Memoirs of a Female Prisoner

Chapter 56

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She returned to this big yard again.

The courtyard was empty and silent. Usually there were not many people in this courtyard. Today, it was as if it was specially adapted to her mood. She didn't meet a single acquaintance, and she didn't want to or even afraid of meeting acquaintances. She felt extremely uncomfortable. She was so sad, she was too lazy to deal with it, she was too lazy to talk, she didn't want to pretend to be as if nothing had happened, she knew that after this incident, she became a news figure in the town again, and now she was a hot topic of discussion, In the eyes of these people, she is not simply broken in love, she is simply an abandoned wife, they will look at her with sympathy, pity, and contempt.

She walked back to the dormitory quickly, and the corridor was quiet. The two girls next door had disappeared, and the door was locked. She couldn't help but glance at the door of Jiang Cheng's dormitory. Everything here is the same, but things are different. , she has only been away for a month, but it seems like a lifetime away, earth-shaking changes have taken place in her world, her mother has passed away, the person she loves has become someone else's groom, everything she loves and cherishes is in the moment The time disappeared, her world collapsed, Cui was ruined, she had nothing left, only that bit of painful memory was still tormenting her relentlessly.

She opened the door of the dormitory, feeling extremely uncomfortable, sitting tiredly on the sofa at the door, staring blankly at the window, the afternoon sun shines in through the window through the branches and leaves of the small locust tree, and the mottled light spots are fragmented spilled all over the ground.

Her heart also shattered into fragments like these fragments of light and scattered all over the ground.

In a trance, she felt that all this was not real, it was just a dream, a nightmare, his breath was everywhere in this room, this bed, this sofa, every inch of this place exudes his smell, right here They kissed passionately on this sofa, and he once said excitedly, let's get married, and he said that he would hold up a sky for her. Yes, all of this really happened, the little locust tree outside the window witnessed everything that happened here, yes, they once loved each other so deeply, how could he leave her so lightly, without saying a word Not a word, not even a hint, no, he didn't leave her, he didn't leave here, he went to the country, he just left temporarily, he will come back, she will sit here and wait for him to come back, she will listen intently He heard the voices in the corridor, the voices from the dormitory next door, but it was surprisingly quiet here, the quiet was suffocating, the quiet was maddening, and the quiet was terrifying.

He left, left her forever, but why, why did he leave without saying goodbye, why was he so unfeeling, so cruel, so cruel, I'm going to question him, I want him to tell me why.

But, so what to question him, so what to know the answer, what's the point of all this, he is happily being someone else's groom, this is an irreversible fact, she shook her head

With a wry smile, her heart hurts like a knife is being cut one by one, blood is flowing drop by drop, she wants to cry, but her chest is so congested, she can't breathe, her eyes are interfering, she can't cry When she came out, she fidgeted uncomfortably, she couldn't bear the feeling, she felt like she was going crazy.

She stood up and opened the small cabinet next to the bed. There was a bottle of wine in it. It was left over when Huang Juan brought it back from the cafeteria and had a banquet with the two girls next door. A few small porcelain cups, she opened the wine bottle and poured it directly on her neck, the taste of the wine was too strong, before the wine poured into her mouth was swallowed, she choked and vomited all over the floor, non-stop Coughing, after the waiter stopped coughing, she poured the wine into the porcelain cup and drank one cup after another. The bitter spirit burned her whole body and made her feel uncomfortable after several cups. She felt top-heavy and light-headed.

Holding the wine glass, she laughed loudly, like a mental patient, and murmured:

Love is no match for high-ranking officials and generous salary. When he chooses Huang Juan, he chooses rights. Huang Juan can give him the rights he dreams of, and what he can give him is nothing but this fiery infatuation. But since he has decided to choose rights , And why did he talk about this relationship with her? Did he ever love her? Could it be that all the good things he did to her before were all fake? Was it all his deliberate deliberation

