That day, she was in a state of confusion, confusion, and trance. She forgot when Xia Ying left that day, and what she said when she left. She forgot everything. The pain seized her, and she was unable to care about others around her.
On that day, Yin Yunfei helped her handle the formalities for her mother to be discharged from the hospital, and possibly paid her some debts. Yin Yunfei carried her mother in his car, and she sat in the car with her mother's head resting on her lap. She embraced her mother, sitting blankly, staring at one place obsessively, she was at the mercy of Yin Yunfei, she did not refuse his help, nor did she drive him away, everything was meaningless to her, she It doesn't matter what she thinks she's dead.
She used to firmly think that he would marry her, but she would not marry unless she was the only one, but in just one month, she thought that the love of her life had disappeared without any reason, and their love was so vulnerable .
How could his heart become so fast, how could he be so heartless, how could he be so cruel, what is his heart made of, why didn't he give her a reason, even a small hint, why Give her a sudden blow, why
She suddenly remembered that from the time she asked for leave to leave the unit to when her mother was hospitalized, he hadn't shown up once, and he didn't even greet her when she left the unit. Maybe he wanted to leave her long ago, but she was too slow to react. , she still can't see him clearly, maybe this love is always her own passion, it's her wishful thinking, and he is just entertaining her.
She burst into a mocking sneer in her heart, go, let everyone go, Yi Shu said, "A grievance that can be said is not a real grievance, and a lover who can be taken away is not a real lover."
That day, when they got into the car, it began to rain lightly. The car moved forward slowly, and the rain became heavier and heavier. Yin Yunfei drove silently, occasionally glancing at her from the rearview mirror , she stared at the front in a daze, maintaining this posture motionless, the rain outside was woven like threads, the sky and the earth were gray and connected together, and the raindrops hit the car window, leaving a cloud of muddy spots on the car window. Stains, the outside world has become blurred and chaotic, the heat in the car is unbearable, she feels uncomfortable in her chest, she wants to cry loudly, loudly.
Yin Yunfei opened the front window, a gust of cold wind came in, and the car was immediately refreshed. He suddenly said sadly, "Why, it hurts so badly again, wake up! You should have woken up earlier!"
She didn't speak, but was still staring at one place, and he said coldly: "You know what it's like to be abandoned? Knowing that the person you love with all your heart, it turns out that he doesn't care about you at all. How does it feel?"
"You're very proud, aren't you? You finally got what you wanted, right? I don't need your sympathy, I deserve it." She growled loudly.
Hahaha, he broke out into a raging laugh, and then said in a wicked tone: "We belong to the poor people with the same disease now, don't we?"
"We should be united, shouldn't we? Haha, he finally showed his true colors, hahaha, I should celebrate! Shouldn't I, I should celebrate!"
"Whatever you want," she whispered.
He stopped talking and drove quietly. His mother was motionless in her arms. She was so light that only a handful of bones remained. Holding her in his arms was like holding a sleeping baby. In fact, she was almost dead. , leaving only a faint breath.
After going back that day, in the second half of the night, my mother stopped breathing, and her body was already cold in the morning.
In the morning, my younger brother lay on his mother and cried loudly, while my father squatted aside, shaking his fingers, smoking one cigarette after another. She didn't cry, she didn't shed a tear, she couldn't cry, she was always in a state of confusion In the bewildering state of her life, she let this body float around like a sad sleepwalker.
After Yin Yunfei sent them back, his father looked at her and Yin Yunfei in surprise, he didn't speak, his attention quickly shifted to his mother, he carried her to the big kang, and after a few days, his father became much older , with an unshaven beard and a lot of arched back, he looks old-fashioned. Everyone was immersed in sorrow, none of them cared about Yin Yunfei anymore, he stood there for a while and then drove away without talking to anyone.
My father insisted on burial, and my mother's coffin was set up in the yard. My father invited "Yin Yang" to calculate the time of burial. My mother's coffin was parked in the yard for five days. During those days, Yin Yunfei came almost every day. During the day, he drove Helping them buy things for the funeral, at night, he drove back to the town's hostel to stay, his father and younger brother had already treated him as her boyfriend, and she didn't tell them the truth, she didn't care, let him make his own decisions , the people in the village came to admire him curiously, because he was driving a car, and he was so handsome. She said some flattering words to her father, and some people came to help, but she ignored them.
