If you use one word to summarize Song Yu's boyhood, you would probably have nothing to do with it.
Study without distraction, and proceed step by step toward the career plan according to the plan without distraction.
Secretly in love with no distractions.
Most of the time, Song Yu can manage the weight of the last thing in life well, and occasionally lose control, so the moment he loses control, he will think arrogantly, if Lezhishi doesn’t live in the same house with him. Just go down.
Reduce the frequency of contact with him and reduce the density of information about him in life. In this way, he should be able to control his secret love more freely.
However, this argument was later overturned by Song Yu himself.
Because even if you can't hear his voice or see his smiling face even across most of the playground, he's just a back figure who studies hard to shoot, and he will be moved.
Of all the things that seem to be controllable, the feelings towards Lezhishi are the most unstable, but Song Yu feels that it is okay and can be tolerated, but the feelings are inexplicable and seem to be unable to find a starting point.
No matter how he looked back in his memory, it seemed that he couldn't get an exact point in time when he started to like Lezhi. Or maybe it was because he was always confused and always remembered, so Song Yu remembered everything about Lezhishi very clearly.
When he closes his eyes, he can think of the scene when he first met Lezhi, and he can think of his very beautiful and cute appearance. A pair of small soft hands, small, not yet called elder brother.
However, he was not well during that time. The guilt that caused Lezhi when he was sick, and the psychological stress caused by Uncle Le's accidental death, all tortured a child who was only six years old.
The only way to alleviate it is to quietly talk to Lezhishi.
For example, in elementary school, without knowing Lezhishi, he helped him teach his classmates who had scolded him for not having parents, or always put annoying toffee in his pockets, and urged him to brush his teeth at night.
For example, ride a bike to a far place to buy a comic book that is not easy to buy, and finally trick him into buying it at the entrance of the school and throw it at him casually.
Lezhishi would be very happy, but he really believed that he bought it casually.
He is very deceiving, so there is no need to coax him.
So Song Yu didn't even show his feet and let his secret love break.
He always treats Lezhishi unfairly, and then shows an appearance of indifferent care. The acting skills at the beginning were really clumsy, but it was too much to hide.
It rains frequently in this city, and it seems to be soaked in rain in summer. People come and go on the road, no matter how careful you are, your trouser legs will get wet. This is true for adults, not to mention children.
When he was a child, Song Yu didn't feel much about the continuous rain, because he was a child who walked very carefully. He would wear rain boots before going out in the morning and then go home cleanly. But Le Zhishi is not. He will look more stupid in rainy days. Even if it is not flooded, he will accidentally step on the raised floor tiles and then pitifully splash on him.
It is even worse if it is flooded. Once, Lezhi, who was still in the first grade, was tricked by a male classmate outside and told him to accompany him to the canteen and buy him delicious food. But the pants were all soaked, and his knees were all wet. Neither of them. He was very sad and didn't dare to tell Song Yu.
When school was over, they met on the first floor of the teaching building. Song Yu saw Le Zhishi's pants and aggrieved face, only to realize that he had been in class like this all afternoon.
"You are not allowed to leave the classroom on rainy days." He was a little angry, and made a very unreasonable request to Le Zhishi.
When Le Zhishi said softly, Song Yu couldn't help but change his words.
"Don't leave the school building." He said awkwardly, "What do you want to eat, come upstairs and find me, I'll buy it for you."
At that time, Le Zhishi was just sucking his nose, and stretched out his hand stubbornly to hold Song Yu's hand.
Song Yu stopped him from holding him, "Do you understand? Don't run away with others."
"I understand." Le Zhishi nodded to Song Yu with red eyes and nose.
However, it was probably because of a loss that Lezhishi had too much psychological shadow. Even if Song Yu said that he would take him to a small supermarket, when it rained, Lezhishi would not leave the classroom unless it thundered. He would miss Song Yu very much at that time, and sometimes couldn't help crying.
Until school is over, Lezhi will still run outside Song Yu's classroom, picking the back door, blinking a pair of big eyes silently, and waiting for Song Yu obediently.
Generally speaking, Song Yu discovered the existence of Lezhishi through the whispers of people around him. Because no one dared to talk to Song Yu during class, everyone just talked to each other. Hearing words like "that cute little brother" and "cute half-blood", he could probably guess that Le Zhishi was waiting for him again.
