zhou Hao slowly collapsed along the wall, buried his head between his legs, and kept scratching and scratching his hair with both hands.
After a long time, he stopped all actions, took out his mobile phone from his pocket, and entered a long list of numbers from his memory, and the screen displayed "Qianqian".
The phone rang for a long time, and finally got through there.
Silent confrontation.
Suppressed by the sadness and pain, he shouted hoarsely, "Jiang Yuqian."
…
The ktv with uproarious voices, roaring and singing, was poured a few bottles of wine, Jiang Yuqian felt a little swollen, he leaned on the sofa and closed his eyes to rest, his face was flushed with alcohol after being robbed.
Probably because of a real headache, he changed several positions and was uncomfortable, his eyes were half-closed, and he looked at the group of people in front of him in a daze.
Suddenly, the mobile phone on the coffee table rang, accompanied by a "buzzing" vibration.
He leaned over to pick up the phone, it was a string of numbers, he didn't deliberately remember, he knew who it was. It's been a month, and sure enough, the man couldn't bear it anymore.
Unconsciously, a little bit of comfort, the inexplicably tense nerves in a month relaxed a little, he slid the unlock button with his thumb, and then pressed the phone to the eardrum.
Tightly, he wanted to hear what the person on the other end of the phone was saying.
silence…
After a long time, the man called his name.
He wriggled his lips, just about to ask nonchalantly, what's the matter
Here, Tian Bin yelled loudly, "Yuqian, your wife is drunk, come here quickly!"
Jiang Yuqian quickly covered the receiver of the phone, he didn't want the person on the other end of the phone to hear it.
like what? It's like the husband is having an affair outside, and the main room calls to ask him what time he will be home.
When he pressed the phone to his ear again, there was already a "beep beep—" busy tone.
The man still heard it.
Jiang Yuqian ignored Tian Bin, he was waiting for the phone to ring again, and according to Zhou Hao's past temperament, he would definitely call again to mock him. He waited. He left the private room, found a quieter corner, and waited for his cell phone.
After standing and waiting for half an hour, the phone never turned on again...
==========
Zhou Hao hung up the phone, leaned against the gray wall, and slumped on the ground. Feeling inexplicably depressed, he took out a cigarette and lit one, buried his head in the smoke, and the nurse on duty quickly came over.
"Sir, smoking is not allowed here."
He raised his head, opened his helpless and scarlet eyes, and looked at the young nurse in front of him. He pinched the cigarette butt between his palms and cut off the flame in the cigarette.
At this moment, I don't know which nerve was touched, the red tide in Zhou Hao's eyes has been brewing for a long time, and he can't hold it back anymore. He burst into tears, and in front of a strange girl, he collapsed and wept bitterly, without any image.
The snot and tears were mixed together, and he howled for a long time in his air cavity. At this time, the breath was blocked in his throat, and he began to cough violently and ferociously again.
The little nurse was an intern, and probably because she had seen less of the world, she was so frightened that she walked back to the duty desk.
He stood up leaning on the wall, walked slowly into the ward, and stood in front of his dead mother.
The confusion that had been hidden for more than ten years was brought to the grave along with the death of this woman. He could not get the explanation he wanted all his life, and he was that weird child in the humid season in the south all his life.
His stepfather didn't speak to him, nor did his half-blood sister. They hugged each other and experienced the painful parting of life and death in the world. They are each other's spiritual comfort and relatives who are fused with each other.
What about him? Because of this eccentric woman lying on the bed, he became a complete orphan.
In the eternal silence, he looked up at the fluorescent lamp on the top, in the dazzling white, there was no pink woman anymore. He tugged at his mouth, and the corners of his mouth curled up reluctantly.
Uncle Li was in charge of the mother's death. According to their customs, the house was placed at home for two days, and the third day was taken to the crematorium. Many people find it troublesome, so they save the cumbersome procedures. Uncle Li is an old-fashioned person. If you believe in this, you will follow the rules.
On the day of the funeral, the weather was fine. It was a stiff corpse when it was transported, but it was already a handful of ashes when it came back. Holding his mother's urn in his hands, he returned to his home six years ago.
During the whole process, he did not shed a tear, nor did he utter a whimper. He was as indifferent as a stranger without blood relationship, but at night, when he lay in that small attic, tears still flowed silently on his cold face.
His mother is dead... His eccentric mother is dead...
At this moment, the old wounds of the past surged over, trapping him tightly in the heavy burden.
Unable to bear it, he lit a cigarette, his thoughts gradually became slack, and he lit another one. The crying in his heart became more frequent, one after another...
After a sleepless night, Zhou Hao smoked a whole pack of cigarettes.
The next day, his stepfather took him aside, clutching a bulging yellow envelope.
"Tingting has been making up lessons and learning piano these years. Your mother didn't save much money. This illness has almost used up the family savings. I still have 10,000 yuan in my hand. You take it , find a place... find a house to live in."
Zhou Hao didn't reach out to take it, "You can keep the money yourself."
He has tasted the warmth and coldness of human relationships since he was a child. Now that his mother is dead, this so-called stepfather actually has nothing to do with him. Zhou Hao can understand what his stepfather said about "chasing away guests". In fact, he didn't want to stay in this "home" at all.
There were not many of his things in that attic, only some textbooks from his student days, and a few old clothes from the four seasons. Zhou Hao packed them up and was about to pack them up and throw them away, but at the top of the mahogany cabinet, he saw a dusty photo album.
He turned over page by page, there was father, mother, and little Haohao.
Zhou Hao blinked vigorously, but the circles of his eyes were still red. He took out one from the old-fashioned photo album and stared at it carefully. The family of three in the photo.
The father is holding the baby, and the mother is standing aside in the fashionable clothes of that era.
Tears fell uncontrollably. He sat by the bed and gently touched the surface of the photo with his hands. The old-fashioned photos had turned yellow and had a rough feel like frosting.
In the photo, I have a bunch of yellow hair on the top of my head, smiling to show my two baby teeth, and Xiaopang is holding a toy pistol in his hand.
"I'm the only one left, I'm the only one left..." He said it twice as if whispering.
Finally, he put the photos back in their place, hesitated for a while, and threw the album into the suitcase.