Messy black hair, blood-stained hands and face, trails of tears, and a weird smile. Obviously it was Feng Hua's face, but Feng Yeran was no longer sure of the other party's identity.
"Who are you?! Don't come here!"
"I'm Feng Hua? Don't be afraid." Feng Hua's face was innocent and his voice was soft.
But Feng Yeran was still so frightened that his teeth were shaking: "No! You are not Feng Hua! Feng Hua can't be so cruel! You smashed the door, smashed the things in the room, you could break my neck at any time... Feng Hua will never do this!"
"How could I be willing to—"
Feng Yeran grabbed the thing at hand, hit the man, and roared in disarray: "You're not Feng Hua! Get out of here! Get out! Get out!"
Being hit on the forehead by the heavy iron box, the man not only was not knocked down, but his soft voice suddenly became terrifying, his body was deforming, and the left face blocked by the curly hair twisted: "In your heart, Feng Hua is in the end. What is it like? An obedient experimenter? A mindless baby? A puppet that won't get angry or resist? You don't know me at all, and you deny my existence because you can't accept the scary side of me I'm telling you, I can't be real anymore! Do you know how many times I've endured since I was a child? How many times have I hidden? Obviously I'm too scared to tell you it's okay, obviously I can't hate it, I have to Accept, because you let me accept it, it's so painful, I have to pretend it doesn't matter! I like you so much, but I have to endure you leaving me again and again, I have to endure! I've had enough! I've had enough!"
Feng Yeran's mind went blank when he yelled.
The deformation stopped, Feng Hua's voice was low, and became empty again, and even the color in his eyes disappeared: "What's the point of all this? Chasing you every day? Worrying about you being taken away by others, worrying about you Leave me? What's the point? Instead of watching others defile you, it's better for me to—"
After he finished speaking, he picked up Feng Yeran, slammed him onto the bed, and tore off his clothes.
Blood dripped from Feng Hua's forehead and landed on Feng Yeran's face.
Feng Yeran struggled.
Feng Hua locked his throat.
Under his terrifying power, Feng Yeran was like a poor prey.
He struggled and even cried out.
Suddenly, Feng Hua's terrifying hysteria disappeared and even his twisted form disappeared. He felt Feng Yeran's tears in his hand. He was stunned for a while, and almost hurriedly picked him up, constantly wiping his tears and kissing him. His forehead: "I'm sorry... I'm sorry... God... What the hell did I do... Ye'er... don't cry... I'm sorry... I won't do this again... I'm wrong... Hit me... I'm sorry!!"
Feng Yeran looked at Feng Hua, who was in a hurry, and finally couldn't bear it. He hugged Feng Hua and cried so hard.
I don't know how long it took, he kept asking in Feng Hua's ear: "My Feng Hua, what happened to you... You are so scary... You were so scary just now... You scared me... You scared me... You scared It's my turn... what should I do? What should I do?"
The two didn't go to bed until nearly five o'clock, and slept in a mess.
Feng Yeran hugged Feng Hua. Feng Hua's head rested on his chest, curled up beside him, struggling a little from time to time.
At this point, he is no longer a terrible monster. He's just a fragile, lonely kid with nightmares.
※ ※ ※
Spring is here and the snow is melting. Feng Yeran moved in with Feng Hua, and everything became calm again.
Qin Xihe, who has been communicating with Feng Hua by email, came to see him on a certain Sunday.
The psychiatrist was still so capable and spirited, with his hair tucked behind his head and looking meticulous. After walking around the yard with Feng Hua for several times, she sat down to chat with Feng Hua.
"They said I was sick."
"I heard that it is similar to multiple personality symptoms, but it has not yet been diagnosed, because your condition is not stable, it is much more complicated than simple identification disorder." Qin Xihe did not show a surprised expression, "Recently Did you have any strange dreams?"
"I had a lot of dreams, but I don't remember much."
"Think about it again, have you had a certain dream repeatedly?"
"… Several times, I dreamed that a white shadow was building up the house, turning many, many pages into bricks and repairing the walls."
"Remember what details?"
"It seems to know me very well, saying that I like to break down the house, and he said it quickly. After the wall is repaired, the doors and windows, the chimney, etc. have to be repaired. I have been having this dream repeatedly recently, what does it mean?"
"Most of the images in dreams are just reflections of real life, reproducing important or unimportant fragments of daily life in a unique and magical way, reflecting a person's innermost wishes or worries, and reflecting a person's childhood. The behavior of building blocks often happened in your childhood, maybe, just a memory?"