After class, Song Yu packed his schoolbag first, and then turned around as if he didn't know.
The moment Le Zhishi met his eyes, Le Zhishi would happily jump, and then ran into the classroom, hugged Song Yu's waist, smiled stupidly with his face up, and called him Brother Xiaoyu.
"Did your pants get wet today?"
"No." When Le Zhishi shook his head, her soft curly hair looked very fluffy, and her cuteness doubled, "I didn't go out for a single step today."
Song Yu thought he was stupid and wanted to say that he could go upstairs to find him, but in the end he didn't say anything.
The driver took sick leave that day, and Song Yu had to take Lezhishi to take a taxi home. It was clear that Lezhishi would wet his pants no matter what, so he directly carried Lezhishi on his back and let Lezhishi come to hold the umbrella.
He was lying obediently on Song Yu's back, with his arms tightly clasped, and he was in a particularly good mood. He sang strange but not unpleasant children's songs.
"Brother Xiaoyu, Zhang Chengyu told me I'm sorry today."
Zhang Chengyu is the classmate who would buy him snacks when he lied to Lezhi.
"Um."
Song Yu thought of the scene in which he was teaching him, and felt that the kind of kid didn't look like someone who would really feel sorry, just because of the pressure of the senior students.
Le Zhishi said something and began to sing again. His head was buried too low, and his face was almost close to Song Yu's neck. When he hummed, his breath was wet, which was comparable to rainy air. .
"Don't forgive him."
It seemed to be instilling a not tolerant concept in a child, but Song Yu really thought so.
Le Zhishi is too kind, even if you are bullied, you will feel that you are excluded because you are different from others, and will not feel that it is the fault of others.
"But I already said it's okay." Le Zhishi hugged his neck, feeling Song Yu stand still, and lifted him up, "I won't forgive him next time."
"Do you want to have this kind of thing next time?"
"I don't want to." Le Zhishi sniffed, "It's so uncomfortable when the pants are wet."
Song Yu imagined that he knew how uncomfortable he was. He walked to the side of the road with Lezhishi on his back, "Why didn't you tell the teacher?"
"I forgot." Le Zhishi shrank around his neck, sticky like a soft candy that can't be shaken off with water, "Brother Xiaoyu, I just want to find you."
The car stopped in front of the two children. The taxi driver lowered the window and looked at them hesitantly, "Would you like to go?"
Song Yu nodded, and then skipped the response to Le Zhishi.
In the fourth grade, he still didn't know how to express his inner thoughts to Lezhishi frankly.
It turned out later that it was the same when I grew up.
The confusion, rebellion and struggle of adolescence, Song Yu dedicated to him in obscurity.
Although he doesn't remember when he started to have a good impression of Lezhi, Song Yu remembers the turning point of his emotional deterioration.
It was also summer, and the third year of the junior high school was approaching the entrance examination. It was a thunderstorm night when Lezhi could not sleep well. At that time, Le Zhishi would no longer climb onto Song Yu's bed as desperately as when he was three years old. Once rejected, he will return to his room obediently, leaving Song Yu alone to regret it.
The reason for the refusal is actually very simple. Someone in the class made a joke about Song Yu and a girl, comparing them to a young couple who fell in love early in the next class, and talked about untimely topics such as "first kiss" and "first love". He felt bored, and his mood continued to fall, so he said to Lezhishi, "I'm very tired, you should go to your room to sleep."
Lying on the bed, Song Yu closed his eyes and advised him to go to bed earlier. But the loud rain made his restless heart even more impetuous. Later, I don’t know how long it took. He finally fell asleep in a daze. There were many strange pictures in his dream. He held a person and enjoyed his first love and first kiss sweetly as those classmates said.
Outside the dream, a burst of thunder passed by, illuminating the face of the dreamer.
Song Yu woke up from the dream, sweating, and was startled for half a minute before he felt that something was wrong with him. At four o'clock in the morning, he changed his pants and sheets, sat on the bathroom floor, and spent a long time in front of the rumbling drum washing machine. Embarrassed and depressed.
Opening the bedroom door in the morning, as usual, Song Yu knocked on Le Zhishi's door according to Lin Rong's instructions and urged him to get up.