This selfish man, he does not love anyone, he has never really loved himself, he will not love Mo Juan, what he loves is power, he only loves himself, he is greedy for her beauty, and ambitious He coveted the power in the hands of Mo Juan's father. He didn't want to be an unknown teacher at the beginning, but he came to this remote town just to chase the dream of power he longed for. Now he has realized it, and he has got his wish. When he was proud, there was still a little regret, that is, he had tried his best but never coaxed himself into his hands. To be precise, he had never been able to possess his own body. Perhaps he had never been able to take over her silly and infatuated heart. Never cared about her, she was just a tool for him to pass the empty and lonely life in this remote and dilapidated town, just like the pile of novels piled high on her desk, but he still regretted it, regretted it, He finally lost patience with her, he was finally bored, he didn't want to waste time playing with her anymore, he resolutely abandoned the tediousness and concentrated on running towards his goal, he waved his sleeve, no, he was too lazy to wave With a flick of his sleeves, he didn't take away a cloud, turned around smartly, and threw himself into the embrace of the power he dreamed of. He knew his own charm very well, and he only needed to cast an ambiguous look at that girl, and she would be overjoyed If he is crazy, he will suffer from insomnia for several times, so he played this game with her, which has no influence on him.

There is no so-called love in this world. It is all deceptive nonsense, an unattainable phantom in literary works, an eye-catching false image in movies, an excuse hidden under lust, and it is an excuse for good men and women to satisfy their love. Each needs to lie to itself.

Is not it? Love is conditional, she loves him so and so, if he doesn't so and so, will she still love him? The woman said, I love that poor man because he is talented, but I secretly weigh whether his talent can meet her expected needs. If not, will she still love him? A man says I love that woman because she is beautiful, or she is not beautiful because she has temperament, or maybe it is because of his own conditions, there is no better choice, in short, love is conditional, what is conditional love? like

However, she is the silliest among the thousands of people, she never asked him for anything, all she wanted was for him to love her, that's all, but this simple wish was always as empty as a dream The phantom is a misty and illusory shadow like a mirage. He destroyed all her dreams in life. Her dream of pursuing beautiful love, her dream of hopeful future life, she will never fall in love with anyone again in this life. , she felt that she was dead, only a walking corpse left, she decided to finish this life alone, she wanted to live a celibate life.

A surge of hatred suddenly rose in her heart, she hated him, hated him to the core, she gritted her teeth, clenched her fists, walked to the cloth wardrobe, and pulled the zipper of the wardrobe fiercely, she gave him She took out the clothes she bought one by one, threw them on the ground, then picked them up and staggered out the door, threw them into the garbage pool in the yard, and went back to the dormitory almost insanely to find a stack of waste paper and a lighter , she lit the waste paper, squatted down, and burned the pile of clothes one by one in the raging flames, just like burning sacrifices for the dead in front of the mausoleum. She felt that she was completely dead, and her heart was In the despair of falling into the abyss, she was paying homage to the dead self. The raging flames were extraordinarily bright in the already dark night, and the fire was burning hotter and hotter. She simply picked up the rest of her clothes and threw them into the fire. In an instant, the bright fire light illuminated her face, and she stood by the fire with a ferocious smile watching the pieces of clothing being burnt to ashes, she grinned ferociously, and her broken heart Then it turned into ashes. If someone walked by here at this time, they would be shocked when they saw her face.

She quietly watched the pile of clothes burnt out, the fire gradually extinguished, leaving only a pile of debris-like ashes scattered by the wind, she staggered back to the dormitory, leaning on the wall, tired She fell down on the sofa at the door, and suddenly saw a pink dress thrown on the ground in front of the cloth wardrobe. That one, the pink silk dress he gave her for the first time, instantly, all the past was like a movie. The slow-motion scenes in the movie replayed in her mind one after another. She rushed over and grabbed the dress and cried bitterly. The heart-piercing wailing echoed in the empty corridor, miserable, sad and sad. fear.

She cried for a while, and gradually stopped crying, her heart was still so cramped and sore, she unsteadily picked up the wine bottle and filled a glass of wine, walked to the mirror and faced the shadow in the mirror, stretched out her hand The cups are far away, drinking cup after cup, the shadow in the mirror is completely strange, she is sad, mournful, dirty tears are printed on her cheeks that have been ravaged by tears, her red and swollen eyes are full of resentment, sad and gloomy, that beautiful shadow , Where did that beautiful shadow go.

She let out a sad laugh, and smashed the wine glass in her hand at the mirror, but her hand was limp and weak, before the wine glass touched the mirror, it fell and shattered, she stepped on the broken porcelain pieces on the ground, staggered and collapsed In **, if, if I'm not so beautiful, maybe he won't even look at me, if, if that's the case, what kind of ending will it be

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