Feng Hua thought for a while: "Well, when I was a child, Ye'er used to build building blocks with me. We built a house together. We did repair the roof and walls first, then the doors, windows, chimneys, etc."
"That's fine, just an ordinary dream. The point is your current personality."
"I didn't believe until now that there might be an evil spirit living in my body. However, sometimes I do see terrible visions, and my mood swings are very high. Maybe, I'm really crazy Bar."
"Have you ever thought, child, that sometimes 'madness' is a defense, a protection, a cure."
"What's the meaning?"
"For example, a little girl, experienced a cruel thing, this thing is enough to break her. In order to protect herself, she split off a second more rational and stronger personality to protect herself. That's where the human protective mechanism works, and…”
Feng Hua interrupted Qin Xihe: "I am not interested in my own defense or protection. What I worry about is that I may not be able to control myself, and I will hurt Ye'er! I… "
Qin Xihe waited for him to continue.
"I yearn for him so intensely, I want him to be mine alone, I can't stand him being close to anyone else, I'm afraid he leaves me... If he leaves me, even for a month, I think I'm going to go completely crazy. I …”
Feng Hua suddenly stopped talking.
Qin Xihe followed Feng Hua's line of sight and found two people standing at the gate, Feng Yeran and a trendy young man. The young man put his arms around Feng Yeran's neck and smiled, his movements were very intimate.
"Who is the person next to Feng Yeran?"
The haze covered Feng Hua's face again. Under the long eyelashes, his eyes were cold and cold: "It's just a pest."
The early spring wind blew, Qin Xihe looked at the clusters of budding branches above his head: "Child, look, no matter how cold the winter, how violent the wind, how terrible the hail, several times in a row. The heavy snow of the month, these seemingly weak trees, flowers and plants will always survive, and after a terrible cold winter, they will grow again in the spring.
"… "
"So nothing to be afraid of."
"Are you encouraging me?"
"I just heard it." Qin Xihe smiled, "I should go. By the way, this is my business card. If you have anything in the future, you can come to the studio to find me directly."
Qin Xihe left.
Feng Hua looked at Feng Yeran and walked towards him with a smile, carrying a few bags of fruit. The wind was blowing in his hair, his face was lit by the setting sun, and his expression was very soft.
"I bought some mangoes and pineapples when I got off work. I know you like them."
Feng Hua looked at his smile, the haze on his face disappeared instantly.
He took the fruit and gave Feng Yeran a bear hug. Feng Yeran's body was ice-cold, wrapped in a warm embrace, feeling very comfortable.
"Haha what's wrong?" Feng Yeran asked.
"It's nothing, I just feel that this is enough."
"Is mango and pineapple enough?"
"right."
※ ※ ※
Spring is short, but extremely beautiful. After the ice melted and the snow melted, the withered and yellow grass gradually turned into green grass, and the white, pink, and golden spring flowers gradually bloomed, and the birds jumped and rejoiced in the sun. Those fears of the past were buried under a spring, and disappeared.
Feng Yeran and Feng Hua seemed to have forgotten all unpleasant things. Feng Yeran no longer questioned anything about Chen Xuan and Feng Boran, nor about Feng Hua's illness. Feng Hua also naturally ignored Xiao Zhijie's questions. exist. They seem to have returned to the past, and Feng Hua seems to have become a child again, acting like a spoiled child.
Feng Yeran cooks, Feng Hua washes dishes; Feng Yeran watches TV, Feng Hua sits on his lap and reads comics; Feng Yeran takes a nap, Feng Hua curls up beside him; Feng Yeran writes a diary, Feng Hua carries his back Relying on him to take a nap; Feng Yeran washes Feng Hua's hair after taking a bath; Feng Yeran will always stay by his side when Feng Hua is infusion, taking medicine and conducting physical examinations; when Feng Yeran has a stomachache , Feng Hua will hold him and treat him...
Just after lunch, Feng Yeran fell asleep leaning on the sofa.
After washing the dishes, Feng Hua squatted in front of Feng Yeran and observed his slightly tired face. He slightly blocked the hair strands from his eyes, and his slightly parted, somewhat dry lips.
He drew the curtains, gently brushed his hair away, and covered him with a thin blanket.
