At the moment when he decided to come out, Song Yu was calmer and more relaxed than he thought.
He notified Song Jin and Lin Rong, told them that he had something important to discuss, and asked them if they were at home at night. The answer was yes.
Driving back home, Lin Rong opened the door. Her eyes were red and moist, as if she had just cried. Song Yu had a bad expectation in his heart, but Lin Rong didn't say anything.
"Xiao Yu, I'm back."
Song Jin sat on the sofa and didn't look at Song Yu, but asked him what's the matter when he came back so late.
Song Yu first clearly stated to him his plan to change the topic, and was questioned by Song Jin, "Now even if Professor Zhang agrees with you to change the topic, it is already so late, this semester is almost over, you are sure Is there a teacher willing to accept you?"
"So I can also postpone it. Professor Zhang used his private life to pressure me and stuck me on graduation. I am fed up. Even if I continue to stay in his research group, I disagree with his decision and he will not let me graduate smoothly. Yes, it is better to leave early."
Song Jin was silent for a long time before speaking in a low voice, "If you are really not interested in Miss Zhang, we will not force you."
"Not only am I not interested in Miss Zhang, but also Miss Li and Miss Wang who may appear in the future, any girl who looks good in everyone's eyes, I may not have the will to associate." Song Yu stood straight, "Dad, mom. Although you always say that I haven't let you down, I actually don't meet the expectations of a son, but I have never been able to say it."
"I like men and I already have friends." Song Yu said frankly, "So I won't form a family with any woman. I can't lie to myself, nor can I deceive and hurt others. I know you persuade me to fall in love. It’s not that I really want me to succeed the Song family, I just think I’m too lonely, but can you imagine how painful a woman will marry someone like me in this life?"
"I won't do this kind of thing, so I also ask you to give up this idea. Even if I live alone in the future, I can live very well."
Hearing these words, Lin Rong couldn't help but cried and asked him, "Really? Do you really feel that way?"
Song Jin picked up a piece of paper from the sofa and threw it in front of Song Yu. The blade-thin paper faltered, cutting the solemn air, and finally landed at Song Yu's feet.
He lowered his eyes, glanced at the beginning, and understood.
Song Jin's voice was shaking, but he couldn't tell whether it was because of anger or sorrow.
"Song Yu. Don't tell me, the person you keep talking about... is your brother."
He thought he would feel nothing, but the taste of putting his struggles bloody in front of his parents was indeed more uncomfortable than he thought. He was very grateful that his father's upbringing did not let him say "Don't you feel sick?"
"Yes." Song Yu said, "It's Le Zhishi, but he is not my brother. The communication between us is normal and there is no violation of the law."
"You're so brash, Song Yu, what are you thinking about? Except that he is not related to you, what is the difference between him and his brother! You looked at me and carried him back!"
Under his anger, Song Yu's face tingled, and he convinced himself to become numb, but he knew it was not so easy to accept. In the eyes of parents, it is true that Lezhishi is no different from their biological sons, and even more protected because they are orphans of close relatives. He simply stepped on his father's most inviolable bottom line.
When he heard his father stand up trembling, he curled his eyebrows and looked at him, and said to him angrily and weakly: "Song Yu, you should be more sober."
Song Yu's calm appearance finally shattered.
"Dad, after all these years, am I not sober enough?"
Is the manual hidden in the computer really for the future partner of Lezhishi
Not at all, this is just Song Yu’s warning to himself when he is most struggling and most confused, reminding him that in the future there will be someone to accompany Lezhishi, reminding himself to remember his identity and boundaries. No matter how well he does these things, he can only sign [Lezhishi’s brother] at the end.
And the person in the future does not need any communication manual at all, as long as he has the favor of Lezhishi, it is enough.
"How many times do you think I have revised this letter?" Song Yu said frankly, "Eleven drafts."
He tried to restrain his emotions, to make himself sound a little calm, anyway it was over.
"As long as I think I can't stand it anymore, when I saw Lezhi, I thought to myself, I really like him, why can't it be me? Whenever that happens, I can't sleep, open the file and modify it. , Delete some words that can’t and shouldn’t be put in it, try to make these expressions look more like a normal brother. Then tell me that this is what I should do. Those feelings are like scraps and should not be exist."
With a sad smile on his pale face, he looked at his parents.
"You should find them all, type them out, and see eleven drafts from the first draft. It's so spectacular."
"After reading it, you will feel that I am really noble."
The manual with various precautions lying quietly on the icy floor, palely carrying Song Yu who revised his wording five years ago. He changed the words that made him cry when he was young, deleted the hostility to Lezhishi's future partner and the exhortations that he crossed the boundary, so that he could learn to accept her or his appearance calmly.
During many sleepless nights, he learned to say "Hello, nice to meet you" at the beginning of the letter, and to send the blessing of "May you be happy forever" at the end.
Then in the revision time after time, more and more accept the final signature.
The printed words looked the same as Song Yu himself, neat, calm, and lacking in emotion, and gave the young and ignorant him a decent and mature shell that an adult should have. But many Song Yu from many years ago seemed to be standing here at this moment, accompany him to experience this outbreak.
And Lezhi, who exists in every manuscript but has never been included in the reading list, is also stunned at this time. The quarrels and contradictions that made him stop just now seem to be hammered in the chest, but these words are the real sharp knives. The moment they are pierced in, they are too sharp so they don't hurt. When the perception reacts, they will be piercing.
Large drops of tears fell on it, almost smashing the indifferent printed matter, peeling off the fragile soul hidden in the paper, and freeing him.
"Lele, what's the matter with you?" Lin Rong wiped away tears and stood up and looked at him, "Why did you come here like this? Are you sick?"