Standing at the door, staring at the code lock for a minute, I heard the sound of slippers rubbing against the floor. The next moment, Le Zhishi slowly opened the door, wearing very soft white pajamas, raised his hand and rubbed his eyes, subconsciously hugged Lived with Song Yu.
"Brother Xiaoyu, I still want to sleep." Lezhishi buried his face in his arms, and his arms hugged his waist. When he was not awake, his speech was especially sticky.
Song Yu held his shoulders uncomfortably and moved him away.
He went downstairs by himself and said to Lin Rong, "Don't let me wake him up in the future."
The fifteen-year-old Song Yu started his adolescence examination papers, and smoothly reached the end, but encountered the most difficult last problem in history.
The first question is, what should I do if I like boys
The second question is, what should I do when I like Lezhi, who is indistinguishable from my younger brother
He rarely had the idea of giving up answering questions. Together with the scores close to full marks he got earlier, he didn't want it anymore.
Because he didn't know how to deal with it, Song Yu chose to maintain the status quo. Anyway, he didn't know anything when Lezhi. He rarely fantasizes innocently, maybe he doesn't like him someday.
Not all people are like this.
But this kind of change of heart seems to be much more difficult to operate than imagined. Song Yu is picky and has a narrow social network. From a young age, he can't seem to see anything worthy of empathy around him. Apart from studying, there seems to be only one happy time in life.
At the end of the high school entrance examination, Song Jin said that he would give him a gift and let Song Yu mention it. He rarely has what he wants, because he feels he has everything. So when his father asked, Song Yu's first reaction in his mind was that Lezhi likes watching anime, and he wants a projector.
Of course he got it later, and he spent the morning installing it in the bedroom himself, facing the bed, because he felt that Lezhi was lazy and would prefer to lie in bed and watch TV.
He spent another precious afternoon downloading a cartoon that Lezhishi liked, and adjusting the screen in a dark room under the curtains for a long time. When he was finally satisfied, he was ready to find an excuse for Lezhishi to watch.
Song Yu didn't want to invite words, but only repeatedly practiced in his mind how to reasonably explain that he has this animation.
However, Lin Rong never hoped that only one child in the family would receive a gift, so it was almost the same day that she added a high-definition wall-mounted TV to Lezhishi's bedroom. Lezhishi was very happy and showed off many times at the dinner table. The picture is very high-definition and the colors are also very good.
So Song Yu didn't say anything.
He couldn't sleep at night, so he silently played the cartoon he downloaded all night, and only played more than 20 episodes.
Leaning on the bed, he watched and thought, how could it be so long? Where is it so good
What's good, just like it.
It was the first time in his life that he felt that the night was difficult.
But Song Yu didn't have any resentment against Lezhishi because of the whole day he wasted. He felt that he would waste a lot of time on this little fool.
He thought indifferently. Fortunately, he was an efficient person, and he had time.
The next night, Song Yu, with the adverse reaction of insomnia, attended the graduation dinner of junior high school students under the persuasion and persuasion of Qin Yan and the monitor. Everyone will talk about a lot of irrelevant topics when they eat, and they will continue to diverge, making it easy to get distracted. Song Yu couldn't remember how they talked about a certain rumor that was treated as a joke from eating barbecue.
"Don't you know German orthopedics? You are too backward."
"Aren't they just brothers and sisters?"
"What? Brother and sister are in love?"
"It's weird... It's a bit perverted."
Throughout the whole process, Song Yu didn't say a word, and behaved like usual. On the way home, Qin Yan pestered him to talk.
"The fellow Yao Mu is annoying me today, so he keeps asking me why your brother doesn't have your last name and doesn't look alike." Even if Qin Yan and Lezhishi are not so close, they seem to be distressed. "Later I told him that Lele's parents had left because of an accident, so they were entrusted to your house. As a result, the idiot told others."
As if afraid that Song Yu was upset, Qin Yan quickly said again, "But I taught him a lesson. He shouldn't talk about Lele anymore."
Song Yu hummed coldly, cycling faster, and went home silently all the way.
The wind of Xia Ye puffed up his white T-shirt, but his chest was empty and a heart hanging.
Le Zhishi was like his only allergen, but it appeared in his life all-pervasively. It was so soft and so cute that he had nowhere to escape, and he couldn't refuse it.
