When I was a child, I read a piece of news about an orphan after the disaster was reported. The news kept mentioning words such as "good-hearted people from all walks of life", "good deeds" and "dedication of love".
At that time, he sat in front of the TV cleverly, but thought "I look like him."
The words in the news report seemed to be engraved in his heart. Whenever he saw similar news, Lezhi would compare it with himself, and then quietly sighed his luck in his heart.
Later, he couldn't help but regard every person who treated him well as a "good-hearted person", and regarded everyone's care and love for him as a "kind deed", and then tried his best to repay the love of others. These behaviors have been carved into his bones and become an inseparable part.
But among so many kind-hearted people, it is the Song family's parents that Lezhishi most wants to repay but least expects to repay.
On the one hand, he hoped that he would always dedicate happiness and warmth to them, on the other hand, he would cause irreversible harm to them for selfish love. The two contradicted each other's will to pull contradictory, almost torn him apart.
Standing in the living room, Le Zhishi thought with annoyance that he might behave really badly this time. His illness and panic caused him confusion, even he didn't even know what he was talking about.
Obviously you can be more firm, and you can obviously stop crying.
This living room is too familiar to them, as if there are illusions of happiness in every corner. When they were young, Le Zhishi and Song Yu sat in front of their parents’ knees to build Lego blocks. The four people sat in front of the TV and grabbed different channels. In winter, they nestled under the same plus size blanket. There are countless people who have eaten together. How many times do you have supper
Now they are scattered in the same space, their very tight hearts are separated by the cold air, everyone is painful and silent, counting down like a year.
I don't know how long it took, as if hearing a hallucination, Lezhishi heard Song Jin's voice, which was hard and hoarse.
"it's all my fault."
Lin Rong was already crying when he heard the beginning.
"No." Le Zhishi felt a pain in his heart, "Uncle Song..."
Song Jin is sitting in front of the sofa. The figure from the back seems to be ten years old. "I am busy earning money every day. I want you to live a richer life without burden. When I return home, I want to have a good chat with you. , Be a decent parent, because our shoulders are actually the expectations of the two families. Unexpectedly, after so many years, I don’t know the two children I raised at all. Sometimes I look at you, I feel really good. I have no regrets in my life. Both of these children are so good and so good. I am especially proud of myself. I even think I can... When I go to see Le Yi, my waist can be firmer."
His voice was a little trembling, his eyes were open and he was looking at the black screen of the TV, as if Le Yi was right in front of him. He could stretch his hand to hold his shoulders, like in the past, "I can tell him, watch me raise your son. Okay, maybe it's better than what you raised yourself."
Song Jin shook his head, "Fortunately, I was just dreaming. I was really known by him. I might think I was particularly ridiculous."
His laughter gradually stopped, "I... Later I felt more and more wrong, why Song Yu keeps not going home, how can he always be alone, obviously it is not a condition to find someone to accompany him, just once. I don’t even talk about love, and my personality is cold. There is nothing to say about it. Why did Lele go to university and start not going home, so I can’t figure it out."
Lin Rong listened, covering her face with her hand.
"Do you know? Me and Xiao Rong, we look forward to your two coming back every weekend. When she arrives on the weekend, she cooks a large table of dishes, and then we two eat face to face. We can't finish it. We just thought, yes It's not that we are not doing well enough or not caring about you enough, so we just want to see if we can take more care and plan for your future."
Song Yu lowered his head and clenched his hands.
"But you come back once in a while and seem to be very happy again, so I can't figure out what I think. I can only convince myself that you have grown up and have your own ideas. This is all normal, right." He laughed self-deprecatingly. Laughing, "It turned out to be like this. Who would have thought that my eldest son would like my'little son', and he would not dare to act like this in TV dramas."
He nodded and murmured to himself, "It's good, it's better to know earlier, so as not to be kept in the dark, but also to worry about planning for you. I don't think it will be necessary in the future, so as to save time. A good girl from someone else's house."
"If I say now, I can accept you, that is a lie. No one can accept that my two children are suddenly together. There is no one around who doesn't know your relationship. If you go out, who won’t say anything from the old Song family. Two sons. Okay, now you two are going to be together, you are now holding hands and going out, how embarrassed, people say that you are brothers, how do you explain? After the explanation, you are gone, how do you talk about you behind your back... Can't hide."
These words are not pleasant, but they are all the words of Song Jin's heart.
"I have an old face, it doesn't matter. They want to say that our family is chaotic, saying that these are taught by me and Xiao Rong, then there is no way, they can only suffer. But your days are still very long..." After finishing this sentence , He fell into a long silence again, as if losing his strength.