Hearing these words, it hurts even more when Lezhi.
He tried to keep himself from shaking, calm down, dropped his hand holding the piece of paper, wiped away the tears from his face, and looked at them.
"Uncle Song, Aunt Rong, I'm sorry."
Le Zhishi thought that kneeling might be like a threat at this time, so he bowed deeply and formally.
"This is not an apology, but I'm really sorry for you and betrayed your nurturing grace. Aunt Rong, do you remember that I was ill before? You still came to see me at school. It was during that time that I told Song Yu through my illness. Confessed."
He closed his eyes and opened them again, saying every word with certainty, "So, in the final analysis, I took the initiative. If it is really induced, it is all I induced Song Yu to carry out. Here In the relationship, Song Yu was actually very passive."
Le Zhishi had red eyes and pale lips, but his eyes were bright, firm and calm, "I have had a strong separation anxiety for Song Yu since I was a child, and I was anxious to an abnormal degree, so I did a lot of extraordinary things since I was a child. For example, I want to sleep with him on a bed forcibly, want to hold hands with him, want to hug him, even when he is just my brother, I want to kiss him, even the so-called confession is that I have a fever and crying You said to him when I was in. You said, in that case, how would Song Yu reject me?"
He took all the responsibilities on himself, the motive was in him, the source was also in him, and everything had nothing to do with Song Yu.
"Because Song Yu always wanted to keep a distance from me and stay away from me, so my demand for him is actually a bit sick."
As he said, he actually laughed, "It's like an allergy. The doctor said you can't eat this, and you can't eat that. Because you are allergic, you may die if you eat it. Okay, I won't touch it. Although it has been more than ten years I'm very obedient, but in fact, I really want to eat sometimes. Now I want to be with a person, but I can't. That's why I want to stay with him and think about it crazy."
"I don't understand. I like a person who is obviously not allergic, but why are there so many adverse reactions?"
"When I found out that I liked him, I was really uncomfortable, and I couldn't think about what Song Yu would do when I was with others. But when I was really together, I felt tormented again. I didn't dare to come back to see you. , I dare not call you. My life is a burden in any family, it is difficult to feed, and so selfish. You raise me as your own son, but I do this kind of thing."
His hands were clenched unconsciously, and the papers were all wrinkled.
Seeing that the little son who was always smiling now gritted his teeth and said these words, neither Song Jin nor Lin Rong could speak.
"Actually, I thought about it," Le Zhishi grudgingly smiled, and told them in a relatively relaxed tone about his previous plan. "At first I thought Song Yu was forced to agree to me, so I thought, this paragraph is okay. I’ll cherish the time I’m in love with him, and then wait until... When he thinks it’s enough, I will leave this home. Go to a place where no one knows me, try to make money, and then secretly put the money on the card at home. "
Le Zhishi looked down and took out the phone in a bit embarrassed manner, rummaging through it, and began to talk messy, "I, I posted the bill, just... I spent a lot of money since I was a kid, but, but I only started to remember it in the third year of junior high. I can only find a rough estimate on the Internet, but I have a record of the latter. I, I want to multiply the money several times, and then, and then wait for me to make money, except for the point that is enough for my meals and renting a house , I will send the rest of the money back. Of course, these don’t pay off at all, nor can they make up for your emotional loss, but it’s better than nothing.”
Hearing this, Song Jin sat back on the sofa in despair and shook his head silently.
But Le Zhishi did not stop. He found out the schedule in the phone and showed it to them, as if discussing a happy family trip, "I have seen a lot of places suitable for settlement, both at home and abroad. They The housing prices, the level of consumption, and the rent, all of which I have planned."
"Look, I am actually very planning, right? Yunnan is very good, Yunnan is so beautiful, and it is far away from here, it feels very suitable for hiding. I can rent a small house and raise a kitten. . Or stay in one place for a period of time and change around like that kind of agent. It’s cool, but it may make less money, not enough..."
The puppy walking on the street may not be a stray, the world is big and the world is home.
Only after being gently nurtured once, and then lost, is the real wandering.
When Le Zhishi said, every word and every sentence stuck in the hearts of the two parents. No one thought that in this Hehe Meimei home, the two children were living under the burden that might collapse at any time.
What makes them even more unimaginable is that Lezhishi calculates the burden on the family every day, hoping to pay off in the rest of their lives.
Lin Rong finally couldn't listen, and interrupted him in tears, "Lele! You... how can you think of this?"
Le Zhishi endured it again and again. He wanted to laugh, but in the end he seemed to laugh and cry.
"Because I don't want to see Song Yu being with others."
"Aunt Rong, I really love him very much." Le Zhishi stubbornly held back the tears, for fear that they would continue to flow out, making him not sincere and firm enough, "And after we were together, I realized that Song Yu also loves me very much. He can’t live without me. Do you know that sometimes he can’t even sleep alone and takes a lot of pills, as if he’s sick. I’m so scared.”
He muttered "I'm really scared", and kept repeating the words "I'm sorry".
"Uncle, Aunt Rong, I know that I made a big mistake, and I really know it. But if he will be a little happier when he sees me, it doesn't matter if he doesn't associate, as long as I can stay with him. Other people's discussions I don’t care about my vision. I’m not even afraid of being abandoned. This kind of trust must be blind to you, but the only thing I’m afraid of is that Song Yu’s life is bad, unhealthy, and unhappy."
When Lezhi's lips and fingers were trembling, he lowered his head, a little annoyed that he couldn't manage his emotions well, behaving so vulnerable.
"Really, there are obviously so many good cities in this world, but I have nowhere to go."
"I just want to stay with Song Yu."