That night, Song Yu thought about the gags of the classmates at the dinner table, and deleted all the animations downloaded for Lezhishi. I don't know why, that kind of joke doesn't sound funny to him, but it produces a very fragmented emotion.
On the one hand, like many normal people, I feel that brothers and sisters are very perverted together, and the elder brother must be despicable.
On the one hand, I want to know what happened.
He was found, his leg was broken, he was cured, and then
In the end, he couldn't come up with the following, and the online remarks could not be tested, but Song Yu made a decision on his own. He didn't want Lezhishi to call his brother again.
Like Qin Yan, he doesn’t know how to face other people’s questions, how to tell the reasons why he will not lose his parents, everyone knows, how to explain is not a second time to Lezhishi harm.
What's more, he was not originally Lezhishi's brother.
He plainly believes that as long as Lezhishi is not like a real brother to outsiders, he can have a shield of forgiveness, and there is room for more carelessness.
The projector bought for Le Zhi from time to time was finally used by Song Yu to show many geological documentaries. Seeing these, he would think of Le Yi in the past, so he was more vigilant.
Le Zhishi quickly got tired of his new TV. He would run to Song Yu's room without permission and pester him to play games. After being rejected by Song Yu, he would stay in his room without leaving. Watching documentaries that you are not interested in.
Whenever this time comes, Song Yu's heart will fail if he is left alone.
He stared at the documentary picture, but he thought about when Lezhishi would be bored, and then he went back to his room.
But as long as he didn't rush, Lin Rong wouldn't leave when he didn't come to urge him to go back to sleep.
He is the simplest and most persistent one of all the traps that may arise, and he must guard Song Yu and jump down.
It doesn't seem to stop until you get the result.
Going to another school district to study high school, Lezhishi also entered the Peiya Junior High School, and everyone changed a group of classmates. Song Yu implemented his own isolation plan in accordance with the previous decision.
In the face of Le Zhishi, he always listens to his advice and asks for everything, so he also cooperates with the performance and pretends to be a stranger who doesn't know him at school. There is no intersection or interaction.
The person who felt uncomfortable at first was Song Yu.
When he was still in the same elementary school, Lezhishi would wait for him to leave class at the door of the classroom. Now in the same middle school, Lezhishi is still waiting for him, only to enlarge the scope and distance to the level of a stranger, and sit and wait for him on the corridor connecting the two classrooms.
In fact, Song Yu knew all about it.
Song Yu knew from the time when Lezhishi wandered the corridor on the first day but was afraid to walk to the high school teaching building.
But he thinks this is right, he can't really be like his brother.
Excluding the early discomfort and the occasional surging possessiveness, this kind of tacit understanding of acting as a stranger in a crowd can sometimes bring a little bit of pleasure to Song Yu.
I met him several times in the cafeteria, and when I saw him, I would be stupid unconsciously, sometimes with the same hands and feet. Sometimes it hits pedestrians.
On another occasion, Lezhi, who didn't like to watch the road while walking, ran into Song Yu's arms directly.
He half-downed his head, not daring to look at Song Yu, his long, soft eyelashes trembled, he squatted and said sorry, and then called him "senior" in a strange way.
Thinking of this guy doing his best to get into his room at night, begging him to teach math problems like a coquettish girl, at a certain moment, Song Yu would also find this disguised unfamiliar contrast very interesting.
"It's okay." He reached out his hand to support Le Zhishi.
"Look at the road, brother."
Close crush is hard to endure, but it is undeniable that liking will bring heart and joy.
Peiya’s flag-raising team is a combination of junior high school and high school. There are four flag bearers, two of which cooperate in raising the flag, one high school and one junior high school.
Song Yu, who was selected as the flag-raiser in his first year of high school, kept pushing and dragging him, but in the end he couldn't push him off. During meetings, he always did his own questions. Until a meeting in the second semester of high school, the group leader mentioned a name.
"... Luo Xing, who partnered with Lezhishi classmate in junior high school, sprained his foot. Now we have to adjust it in high school. It's next week. There must be one to go up. Who wants to advance?"
Song Yu, who has always been enthusiastic about helping others, suggested that he could be replaced at this time.