When he spoke again, almost every word seemed to be sawn out and ground out with a blunt knife.
"When you go down the street, you may be scolded, disgusting, and laughed at. No one cares about you... How clean and good your love is. There is no difference between seeing you and the sick for prejudiced people."
"Don't talk about Song Jin." Lin Rong could hardly listen, and sat next to him, half leaning on him, and hugging him.
"I want to say." Song Jin took a deep breath, with determination in his tone, "You have to let them know what they are doing. What I said is nothing compared to what they will face in the future. Don’t run into it later, if you regret it, and feel you can’t stand it, then this family will really be gone.”
"I am already a failed father, and I don't want you to fail in the future." Song Jin got up from the sofa, looking very tired from the back. The man who could once hold Xiao Lezhi in one hand while holding the young Song Yu with the other hand, is not confused now, but sadly pours out his confusion about his two children and his anxiety about their future.
Song Yu thought, he made his father ten years old overnight.
"I think you already want a path to the dark. Forget it, your life is always yours. Even if we want to help you anymore, no matter how we write and want to lead you to the broad road, it is a waste of effort. .So be it."
After speaking, Song Jin walked around the sofa and walked towards the door of the house when he did not look at Song Yu or Lezhi.
Lin Rong turned around and called him anxiously, "Song Jin, where are you going?"
He put on his jacket, opened the door, and the cold wind rushed in.
"I'm going to buy a pack of cigarettes, panicking, and come back after smoking. You can go back if you want to go back to school, it's up to you."
He took a step and stopped again.
"Lele."
Le Zhishi looked in his direction.
"You..." He sighed, "When you want to leave, why don't you think about me and your Aunt Rong. We raised you so big, and in the end you used the separation of flesh and blood to reward us, right?"
These four words stamped on Le Zhishi's heart fiercely.
"Forget it."
The door closed, but the sound was very soft.
Le Zhishi remembered what Aunt Rong had said. She said that the original Uncle Song smoked a lot because of the pressure of starting a business. Later, I took him home and learned that the child had asthma, so he just endured the addiction and quit smoking. It lasted 16 years.
Whether Lezhishi was at home or not, he never touched it once.
There were only three of them left in the house, Song Yu turned his back, unable to see his expression clearly. Lin Rong kept crying, Lezhishi was most reluctant to let her cry, her footsteps seemed uncontrollable, and she went towards Lin Rong.
Standing in front of Lin Rong, watching her hide her face and runny, Lezhi called her Aunt Rong sadly, begging her to stop crying.
"Cry again... the eyes will be swollen tomorrow."
Lin Rong concealed her face and shook her head, very weak. After a while, when she looked up at Lezhi, "Lele, is there really no other way?"
Looking at her eyes, Lezhishi wanted to give her an answer.
But he seemed to lose his voice, unable to say a word.
Lin Rong gave up in the end.
She lowered her head, crying very softly, and repeatedly asked "Why did it become like this?" Perhaps it was Le Zhishi and Song Yu, or she herself. After a long time, when she really believed that all this really happened, she finally stopped crying a little.
"It's getting late, and now I can't get in when I go back to the school dormitory." She sniffed, stood up on the armrest of the sofa, walked up the stairs, stopped again, and said to the two children, "Go and wash the hands." Face, rest early."
Listening to Lin Rong's footsteps upstairs, every sound seemed to be stepping on Le Zhishi's heart.
Only him and Song Yu were left in the room. When I returned home from Lezhishi and stood at the entrance of the hallway, I only heard Song Yu say a few words. He has been silently accepting everything, like a criminal waiting silently for the final trial.
Le Zhishi walked towards him and stood in front of him, but he was a little afraid to hold him. They stood in this house, like people nailed to two crosses, equally guilty, but unable to touch each other.
"Song Yu..."
Song Yu didn't reach out to hug him either, just raised his hand, tore off the antipyretic sticker on his forehead, and touched it.
"Why don't you wear more when you come out?" He just said.
Lezhishi thought of the tingling in his dream, and felt that he might have really grown up with the person in front of him.
Even if they are not the same female compatriots, but they are like two intertwined trees, cut one tree alive, they can still live in each other's veins and roots.
"Go wash." Song Yu touched his head, "You have to go to bed earlier to get better."
