Mingfu walked around the car and reached out to help me.
"I see," I said.
When I got out of the car, he took my arm. I tried to pull it back, but he held it tighter, not tight enough to hurt me, but he didn't want to loose my arm. I am a tall girl, but next to Toyoo, I feel very small.
"I think the knight jīng god hasn't died yet," I said.
""Neither are you. However. "
We followed Bruce through the parking lot. Instead of going through the front door, he walked around to a side door. He stole a card key. I saw it before he put it back in his pocket. There is a photo and a name on the key card instead of Bruce Deman's photo and name.
"We haven't converted this building into a biometric system. I don't know what to do then. It may become more complicated."
Akio nodded, but did not see Bruce Deman's eyes. He is busy watching behind us.
Why does it feel like we broke into this place? This is Denmanus. Bruce Denman is the boss here. Of course, he can go wherever he wants, using his own name and key card.
Once we were like lemmings, Akio Toyoda and I followed Bruce through a long corridor to a room. There was a plaque hanging outside saying that the fMRI test was in progress. Bruce led us into the room. Everything is bright, pure white, and cold. A technician is busy setting up fMRI equipment.
The technician raised his head and rushed over.
"Doctor, it's almost ready," he said. He looked at me, then at Bruce Denman. "Is she the one being scanned?"
"Yes," Bruce said.
"Do you have pins or metal on your arm?" The technician asked me to gesture to my injured arm.
"No," I said.
"Any piercings?" He shook his eyebrows.
"No."
"My name is Shiilo." He said.
"Hello, Charlotte. This is Abby."
Bruce walked around the room, looking at this thing and that thing, and then walked into the technician's room. Akio stood next to me, motionless.
"Well, Abby. We are going to look at your brain tonight. Dr. D seems to be very excited about the situation above." He handed me two hospital gowns. "One front, one behind," he explained. "Take everything off. Especially anything that contains metal, including your bra."
"Got it," I said.
I change clothes in the private dressing room in the next hall. Akio Toyoda seemed to want to go with me, but he chose to go to the technical room with Bruce.
After getting dressed, I followed Shiilo into the MRI room.
"Lie here," he said. "Don't move, it's really important."
"Don't move. I see." I said.
He put a plastic collar around my neck.
When I put my broken arm on my chest, he supported his elbow with a pillow. He put on the headphones and pulled the hair out of my face. He told me that headphones can provide a sound barrier to prevent the banging of magnets moving from one location to another, and it is also a way for me to communicate with him in the control room. His hands are very soft.
"Is it comfortable?" he asked.
"Yes, Thanks."
"It shouldn't take long," he said. "The important thing is not to move."
"understood."
"Now let's see what is so important in your watermelon that Dr. D pulled me up from my sex so that he can take a look."
"I'm sorry," I said.
"Don't do that," Charlotte said. "I rely on this to eat."
Shiloh walked away. The MRI machine is equipped with a rear-view mirror, and I can see him in it. He smiled and gave me a thumbs up.
"It's not a big deal," he said loudly so that I could hear his voice through headphones. "I will go in when I need a nap."
I laughed. a little bit. He is a nice person. He should have a big laugh, but I feel happy because of lack of sleep. Well, swing between happy and hateful.
The functional magnetic resonance imaging has begun. When the magnet moves from one position to another, the machine makes a "ding" sound. The noise is much louder than I thought.
I'm tired. I'm so tired. I have almost reached a point, when you are so tired, you no longer give a condemnation.
Maybe I should take the medicine Bruce gave me. I can understand why sleep deprivation is a torture strategy. This is ridiculous. I try to make my mind swim, but it swims to things I don't want to think about. I've never been the kind of person running around with my head buried in the ground or waiting, maybe I'm that kind of person.
Maybe this is what I have been doing all my life, running.
Wait, how can you bury your head in the ground and run? This doesn't make sense. Say a complicated analogy.
I laughed. A burst of giggles came out of my stomach, like water pushing from a river to the surface. The giggle turned into a belly laugh. My head was tied so tightly, I felt like I was choked, which made me laugh so hard. I can't stop.