"I don't want to raise the flag near the end of the term, just ahead of time." He gave a somewhat awkward reason, but this level of willfulness was in line with the impression he had brought to others, and he stepped forward, so the team leader was also grateful. The order has been changed.
In order to scare Le Zhishi, Song Yu did not tell him about this. Even though Le Zhishi had said several times that he was going to raise the flag next week when he was eating supper at home, he did not open his mouth to answer.
Le Zhishi made him truly look like an adolescent high school boy, doing boring pranks on people he likes, and he still happily imagined him being frightened.
On Monday, they went out when it was dark, and when they arrived at school, they put on the uniforms of the flag-raiser. In the foggy early summer morning, the sky was faintly projected onto the dew-soaked playground. Song Yu pressed the brim of his hat and followed another boy in the high school to walk behind the two flag-raisers in the junior high school.
It wasn't until he stood on the flag-raising platform on behalf of the high school to face to face with Lezhi, who was serious enough to look a little cute, that the little idiot found out.
Under the brim of his hat, his beautiful eyes were wide open, and his thick eyelashes touched up and down, and they moved apart again.
I thought that I had made enough preparations to face each other, and it would only be Lezhishi alone.
But in fact it is not, Song Yu's heart is very disturbed.
In the sound of music and summer cicadas, he cleared his throat slightly, reminding Lezhishi's stunnedness. When he looked at Lezhi, he became nervous with naked eyes. He seemed to have forgotten most of the movements he practiced repeatedly on the balcony of his home. Still working very hard to follow Song Yu and cooperate to raise the red flag to the apex at the end of the music.
Then there was the school flag, and Peiya’s school song sounded. The main flag-raiser of the school flag is a junior high school student, that is, Le Zhishi. He raised the purple school flag with the school emblem a little stiffly, pulling the flag rope little by little along with the school song, carefully controlling his speed.
Song Yu stood quietly next to him, and suddenly heard a sound, followed by a rush of noise. Just when he felt wrong, the huge school flag suddenly fell, covering him and Le Zhishi.
Thousands of students under the flag-raising platform watched the accident happen, and some even exclaimed.
Song Yu, who was wrapped in the flag at the moment, was still stunned, but still able to think, but the next second, Le Zhishi grabbed his arm and spoke quietly.
"Brother, what should I do?"
Submerged under the flag, they avoided the eyes of everyone, as if they had regained intimacy for a short time. So Song Yu shook his hand quickly.
"It's okay, don't be afraid."
He lifted the school flag, saluted and apologized to the leaders and students in the audience, and bowed deeply with Le Zhishi. Standing up calmly, he saluted again in the direction of the bell tower of the radio station.
As the head of the radio station, Qin Yan quickly reacted and replayed the school song when Lezhishi had prepared it, and gave them a chance to remedy the situation immediately after the accident.
After the end, Lezhishi and Song Yu were both taken by the national flag team’s leading teacher to talk, but they didn’t get punished because the accident was not entirely due to Lezhishi’s nervousness, in fact it was because of the flag rope of the school’s flagpole. Aging will break.
"Fortunately, you did a good job." The teacher glanced at Song Yu, "The senior high school senior is different, very calm."
When she smiled and chuckled, "Thank you, senior, for a while."
Coming out of the office, Lezhi Shi was a little depressed. The summer sun hit him little by little, making his uniform look better.
In the corridors where people come and go, they still maintain a strange distance.
"You don't tell me either." Le Zhishi said vaguely and quietly, as if he was afraid that the stranger's drama would be revealed by passing students, "Scare me."
"So you think it's my responsibility?" Song Yu also seemed to be a senior whose relationship with him stopped at the national flag team.
Le Zhishi shook his head, "My fault." He seemed to want to say something, but a girl holding a thick stack of workbooks passed through the wide gap between them, so he paused.
"You're right." Song Yu said lightly, "I just said, the rope issue."
"No." When there was no one, he spoke again when Lezhi, quietly but frankly, "I was too nervous."
When I walked up the stairs with him, he lowered his head when he was Lezhi, as if muttering to himself: "I will be distracted when I see you.
"... Senior."
The warm summer wind blows Le Zhishi's soft tone into Song Yu's ears.
"Distraction is not a big deal," he comforted, seemingly indifferent.
Better than tempted.