Feng Hua sat on the sofa and peeled oranges with concentration. After peeling off the orange peel, a faint fragrance hits the face. Carefully put the orange petals into a clean small plate, tear off the surface membrane one by one, and remove those white meridians, until the attractive orange-yellow fruits are placed on the plate. Put some toothpicks at the end.
After peeling the oranges, Feng Hua stared at Feng Yeran in a daze for about ten minutes, then got up and poured him a cup of hot tea, thinking that Feng Yeran, who woke up later, would be able to drink a sip of hot tea and eat something sweet. Sweet oranges, his heart seemed to have turned into marshmallows, soft and sweet.
Feng Hua sat on the carpet and took a nap on the sofa.
About twenty minutes later, Feng Yeran moved slightly.
Feng Hua immediately stood up and looked at him.
He saw Feng Yeran sitting up, stretched and yawned, then rubbed his eyes and said with a smile, "Have a good night's sleep, Feng Hua, did you sleep well? "
Feng Hua didn't fall asleep, but he nodded again and again.
Like a baby, he brought the hot tea to Feng Yeran, and after he took a few sips, he took back the teacup and brought the plate of oranges to him.
The light purple curtains were stirring, and the spring breeze seemed to be dyed with sapphire blue, emerald green, and orange. It entered the dark room through the gap, and spread these beautiful colors on Feng Yeran's body, outlining his outline.
Feng Hua stared at him, watching his slowly changing expression, from exhaustion, to surprise, to surprise, to obviously happy expression. Watching him eat those tender fruits one by one, he could almost hear the sound of juice overflowing. Watching his dry lips gradually become moist, and smelling the overflowing fragrance, he couldn't help thinking of his childhood. At that time, he also liked watching Feng Yeran just wake up. At that time, to him who didn't know what his emotions were, Feng Yeran's gradually changing expression was so fresh, so interesting, as charming as the sunrise, always It made him speechless with excitement, and attracted him to paint the other person's appearance with the brush again and again.
"What are you thinking? Are you smiling so happily?" Feng Yeran asked.
Feng Hua didn't realize that he smiled: "It's nothing, is it delicious?"
"Well, it's very, very sweet."
"Ye'er."
"Um?"
"Now, are you still afraid of me?"
Feng Yeran was stunned for a moment, then looked away: "...how could I be afraid of you."
"During this time, my illness has gotten better?"
"Yes, much better!" Feng Yeran smiled.
However, Feng Hua's expression became a little depressed. After a while, he said softly, "Ye'er."
"Um?"
"I think I'm so weird."
"What's so strange?" Feng Yeran was a little nervous.
"When I was alone, no matter where I was, everything seemed to be black and white, tasteless, monotonous, and everything lost its meaning. Sometimes I felt that maybe my existence was a mistake in itself. But Now… "
Something flickered in Feng Hua's azure blue eyes, "I think everything and every moment has meaning. When I was alone, I didn't want to wash the dishes, but now, I find that washing dishes is great, especially when I see you When I hold the bowl I washed and use the chopsticks I washed, I will be very happy; when I am alone, I am not interested in cooking at all, but now, I want to learn to cook hard and strive to do it well Better, as long as you eat the food I cook, your cells are being shaped and renewed by me, I am very excited; when I am alone, I hate being in a daze and I am afraid of falling asleep, because I always have nightmares, always Seeing strange visions... But I like to be in a daze beside you, I like to sleep beside you, now, I don't see those visions anymore, and I don't have nightmares anymore, everything is so wonderful, even if I peel it off for you Tangerines, or just looking at you, makes me feel very happy…”
"… "
"I originally hated being imprisoned. I didn't want to hear people say I was sick. But if I could be with you every day like this when I was sick, I would rather be sick for the rest of my life."
"What nonsense! Stupid boy!"
Feng Yeran's voice was very nasal, and his eyes were already full of tears. He hugged Feng Hua, frowning tightly.
Something was surging in his chest, hot, as if it had been buried for too long, and it was about to burst out. He was breathing heavily, he was in pain, but he was inexplicably happy. He was in pain, longing for something.
Silly boy!
Silly boy!
Silly boy!
His fingers felt Feng Hua's hair, Feng Hua's warm skin, and muttered.
He thought about it countless times:
It would be nice if the two of them were just ordinary people.
If only those complicated things hadn't happened to them before.
If he is healthy.
It would be great if Feng Hua was also healthy and happy!
It would be great if Feng Hua only loved him as his father, or if he could really fall in love with Feng Hua!