Shiloh's voice came from the speakers in my earphones.
"Please stay still while scanning, Abby."
I laughed harder.
I fucking lost my mind, this is some funny, not funny shit.
"Please, Abby," his voice rang again. "If you don't stop laughing, I have to stop scanning. Don't move."
I tried. I tried. I held my breath and calmed down slowly. Inhale. Exhale. I focused on my breathing and didn't think about it. Before I could control myself, I fell asleep.
Go back to the dark place.
"Abby?" Ben called. "Abby?"
I opened my eyes, and the darkness had receded. I was sitting with my back against the concrete wall. I was sitting next to me.
"Wow, you look good." I said.
"I feel good," he said. He smiled. Ben smiled beautifully.
"You look beautiful," he said
I looked down at myself. There is no cast on my arm. In fact, the skin on my arms and legs is almost glowing. I shine like the moon. I wear a yellow vest skirt.
Ben grabbed my hand and pulled me close to him, and I walked over happily.
He is very warm.
"Do you remember how happy we were before?" he asked.
"Yes," I said. "I'll never forget."
"I like this," he said. "Never forget."
After a while, he said, "I really love you, you know."
I wanted to say something to express his confession of love, but even with shiny skin and a yellow vest skirt, I couldn't find the right words, so I didn't say anything. I should have felt innocence, or victory, or happiness, or madness, or pain, but I don't have these feelings. I feel a hollow, speechless.
He waited for me to say something, so I avoided asking: "Are you still in the hospital?"
"Hospital? What hospital?"
"Motorcycle accident. Remember?"
"I remember taking you to my parents' lakeside cottage. Do you remember?"
"Yes. I remember," I said.
"Do you remember the first time I kissed you? It was outside. Under the stars and the huge moon."
"Yes."
"Kiss me again," he said, pulling me towards him. "One more kiss."
"No," I said.
In a blink of an eye, we were standing on the dock outside his parents' house on Lake Ozark. The weather is very cold, even though it is the end of May, I still wear my winter clothes.
"Why have we never kissed?" he asked, just like he asked in real life.
"You said you didn't want to destroy our friendship," I said. "remember?"
My heart was pounding against my chest, and suddenly I felt warm in my coat. I regret not keeping it. The top I wear is very low-cut, I want to show it off.
"Fuck," he said. "I have other friends."
He pulled me to his side and kissed me slowly.
It feels so real. I can feel the breeze blowing through my hair, and hear the cicadas and the sounds of other residents at night. I can hear the water pushing and pulling the boat tied to the dock.
I can smell the air, taste his lips and tongue, feel his attack on me. His hand is on my back. His leg was against mine. It was true that night, and I didn't want to have anything left forever at that moment, but a voice in my mind told me to stop - that's not true.
"It's not true," I said off-script.
""what? Isn't this what you always wanted?" He helped me take off that damn, unbearably hot jacket, and his hands moved under my shirt.
"Don't do this," I said, pushing his hand back and pulling down my shirt. "It's not true."
"Fuck!" he said.
He took a step back and raised his hands in the air. "This is what you want! You have been chasing me for months."
"It's not true," I repeated. "Is this a dream or something, Ben. We are dreaming."
He held my hand and stretched out his palm towards my face. Stop, he said with his hand, or shut up. His mouth said, "Well, I know I'm fucking dreaming, and think this is a good idea. I'm going to bed."
He stomped away from me and walked towards the house.
"Don't follow me," he added back. He sounds very angry. How many times have I heard the exact same tone in his voice
"Wait!" I yelled and ran after him. "We must wake up."
"You are awake." He said painfully.
"I'm working hard," I said. "but I can not."
"Don't follow me."
He turned around, and I followed too closely and hit him.
"Very good," he said when I stepped on his foot.
I walked out from behind the house and saw Bonnie. She was smiling, holding a bottle of hot chocolate and a bottle of Baileys. She froze on the original road. Smile for a while, then pale, and the smile disappeared. She stood there, motionless. She looked down at the pier, which was where Ben and I had just stood and kissed, if we were still there that night. She stood there dumbfounded. (To be continued) (End of this chapter)