On the night before her mother's funeral, she stood by her mother's coffin. This was the last time she was by her mother's side. She was going to see her off. On that day, Yin Yunfei did not return to the town to stay, but also stayed with her mother's coffin. He sat next to her, she urged him to go back, he didn't speak, just sat motionless like a steel tower, she ignored him, and sat silently, her eyes were still dry and uncomfortable, she had recovered She hasn't closed her eyes for a few days, but she doesn't feel sleepy at all. She opened her eyes and looked up at the stars in the sky. When she was a child, her grandma said that when a person dies, he will turn into a star in the sky. Every star is a soul. When she was a child, she I have looked up at these mysteriously twinkling stars countless times in the sultry summer night. At this moment, maybe my mother has turned into a star
In the second half of the night, Yin Yunfei was so sleepy that he yawned continuously. She advised him to go back to the house and sleep. He stretched out his arms to embrace her without saying a word, but she did not refuse. She was lying in his arms, she needed an arm, she She needs a warm embrace to carry her heart that has no sustenance due to the great pain of losing her love and mother. He is her temporary support, and she treats him like an old friend.
Later, he fell asleep leaning on her mother's coffin, still hugging her tightly, and she leaned against him, as if she had returned to the warm fire in a trance, and the painful memories were played over and over again, There were waves of colic pain in her heart. The pain was like a giant beast, crushing her, tearing her apart, and devouring her. She felt that she was going to collapse. She couldn't bear the pain, and she really wanted to leave with her mother.
At dawn, she fell asleep, and she finally fell asleep. When she woke up, when she opened her eyes, what greeted her was his pair of bloodshot, deep hole-like eyes, and he was staring at her. , she found that she was lying on his back in his arms, sleeping very comfortably, he stared at her for a long time, then suddenly lowered his head to kiss her, she quickly pushed him away, jumped up from his arms, and he also stood up , looking at her disappointedly and sadly.
"Why, why do you refuse to accept me? Do you still have fantasies about him?" He said in a low and forceful voice.
"No, I will never have any fantasies about him again, it's just that I don't have the ability to love anymore, and a woman who just lost love is like a piece of paper flying on the ground, and anyone passing by will pick it up casually Together, I don't want this moment to be a permanent regret in each other's lives."
"I'm just that random guy passing by to you, aren't I?" he said through gritted teeth, somewhat angrily.
She didn't speak, as if acquiescing, she stared at him fixedly, he stood trembling for a while, then turned and left angrily, strode into his car, drove away, she Watching him gradually leave in the twilight, she stood there, staring at the disappearing shadow, her eyes suddenly filled with tears, and she cried hoarsely on her mother's coffin, She cried more and more painfully, more and more sadly, her body trembled uncontrollably, her crying alarmed the neighbors, father and younger brother, who dragged her back home wearing a piece of clothing. In the room, he persuaded her to sleep for a while, he pressed her to lie on the kang, she stopped struggling and buried her head in the pillow sobbing.
Later, she passed out, and when she woke up, her mother had already been buried. The relatives and villagers who came to her funeral had all gone back. Her younger brother was packing things in the yard, and her father was squatting on the ground with his head bowed down. Buried in her crotch, when she heard the sound of her getting up, her father looked up, and she saw his face was full of tears, his eyes were wide open in panic, decadent, sad, and depressed like a child who lost his mother and had no one to rely on, The once tall, stalwart and powerful father disappeared, and she suddenly understood that her mother was the soul of this tall man, and it was her mother's frail shoulders that supported the family.
She couldn't help but looked at her father with pity. His father was crying sadly with his hands covering his face like a woman, and it turned into a howl after a while, and the miserable cry made people's hair stand on end. She suddenly became strong, her back straightened, yes, this family still needs to be supported, this family needs strength, she can't fall down, she wants to live healthy for her relatives, her father is old, and her younger brother is still a child Boy, for the sake of her beloved family, no matter how hard she suffers, no matter how tired she is, no matter how difficult it is, she must be strong.
She stayed at home for a few more days, and her father gradually recovered, and went out to work as usual, but every day when he came back, he must be drunk to rest on the kang, and he would stubbornly refuse to listen to anyone who tried to persuade him. Before leaving for work, he quietly told his younger brother to take good care of his father, and his younger brother nodded sensiblely.