In this way, he doesn't have to force himself to forget those terrible things, Feng Hua won't get sick, they won't be so painful, and they don't have to hurt each other. They are sure to be able to spend their days peacefully but happily. Life is too short and too precious. Can't stand wasting time on things that don't really matter.
After an unknown amount of time, Feng Yeran said softly, "Feng Hua, let's go to the park to play later."
"it is good!"
…
They are walking in a spring.
It's a quaint park, not too modern.
Winding cross roads, large spring flowers, exquisite pavilions, small shops, small bridges with beautiful sculptures, sapphire blue lakes, green hills, and temples with strong incense.
Wind chimes burst forth, colorful windmills spun rapidly, and swallow-shaped kites hung above the blue sky. The two nibbled sugar gourd, took the cable car to the top of the mountain, wrote their wish on the wishing silk, tied it to the treetop, and fluttered in the wind.
"Ye'er, what did you write?"
"Hope we all get better soon. How about you?"
"I actually want to write a lot, but unfortunately the wishing silk is too small."
"Haha, what do you want to write?"
"I see you every day when I wake up and watch you eat the breakfast I cooked; when you are sad, when you are sick, I am by your side; we take a walk together, if you are tired, I will carry you home ; we travel together; we watch movies together; when I take a bath, I wipe your back, and after washing, you blow my hair; we fall asleep together every day, if you can't sleep, I will count the sheep for you; every day, I will You say, I love you; if only once, I will hear you say, you love me..."
"do not talk… "
Feng Hua looked at Feng Yeran and smiled softly: "It would be great if it could be achieved."
"Fool."
"Ye'er, let's go boating."
"Um!"
The two were sitting on a white boat, floating in the calm lake water. The lake water is sapphire blue, and the green mountains and green trees reflect on it, adding a layer of emerald color to it.
Spring flowers are like pearls sprinkled on the water, with swimming fish passing under them and red dragonflies flying above them. The net-shaped water is sparkling, it seems that every water pattern and every circle of ripples are carefully drawn by the artist. The main color is smudged with large brushstrokes, the gradient of the water pattern is depicted with delicate brushstrokes, and the highlights are dotted. .
Occasionally, you can hear bursts of flutes, ethereal, like clouds slowly flowing in the sky.
Feng Yeran sat quietly on the boat to fish.
After Feng Hua rowed the boat for a while, he sat beside him and watched him fish.
The air is warm, and the lake water is also warm, with a faint aroma of aquatic plants.
In the warm sun, it is easy to make people sleepy.
Feng Hua leaned on Feng Yeran's shoulder and gradually fell asleep. Breathe evenly.
Feng Yeran carefully changed the fishing rod in one hand.
At such moments, an impulse would always emerge in his heart—
I really hope that time will stop at this moment.
I hope to do everything I can to cherish the children who are leaning on my shoulders.
…
Feng Hua fell into a dreamland.
He was surrounded by clattering, thumping, thumping, the sound of flipping pages, and the sound of walls being repaired.
Bai Ying was repairing the wall, and it seemed to sense Feng Hua: "You are finally here! Look, three walls have been repaired, it's almost ready!"
"who are you?"
"Hurry up! Feng Hua, come and help!"
"answer me!"
Bai Ying stopped moving, he floated towards Feng Hua with a light voice: "I'm here to help you."
"help me?"
Bai Ying circled around Feng Hua a few times, then stopped in front of him: "Feng Hua, do you know what is most important for a small house that has been repaired?"
Simply inexplicable question.
"what?"
"It's this!"
Something swayed in Bai Ying's hand, making a metal collision sound.
"The key?" Feng Hua asked.
Bai Ying nodded: "Yes, the key is the most important. Only with the key can the house be opened."
"..." and no matter how flawed its logic is, it has absolutely no idea what it wants to say.
Bai Ying approached Feng Hua, still unable to see its appearance, and a gentle whisper came from Feng Hua's ear: "Feng Hua, you need a key."
"… What's the meaning?"
"The name of that key is love."
—To be continued
The author has something to say:
Thank you very much for the two mines thrown by Yu Yihu, Uncle Lunzi, Du Yi, Yabengwa, Xiaodang Swing, and the mines thrown by Xianyufan. The latter part of this chapter is very warm, and I write with tears in my eyes. , I felt purified after writing, I hugged Feng Hua hard and didn't let go = =