I only got the determination I needed to kill her, and let her see the pain of thousands of people who died, which was undoubtedly screaming for revenge. With a little rest and a single hatred, I hardly noticed the praise the king gave me. I think he was very impressed that I was able to fight such an amazing opportunity and survived, especially since I believe that only a few of us have experienced this ordeal. The only thing I caught was that he appointed me as the princess's bodyguard, which made me feel resentment towards many hopeful soldiers, and also provided an excellent opportunity for my assassination. I immediately went to the princess's room, holding the knife at my waist in my hand, made up my mind, but stopped not far from the connecting corridor leading to her room. I could hear the patrolling Jǐng guard and their muttering, thinking that I should at least wait until they leave, I still hide in the shadow in the corner. I listened to their conversation again, but they said that my determination began to waver and I was completely at a loss. They continued to say how lucky they were not to be mobilized, considering the princess's desperate plea to her father, how she begged his stubborn self time and time again to send aid to those of us who were brutally slaughtered. After she threatened him with abandonment, he finally agreed.
I can't believe what I heard at that moment. My hatred is misplaced again, but I don’t have to change my goals. After all, I have seen how losing a child affects my parents, so what better way than killing his daughter? ? The Jǐng guards finally continued to patrol, and I walked to the princess's room. I opened the smooth door silently and went in without a sound. If she knew I was there, she would not show it. She did not get up from her seat, staring at the big moon outside the window, looking down at our small and insignificant life. Only when I stood on her back did I notice that her eyes were locked on myself in the reflection of the window. I will never forget her look, or what she said next, crushing my hope of killing her.
When I realized that she saw me, I was frozen, and when I looked up at my reflection, I was taken aback by the disgusting expression of anger and hatred. The princess was motionless in front of me, without flinching, she just raised a hand to her face, and then brushed off something.
"I'm sorry" said the princess in a trembling voice. "The first time we met was to show you how I am now. It's too ugly."
These words made me feel angry again. Is appearance the only thing she cares about? Even after those things happened in the past few days? Thinking of my family dying because of a selfish person like her... My broken determination has begun to rebuild.
"Are you the newly sent Jǐngwei?" she asked, refusing to give in.
"I am." I told her quickly, clutching my knife tightly.
"Then you are the one they brought back from the plain?"
"Yes." I whispered under the instigation of hatred.
As I waited for her last words, a moment of silence passed. Nothing came out of her mouth for a few minutes, and I had had enough at that stage. I don't need to listen to her anymore, it doesn't matter at all. The only thing I could do was when I left that room, she was just a cold, lifeless corpse on the stone floor.
I took a knife from my belt, but her trembling voice stopped me from the middle of the movement.
"I'm sorry" she replied suddenly weakly, her shoulders trembling slightly. "I'm sorry. Because of me, your family, your friends..."
"Don't even think about mentioning them." I hissed at her. "They are all dead now."
The princess lowered her head and put her hands on her eyes. I heard the moist sound of her tears hitting the hard floor, but I didn't sympathize with this poor fellow. I raised the knife above my head, but I couldn't make a decision, not when my heart was still in trouble.
"Tell me something before I die. I overheard some Jǐng Wei talking. I heard you wanted to help us. Is this true?"
The princess just sank her head forward and whimpered softly.
"I failed" she told me in a broken voice. "I tried to persuade my father, but he would not listen. He said that if they go here, no one can protect me. I begged him, begged him to send them out, but he refused. Only when I threatened to go personally When there, he finally sent them out, but by then it was too late. Everyone... I'm sorry!"
She broke down even more then, and I felt the knife slip from my hand. I have enough experience to deal with others and know that those tears are not lies. She refused to let go of the sadness and guilt that haunted her. The person I am going to kill is not like that. She should be a selfish woman who doesn't care about others, not a dejected and weak girl.
Finally, the princess finally summoned the courage to say a few words, took a few deep breaths, and tried to calm herself down.
"Are you going to kill me?" she asked tremblingly. Although it may sound like this, her broken, small words were not asked for fear of answers. As I have already said, they feel sad and guilty about what happened.
"No." After drawing conclusions that affected my long life, I answered this question. "If it were not for you, my brother and sister would die with my family. I would not kill the people who saved them. Although I miss my family very much, it seems that I will not be able to catch up for many years to come. Get on them."
That was the first time I saw my lover's face. She looked up at me with tears on her face and the saddest eyes I have ever seen, begging for my forgiveness. When I didn't have the courage to give her anything, I tried to comfort her with my hands and her trembling shoulders.
After that, she cried all night, and for most of the next day, she only allowed herself to stay with her. Even her father was not allowed to enter her room. I don't know if it was because of guilt or because I was her bodyguard, but she never asked me to leave, although I doubted her ability to do so, even if she wanted to. Once the tears dried up and only dry sobbing remained, I watched my love become unjīng and unresponsive, becoming a slave to depression. She hardly said anything, ate very little, drank very little, and became so thin that even someone who had known her for less than a week began to worry. She couldn't even get up, so, at the time I didn't know why, I forced her to get up and leave the room. I took her to a place where she could see the kindness of her behavior.
During that week, I have been guarding the princess and taking care of my brother and sister, and they have been doing as well as her. If it were not because I have been busy, I might be by their side, crying for our dear parents who left. I know that they will return to their happy little selves sooner or later, but they have lost so much in such a short time, which means that they cannot recover so quickly, especially when they are so young. This is why I think this might be a good way to distract, not only for them but also for the princess.
It took me a few days to convince the despicable king to let us leave the prison-like castle, but it was not because of my persuasion, but because his daughter was so terribly thin before his eyes. So I introduced these two parties. When I told my sister who our guest was, her eyes lit up immediately. She has always wanted to be a princess, just like every little girl of her age, so for her, there is no real way to explain her joy and excitement when meeting a real little girl. My little brother, compared with the series of questions that our sister continuously raised, there is no doubt that the beauty in front of him is undoubtedly astounding. If I have other ideas, I might find his small mouth slightly open, which is very interesting, or his eyes are not willing to give in at all, which makes me find it very interesting. The princess reacted completely differently. She was just overwhelmed by the sudden energy of my sister, and before she answered any rushing questions, her cheeks shed tears again. She stood there, covering her mouth with her hands, looking at the little guys, and I told her that if the soldiers did not arrive, the two would not be there.
My love changed from that moment on. Every other day, when I brought Joey back to my humble house to visit my family, Joey returned to her life. As for them, they still suffer the pain of loss, but every time the princess visits, They will all be better. Maybe a month later, my love will be able to overcome her depression, even though the guilt never left her. I tried my best to relax her, but nothing can wash away the stains. Although she was not at fault, she felt the pain of all those who died and took it as her responsibility. I think this may be the first time I realize how outstanding a leader she will become. Maybe I might have realized this as early as the night we met. This understanding changed me. I see her as the kind of person I want to protect. In contrast, I don’t care about the king and his selfish schemes, which will only grow over time. However, his daughter is worthy of protection.
One year later, this land has not recovered from the parade of wild animals. These lands are still soaked in their poisonous blood, and the result is a shortage of food. (To be continued) (End of this chapter)