Even if Le Zhishi was reluctant, he finally succumbed to Song Yu's decision and went upstairs alone and entered his room. In the dark room, Le Zhishi quietly leaned against the door. The low-grade fever made him a little dizzy. In his blurred thoughts, he prayed that Song Jin would not be flustered after smoking tonight's cigarettes, and pray that Lin Rong would stop serving them. She shed tears and prayed that Song Yu could really relieve the burden in her heart.
The night is always exceptionally difficult, like a long, swaying shot in a film movie, which makes people confused and wants to stop, but he doesn't have the ability.
Le Zhi, who was lying on the bed, suddenly thought whether this would be a nightmare for her.
He used many methods to verify the truth of this moment, but a bad cold made his perception decline and it was difficult to tell.
Suddenly, he heard a knock on the door, thinking it was an illusion. But the next second, Lin Rong came in.
"Aunt Rong..."
She put the warm water in her hand on the bedside table of Lezhishi, and put down the cold pills in her heart.
"Take the medicine before going to sleep." She lowered her eyes, and when she was not looking at Lezhi, her voice was very soft.
Le Zhishi's heart was hot, and the tip of his nose was sore. He nodded hard, picked up the water cup and the medicine, without saying anything, and swallowed the cold medicine obediently.
Lin Rong sat by the bed, unconsciously grasping the quilt with her hand, but she couldn't bear it, until Lezhi couldn't help but hug her, and finally she couldn't stand it any longer.
"You little white-eyed wolf, unfamiliar, I love you so much, you want to leave me?" She said cruelly, but she cried again, tears falling on Lezhishi's shoulders, very lightly I hit him and complained about his ruthlessness like a little girl, "What's the use of my money? You are not by my side, why don't you think about it, what if Aunt Rong becomes ill at home? Who will accompany you? I go to the hospital, who will help me see the store when I am too busy."
"I thought about it, I..." Le Zhishi hugged her tightly, and she shed tears, "I thought about it before, I want to secretly look at you, go to Yanghe Qizhe gate to have a look..."
"No conscience, really no conscience. I treat you as my baby." Lin Rong couldn't say anything, she could only shake her head on Lezhishi's shoulder, and let Lezhishi coax her until she really couldn't stop. After crying, he got up, touched the place where his shoulder was wet when he touched Lezhi, took a deep breath, and looked at Lezhishi's face for a long time, as if he would really disappear someday.
When she had watched enough and was about to leave and took the cup, she saw a photo of her family on an outing by the bedside of Lezhishi, touched it, and finally stood up and walked to the door alone.
She opened the door and left, and couldn't help turning her head, choked up and said to Le Zhishi.
"Go to bed with your brother, I'm afraid he won't be able to sleep tonight."
(Comes with a bonus)
The author has something to say: [1010 (eleventh draft)]
To Lezhishi's future lovers:
Hello, nice to meet you, I am Lezhishi’s brother. You will be wondering why you received such a letter. Don't be nervous, this is just my precaution. Because I was not familiar with him in the past, I almost made a big mistake when I met him for the first time. In order to avoid such things from happening to you, I made my own propositions and wrote this "Socialize with Lezhishi" Manual" to inform in advance some things you may need to know.
First of all, Lezhishi suffers from a severe wheat allergy. So he can’t eat foods that contain wheat. I hope you can take care of him. I’m sorry, maybe you also need to make some corresponding dietary taboos when eating with him. It’s troublesome. Because his allergy symptoms are very serious, ranging from rash and diarrhea to asthma.
So, if you can, I hope you can carry his medicine with you. It is a small box and does not take up much space, just in case. Because in addition to allergies, excessive exercise, colds and large mood swings are all likely to cause his asthma attack. If there is no medicine, he may be killed within a few minutes. But most of the time he would bring his own medicine. It would be great if you are willing to learn first aid for asthma. I can teach you if you need it. It is simple and not difficult to learn.
Sometimes it is difficult for him to fall asleep in a thunderstorm, which may affect you, but in fact, he is just a little afraid of thunder. It doesn't matter as long as there are people around him.
The above are his allergies and fears, but in fact, apart from that, Lezhishi has almost no defects. Since you are in love with him, I guess his advantages don't need me to repeat. He treats everyone very tenderly, and I believe it will be even more so for you.
Although his biological parents passed away very early, he also grew up under the care of everyone in our family. You can rest assured about the part of the original family. Lezhi has never hurt anyone. He has a soft and kind heart. Heart. This world is so big, he only chose you, I believe you must also be a very good person.
May you be happy forever.
Le Zhishi's brother, Song Yu.
Saved in the summer four years ago
(Don't cry, you will recover slowly later and get better, Zhichu doesn't write be)